An Ignorant American
Last Friday, I dropped off Alex at USC in Columbia so that he could go to the IMBA program for the spring. I'm really proud of him; that program has been ranked number one or number two in the country for the last 14 or so years, and I know he will do well there. However...
While we were there, I drove around the other two French students from his school. I like Severine and Raphaelle--particularly Severine who is full of life, fun, and oh-so-entertainingly French. Taking her to a grocery store was totally amusing. The look of horror when she saw our sliced sandwich bread and processed American cheese was priceless! She bounded over happily to the Brie until she saw how expensive it is over here. She asked me where the Creme Fraiche was, and I had to inform her that we'd have to go to a specialty shop like The Fresh Market in order to get her a container. Oh, the gaping astonishment she showed me then! As we wandered around the grocery store, Alex, Severine, and Raphaelle tried to speak in English for me so I could be included. However, there were many times that they all spoke in French. In the car: French. In the grocery: French. In Target: French. My heart kept sinking and sinking and sinking...why am I a typical ignorant American who doesn't know a language other than English? WHY? I feel so freak frakin' stupid.
My mother is Mexican. She spoke Spanish before she spoke English. For whatever reason--shame of her culture? marriage to a husband who only spoke English?--mom never taught any of her four children to speak Spanish. All FOUR of us are ignorant Americans. She'd sing songs around the house in Spanish, so I DO know I can "hear" the language. I can hear the differences in words and nuances in speech of that language because at least I've heard it enough being raised in Florida to process the variations in tone and rhythm. I wanted to take Spanish in high school; mom got mad at me and made me take Latin. "Latin is the root of all languages! Knowing Latin is the key!" Key to WHAT??? Hell, sometimes I think I went into Medieval Literature just to justify the Latin knowledge! Do you know how many dead Romans I run into? Oh, and my language for my Master's...Old English. Yeah, running into those dead vikings has never been a problem for me either.
I broke out into hives when I took Spanish at Duke. Hives!!! They withdrew me for medical reasons. I kid you not. I was so used to doing well, insanely well, in all my classes (except certain math classes) that I couldn't process struggling with Spanish so much. I eventually made it through that year, and it was horrid. I felt so embarrassed. Like...I can't ever tell them that my grandma came straight from Mexico and settled in Chicago because they will all wonder why I speak like a gringo.
So, irony of ironies...I fall in love with a Frenchman. There is nothing more romantic and sensual than Alex whispering into my ear all manner of beautiful things in his language. I go wet instantly. He never has made me feel like an idiot for not knowing how to speak back in his language. Not ONCE. Yet, I want so desperately to learn his language so I can talk to his friends. I want to learn so I can speak back and forth with him in front of my children so THEY learn and never have to feel like crappola over being so damned ignorant. Alex has spoken to Jared in French and taught him a few words. There is nothing cuter than my son pointing to his bathwater and going "Eau! That was easy!" I want them to learn now when their minds are so easily accepting. I want them to be multilingual.
But...I want to be multilingual too. And I listen to French, but I can't hear it. I can't! Alex has to repeat words over and over and over again for me to strain and pronounce it awkwardly. He says my accent is "cute." RE: cute means, "very American and noticeable." The girls and Alex chatter happily back and forth and I listen. I want to cry because I just don't know what they are saying. And I'm afraid I can't learn. Should I just show up on Angie's doorstep and throw myself at her feet and beg? I know just a few phrases. Alex taught me je t'aime...je t'adore...fais moi l'amoure. For my bad moods: merde...rien a foutre...putain de dieu...sale pute (hey, dirty whore could be better in French than dirty heifer is in English, you know? haha!). But do you know how long, for instance, it took me to learn rien a foutre as far as pronunciation goes? Alex had to repeat that about 25 times before I could scream out the equivalent of "I don't give a fuck!" and be intelligible. I think I might be able to learn how to read and write it way better than I could ever speak it...which makes me even more worked up because I don't WANT to read it! I want to SPEAK IT!!!!
I cannot do this to my children. I must, I must, I MUST give them a better foundation of other languages so they are not so ignorant as their mommy...I just don't want them to go abroad one day and be thought of as yet another ignorant American...
While we were there, I drove around the other two French students from his school. I like Severine and Raphaelle--particularly Severine who is full of life, fun, and oh-so-entertainingly French. Taking her to a grocery store was totally amusing. The look of horror when she saw our sliced sandwich bread and processed American cheese was priceless! She bounded over happily to the Brie until she saw how expensive it is over here. She asked me where the Creme Fraiche was, and I had to inform her that we'd have to go to a specialty shop like The Fresh Market in order to get her a container. Oh, the gaping astonishment she showed me then! As we wandered around the grocery store, Alex, Severine, and Raphaelle tried to speak in English for me so I could be included. However, there were many times that they all spoke in French. In the car: French. In the grocery: French. In Target: French. My heart kept sinking and sinking and sinking...why am I a typical ignorant American who doesn't know a language other than English? WHY? I feel so freak frakin' stupid.
My mother is Mexican. She spoke Spanish before she spoke English. For whatever reason--shame of her culture? marriage to a husband who only spoke English?--mom never taught any of her four children to speak Spanish. All FOUR of us are ignorant Americans. She'd sing songs around the house in Spanish, so I DO know I can "hear" the language. I can hear the differences in words and nuances in speech of that language because at least I've heard it enough being raised in Florida to process the variations in tone and rhythm. I wanted to take Spanish in high school; mom got mad at me and made me take Latin. "Latin is the root of all languages! Knowing Latin is the key!" Key to WHAT??? Hell, sometimes I think I went into Medieval Literature just to justify the Latin knowledge! Do you know how many dead Romans I run into? Oh, and my language for my Master's...Old English. Yeah, running into those dead vikings has never been a problem for me either.
I broke out into hives when I took Spanish at Duke. Hives!!! They withdrew me for medical reasons. I kid you not. I was so used to doing well, insanely well, in all my classes (except certain math classes) that I couldn't process struggling with Spanish so much. I eventually made it through that year, and it was horrid. I felt so embarrassed. Like...I can't ever tell them that my grandma came straight from Mexico and settled in Chicago because they will all wonder why I speak like a gringo.
So, irony of ironies...I fall in love with a Frenchman. There is nothing more romantic and sensual than Alex whispering into my ear all manner of beautiful things in his language. I go wet instantly. He never has made me feel like an idiot for not knowing how to speak back in his language. Not ONCE. Yet, I want so desperately to learn his language so I can talk to his friends. I want to learn so I can speak back and forth with him in front of my children so THEY learn and never have to feel like crappola over being so damned ignorant. Alex has spoken to Jared in French and taught him a few words. There is nothing cuter than my son pointing to his bathwater and going "Eau! That was easy!" I want them to learn now when their minds are so easily accepting. I want them to be multilingual.
But...I want to be multilingual too. And I listen to French, but I can't hear it. I can't! Alex has to repeat words over and over and over again for me to strain and pronounce it awkwardly. He says my accent is "cute." RE: cute means, "very American and noticeable." The girls and Alex chatter happily back and forth and I listen. I want to cry because I just don't know what they are saying. And I'm afraid I can't learn. Should I just show up on Angie's doorstep and throw myself at her feet and beg? I know just a few phrases. Alex taught me je t'aime...je t'adore...fais moi l'amoure. For my bad moods: merde...rien a foutre...putain de dieu...sale pute (hey, dirty whore could be better in French than dirty heifer is in English, you know? haha!). But do you know how long, for instance, it took me to learn rien a foutre as far as pronunciation goes? Alex had to repeat that about 25 times before I could scream out the equivalent of "I don't give a fuck!" and be intelligible. I think I might be able to learn how to read and write it way better than I could ever speak it...which makes me even more worked up because I don't WANT to read it! I want to SPEAK IT!!!!
I cannot do this to my children. I must, I must, I MUST give them a better foundation of other languages so they are not so ignorant as their mommy...I just don't want them to go abroad one day and be thought of as yet another ignorant American...
posted by Kira | 3:08 PM
1 Comments:
I felt like that when I was taking German... I can't hear it either. The good thing is, if you can hear Spanish, I think you can eventually hear French. Have you heard of the Champs-Élysées series... It's like a news program with songs and other fun little things... You can order it along with a full script. I think it might be a good start b/c you can listen to the songs... And work your way up to the news. One of my very best professors once told me that I should read for 20 mins OUT LOUD every night in French, even if I didn't know everything I was reading. He said this was the best thing you could do to get a feel for the language... to start to internalize it.
Yep - Anna wants to go to Duke. We have a few more years, but I think it'd be cool if you took part in her interview process. Thanks! =o)
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