Buy My Girl Scout Cookies...Or I'll Kill You
My daughter Ariana is seven years old. There are several things that she decided she wanted to do this year: join the girl scouts, play soccer, and take ballet lessons. Well, the last one on the list can't be done due to financial reasons, but we immediately signed her up for the girl scouts as that one wasn't too expensive. Unfortunately, the local soccer stuff seems to take place at the same time as the girl scouts, so for now, she's just doing the girl scouts.
My mom never let me be a girl scout when I was little. I'm not entirely sure why. I love my parents dearly, but throughout my childhood it was my MOM who decided what I got to do with my free time. If I came up with an idea she liked, I could do it. If I came up with an idea she didn't like, she found excuses to not let me do it. I already figured out why she evaded letting me do the plays at my high school (she always claimed it would interfere with grades...huh???? I could join the NFL and go all weekend to speech events because that was an approved activity, but I couldn't go twice a week to theatre rehearsals? I only got to join my senior year after I was accepted to Duke). Basically, she admitted it under pressure once: I don't want you to be an actress when you grow up. Thanks, mom! So, for some reason she didn't want me to join the girl scouts and I couldn't beg enough to change her mind. When I was in high school, my mentor-teacher, Mrs. Perrella, wanted me to join her girl scout troop with my Lifesaving certificate so I could go with her girls to events and be a lifesaver/guard. My mom was agitated, but when I reminded her that it would count for volunteer work and look good on my college applications, she relented. There you go: girl scout at 15. I had a blast with the younger kids at the campsites, and I looked forward to having a daughter enjoy these types of moments one day.
Fast forward to now. For two months the troop meets--a new troop to the area, with a troop leader who has no girl scout experience--and the girls had a blast. Then came cookie time. None of the troop knew what an event this would be.
Now I know the dirt. Just like baseball dads and soccer moms fist fight in the stands over their kids' sporting events, girl scout moms fist fight over cookies. I'm here to share with you this amazing piece of information! See, the cookie sales are SERIOUS business. It's how a troop has the funds to do activities for the rest of the year. Some moms take this to extremes. Last year, a cookie booth was set up at Easley's Lowes by *gasp* a SENECA mom and the troop, and THEY were not supposed to do this because they are not one of the troops in this jurisdiction! An Easley girl scout mom "caught" them and lo, a brawl followed. Lowe's was very upset and almost wouldn't let the girl scouts sell cookies there in the future. I think Lowe's looked at this fight the wrong way. Men love to go to Lowe's...men love to see catfights...hell, put out a mudpit, put the girl scout moms in bikinis, and let 'em have at it! Price of admission: two boxes of cookies and one random tool of your choosing from Lowe's! They could have made a killing.
I thought to myself, damn, a fistfight can't be that common...can it? Our new troop leader stated that apparently it IS common as the cookie meeting she went to specified how important it was for folks to not squabble. Weeee! Also, we learned that usually the troop gets 50 to 60 cents a box profit per box sold (depending on how many sold total), but that it gets cut back to 17 cents if we fight. Hahaha! Provisions made for Girl Scout Mom Warfare! Damn!
So then I told the troop parents that we needed tazer guns and we'd show those freaking Seneca moms who was the boss. Unfortunately, only two of the moms there seemed to catch my sense of humor. I couldn't let go, however. It was just too much. Wholesome girl scouts, selling cookies...beating the tar out of each other for a prime spot cookie booth? I was way too amused. The troop leader brought up umbrellas that would be sold with the girl scout logo on it if any of us were interested in buying them. I suggested we all buy one to use as a weapon against other girl scout moms. We'd be a regular gang! Nobody would be in doubt over who ruled THIS turf!
It's actually been fairly peaceful so far. I've found out how stupidly competative people are, however. EVERYBODY wins when a box is sold. Some of the proceeds go to the national headquarters to run things like the camps the kids go to. WHO CARES if Troop X sold $500 more than Troop Y? Lighten up! So, you have some moms who sold cookies before they were supposed to sell cookies...who brought cookies to the customers before they were supposed to...who cut the price of the cookies in an effort to make folks buy bulk and hence sell more boxes...wtf? CUTTHROAT COOKIE SELLING. My god. Buy my cookies....or I'll kill you!
The sales supposedly stop on the 20th. I will weigh about 40 lbs more by that date because, you see, Thin Mints are legalized crack. You've heard of the "no one can have just one" saying, right? Well, try, "no Kiras can have just one box!" I eat a box per sitting. No, really, I do. If I show "control," I will eat only one of the two columns of cookies found in the boxes. I'm addicted. My only hope is that I bring cookies to school and students will buy some so that I won't crack open another box when I get home. Mmmmm....Thin Mints....
My mom never let me be a girl scout when I was little. I'm not entirely sure why. I love my parents dearly, but throughout my childhood it was my MOM who decided what I got to do with my free time. If I came up with an idea she liked, I could do it. If I came up with an idea she didn't like, she found excuses to not let me do it. I already figured out why she evaded letting me do the plays at my high school (she always claimed it would interfere with grades...huh???? I could join the NFL and go all weekend to speech events because that was an approved activity, but I couldn't go twice a week to theatre rehearsals? I only got to join my senior year after I was accepted to Duke). Basically, she admitted it under pressure once: I don't want you to be an actress when you grow up. Thanks, mom! So, for some reason she didn't want me to join the girl scouts and I couldn't beg enough to change her mind. When I was in high school, my mentor-teacher, Mrs. Perrella, wanted me to join her girl scout troop with my Lifesaving certificate so I could go with her girls to events and be a lifesaver/guard. My mom was agitated, but when I reminded her that it would count for volunteer work and look good on my college applications, she relented. There you go: girl scout at 15. I had a blast with the younger kids at the campsites, and I looked forward to having a daughter enjoy these types of moments one day.
Fast forward to now. For two months the troop meets--a new troop to the area, with a troop leader who has no girl scout experience--and the girls had a blast. Then came cookie time. None of the troop knew what an event this would be.
Now I know the dirt. Just like baseball dads and soccer moms fist fight in the stands over their kids' sporting events, girl scout moms fist fight over cookies. I'm here to share with you this amazing piece of information! See, the cookie sales are SERIOUS business. It's how a troop has the funds to do activities for the rest of the year. Some moms take this to extremes. Last year, a cookie booth was set up at Easley's Lowes by *gasp* a SENECA mom and the troop, and THEY were not supposed to do this because they are not one of the troops in this jurisdiction! An Easley girl scout mom "caught" them and lo, a brawl followed. Lowe's was very upset and almost wouldn't let the girl scouts sell cookies there in the future. I think Lowe's looked at this fight the wrong way. Men love to go to Lowe's...men love to see catfights...hell, put out a mudpit, put the girl scout moms in bikinis, and let 'em have at it! Price of admission: two boxes of cookies and one random tool of your choosing from Lowe's! They could have made a killing.
I thought to myself, damn, a fistfight can't be that common...can it? Our new troop leader stated that apparently it IS common as the cookie meeting she went to specified how important it was for folks to not squabble. Weeee! Also, we learned that usually the troop gets 50 to 60 cents a box profit per box sold (depending on how many sold total), but that it gets cut back to 17 cents if we fight. Hahaha! Provisions made for Girl Scout Mom Warfare! Damn!
So then I told the troop parents that we needed tazer guns and we'd show those freaking Seneca moms who was the boss. Unfortunately, only two of the moms there seemed to catch my sense of humor. I couldn't let go, however. It was just too much. Wholesome girl scouts, selling cookies...beating the tar out of each other for a prime spot cookie booth? I was way too amused. The troop leader brought up umbrellas that would be sold with the girl scout logo on it if any of us were interested in buying them. I suggested we all buy one to use as a weapon against other girl scout moms. We'd be a regular gang! Nobody would be in doubt over who ruled THIS turf!
It's actually been fairly peaceful so far. I've found out how stupidly competative people are, however. EVERYBODY wins when a box is sold. Some of the proceeds go to the national headquarters to run things like the camps the kids go to. WHO CARES if Troop X sold $500 more than Troop Y? Lighten up! So, you have some moms who sold cookies before they were supposed to sell cookies...who brought cookies to the customers before they were supposed to...who cut the price of the cookies in an effort to make folks buy bulk and hence sell more boxes...wtf? CUTTHROAT COOKIE SELLING. My god. Buy my cookies....or I'll kill you!
The sales supposedly stop on the 20th. I will weigh about 40 lbs more by that date because, you see, Thin Mints are legalized crack. You've heard of the "no one can have just one" saying, right? Well, try, "no Kiras can have just one box!" I eat a box per sitting. No, really, I do. If I show "control," I will eat only one of the two columns of cookies found in the boxes. I'm addicted. My only hope is that I bring cookies to school and students will buy some so that I won't crack open another box when I get home. Mmmmm....Thin Mints....
posted by Kira | 1:21 PM
2 Comments:
hehehe I'll try and tell Chuck to update his blog, but I so rarely see him now that his hours in the WC are different than mine. Our last exchange consisted of me leaving him four boxes of girl scout cookies and then he left me an envelope with $14 in it for them ;)
I don't know how many peanut butter sandwiches we have left, but I can get more on Thursday during Ari's girl scout meeting. I think we should have at least 12 boxes left...you DO mean the sandwiches and not the patties, right? The patties have the chocolate on them too. Sandwiches are like peanut butter and cream filling I think.
The competitiveness of parents over their kids' activities kills me! The first time Anna was in a pageant (she's only done two), I didn't realize that I need to go to the practices, else the other mothers would try to kill her confidence by ripping her to blood shreds. Then, with basketball... it's a NIGHTMARE! They are vicious. The same pageant mothers celebrated when Anna fractured her ankle b/c their daughters would finally get to be the stars they deserved to be. I was just repulsed! Of course, when the team LOST all the games Anna didn't play in, they were kind of glad when she came back...
Post a Comment
<< Home