The Frog Analogy
A while back, I was in therapy with one of the best therapists you can find in SC (that is, she actually worked!). I loved Marla. She knew exactly what to say and how to say it so I'd understand what I needed to do or how to fix my life. I started to see her after I had already told Rob that we would divorce and was trying to get out of the house. I think that she was, on occasion, afraid I'd never make the leap out of the house. She'd have NEVER told me to leave (that's not the role of a good therapist...to tell you what to do, that is), but she always was quick to point out a few things here and there to strengthen my resolve to finish my actions.
One of the most intense analogies she ever gave me was the Frog Analogy. This example so profoundly impacted me that I have shared it with several people at critical places in their lives so that they, too, could see the wisdom of it. Just yesterday, a former student came up to me and told me for quite a while how happy he was that I talked to him last spring of 2004 because that frog analogy saved his mother. You see, this student was complaining to me that his mom was dating a loser guy who was half her age. The guy treated her like shit, was unemployed and leeching off of her, and generally used her. The student was frustrated because his mom seemed to feel she somehow deserved it...or just put up with it...or couldn't get better. It affected their relationship and had put a huge strain upon it. I told him the frog analogy and explained that was how his mom got herself into the situation...and how if she continued, she'd boil to death like I almost did. Shook up, the boy went home and shared our talk with his mother. His mother burst into tears and cried for a while. For three months it burned in her head, and she kicked Loser Boy out of her house and became an independant woman again. She told my student: I couldn't shake the image of the frog out of my brain. I just couldn't. Now, the student told me with a grin, she's doing great! And I have my mom back! And she's happy, and she's able to buy things for herself because she isn't spending it all on the loser! I was delighted to hear it and felt rather good that it had the effect it did.
What is the frog analogy, you ask?
No woman picks out what appears to be a Shithead and says, ok, I want to date a shithead. It starts out and develops. So, take a frog. Put the frog in a pan of room temperature water. Does it jump out? Nope! Put a frog in a pan of boiling water....does it jump out? YES! So take that frog in the room temperature water and move the pan to a burner on the stove. Turn the heat to low. Does the frog move? No. It feels warm, but its body adjusts to the temperature and it doesn't move. Turn up the heat a teensy bit more. Does the frog move? Nope. Body temperature adjusts, frog stays. If you continue this pattern with the frog over time, it will slowly boil to death, unaware that suddenly NOW the temperature is too hot for its body to handle.
Do you see the similarities? How many people do I know (usually women, but shoot I know a few men who have done it too) who place themselves in that pan and let that heat rise, not jumping, letting their true selves die--boiled out of them? I had a boyfriend once who was a shit from the near beginning. I got out within three months. Why? Well, the heat on the water was turned up too fast! Sure it was room temp when I leaped in, but he didn't give me time to adjust to his new levels of abuse, so I jumped out of the boiling water. Why did I stay with the ex in three years of hell? Because he expertly turned up that water slowly until I didn't notice the heat. Other people started to point it out to me, and my heart sank. So I jumped.
It's a vivid image. This former student's mom is the second person who got out of a bad situation due to hearing that analogy. Sometimes just saying it in the RIGHT words makes a person think in the way he or she needs to...I know that it was why I loved Marla...she always knew how to say it so I could see what I needed to see...
****
I have another Jared story I want to share. I almost forgot this one! For shame! It's a good one!
My son Jared was not even two years of age (approx. 22 months) when he had his fixation on stop signs. Whenever he saw one, he'd shout out STOP SIGN! and get all excited.
One day, while driving in rural nowhere SC with Jared in the backseat of my car, I did what is called a "california stop." That is when you treat a stop sign more like a yield sign and just slow down considerably while checking both ways, THEN driving on without fully stopping. After I did it, I realized....uh oh...Jared just saw that and he's a stop sign nazi. What now?
There was silence.
Then, a tiny voice from the back seat pipes up: "MOMMY! Stop sign....BROKEN! Stop sign...BROKEN!"
HAHAHAHA! Yes, that one was broken, dear, and that's why mommy couldn't stop all the way *coughs*
One of the most intense analogies she ever gave me was the Frog Analogy. This example so profoundly impacted me that I have shared it with several people at critical places in their lives so that they, too, could see the wisdom of it. Just yesterday, a former student came up to me and told me for quite a while how happy he was that I talked to him last spring of 2004 because that frog analogy saved his mother. You see, this student was complaining to me that his mom was dating a loser guy who was half her age. The guy treated her like shit, was unemployed and leeching off of her, and generally used her. The student was frustrated because his mom seemed to feel she somehow deserved it...or just put up with it...or couldn't get better. It affected their relationship and had put a huge strain upon it. I told him the frog analogy and explained that was how his mom got herself into the situation...and how if she continued, she'd boil to death like I almost did. Shook up, the boy went home and shared our talk with his mother. His mother burst into tears and cried for a while. For three months it burned in her head, and she kicked Loser Boy out of her house and became an independant woman again. She told my student: I couldn't shake the image of the frog out of my brain. I just couldn't. Now, the student told me with a grin, she's doing great! And I have my mom back! And she's happy, and she's able to buy things for herself because she isn't spending it all on the loser! I was delighted to hear it and felt rather good that it had the effect it did.
What is the frog analogy, you ask?
No woman picks out what appears to be a Shithead and says, ok, I want to date a shithead. It starts out and develops. So, take a frog. Put the frog in a pan of room temperature water. Does it jump out? Nope! Put a frog in a pan of boiling water....does it jump out? YES! So take that frog in the room temperature water and move the pan to a burner on the stove. Turn the heat to low. Does the frog move? No. It feels warm, but its body adjusts to the temperature and it doesn't move. Turn up the heat a teensy bit more. Does the frog move? Nope. Body temperature adjusts, frog stays. If you continue this pattern with the frog over time, it will slowly boil to death, unaware that suddenly NOW the temperature is too hot for its body to handle.
Do you see the similarities? How many people do I know (usually women, but shoot I know a few men who have done it too) who place themselves in that pan and let that heat rise, not jumping, letting their true selves die--boiled out of them? I had a boyfriend once who was a shit from the near beginning. I got out within three months. Why? Well, the heat on the water was turned up too fast! Sure it was room temp when I leaped in, but he didn't give me time to adjust to his new levels of abuse, so I jumped out of the boiling water. Why did I stay with the ex in three years of hell? Because he expertly turned up that water slowly until I didn't notice the heat. Other people started to point it out to me, and my heart sank. So I jumped.
It's a vivid image. This former student's mom is the second person who got out of a bad situation due to hearing that analogy. Sometimes just saying it in the RIGHT words makes a person think in the way he or she needs to...I know that it was why I loved Marla...she always knew how to say it so I could see what I needed to see...
****
I have another Jared story I want to share. I almost forgot this one! For shame! It's a good one!
My son Jared was not even two years of age (approx. 22 months) when he had his fixation on stop signs. Whenever he saw one, he'd shout out STOP SIGN! and get all excited.
One day, while driving in rural nowhere SC with Jared in the backseat of my car, I did what is called a "california stop." That is when you treat a stop sign more like a yield sign and just slow down considerably while checking both ways, THEN driving on without fully stopping. After I did it, I realized....uh oh...Jared just saw that and he's a stop sign nazi. What now?
There was silence.
Then, a tiny voice from the back seat pipes up: "MOMMY! Stop sign....BROKEN! Stop sign...BROKEN!"
HAHAHAHA! Yes, that one was broken, dear, and that's why mommy couldn't stop all the way *coughs*
posted by Kira | 2:13 PM
1 Comments:
Fabulous analogy... Reminds us to get out of our situations soon, huh, Amanda?
And Jared... that is soooooooo cute! I need to meet these cool kids you have sometime. =o)
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