Volcanoes
I figured I might as well spit out a blog entry and update folks on the happenings in France while Alex ran to his school and got a few documents straight. Alex got an internship in Columbia for a year, and now he has to get all sorts of paperwork sorted so he can get his visa for the time he'll be at that company. The second he gets it all done, the second he gets to come back to me. That is, the moment he gets his internship/work visa is the moment he can fly back over to be with me in the US (I have to leave him here in France when I head back on Saturday for the states). I'm hoping he can complete the paperwork quickly so that we get more time together before he has to start up work. The goal is that he can at a minimum come to SC again by the end of June. My family reunion is the first week of July, and I'd like him to come along. My 89 yr old grandmother (my only surviving grandparent) has never met Alex, and it's important to me that he gets to meet her.
So, on Saturday we went to Volcania. Clermont-Ferrand has a ring of extinct volcanoes here, right outside of the city, and there's a huge volcano center with all sorts of stuff there to see. We took the bus up there and arrived in less than a half hour. The center was cool! Jared loved seeing all the volcano stuff, much to my amazement. He didn't care that all of the movies and materials were in French (there were a couple of ones that had an English option on them, but not much). There was a children's area, and they had a display with a man running it who made a fake volcano blow...both of which facinated my little son. We saw all sorts of interesting information, pictures, and exhibits. We were there for over five hours (close to six), and Jared was upset because when we left, there was still at least one volcano movie he hadn't seen! All in all, it was a terrific experience.
Sometime during the day, Jared turned to Alex and told Alex solemnly that he had two daddies. Alex asked Jared what he meant by that statement, and Jared explained: I have daddy and I have Alex, and they are both my daddies. Alex was very touched. So was I, actually. Jared doesn't like men, you see, thanks to a) being a mommy's boy and b) seeing too much from his father. So, what Jared told Alex REALLY meant a lot. I already explained to Alex a while back that screw me, my kids were too attached now and for that reason alone he was not to leave. I mean it, too. I fear something happening to me and Alex more for the sake of my kids than myself these days. They finally have some semblance of stability in their lives with a good role model for a man and for a relationship, and I don't want that to change. I already informed Alex of the exact plot of trees wherein his disemboweled body would be buried if he tried to leave us, and Alex good naturedly requested that he actually be put on the other side of the highway. However, I had to point out to him that he'd be dead at that point so he'd not care, and therefore it was my decision to drop off his body in this one particular area of woods. He accepted that. haha!
The whole dating scene changes when you have kids. Does the guy like your children? Do your children like the guy? Can they love each other and live in harmony? Is the guy good to your kids? You can't ever introduce your kids to a guy you are dating until you are sure it's going to last...otherwise, it just hurts them too much to have a revolving door of men in and out of the house. It's why I had decided (before Alex) that perhaps celibacy was the better route. Or at least no dating. haha!
After the volcanoes, we returned to the house and in theory we were to spend the evening with Alex's mom and boyfriend at the bf's house, having dinner with them and returning before Jared's bedtime. That, however, did not happen. They still fixed the food and planned on coming over to fetch us, but they just couldn't get their act together quickly enough. You can't call us at 9p and say, we'll come get you to eat now...then 30 min later we arrive...when I told them I wanted Jared in bed no later than 10p. At home, his bedtime is 830p or 9p on weekends, but on vacation I move it up to 10p since nobody has to wake up early to do anything. If I have him go to bed later than that, we all get to pay for it. His mom, although a lot of fun, is one of the most irresponsible mothers I have ever met. Her lifestyle and patterns are in direct contrast to my folks' lifestyle and patterns. It makes it very hard for me to adjust. Sorta reminds me of one time when Alex and I were in Florida, and I told him, well I said to mom and dad that we'd be there by 6p and we'll be there at 610p, that's not good. He was amazed. Why, he asked? That's on time? Of course not! I replied. Anything over five min from the projected time is late to my parents. They'll be agitated. He couldn't understand because when HIS mom says 2p, it really means 4p. He just learned not to worry about it. I, on the other hand, am the daughter of a predominantly German man. My maiden name was Mueller. Germans are PUNCTUAL. Germans have a PLAN. Germans follow order and have their ducks in a row and get it all straight in a timely fashion. Sure enough, when we arrived at 610p, my parents had to mention that we were late and were we ok? It stunned Alex, but now he knows why I am, on the whole, fairly punctual and reliable that way. (side note: my hispanic blood from my mom's side of the family is what saves me from being anal retentive...in case you were wondering why I'm not completely uptight and orderly like I just described my father in particular...haha!)
Let me give another example of my parents vs. Alex's mom. Alex's mom has a cat, Moon. Alex's mom is often at her boyfriend's house, so the kids here feed Moon. Well, when she came over Friday night, Alex and I told her that Moon just got her last bit of food. "It'll last to morning," I told her, "but you need to get her more food first thing in the morning. " We went to the volcanoes first thing in the morning. We came back...no cat food. We thought, well, when they come over, they will bring cat food. Nope. Moon ended up eating some very expensive ham for dinner because all the shops were closed and there was no way to buy actual cat food for her at that point. Sigh. My cat Chian is 13 years old, and I've had three other cats in my life, and I will tell you this fact: not once have they ever run out of food. The cats are MY RESPONSIBILITY and if I can't take care of them, I need to find new homes for them. Moon got cat food at 230p on Sunday. She had more expensive ham for breakfast. Poor thing! We've run out of soap, matches (essential for starting up their gas stove), etc. frequently throughout the week. I was always taught to plan ahead, and so it's a rare day I run out of jack all. Sure, I might decide I want something particular to eat and I'll have to run to the store to get a few ingredients, but I don't ever run out of paper towels, soap, shampoo, shavers, toilet paper, laundry detergent, milk for the kids, cat food, or any other non perishable item I can stockpile. Of course, that state of mind might have been really reinforced when I lived in the woods with the ex. Nothing like knowing you have to drive 30 min to get whatever it is you are missing to make you keep careful inventory and not run out of particular items!
Yesterday was mother's day in the US, but not in France. Rob (the ex) never remembered mother's day. The last year before I left, he got me a box of godivas and that was it. He said, well, you're not MY mother....I asked him then if it didn't count that I bore his children for him, and if he didn't value me as a mother. It never occured to him and didn't sink in until the last year I was there. My kids have been, of course, too young to do much about it. Ari makes things for me for Mother's Day (she did last year when she was six), and Jared is just now getting old enough to care. I always have helped them do things for Rob for Father's Day because I just like traditions, holidays, customs. Anyway, Alex remembered that in the US it was mother's day and he bought a boquet of flowers. He then came into the house yesterday morning and handed them to Jared to give to me for Mother's Day. Jared was THRILLED to have something that nice to bring to his mommy! It was so cute! haha!
And then I ate a lot of chocolate pastisseries. Of course!
And later on, I called my mom up to wish her a happy mother's day. She was touched that I managed to remember to do so even though I'm on vacation and abroad.
The rest of the day we were at Alex's mom's bf's cottage. We went to a tiny, sleepy little French village and we ate midday meal in a very, very old cottage that looked like indoor plumbing was only recently added. Alex told me he really wanted me to have this experience, and I am glad he felt that way. The roads were tiny, the cottages were older than America, the sun was shining...we ate bread and saucisson and crackers and drank wine in a little garden...we walked through the village and went down to the river, where they apparently were holding a dog show. We ignored the dog show, and my son kept picking flowers for myself and for Alex's mom (see? Alex trained him well! haha!) while we chatted and enjoyed the beautiful weather. All in all, it was the sort of experience you can't have when you go to France unless you know French people, and I suppose that's what made it so special! A lot of folks wouldn't give a rip over some tiny event like this one, but towards the end of it I thought, damn, I bet Angie would appreciate it! Not only does Angie appreciate France a LOT, but I've already learned about her that she knows exactly how to relish the little things in life, so she'd have loved this little rural experience as much as I did! It just was one of those pleasant moments where nothing earth-shattering happens, but you still just had the most terrific time.
The French love the good life, but they aren't money oriented like Americans. It's hard to describe the difference because sometimes a person's vision of the good life is wrapped up in having things. That's not it. The French love time to spend with family, time to eat good food, and time to enjoy life. THAT is more important to them than a five bedroom house and three cars, and THAT defines "the good life." It's a slower pace here, but now I'm beginning to understand why Alex's mom left England for France long ago. It wasn't to really be with Alex's jackass father...it was to get to be French.
Ok, the love of my life is back from the school now, so I'm taking off to enjoy the day! Hope you all are having a great one too!
So, on Saturday we went to Volcania. Clermont-Ferrand has a ring of extinct volcanoes here, right outside of the city, and there's a huge volcano center with all sorts of stuff there to see. We took the bus up there and arrived in less than a half hour. The center was cool! Jared loved seeing all the volcano stuff, much to my amazement. He didn't care that all of the movies and materials were in French (there were a couple of ones that had an English option on them, but not much). There was a children's area, and they had a display with a man running it who made a fake volcano blow...both of which facinated my little son. We saw all sorts of interesting information, pictures, and exhibits. We were there for over five hours (close to six), and Jared was upset because when we left, there was still at least one volcano movie he hadn't seen! All in all, it was a terrific experience.
Sometime during the day, Jared turned to Alex and told Alex solemnly that he had two daddies. Alex asked Jared what he meant by that statement, and Jared explained: I have daddy and I have Alex, and they are both my daddies. Alex was very touched. So was I, actually. Jared doesn't like men, you see, thanks to a) being a mommy's boy and b) seeing too much from his father. So, what Jared told Alex REALLY meant a lot. I already explained to Alex a while back that screw me, my kids were too attached now and for that reason alone he was not to leave. I mean it, too. I fear something happening to me and Alex more for the sake of my kids than myself these days. They finally have some semblance of stability in their lives with a good role model for a man and for a relationship, and I don't want that to change. I already informed Alex of the exact plot of trees wherein his disemboweled body would be buried if he tried to leave us, and Alex good naturedly requested that he actually be put on the other side of the highway. However, I had to point out to him that he'd be dead at that point so he'd not care, and therefore it was my decision to drop off his body in this one particular area of woods. He accepted that. haha!
The whole dating scene changes when you have kids. Does the guy like your children? Do your children like the guy? Can they love each other and live in harmony? Is the guy good to your kids? You can't ever introduce your kids to a guy you are dating until you are sure it's going to last...otherwise, it just hurts them too much to have a revolving door of men in and out of the house. It's why I had decided (before Alex) that perhaps celibacy was the better route. Or at least no dating. haha!
After the volcanoes, we returned to the house and in theory we were to spend the evening with Alex's mom and boyfriend at the bf's house, having dinner with them and returning before Jared's bedtime. That, however, did not happen. They still fixed the food and planned on coming over to fetch us, but they just couldn't get their act together quickly enough. You can't call us at 9p and say, we'll come get you to eat now...then 30 min later we arrive...when I told them I wanted Jared in bed no later than 10p. At home, his bedtime is 830p or 9p on weekends, but on vacation I move it up to 10p since nobody has to wake up early to do anything. If I have him go to bed later than that, we all get to pay for it. His mom, although a lot of fun, is one of the most irresponsible mothers I have ever met. Her lifestyle and patterns are in direct contrast to my folks' lifestyle and patterns. It makes it very hard for me to adjust. Sorta reminds me of one time when Alex and I were in Florida, and I told him, well I said to mom and dad that we'd be there by 6p and we'll be there at 610p, that's not good. He was amazed. Why, he asked? That's on time? Of course not! I replied. Anything over five min from the projected time is late to my parents. They'll be agitated. He couldn't understand because when HIS mom says 2p, it really means 4p. He just learned not to worry about it. I, on the other hand, am the daughter of a predominantly German man. My maiden name was Mueller. Germans are PUNCTUAL. Germans have a PLAN. Germans follow order and have their ducks in a row and get it all straight in a timely fashion. Sure enough, when we arrived at 610p, my parents had to mention that we were late and were we ok? It stunned Alex, but now he knows why I am, on the whole, fairly punctual and reliable that way. (side note: my hispanic blood from my mom's side of the family is what saves me from being anal retentive...in case you were wondering why I'm not completely uptight and orderly like I just described my father in particular...haha!)
Let me give another example of my parents vs. Alex's mom. Alex's mom has a cat, Moon. Alex's mom is often at her boyfriend's house, so the kids here feed Moon. Well, when she came over Friday night, Alex and I told her that Moon just got her last bit of food. "It'll last to morning," I told her, "but you need to get her more food first thing in the morning. " We went to the volcanoes first thing in the morning. We came back...no cat food. We thought, well, when they come over, they will bring cat food. Nope. Moon ended up eating some very expensive ham for dinner because all the shops were closed and there was no way to buy actual cat food for her at that point. Sigh. My cat Chian is 13 years old, and I've had three other cats in my life, and I will tell you this fact: not once have they ever run out of food. The cats are MY RESPONSIBILITY and if I can't take care of them, I need to find new homes for them. Moon got cat food at 230p on Sunday. She had more expensive ham for breakfast. Poor thing! We've run out of soap, matches (essential for starting up their gas stove), etc. frequently throughout the week. I was always taught to plan ahead, and so it's a rare day I run out of jack all. Sure, I might decide I want something particular to eat and I'll have to run to the store to get a few ingredients, but I don't ever run out of paper towels, soap, shampoo, shavers, toilet paper, laundry detergent, milk for the kids, cat food, or any other non perishable item I can stockpile. Of course, that state of mind might have been really reinforced when I lived in the woods with the ex. Nothing like knowing you have to drive 30 min to get whatever it is you are missing to make you keep careful inventory and not run out of particular items!
Yesterday was mother's day in the US, but not in France. Rob (the ex) never remembered mother's day. The last year before I left, he got me a box of godivas and that was it. He said, well, you're not MY mother....I asked him then if it didn't count that I bore his children for him, and if he didn't value me as a mother. It never occured to him and didn't sink in until the last year I was there. My kids have been, of course, too young to do much about it. Ari makes things for me for Mother's Day (she did last year when she was six), and Jared is just now getting old enough to care. I always have helped them do things for Rob for Father's Day because I just like traditions, holidays, customs. Anyway, Alex remembered that in the US it was mother's day and he bought a boquet of flowers. He then came into the house yesterday morning and handed them to Jared to give to me for Mother's Day. Jared was THRILLED to have something that nice to bring to his mommy! It was so cute! haha!
And then I ate a lot of chocolate pastisseries. Of course!
And later on, I called my mom up to wish her a happy mother's day. She was touched that I managed to remember to do so even though I'm on vacation and abroad.
The rest of the day we were at Alex's mom's bf's cottage. We went to a tiny, sleepy little French village and we ate midday meal in a very, very old cottage that looked like indoor plumbing was only recently added. Alex told me he really wanted me to have this experience, and I am glad he felt that way. The roads were tiny, the cottages were older than America, the sun was shining...we ate bread and saucisson and crackers and drank wine in a little garden...we walked through the village and went down to the river, where they apparently were holding a dog show. We ignored the dog show, and my son kept picking flowers for myself and for Alex's mom (see? Alex trained him well! haha!) while we chatted and enjoyed the beautiful weather. All in all, it was the sort of experience you can't have when you go to France unless you know French people, and I suppose that's what made it so special! A lot of folks wouldn't give a rip over some tiny event like this one, but towards the end of it I thought, damn, I bet Angie would appreciate it! Not only does Angie appreciate France a LOT, but I've already learned about her that she knows exactly how to relish the little things in life, so she'd have loved this little rural experience as much as I did! It just was one of those pleasant moments where nothing earth-shattering happens, but you still just had the most terrific time.
The French love the good life, but they aren't money oriented like Americans. It's hard to describe the difference because sometimes a person's vision of the good life is wrapped up in having things. That's not it. The French love time to spend with family, time to eat good food, and time to enjoy life. THAT is more important to them than a five bedroom house and three cars, and THAT defines "the good life." It's a slower pace here, but now I'm beginning to understand why Alex's mom left England for France long ago. It wasn't to really be with Alex's jackass father...it was to get to be French.
Ok, the love of my life is back from the school now, so I'm taking off to enjoy the day! Hope you all are having a great one too!
posted by Kira | 12:53 AM
1 Comments:
It sounds like Jared is really having a wonderful time. And the fact that he said he has two daddies now... WOW. That is deep.
Next time I go to France, I want to have those kinds of experiences, the ones you can only have if you are with someone who is a part of the culture.
Hope Alex gets to come back to the U.S. really soon!!!!
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