Frenchman Meets Good Ol' Boy
As we all know, Alex is the world's perfect man. I have no idea why I have been blessed with such a patient, smart, funny, hot, kind, delicious man, but I was. One of the ways he showed his wonderfulness this past weekend was how he took care of the kids for me. You see, I have exams this week with school. I MUST finish up all grading so that on Saturday, April 30th, I can go to FRANCE with Alex and my son Jared! Woohoo! Any parent of small children can tell you, however, that grading (which requires concentration) with said small children awake and alert is physically impossible. That's where Alex stepped in. He made paper airplanes with them and took them outside so they could play and I could grade. Yay! I got a lot of work done, and the kids had a blast being outside with Alex on a pretty, sunny, warm but not hot day.
Along their journey around the apartment complex, they ran into a man with his young son. His son was a year younger than Jared, and so he gravitated to Jared and immediately they began to play. This left the father in the position of feeling a need to male bond with Alex. He asked Alex how old his son was (apparently Alex felt no need to explain that Jared was his girlfriend's son), and that began the conversation. Alex has not had extensive conversations with Good Ol' Boys before now, and he was entirely amused by the whole interaction.
First of all, Alex was very clear: the guy was nice and friendly, and so Alex responded favorably to him. However, the guy was also COMPLETELY different culturally from anything he'd ever known. Hence, Alex's amusement and grin as he reported the entire exchange.
The fellow started off by apologizing that he was so hard to understand. He left his dentures out, you see (he later on told Alex he's 33, by the way). Then he felt the need to explain to Alex WHY he wore dentures at such a young age. He was racing. Apparently, he would have won, too, if that damned tree weren't in the way! LOL
He asked Alex where Alex came from...Alex responded France. So, then said man gives Alex plenty of advice on how to stay here in the US. Plus he gave Alex a crash course on Southern Male culture, just so he'd know how to fit in!
His advice: find a good southern girl to marry, one that's lived here all her life (that rules me out, by the way!). He strongly suggested NOT wasting money on a fool wedding. What's the point of blowing money on a ceremony like that when you can do it for near nothin' and save the funds for later! Instead, his recommendation was a cheap wedding in Tennessee. Also on his list: Russian brides. He noted to Alex that you can find Russian brides on the net if you want. I'm still trying to figure out how that'd get Alex to be able to STAY in the states.
Next, he felt obligated to share that men in the South did Real Man Things like hunt, fish, etc. While he elaborated on Southern Male Activities, he even did a 'real man' gesture that involved hunching over his shoulders to look like a Silverback Ape! Coolness!
All in all, I was horridly amused by the retelling. Alex was trying to keep a straight face while he told me all about the fellow, but he failed. Hey, at least the guy was showing the best part about southern life: hospitality and friendliness! I've often been told that in France, nobody opens up like that nor shares personal information at all until they know each other for a while. How's THAT for culture shock? "Hi, how are you, I wear dentures, wanna meet a Russian bride?" LMAO!
******
I have an addiction to movie trailers. I love watching them. It can even be to a movie I have no desire to see, yet I desperately want to see the trailer. I get upset if I arrive to my movie in the middle of the trailers because I don't want to miss any of them!
That being said, yesterday I watched a slew of them. I'm trying to see if I can grade fast enough to be able to see The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy movie (which is released on Friday of this week) before I leave for France. I also checked out the new Batman movie, Fantastic Four, Bewitched, and a few others. One of the movies on the list was Kingdom of Heaven. Kingdom of Heaven takes place during one of the crusades, and it has a section that shows the knighting of the main character (played by Orlando Bloom). In it, he takes the vow of knighthood, and the knight administering the vow smacks him straight across the face right after he takes the vow. The startled Orlando looks up as his father says, "And THAT is so you never forget!"
I was completely amused by this concept. Note, folks, here in the Medieval Period, we've discovered the WAY TO MAKE A MAN REMEMBER!!!! I never could figure it out with the ex. The rule/joke between us was: if I repeat it three times, he remembers. Sometimes we'd go somewhere and he'd say, "I don't remember you telling me that." And my retort would usually be something of the nature of, "that's because I only told you twice. I forgot to do it that third time. I'm sorry honey." I asked some of my girlfriends if they had problems with their menfolk remembering things they said, and all my girlfriends reported an equal dissatisfaction with their abilities to remember what was mentioned. It's what I call "yes dear" syndrome. My brother Ken pulled Rob/my ex aside on my wedding day and asked him solemnly if anybody had ever told Rob about the 'yes dear' way of handling things. That's when the girl babbles at you and you have no desire to listen, so you just say 'yes dear' to shut her up. Rob reported instantly that he was already aquainted with that method! Believe me, Rob had that one down pat since birth. But now I know how to get around it!
Rob was here to get the kids yesterday and I showed him the movie trailer. I mentioned to him how effective that slap seemed to be in promoting memory. Then I looked into his eyes and said seriously, "Remember to take Ari to her girl scout meeting at the Y on Tuesday night," and I play smacked him across the face. He looked startled but then laughed, and said that'd probably help!
So there we go: the memory slap. Gotta remember that one. I'm just glad that Alex doesn't seem to need it.
Along their journey around the apartment complex, they ran into a man with his young son. His son was a year younger than Jared, and so he gravitated to Jared and immediately they began to play. This left the father in the position of feeling a need to male bond with Alex. He asked Alex how old his son was (apparently Alex felt no need to explain that Jared was his girlfriend's son), and that began the conversation. Alex has not had extensive conversations with Good Ol' Boys before now, and he was entirely amused by the whole interaction.
First of all, Alex was very clear: the guy was nice and friendly, and so Alex responded favorably to him. However, the guy was also COMPLETELY different culturally from anything he'd ever known. Hence, Alex's amusement and grin as he reported the entire exchange.
The fellow started off by apologizing that he was so hard to understand. He left his dentures out, you see (he later on told Alex he's 33, by the way). Then he felt the need to explain to Alex WHY he wore dentures at such a young age. He was racing. Apparently, he would have won, too, if that damned tree weren't in the way! LOL
He asked Alex where Alex came from...Alex responded France. So, then said man gives Alex plenty of advice on how to stay here in the US. Plus he gave Alex a crash course on Southern Male culture, just so he'd know how to fit in!
His advice: find a good southern girl to marry, one that's lived here all her life (that rules me out, by the way!). He strongly suggested NOT wasting money on a fool wedding. What's the point of blowing money on a ceremony like that when you can do it for near nothin' and save the funds for later! Instead, his recommendation was a cheap wedding in Tennessee. Also on his list: Russian brides. He noted to Alex that you can find Russian brides on the net if you want. I'm still trying to figure out how that'd get Alex to be able to STAY in the states.
Next, he felt obligated to share that men in the South did Real Man Things like hunt, fish, etc. While he elaborated on Southern Male Activities, he even did a 'real man' gesture that involved hunching over his shoulders to look like a Silverback Ape! Coolness!
All in all, I was horridly amused by the retelling. Alex was trying to keep a straight face while he told me all about the fellow, but he failed. Hey, at least the guy was showing the best part about southern life: hospitality and friendliness! I've often been told that in France, nobody opens up like that nor shares personal information at all until they know each other for a while. How's THAT for culture shock? "Hi, how are you, I wear dentures, wanna meet a Russian bride?" LMAO!
******
I have an addiction to movie trailers. I love watching them. It can even be to a movie I have no desire to see, yet I desperately want to see the trailer. I get upset if I arrive to my movie in the middle of the trailers because I don't want to miss any of them!
That being said, yesterday I watched a slew of them. I'm trying to see if I can grade fast enough to be able to see The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy movie (which is released on Friday of this week) before I leave for France. I also checked out the new Batman movie, Fantastic Four, Bewitched, and a few others. One of the movies on the list was Kingdom of Heaven. Kingdom of Heaven takes place during one of the crusades, and it has a section that shows the knighting of the main character (played by Orlando Bloom). In it, he takes the vow of knighthood, and the knight administering the vow smacks him straight across the face right after he takes the vow. The startled Orlando looks up as his father says, "And THAT is so you never forget!"
I was completely amused by this concept. Note, folks, here in the Medieval Period, we've discovered the WAY TO MAKE A MAN REMEMBER!!!! I never could figure it out with the ex. The rule/joke between us was: if I repeat it three times, he remembers. Sometimes we'd go somewhere and he'd say, "I don't remember you telling me that." And my retort would usually be something of the nature of, "that's because I only told you twice. I forgot to do it that third time. I'm sorry honey." I asked some of my girlfriends if they had problems with their menfolk remembering things they said, and all my girlfriends reported an equal dissatisfaction with their abilities to remember what was mentioned. It's what I call "yes dear" syndrome. My brother Ken pulled Rob/my ex aside on my wedding day and asked him solemnly if anybody had ever told Rob about the 'yes dear' way of handling things. That's when the girl babbles at you and you have no desire to listen, so you just say 'yes dear' to shut her up. Rob reported instantly that he was already aquainted with that method! Believe me, Rob had that one down pat since birth. But now I know how to get around it!
Rob was here to get the kids yesterday and I showed him the movie trailer. I mentioned to him how effective that slap seemed to be in promoting memory. Then I looked into his eyes and said seriously, "Remember to take Ari to her girl scout meeting at the Y on Tuesday night," and I play smacked him across the face. He looked startled but then laughed, and said that'd probably help!
So there we go: the memory slap. Gotta remember that one. I'm just glad that Alex doesn't seem to need it.
posted by Kira | 11:58 AM
5 Comments:
Wow - we were definitely thinking about the same topics this weekend! Your story was much funnier though! =o)
So you mean I missed meeting these awesome Good Ol' Boys while I was down South? Damn! Sure, tell me what I'm missing after it's too late... hmph. Although I did see one guy who might have counted... Decided against talking to him, though, he looked a bit on the Creepy Middle-Aged Man side of things... Figured I didn't want to risk putting a crimp in my visit. :P
I suggest a memory knifing instead of a memory slap, though - just cut whatever they need to remember into them! Sure, it has a poor survival rate, but still...
a) I think a memory slap can be implemented after a breakup
b) Ency, a memory knifing might make the police chase me, so I think I'd better stick with the memory slap!
c) Cupcakes! Where are mine??? Although I DID make choccy chip cookies last night myself...must have been a baking night.
d) Eh, my ex hubby was a Southern Boy. 'Nuff said! I've had enough of ALL American males. That's why I've gone French! Yes, he has emotions and can live life...is romantic...and is a hell of a lot of fun. I recommend going French to all women.
Hmmm ok so here's an odd thing to admit...when my ex acted up, I'd push my tits into his face and smack him from side to side, calling it a "booby slap for a bad man." For some reason, he found this action to be encouragement to continue said bad behavior...
Yes. Life as we know it: April 29th Hitchhiker's; May 6th Kingdom of Heaven; May 19th Revenge of the Sith! Woohoo! Then the next Harry Potter book this summer...oh god I'm gonna orgasm!
Bah, exressed emotion is for the weak! Real men don't need emotion! Real men eat shrapnel for breakfast and then put innocent babies to work in sweatshops for the production of Giant Orbital Bombardment Cannons powered by the torture of cute and cuddly puppies without batting an eye! I say, these days men grow up so feminine, we need to do something about this horrible travesty against society!
And hmm, I wonder why that might possibly have encouraged him, Kira... I mean, I really can't see how that could have been... :P
This is too funny. I felt like I was there. I can imagine Alex trying hard not to laugh as this man's tips on life were ennumerated to thoughtfully.
I think Amberlicious has a good comment. But I think there's a distinction between Southern gentleman, Good Ole Boy and Po' White Trash. You were describing soemone who was floating between the latter categories. I'd take a Southern Gentleman anyday of the week. I'd love to meet a man who knows some boundaries.
I haven't seen Kingdom of Heaven. Has it already come and gone? I love Orlando Bloom. I'd happily let Orlando forget ever word that ever passed my lips if he'd just kiss me once. Aaaaaah...Orlando.
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