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I think that the Meredith Brooks' song, "Bitch," summarizes me rather nicely. Or, if you prefer, X. dell says I'm a life-smart literary scholar with a low BS tolerance...that also works!

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Why Do Men Love Women's Breasts?

Ok, Hof wants blogworld to speculate on this simple yet complex question of why men love women's breasts. I would start out by saying that not ALL men are, however, "breast men." Some are leg men, butt men, etc. Nearly all men, however, can tell you their preferences for a woman's chest size. So, on some level or another, most men do love breasts. Why?

I think for men it starts young. Very young. Look at my son--he's four and has been announcing his love for the almighty titty since he turned 3. I would attribute it to being breastfed too long, but he had already been weened for about a year before he started to pat my breasts reassuringly while I held him. I remember one time being in front of some students and holding Jared, and Jared just reached over and latched on to my breasts. I was trying to be Good Mom and patiently explain to him that a woman's breasts are private and he wasn't supposed to touch them like that. He looked up at me and gave off a wail of, "But Mommy! I LOVE boobies!" Needless to say, all the students laughed. He still has a fixation with breasts. He will gladly bat his toddler eyes at an attractive teen girl, get her to hold him, and then bend down and kiss her tits. Why? BECAUSE HE CAN. My son is smart. He knows that at four, women giggle and think that's funny, but by 16, he'll get slapped. Might as well do it while he can get away with it!

There are a million different speculations on why boobs are so attention grabbing for men. One might be that it's a part of that womanly body type that means a baby can be nourished and tended to--a sort of biological basis. Man sees woman with birthing hips and nice breasts...man concludes in his subconscious that she can have a baby and feed it adequately. Another might be that they're so nice and soft that it's just a matter of comfort. A more graphic reason might be that men can relate to something that can get hard (nipples) that also can, under the right circumstances, ejaculate out white stuff (breastmilk).

There's something positively naughty about ample cleavage showing, and that also might be part of the reason. We don't wander around nude, but some of those shirts we wear with those push 'em up and out bras come close! If I wear the right top, no man looks anywhere but down (and believe me, it's down...I'm 5'2"...nobody looks UP except...uh, my pervert son and other pervert male toddlers!). It's almost as if it's the teaser, the promise of more, the warm up, the appetizer.

I, however, am very glad of The Great Power of The Boobs. A nice scoop necked shirt has gotten me out of a hell of a lot of speeding tickets (uhhh we won't talk about my fixation for driving too fast in my car, 'k?). It has gotten me lots of dates, free drinks, and free meals. Hell, I even get better attention rates from my students thanks to the Almighty Titty! I've had a few of my male students come up to me after the term was over and thank me for wearing interesting tops...and that they showed up for class in part because they wanted to see each day what I was wearing! haha! (please note: I don't wear hooker clothes to teach in...I just have large breasts for a small girl, and nearly all tops end up being tight and low cut due to this issue). I am glad that men love breasts. Life is good.

Hope that helps, Hof!

15 Comments:

Blogger hofzinser said...

Wow... others may not meet the challenge after reading this great post. thanks!

6:25 AM  
Blogger Amanda said...

As you know, I'm well-endowed too, and I thank God everyday for them. Speeding tickets, discounts/upgrades, free drinks - breasts have many uses.

Were we not supposed to wear hooker tops to class? I thought that was my contribution to promoting the attendance and attention span of male students. ;)

8:00 AM  
Blogger jadedprimadonna said...

Amen! I know if I didn't have DDs I'd be sad when I read this, but oh well. I read it and think, "Hooray for boobs!"

9:36 AM  
Blogger Madwanderer said...

Hmmmm Kira's breasts!!!!!!!!

11:52 AM  
Blogger Paige said...

Kay, I really should have read this sooner, but I'm what you call "stupid." so we have some of the same points. But we never have the same kind of sentence, so you KNOW I wasn't plagerizing, right? Right?

12:31 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

Hello... I was just flipping around the site and I saw this. I like your theories... pretty cool. And yea, I know plently of toddlers that use their cuteness for their own gain.

12:41 PM  
Blogger Gimpy said...

I have a 6 year old son who is also infatuated with boobs. He has told me that he is infact going to be a boob man when he grows up, like he's not already. He asks me when we snuggle to take off my bra because he likes laying his head on my soft boobies!! I have too used my boobs to get me out of or into certain situations! BOOBS ARE GREAT! Your theory is oh so true and I thoroughy enjoyed reading your post. I have 2 posts on my blog that you might enjoy. They are Broken Flashlight and Zoom Zoom. Have a great day!
~April~

12:55 PM  
Blogger You Can't Afford Me said...

nice post! it's funny because my 7 year old daughter is obsessed with my boobs. she's always patting them like they are pets or something. it's rather amusing. i asked her once why she does that, and she just said because she liked them.

and yes, they do come in handy for getting out of things. like the other day when i was returning movies, late. i don't think the boy even saw my face, but needless to say, there was no late fee.

2:02 PM  
Blogger Joe said...

When I used to work the circulation desk at Perkins Library, we were supposed to collect late fees (maybe a quarter a day?) for overdue books, but there were really no sequelae from not collecting them. At some point, I realized I was not collecting fines from hotties, but was from everyone else. When I realized what I was doing, I started collecting them from everyone. Maybe I should have stopped collecting them from everyone, or maybe skipped collecting them from hunchbacks or something.

8:30 PM  
Blogger Kira said...

Hof: thanks! I tried :)

Amanda: aw, hell, you know that what *I* think of as a hooker top is a set of pasties, so....*coughs*...we never wore hooker tops ;)

Angie: well, you're right...my sister is a dancer and weighs 86 lbs at 5'. Needless to say, if she were to read this blog entry, she would be depressed. But, hooray, I think everybody who comes here has a great rack, so I'm safe :)

Alex: glad ya like 'em, sweetie!

Paige: I read yours and it's very different in how you wrote it out, even if it has one of the main ideas I wrote. I know it was from your brain and not mine! Great minds think alike and all that!

Chris: thanks! Toddlers have to be conniving to get their needs met, right? Even if it's just the need to cop a cheap feel? ;)

Gimpy: that broken flashlight post had me laughing my ass off! great stuff.

Sandra: I think sometimes little girls get interested in other women's boobs because they don't have their own yet. A good friend of mine's niece does the same thing to her all the time, and the girl also does it to her mother (my friend's sister).

Joe: Hilarious that you admit it! Great stuff! Hmmm does that mean that the REAL reason you paid for every dinner was MY TITS, JOE? ;) hehehehehe

6:56 AM  
Blogger lauritajuanitasanchez said...

And then there are those of us who are too big in the bazooms. I've always been well endowed (DD before kids), but now that I'm nursing #2 and busting out of a G cup, I must say it...I'm TOO BIG.

I'm glad my kid likes my boobies. She sucks on one and tittie twists the other. Only a mom would think that's cute.

6:59 PM  
Blogger Kira said...

Wow, a G cup! Doesnt that hurt your back? I guess there's nothing to be done about it until after breastfeeding is done, though. I have a very good friend here who just had breast reduction surgery because she was in constant back pain from her size. The doctor told her they don't even make bras her size and that he estimated it would be the equivalent of an H or an I!!! They pulled off 7 lbs of boobie in the operation, and she STILL has lots of cleavage.

When I'm at my preferred weight, I'm a C cup. However, I'm at my birth control weight, so I have a D cup. My daughter laughs at me because I literally hold my tits if I have to run to the phone or something :P

3:31 AM  
Blogger M.Weasel said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

8:05 PM  
Blogger M.Weasel said...

I'm... not sure whether to be amused or frightened. :P But, bah... The REAL reason guys like breasts is because putting enough of them in one area of the country is the key to unlocking the Gate to the Sunken City of Jer'al, where the Things That Are Not Dead Yet But Probably Should Be dwell and will give unfathomable power to any men who venture into their city, power than can be used for good! World peace and love and happiness! So remember, girls: if a guy stares, it's really because he's trying to lend the world a helping hand, not because he's perverted!

8:06 PM  
Blogger male_boob_lover said...

I really lover to suck women's boobs & I

3:56 AM  

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