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I think that the Meredith Brooks' song, "Bitch," summarizes me rather nicely. Or, if you prefer, X. dell says I'm a life-smart literary scholar with a low BS tolerance...that also works!

Friday, October 07, 2005

Just Checking In!

Hey guys! I don't even really have time to check emails or respond to them on this break because even when I'm not busy with Alex *cough*, I am grading my backlog of papers. I should be back to reading your blogs and emails and such when I head back Sunday evening.

These papers truly suck. It's been a few years since I had to teach English 155, and I forgot how Eng 155 at Premiere Tech seems to scrounge up the worst writers and place them in one convenient location.

They had to write a process analysis essay. That's a "how to do this" essay, or alternatively, "how something becomes something else."

Samples of butchered sentences I am attempting to grade will follow.

On a paper about "how to dye hair a different color," this sentence appeared:

Skin completion is a key factor in choosing the right color.

Now, far be it for me to point this out to my student, but...I believe skin COMPLETION is the key factor to LIVING, let alone what type of hair color would look best on you.

Or on this paper about "how to clean a bathroom," this sentence appeared:

However, in the bathroom, the toilet, sink, shower, and floor all have different ways of cleaning.

I just want to know, folks...how do I get toilets, sinks, showers, and floors that DO the cleaning???? I've never had those. Is it something you can buy if you have extra money? "Look, Toilet, I want you clean the bathroom because you're best at it. But Sink, I really believe you're best at kitchens, so you can start there."

Ok, somebody translate this one for me because I just can't figure it out:

If this example is not satisfied with this option, then highlights are not a bad alternative.

Yes, please hand me that crack when you're done with it, student! I can use some!

I had the same girl with the hair dye paper tell me that now I did not have to make an appointment at the saloon since I could dye my hair at home. At the SALOON? Hell, if I could get my hair done in a SALOON, I'd never consider at-home hair products again!

When I grade papers, I often am reminded of The Princess Bride. That is, "I do not think that word means what you think it means..."

Anyway, except for grading hell, I'm having a great time with Alex! Seeya later!

9 Comments:

Blogger Amanda said...

LMAO...no, really, I'm snorting now. Damn, I'd giving anything for a toilet and shower that did the cleaning.

As for Princess Bride moments, Kristin and I like to sit in the office and yell "INCONCEIVABLE!" This is even more fun when Crazy Heifer has just made a new insane request.

3:02 PM  
Blogger GM said...

Crack sentence (my shot with zero context):
"If the example I gave isn't enough to prove that this option is great, then pointing out highlights of the option is a good idea."
Then again, it may be:
If this option didn't solve the problem in this particular example, try pointing out highlights [of some indeterminate thing that may referred to elsewhere].

Mmm... papers. Just turned in my first college paper Thursday, isn't it grand? I hope I avoided anything as painful as these folks seem to have managed, though. :P

4:18 PM  
Blogger WordWhiz said...

A self-cleaning toilet?? Wow...this sounds like a big seller!!

6:03 AM  
Blogger cookie monster said...

well kira, they are only americans after all..... ;) only kidding.

6:46 AM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

"Complexion. N., enigma. Def.: A face WAY too strangely arranged to get make up on."

10:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ahhhh, yes... the joys of 155! I had almost forgotten. I had a student do a 22 second presentation about the instructional assignment once. The requirement was 5 to 7 minutes for that one, I believe. When she got her grade, she didn't just want to know why she failed, but why she didn't make an A.

6:41 PM  
Blogger Canoes under my shoes said...

Did she mean "complexion"? Tsk tsk. I don't envy you.

7:39 PM  
Blogger Jezzy said...

lol- I spent the weekend marking papers too - 150 short essays where the students had to evaluate a piece of health information from various sources and talk about the reliability, quality, etc of the information.
Pharmacy students are a hoot because there's quite a few of them who are international students (mainly from Asia) and they don't speak English as their first language.

One Vietnamese boy wrote "considering that this information is coming from America, it does not appear to have spelling and grammar mistakes." LOL! I thought of you when I read that.

5:07 PM  
Blogger SS said...

oh my, that is too funny! i would go crazy if i had to grade papers. but it has got to be kinda fun to point out all the mistakes. well, for me it would be fun. cause i'm mean and evil like that. lol!

12:34 AM  

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