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Location: Upstate, South Carolina, United States

I think that the Meredith Brooks' song, "Bitch," summarizes me rather nicely. Or, if you prefer, X. dell says I'm a life-smart literary scholar with a low BS tolerance...that also works!

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Why I'm Going to Hell

In all actuality, I'm sure there are a ton of reasons. This is just one of them.

I live in an apartment. One of the items an apartment dweller quickly adjusts to tolerate is the noise of his or her neighbors. In this complex, the noise is far less than any other place I've been. The insulation is simply better. Usually, I choose a top floor apartment because I don't want anybody walking on my head. Here, if you want a three bedroom, you have to be on the first or second floor--never third. So, reluctantly I took a first floor apartment when we moved to this place.

After we got here, we discovered a particular joy we did not expect: the upstairs neighbors directly over us have a daughter one year older than Ari, a son the same age as Jared, and the whole family is probably even more geeky than us. Bonus! Ari loves their daughter; Jared loves their son. Then came the sadness...the parents were having extreme marital problems. The mom had talked about finding another job and moving out while they tried to reconcile. Their son cried, and I felt bad for them as they struggled through this large obstacle.

However, since both the mom and dad were sane and interested in working on the marriage, they had a chance at getting back together. The economy was such that the mom couldn't find a job. The dad started stepping up the romance and taking her out for dates. I smiled as I saw them actually hang out with each other and spend time with one another.

Two weeks ago, I was home and on my computer in our master bedroom when I realized I heard a sound I had not heard since they had moved in here this summer: squeeking bed springs. I applauded out loud and giggled. Yay! They were screwing! They were working things out!

Then everything ended five minutes later, and I sighed. This is the part wherein I probably will go to hell. I cursed out loud, "DAMN! NOW I know why you guys are having marital problems! Dude, this isn't going to fix anything!"

Five minutes. If that's all she's gotten the whole time, I think she still counts as a virgin, even though they have two kids together. Five minutes! Awful! Poor woman!



Blogger Grant said...

I thought I told you to stay off my Internet. Don't make me come up there.

Besides, that's five minutes of sex more than I've had in a long time. She should count herself lucky.

6:13 AM  
Blogger Laurita said...

Five minutes is five minutes. And how do you know there wasn't a ton of fun foreplay with her as the focus leading up to that five minutes? Huh??? :)

4:03 PM  
Blogger Jadedprimadonna said...

That's what I was thinking, Laurita! I think I was too happy they'd gotten back together to think anything less though. =o)

6:45 PM  
Blogger Kira said...

No, wait, guys...if five minutes is a good five minutes, it's not going to be in the bed. It's going to be up against a wall, on the sofa, or somewhere else ;) Hehehe! Sorry, as I said, I'm an awful human being :)

But on a happier note, a few days later when I was out at the grocery and Alex was home, he said they were at it again, and so of course I asked, "How long?" He estimated at least ten min. Woohoo! They're getting there! Bwahaha!

8:01 AM  
Blogger EdwinaHugh said...


12:18 PM  
Blogger R said...

Dude, if it had been a really long time between "encounters", she was probably lucky he made it to her at all!

8:30 AM  

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