No, Please, I'd really like a Mindfuck to Go

I don't understand why I do this to myself. In theory, it is due to my great love for my children. I read an article in a parenting type magazine a while back about how the "new" way to handle divorce with children was to get along really well with your ex and even DO things as a family unit post divorce, either with significant others of the exes too or not depending. Ok, fine. Alex is not even in the country, and my Ex wanted to take my son to see Thomas the Tank Engine at a live "Ride with Thomas!" program a few hours away.

First of all, the ex has never taken my children anywhere overnight all by himself. I know he's far more competent with the kids now than he was when I was living there (due to forced taking care of them on his own from time to time), but I still was nervous about that concept.

Second of all, I would have rather had somebody periodically ice pick me through the chest than miss out on seeing my son ride on Thomas the Tank Engine, his hero, his idol!!!!!

So, I thought about it and offered....well, we can go together, all of us? I cleared it with Master Alexander first, and true to his wonderful nature, it was no issue for him. He mostly seemed concerned that I'd tolerate the Ex ok for the timespan alloted...haha! The ex jumped on the chance. We couldn't make it a day trip due to the drive involved, and so we had considered camping. I insisted that if we did so, he would be in ANOTHER tent to me, and he grumbled about that a lot, but then agreed.

I told him I'd arrive by 9a. He said fine. I reviewed what the kids would need, and he looked at me blankly. I said, never mind. Provide the tents and your own clothes, and I'll take care of myself and the kids. I worry about things like, did he pack the inhaler? I KNOW he has inhalers at his house, but if he went on an overnight trip and forgot the inhaler, what would happen to Ariana if she had an asthma attack? He's totally disorganized, and so I think I have a legitimate reason to be concerned.

So I arrive, 9a on the dot because I'm good like that. He figures he has hit big time Accomplishment City because the kids are dressed and had breakfast, but nothing else is ready. 45 min. later, he has his stuff packed and has done the other piddly things he needed to do. Then he announces he doesn't WANT to pack the tents; he wants to stay in a hotel.

Ok, this freaked me out because the ex always wants to camp. He is Supreme Hippy Man in a lot of ways, and he LOVES the great outdoors. I think he was trying to appeal to me. I mean, I like to camp, but I also loooove a nice luxury stay somewhere. Ok, I replied, as long as it's a two room place and Ari and I get one room and I can LOCK THE DOOR between you and Jared, fine. He laughed and said ok. As a side note, yeah, I was a bit peeved that I had packed up an air mattress and sleeping bags, etc. for camping. I wish he'd have figured that out beforehand...

So, we drove. He talked to me about his love life problems, which is comical really, but we've reached that point. I can truly sit there and dissect things for him in a way nobody else can because nobody else knows him like I do. It was no more freakish than the other times he's gone over this topic with me before. We talked about the kids, about life, about the universe...I slowly became stunned as I realized we had NOT been around each other for conversation this long for years. And nobody was yelling.

We found a place in the tiny town to go for the evening. It was a family oriented bed and breakfast with two big beds and two rooms. Perfect! The ex tried to convince me that I should let the kids sleep together and he should sleep with me, but Ari screamed at him. That's right; my DAUGHTER screamed at her precious daddy! She told him, you guys are DIVORCED and she doesn't need to sleep with you! HAHAHAHA! He was a bit stunned by her viciousness there. You go girl! She said, divorce means mommy doesn't have to sleep with you anymore, and she'll sleep with me. He grumbled. Now, at 3a when Ari's foot ended up in my face I was a bit frustrated by my decision, but when the Ex mentioned to me the next day I could have avoided that by sleeping in his bed, I told him: better a foot in my face at 3a than a dick between my legs. Ok, so he laughed. I did too. It's just best to have a sense of humor about anything in life, I suppose.

The "family oriented" part of the place was shown by a bubble hour in the evening, followed by a cookout with marshmellows. The kids LOVED it! The place was gorgeous...on a river, next to a playground too. The ex and I were getting along so well I expected somebody to mumble something about blah blah and your wife. I was prepared to state, "No, we're divorced...that's why we are so nice to each other." haha! Yeah, just remember folks: bigamy is when you have one husband too many. Monogamy is the same damn thing!

Jared was amazed by being able to ride on Thomas the Tank Engine. The whole place was completely Thomasville--lots of things to buy and do and see. Ari and Jared both loved the play rides and the imagination station, and we bought for them a few items as souvenirs. Ariana is a pill about eating, so we were delighted to find a restaurant that offered a meal she'd eat. This restaurant also had the most amazing find in my 35 yrs on this planet:

A beer I will drink.

I have tried over 20 beers in my life and hated them all. The ex ordered a Sea Dog Bluepaw Wild Blueberry Wheat Ale and it smelled soooo good that I asked for a sip. He let me, and I immediately ordered my own. He remarked several times that it was stunning to see me sit back and swig a beer...haha! I can't believe it. There IS a beer I like! It's definitely beer tasting, but also has this hint of blueberry I find intriguing.

So, for the ex, he "did good": only two beers at lunch and three glasses of wine at dinner. Then two more beers at lunch the next day. That's not enough to even give him a buzz. He's got an amazing alcohol tolerance level for obvious reasons. Anyway, I was relieved that he wasn't up for drinking more, but I found myself lapsing into old behavior. I had my beer with lunch, but no other alcohol the entire time because I worried "just in case" the ex drank too much. That is, somebody needed to be responsible adult in charge. I never drink around the ex, at least not after he became an alcoholic. I can't afford to what with the kids there and all. I'm just glad that he seems to be ok with restraining himself when he has the kids by himself. He drinks a shitload when they are gone, but that's fine. Just don't do it around the kids and life is good.

Anyway, we ALL had a blast. The ex laughed at me because on the way back, all I could do was mumble, my god that went well.... I talked to him about doing trips for the kids in the future, WITH Alex if he were in town, and he was totally up for it. I would prefer Alex to be there for overnight trips (or my daughter at least to tell him to fuck off when he got fresh...haha!), but I'll do it again. Isn't that amazing? Three years ago, I would've pushed him off a cliff if I could have gotten away with it, but now I'm content with things being back to friendly and comfortable. You guys have to understand that I met the ex and started dating him when I was 16. He's just...a part of my past that will always be there. I'm really relieved we've reached this point where we can travel together and have fun with the kids. The kids...well, they couldn't be more happy about it either, especially Ariana.

The biggest surprise was how MUCH help the ex was with the kids. It used to be that I managed it all. Since he has gotten into the pattern now for years of having to tend to the kids on his own, when one of them says I need a glass of milk, half the time he's getting it before me!!!!! I had heart failure when I realized that simple fact.

And as long as he doesn't do an overnight trip with the kids but without me, life will be good.

Still, pardon me while I feel mindfucked. I was around my ex for 24 hrs, and everybody had fun. And nobody yelled. And nobody was drunk. Wow.