My Children, Theologians
We're back now, and the trip to and from Columbia is getting to be old hat for me. Even the kids seem to not really blink about the trip, as it only takes two hours. The weekend was terrific! We had a great time at Edventure, the children's museum there. I had one perfect moment of peace as the kids and Alex played with plastic boats on this water obstacle course outside. The sun beat down through my hair as I watched Alex and Ari race boats and Jared run here and there pulling levers. The kids were beyond excited, and Alex was acting like a complete father to them. The weather was perfect, and so was my family.
Anyway, on the way down, my children found a little booklet left around the rest stop by...well, I guess they THINK they are Christian. I have a different concept of what that religious belief entails, I suppose. I have some damned misguided opinion that being Christian means being Christ-like and loving people and showing compassion. So, I rolled my eyes when my daughter picked it up. It had a picture of a green-faced man on the cover and the word SCREAM! was written in bold with an exclaimation point on it. Since it was laid out in cartoon format, the kids were excited. Bonus! Free reading material! I didn't see the harm in them reading it. In fact, I was very interested in hearing their feedback on the contents.
Here's the three main points that they discussed:
1) Jared decided that the man had a green face because he ate too much broccoli. I could not convince him otherwise. I think he is going to use this as an excuse to not eat broccoli from now on.
2) Jared also decided--after seeing how much of the contents discussed how everybody was going to hell except for those who followed this very specific path--how firemen should get some sort of bonus to be able to handle hell. After all, they had the fire equipment, right?
3) Ariana's comment, however, made me double check once again when she was born. Yes, I'm certain it was December 3, 1997. I was there, after all. But here was her comment right after she finished it, a scowl on her face. "It didn't work." WHAT didn't work, I asked? "They're trying to SCARE you into believing in God. It didn't work. That's not how you are supposed to do it." Well. Um. Yeah. Um. Seven year old, thanks. Good point.
Then Jared started fussing that he wanted to have the cartoon booklet because he wanted to see the scream part. The back part of the car then quickly reminded me I had two children, not two theologians, as they fussed over who got to keep the booklet.
****
So, yes, I'm behind on the grading still. My house is a mess. I still have girl scout meetings to balance along with time with Alex too. I need more hours in the day. I really don't want to eliminate sleep. I've done that before, and believe me, it's not the happiest solution. Even if I CAN function without sleep, having that nice long rest at night rejuvenates me. So, I'm petitioning for an extra two hours to each day. I'll use one for sleep and one to do work. Additionally, I would like to make the request that in those two extra hours, the kids BOTH sleep through BOTH of them so the extra awake hour is useful and productive. Please sign my petition and pass on to the deity of your convictions. Believe me, you can use two extra hours too. Parents note: your children, if under 18, would also be mandated to sleep during those two hours as well. Thanks!
Anyway, on the way down, my children found a little booklet left around the rest stop by...well, I guess they THINK they are Christian. I have a different concept of what that religious belief entails, I suppose. I have some damned misguided opinion that being Christian means being Christ-like and loving people and showing compassion. So, I rolled my eyes when my daughter picked it up. It had a picture of a green-faced man on the cover and the word SCREAM! was written in bold with an exclaimation point on it. Since it was laid out in cartoon format, the kids were excited. Bonus! Free reading material! I didn't see the harm in them reading it. In fact, I was very interested in hearing their feedback on the contents.
Here's the three main points that they discussed:
1) Jared decided that the man had a green face because he ate too much broccoli. I could not convince him otherwise. I think he is going to use this as an excuse to not eat broccoli from now on.
2) Jared also decided--after seeing how much of the contents discussed how everybody was going to hell except for those who followed this very specific path--how firemen should get some sort of bonus to be able to handle hell. After all, they had the fire equipment, right?
3) Ariana's comment, however, made me double check once again when she was born. Yes, I'm certain it was December 3, 1997. I was there, after all. But here was her comment right after she finished it, a scowl on her face. "It didn't work." WHAT didn't work, I asked? "They're trying to SCARE you into believing in God. It didn't work. That's not how you are supposed to do it." Well. Um. Yeah. Um. Seven year old, thanks. Good point.
Then Jared started fussing that he wanted to have the cartoon booklet because he wanted to see the scream part. The back part of the car then quickly reminded me I had two children, not two theologians, as they fussed over who got to keep the booklet.
****
So, yes, I'm behind on the grading still. My house is a mess. I still have girl scout meetings to balance along with time with Alex too. I need more hours in the day. I really don't want to eliminate sleep. I've done that before, and believe me, it's not the happiest solution. Even if I CAN function without sleep, having that nice long rest at night rejuvenates me. So, I'm petitioning for an extra two hours to each day. I'll use one for sleep and one to do work. Additionally, I would like to make the request that in those two extra hours, the kids BOTH sleep through BOTH of them so the extra awake hour is useful and productive. Please sign my petition and pass on to the deity of your convictions. Believe me, you can use two extra hours too. Parents note: your children, if under 18, would also be mandated to sleep during those two hours as well. Thanks!
posted by Kira | 2:10 AM
9 Comments:
Oh, God (literally) -- do you mean this?
Scream!
I'll sign that petition! Those additional two hours will cover the time I spend driving to and from work everyday.
Wow, I hope they don't REALLY make literature such as what Joe has so kindly linked for us. THAT is rediculous, and honestly quite offensive. But I'm not getting into that.
I will sign the petition fo' sho'!
While Ari is talking brilliantly, Ethan asks me how picking your nose and eating the boogers is any different than sucking the boogers in through your nose into the back of your throat.
Where do they come up with this stuff??
Good point about the boogers!
I need those two hours. I'll sign. I'd LOVE time when the kids are sleeping to get a few things done. This weekend, I cleaned the house, did laundry, IRONED clothes and got everything ready for the coming week. I did most of it with a 3 1/2 and 18 month old under foot...and it wasn't easy. It'd be a lot easier with the 2 extra hours during which children are mandated to sleep.
I think I'd make use of the time in varying ways...someday I'd devote both hours to getting work done, somedays I'd devote the hours to sleeping...ONLY sleeping.
Can I have those two hours now???
Joe--unfortunately, yes I do. See the green face? Broccoli. Too much broccoli. Ask Jared!
Amanda--thanks! All we need are about a million more signatures and we're done! haha!
April--Ethan and Ariana need to marry and reproduce one day. She can teach him to be himself and stick banana stickers on his nose, and he can make her laugh hysterically (which, as we know, is a HUGE aphrodesiac to women).
Unfortunately, that exact booklet Joe flashed was "the" booklet. Yeah, it's not my cup of tea either. As in...it makes no sense, and it does not fit into my idea of Christianity. Reminds me of my ex's grandmother. She told me she was sick of the Methodist church she went to preaching all of this "love" junk. She wanted to hear how people were going to HELL so she wanted to switch churches! I swear, I got three gold stars that day for not laughing. It's just not how I pictured Christianity myself.
Laura--unfortunately, you cannot have those two hours yet. We have to get enough signatures on the petition to implement them!
Eris help us! I can't believe none of y'all have seen these before! I've been seeing them scattered in public places for at least 25 years. Maybe they're more common in men's bathrooms then women's. :)
I've got a Chick Publication right now: The Contract! is about someone who sells his soul to the Devil, but gets out of it, because he believes in God. I saved it as a joke wedding present for Rob Clough ("Contract" -- get it? ;-p ). Here's the French version for Alex, a Spanish version for your mom, and German, Norwegian, and Swedish versions to boot. "Eersh de Voor!" It's a shame there's no mock Swedish version for The Swedish Chef to read while he's cooking up souls with Satan. ;)
On second thought, as this guy is anti-Semitic, anti-Catholic, anti-Halloween, anti-your-Bible-isn't-King-James, and anti-
just-about-everything-that-doesn't-follow-his-rather-narrow-interpretation-of-fundamentalist-Protestant-Xtianity, maybe you shouldn't show these to anyone. He even thinks that watching "Bewitched" and reading the _Harry Potter_ series will make you take drugs and burn in Hell. After a certain age, they're funny. If you've already seen them, the parodies (like this Cthulhu one) are funny as, well, aytch eeh double hockey sticks. J. T. Chick's little comic books are, in the words of Wikipedia, "intended to reach those who are hostile to evangelists and unlikely to accept an offered tract, by appealing instead to their curiosity." The Wikipedia article has a bunch of links, both pro- and anti-Chick. I hope your kids are smart enough to figure out on their own that this guy's a bit, well, nuts.
Here's how you do that: Get your students to read 2 extra chapters. Then send them out to play while you nap. Explain to the principal it's all about love.
I worry sometimes that my faith is more based on fear...
My ex, thank god he's my ex, took me to a play called "heaven and hell" or something like that when I was 18 and way too impressionable and it was all about these people dying and how some people (even if they were good people) were sent to hell and it had families in car accidents with some of the members being sent to hell and others getting to go to heaven because they were saved. And I remember crying and being scared and feeling that I needed to be saved, if only because I was afraid of hell. I still feel that I was somehow brainwashed that night. Some may say the holy spirit was in me, but I think it was darker than that, honestly.
You shouldn't have to be scared into believing. Because then it's not about healthy love, it's pure fear. If there is a God, which I do still believe there is, I don't believe he wants you to believe because of fear.
Long comment. I know. It's just an interesting topic and your daughter is so "on."
Joe--you frightened me there. Those tracts are just...brrr! I hate it when people who are unhinged try to preach to the masses.
Hoss--that'd only work if the kids I taught were younger!
MR--yeah, that is EXACTLY why I don't buy most of this technique. The idea is not to have logic about your faith, nor compassion or any of the things that Christ himself showed in the bible as it is written, but to be SCARED OF HELL and so be FORCED then into behaving this particular way. My daughter, young as she is, really seems to "get" it too!
Heck, it's why I'm careful about what disciplinary measures I use with my children too. I don't want them to "fear" me. I want them to listen and obey and see the reasons why they have to do as I asked...NOT do whatever I say instantly because they fear me beating the tar out of them. Fortunately, since both my children are intelligent, it's usually easier to reason with them and have them respond out of logic than fear. Yay! And for the times they don't, yes they get priviledges taken away, so I guess there is some fear element there (fearing not being able to use the item, and hence compliance), but I'd rather it be fear of the consequence rather than fear of ME, you know?
Fear just seems like a lousy way to get people to love you, whether or not you're a person or God.
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