On Being Grumpy
I realized after Alex and I talked on the phone last night quite a few things.
1) I was grumpy as shit without any reason related to him before I even came home. I'm cramping badly and fairly stressed about a dozen situations, and so even without Alex in the picture, I'm grumpy.
2) We were supposed to talk much earlier but couldn't because of a situation with his boss that, naturally, took priority.
3) Despite the fact that my brain knew Alex couldn't help the situation, I was determined to be pissed at him.
Ok, so with that set up, Alex would be screwed, right? I'm still not sure he did it, but he diffused my grumpy ass in about ten min. I was determined to be pouty and snappish, and it lasted less than ten minutes. Alex should be proud of himself. He truly knows how to deal with me like NO man has EVER done in my ENTIRE life, brothers and father included.
But the whole situation had me brooding and pondering for a while...what is it about being grumpy that makes us want to then make everything grumpy around us?
I mean, REALLY. What was the POINT of me trying to be snappish to Alex over something he couldn't help? Why did, on some level, I WANT a fight? Was that my way of releasing the Grumpy Monster? A new fishing program? Fuss and release instead of catch and release?
I can tell you honestly that I never want to fight again, yet why do I set up a situation that means the chances of fighting just increased 90%?
Oh come on, I can't be the ONLY person who has looked to her behavior and realized that she's responsible for trying to make a situation worse. So, WHY do we do it that way?
Hmmmmm.
1) I was grumpy as shit without any reason related to him before I even came home. I'm cramping badly and fairly stressed about a dozen situations, and so even without Alex in the picture, I'm grumpy.
2) We were supposed to talk much earlier but couldn't because of a situation with his boss that, naturally, took priority.
3) Despite the fact that my brain knew Alex couldn't help the situation, I was determined to be pissed at him.
Ok, so with that set up, Alex would be screwed, right? I'm still not sure he did it, but he diffused my grumpy ass in about ten min. I was determined to be pouty and snappish, and it lasted less than ten minutes. Alex should be proud of himself. He truly knows how to deal with me like NO man has EVER done in my ENTIRE life, brothers and father included.
But the whole situation had me brooding and pondering for a while...what is it about being grumpy that makes us want to then make everything grumpy around us?
I mean, REALLY. What was the POINT of me trying to be snappish to Alex over something he couldn't help? Why did, on some level, I WANT a fight? Was that my way of releasing the Grumpy Monster? A new fishing program? Fuss and release instead of catch and release?
I can tell you honestly that I never want to fight again, yet why do I set up a situation that means the chances of fighting just increased 90%?
Oh come on, I can't be the ONLY person who has looked to her behavior and realized that she's responsible for trying to make a situation worse. So, WHY do we do it that way?
Hmmmmm.
posted by Kira | 3:31 AM
7 Comments:
The more I hear about Alex, the more amazing I think he must be. If I've ever been on the grumpy path, 90% of the men I've ever been with think it's them and then go on to counter attack...feul is added to the fire and BOOM!
Why do we want to spead the grumpy love? I have no idea. Everybody loves a good wallow from time to time. We like to think our feelings are justified...
...oh hell, I just don't know.
Instead of sending dvds and a vibrator, send my Alex clone!
maybe we do that coz its fun to wallow in misery or when we are feeling shitty we lash out at those who are close and in your case thats the wonderful alex!
I am cramping and grumpy too. And just last night, when I was trying to fix our desktop and couldn't, I KNEW that if I got snappy with Brian, we'd have a fight. And he said, "So, what's the problem?" And I consciously thought - if I snap, we'll fight. But I snapped.
He didn't fight.
It made me feel a million times better and diffused it. Maybe we're just testing them or something. PMS makes me feel like pushing buttons...
It's called "I need some love pats here." "And some flowers." "Drugs might help." "Who ate the last popsicle?" "To bed, perchance to dream horny thoughts?" "Does Alex like red or black negligee?" "I think I am calming down already."
Take your pick.
This is called circular non-reasoning. There is no reason for it. Just like there is no reason to push the fight button.
Kira: I think you need to give yourself a bit more credit. You say Alex defused the situation. But here's my bet: you communicated quite clearly why you were grumpy and snappish, maybe even listing things ("First . . . , second . . ., and third . . .), giving Alex lots of heads up. You reacted to his response by calming down. Trust me, if someone wants to be irrationally angry, they can remain that way despite all the defusing on the planet. I also bet that there are times when you soothe him. Also, let's be honest, he keeps you sweet, in the long run, it's better for him. He's not a stupid man. That's my read. We all need to be babied, coddled, and nudged along sometimes. So enjoy. Don't feel guilty. Just be aware.
Someday, you'll be in the exact same mood and he'll have had a day that's crapalicious to the nth degree, and you'll start in, and he'll say someting like: "I wish I could be the hero right now, but these (list) terrible things happened and I just can't." I bet you'll then haul yourself out of your foul mood tout de suite and try to soothe him or cheer him up. That's why it's nice to be involved with mature adults of whatever age.
Laura--that's been my experience, too. BOOM! That's why Alex surprised me so much with how rational and reasonable he reacted to me.
SC--LOL! Ok, so that's another approach that can work..."You're exploding, honey! This is FUN!"
Oh wait...you're with a redhead, you DO understand...HAHA!
FF--yeah, it sort of is filed along the avenue of any area in our lives wherein we decide to sabotage ourselves. Why? Who knows. Sigh.
Amanda--working on the tall model of Alex now. Hoping that the model will be developed by Christmas.
Cookie--Well, I KNOW that most of us do indeed lash out more easily at those who love us...is it because we feel they will STILL love us afterwards? I dunno...
Angie--I could buy the "I was testing him" theory if Alex hasn't been tested WAAAAAY too much for his own good for two years now and always passed...haha! Although, honestly, I DO feel that on some level I keep waiting for him to act human and snap back. Hasn't happened yet. HAS to happen sooner or later, though? Right?
Hoss--Hmmm so I just should accept that there is no reason and move on...I'll try...but it still itches my brain :)
FW--You know, you are the first person to hit upon the feeling I have about this issue: guilt. I DO feel guilty because he was so "nice" about my behavior. You are most likely right that this is the behavior of a mature adult. But...well...I've never been in a relationship with a mature adult, so it's taking some getting used to...ironic that the first mature adult I've dated is nine years younger than me! Haha!
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