Messages to My Neighbors
Ahh the joys of apartment life! Sometimes, I just have something to say to the wonderful people that live in my building. I'll try to gather all my thoughts in one go for the lot of them!
Neighbor #1:
Please understand that if you smoke so much ganja that Cheech and Chong would even pass out, the rest of us are bound to smell it too. I don't care that you smoke weed as long as my asthmatic daughter is not in your house while you light up your doobies. However, the policeman who lives a couple of buildings over? I'm thinking he'd mind, and unless he's got a deviated septum and can't smell, if he wanders this way, we'll have an apartment vacancy soon.
Neighbor #2:
Don't you ever get embarrassed by the frequency in which eviction notices, disconnected notices, and late payment notices are tacked to your door? Hey, if they're posted for all of us to see, I'm going to look and find out what it is!
Neighbor #3:
It's 930p. Put your damned 2 yr old daughter to bed instead of screaming at her for crying when she's just tired. Your parenting skills frighten me. At least when another neighbor left a note on your door telling you that she'd call DSS the next time she saw your 2 yr old and 4 yr old wandering free around the apartment complex, climbing into strange people's cars just to say hi, you listened and stopped endangering them....well, that way at least. Sigh.
Neighbor #4:
If you burn one more pizza at 3a and hence set off the fire alarm AGAIN, I shall kill you. It'll be legal and everything.
Neighbor #5:
Your hermit-like existence is glorious. I never see you except when you scurry into your apartment, and you never make noise. I love you.
Neighbor #6:
Thanks for never putting up a firewall on your wireless. When my cable goes down, I can always rely on you to have net access through the laptop!
You know, one day I'll have a house instead of an apartment, and I'll miss all these guys!
Neighbor #1:
Please understand that if you smoke so much ganja that Cheech and Chong would even pass out, the rest of us are bound to smell it too. I don't care that you smoke weed as long as my asthmatic daughter is not in your house while you light up your doobies. However, the policeman who lives a couple of buildings over? I'm thinking he'd mind, and unless he's got a deviated septum and can't smell, if he wanders this way, we'll have an apartment vacancy soon.
Neighbor #2:
Don't you ever get embarrassed by the frequency in which eviction notices, disconnected notices, and late payment notices are tacked to your door? Hey, if they're posted for all of us to see, I'm going to look and find out what it is!
Neighbor #3:
It's 930p. Put your damned 2 yr old daughter to bed instead of screaming at her for crying when she's just tired. Your parenting skills frighten me. At least when another neighbor left a note on your door telling you that she'd call DSS the next time she saw your 2 yr old and 4 yr old wandering free around the apartment complex, climbing into strange people's cars just to say hi, you listened and stopped endangering them....well, that way at least. Sigh.
Neighbor #4:
If you burn one more pizza at 3a and hence set off the fire alarm AGAIN, I shall kill you. It'll be legal and everything.
Neighbor #5:
Your hermit-like existence is glorious. I never see you except when you scurry into your apartment, and you never make noise. I love you.
Neighbor #6:
Thanks for never putting up a firewall on your wireless. When my cable goes down, I can always rely on you to have net access through the laptop!
You know, one day I'll have a house instead of an apartment, and I'll miss all these guys!
posted by Kira | 6:37 PM
10 Comments:
I'm neighbor #5, except for bringing you cheese. ;)
I love how you describe your neigbours, sounds like you have them all in there with you, all walks of life. Must make for some comedy in life apart from the late night fire alarms
I love having good neighbors...when it happens. The guy across the street from me is true blue (mowed the now deceased Jr's lawn when he was sick, offered to mow mine when he saw I hired a service {I politely declined}). I LOVE it when you have neighbors you can hang with. That's the best.
Free wireless ROCKS!
My neighbor's connection is wide open, too...but it's slower than mine. Bummer.
Maybe when you get a house you can invite all these people over. Or maybe not. :)
I could be #5, except for the death metal. But I'm pretty sure it's not loud enough to offend. Nobody complains, anyway.
Interesting, in that your neighbors seem more like strangers in this post--as if there's really little action between them (or you) and other tennants.
You're right - we used to live with some truly insane people in our block.
There was Jeffrey who never knew when to stop talking but who knew everything about what was going on. He'd corner people and go on and on about next door's tree or the cost of our plumbing or when we should get the block painted next.
There was Katia who only understood English if it suited her. Whose husband kept falling out of bed so she'd knock on the door at midnight to ask Gav to pick him up. Who was illiterate and couldn't read her bills.
There was the gay couple who were constantly either arguing or drunk or both - or playing loud opera at 3am.
And the quiet, creepy guy downstairs who kept leaving things, like washing machines, on the common property. Who also drove along the footpath and who seemed to have something very wrong with him.
Yeah - I miss them.
Believe me, sweetie...it doesn't get much better when you live in a house. They're just a little further away from you.
Aw, you know you love 'em! You can't help it. People like that keep life exciting.
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