Alex the Bedripper
Thanks, everybody, for your congratulations! I just thought I'd like you to know that all went well and we were indeed married yesterday morning. The only thing that happened during the wedding that was noteworthy was that the man who married us thought that Eric and Maureen, my friends, were a set of parents for either me or Alex. Maureen is only 6 yrs older than me, so she did NOT take this well. Eric thought it was funny.
On a final note--and this might fall into the category of TMI for some of you, but damnit it's too funny not to share--Alex and I had a hilarious incident while we were doing wedding night activities. The hotel had a wonderful bed with a pretty, thick, wood headboard that was screwed in solidly to the wall. Yup. Screwed in solidly until Alex the Bedripper gripped onto it with his mighty force and tore it from the wall! HAHAHAHA! Oh, my goodness...that was some funny shit. The look of shock on his face was amazing as the headboard then slid to the ground and dust flew up from the drywall that was coming out. He really and truly gripped so hard onto that sucker and was so intent on his goals that he didn't realize that he was RIPPING IT OUT OF THE WALL! We couldn't continue. I laughed so hard I almost fell out of the bed, and then after a moment more of shock, he did too. Then I tried to fix it...I hope they don't realize what happened. I'd hate to be charged for a headboard! Hahaha!
So, we are married, and life is good. Now I get to do the frustrating process of changing my name on 5, 426 forms....
On a final note--and this might fall into the category of TMI for some of you, but damnit it's too funny not to share--Alex and I had a hilarious incident while we were doing wedding night activities. The hotel had a wonderful bed with a pretty, thick, wood headboard that was screwed in solidly to the wall. Yup. Screwed in solidly until Alex the Bedripper gripped onto it with his mighty force and tore it from the wall! HAHAHAHA! Oh, my goodness...that was some funny shit. The look of shock on his face was amazing as the headboard then slid to the ground and dust flew up from the drywall that was coming out. He really and truly gripped so hard onto that sucker and was so intent on his goals that he didn't realize that he was RIPPING IT OUT OF THE WALL! We couldn't continue. I laughed so hard I almost fell out of the bed, and then after a moment more of shock, he did too. Then I tried to fix it...I hope they don't realize what happened. I'd hate to be charged for a headboard! Hahaha!
So, we are married, and life is good. Now I get to do the frustrating process of changing my name on 5, 426 forms....
posted by Kira | 4:47 PM
27 Comments:
Yay! Congrats. That's a funny story, Kira. Glad to know you guys had a great time. ;-)
ROFL - that will make a great wedding night story for years to come!
So, do you have a user ID at CU yet? If not, I guess they could go ahead and do it with the new name. Might be more convenient for ya.
Well, congrats! Enjoy being newlyweds! =o) See ya around campus soon...
Wedded bliss. That's wonderful. Tell Alex to have a little more respect for the furniture in your house. The hotel, he can destroy. The house...well...that's different!
Congratualtions again!
"I hope they don't realize what happened. I'd hate to be charged for a headboard!"
First - CONGRATS! It has been a long time coming for both of you. I'm tickled pink to see you finally got hitched.
Second - Give Alex a BIG HIGH FIVE for me! Hell, If I had ripped that headboard of the wall I'd have fininsed the job and then caried it down to the front desk, still naked with the cherry flavored massage oil on, and asked if I could keep it.
Then I'd mount it over the fireplace.
Lol. I'm glad he wasn't grabbing your hair. I can hear it now, your students saying, "Psst! Here comes Professor Baldy."
You two sounded like you were going at it pretty intensely. Perhaps it's fortunate that the hotel didn't have a waterbed. Nothing sadder than a couple drowning on their wedding night:-)
Of course, the upshot is that you two don't have to separate any more when visiting the folks.
Did anyone shout "I CHOOSE YOU, PICACHU!"
I've never been married, and I've never ripped any headboards off the wall (although someone and I did once pull a sink off the wall somewhat). However, occasionally in the past -- certainly not anytime lately -- I've noticed that thrusting activity on my part results in my partner's head being banged repeatedly against the headboard. Does this happen to anyone else? What are you supposed to do? Should the woman underneath you take it upon herself to adjust the pillow? Should I stop thrusting? Should I hope that she's into pain, or so enraptured that she won't notice I've turned her head into a rather poor hammer? Should one or both of us start laughing? Ladies, what do you think? I'm hoping to have sex again before I die, and I'd really like to learn the proper sexual etiquette for this situation before then.
Kira: I hope you and Alex will be very happy. Give him my congratulations. I'm old-fashioned that way. (Miss Manners says you congratulate the guy and give the woman your best wishes. Now that I've been through the down side of a marriage, up close and personal, I understand that etiquette rule better than I did, but it still seems stupid even though I'm following it.) It sounds like you started your marriage off with a, er, bang. Begin as you intend to continue and all that.
As for Joe's request for women's comments, Joe the real problem is the use of the word "repeatedly" in your statement. The very first time it happens you should rethink your strategy. And I don't mean the first sex session where this happens. I mean while having sex, your partners head hits something hard that probably hurts, unless that was the mutually agreed on goal before hand don't bang her head against anything a second time. Actually, don't do it a first time. Actually look at the woman you hope to hump and make a rough estimate of height, head size, stuff like that and plan the scenario accordingly. Maybe you should just stick to really short women? I do guarantee you that when you stop banging their heads against hard objects the chances of repeat performances go up exponentially. Just saying.
Why aren't you making him change his name? Who wears the pants around there, anyway?
Um, yeah. Yes, the idea here, at least for me, is not to cause one's partner discomfort in what's supposed to be a pleasurable act. In fact, that was my motivation for asking the question. Obviously if I notice I am causing my partner discomfort, I stop (and hope my partner would do the same for me). If I didn't, I would at best be a cad, and at worst a rapist. I don't think I'm any of those things; perhaps I'm wrong. My experience has been that I'm more likely to stop something my partner actually wants to continue, rather than the reverse.
"repeatedly": the act by its nature has repetitive portions. It's not as if one manly thrust on a bed shorn of accoutrements gives my partner a concussion: it's more like the pillows become dis-arrayed; at some point, I realize one of the sounds I'm hearing is my partner's head against the headboard. Why did they not say anything? Perhaps for the same reason I didn't notice before it happened: the act by its nature is very involving. Also, their head usually is still on the pillow: just not quite enough.
Size: I think this is more likely to happen with smaller partners to begin with. Larger folks are less likely to be displaced. At least, the only times I can remember this happening has been with smaller women. Fortunately (or perhaps unfortunately, if I really am a big loser), the persons who have actually suffered this incident have not run off, in the same way that I haven't run off partners who accidentally stuck a finger in my eye or the like. (I doubt Kira ran off Alex for breaking the headboard, even if a portion of it fell on her or threatened to.)
Now that I've made an effort to defend myself: Has this ever happened to anyone else -- male or female, thrusting or no, causing or receiving? Perhaps I should be blogjacking Hausfrau here instead of Kira. Or perhaps I should just go bang my head against the headboard. :)
Congratulations, Kira and much happiness to you. I was just going to check in to see how school was. I wish you all the best.
Kira: Sorry for hijacking your thread.
Joe: Sorry, I was trying for lighthearted sarchasm and it came out snot-nosed sounding. It's so hard to get tone right in cyberspace. I'm actually always amazed at how hard it is to talk to one's partner about sex, particularly things one would like to do or would like done differently.
Actually, I was doing the blogjacking. But I'm not going to apologize to Kira for it. :) I don't believe in the concept of blogjacking anyway, but it seemed like the topic was fairly close.
So I did take you (Foilwoman) seriously -- sorry. I thought you might be joking, but then I just felt like some sort of insensitive, violent idiot. Neither of us knows the other: it's possible that I could be a bad person or that you were joking. I probably just should have assumed good faith and not responded. I'm very sarcastic myself, and very cynical, and can elicit that sort of response. I'm also somewhat thin-skinned at times. Anyway, no permanent harm done, I hope.
Kira, as small as you are, it's good we never got physically involved: you might have had brain damage as a result. ;)
It's not fair to make me laugh this hard so early in the morning!
Congrats, hon!! Glad everything went well. And...you know you've only increased my desire for an Alex clone with news of the bedripping!!!!
*Blush*
*Blush*
*Blush*
I think the first thing I said once I stopped staring at my handywork was "don't tell anyone!"
Well that didn't work!
It feels great to be married and I am very happy with my life :D
One of the things that feels weird, is that I can't really mentally accept yet that Kira's house and belongings are mine and vice versa. It feels so sudden hehe. I hadn't thought about that at all ! :)
This post made my day, along with the previous one. Keep counting those blessings, you two.
And it's the hotel's fault for using short screws....LOL!!
We used to "break the bed" regularly.
Married one day and already posting?? What the...?? Go back to bed you crazy woman!!
CONGRATS! CONGRATS! AND MUCH, MUCH HAPPINESS!!! I wish I hadn't been away for the big event!! So glad it went well and you're starting your wedded life with...well, you can finish that.
I think I gather you two already been playing footsie or Alex would have been thinking about something else. You people....I suppose you learned this at Woodstock.
So what's next to be broken, Kira? The couch? The roof? How about an embarrassing bathtub story? ;)
Wow, what fantastic news to come back in on...shows how much I pay attention, didn't realise time had disappeared so quickly!
Congratulations to you both! You made me hoot with laughter about the headboard, shame you didn't have the camera to take a picture of his face lol
(And how fabulous that he was so intent on what he was doing he had no idea he was breaking a hole in the wall! lol)
Oh and yeah, I remember all the form changing stuff, seemed to go on forEVER!
Congratulations to both of you! :) Sounds like a good start to things, heh. Hey, even if they charge you, look on the bright side... at least you'll never have trouble removing hard-to-move objects, eh? :P
On a side note, I'll respond to your e-mails soon, I swear - the week has just been a little crazy in terms of readjusting to Ye Olde Load O' Work and such.
Congrats to you both, and what a great way to start your married life, dust and holes in the drywall. Haha
I have never heard of that headboard thing before, but maybe it happens all the time. :)
Wow, Kira, you got yourself a live one there! Congrats and Best Wishes to both of you, you crazy kids.
Wow, Kira, you got yourself a live one there! Congrats and Best Wishes to both of you, you crazy kids.
There better be a post soon, I'm worried you broke more than the bed!
Sigh... It's been awhile since I've had some headboard-breaking sex. And I'm talking about the figurative type. I've never had the literal type.
You could rewrite the purity test with that one.
Congratulations!
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