Fecking Ducks
Yesterday, Amanda wanted to take pictures of my kids. So, we met at the Clemson botanical gardens, and she snapped a few good ones.
EDIT: blogger won't let me upload the fecking picture of the kids. I removed the tiny one to put in the bigger one, and asshole blogger won't let me. I'll try later.
Nothing could have been better than seeing the ducks, however.
As the kids watched, one all white, rather large duck ran away from a smaller male mallard. We were making jokes about it, unaware that what we were about to see was a duck orgy!
No, that one is not her picture. We had the unfortunate occurance that by the time the ducks went at it, she was out of film. See, the big white duck running off was prime for makin' baby ducks, and the male mallard--who cares if he's another species?--figured it out. Another big white duck joined in the chase, and I couldn't stop laughing as the two males piled it on, trying to get at the girl duck. DUCK ORGY TIME! I could barely get out the explanation to my kids that they were having sex, trying to make baby duckies, because I was laughing so hard.
Of course that alone reminded me that I'm not a normal mom that way. I remember being at the zoo once and this rhino let loose his manhood right there, and this woman--rather than answer her daughter's innocent question about "what was THAT?", instead gave a small screech and dragged her daughter off, telling her to hush and never mind. Ari was maybe two at that time. She pointed at it and looked at me and asked what it was. I just shrugged. "It's the Rhino's penis," I answered, and she went, "Ooohhh. Ok!" then went off to stare at the giraffes. I'm apparently not supposed to explain these things because it will somehow pollute my kids' minds. Oh well. They're MY kids. Their minds were polluted when they were born. It's ok :)
Now, because my mind doesn't work right, I went ahead and searched the net for duck sex pictures. I wanted to see how common it is for them to have this little orgy. It seems it's QUITE common, and it's always a bunch of guys jumping on one girl. I haven't found any pictures of one male duck going at it with all these females waiting in line. I can't decide if that is MORE intriguing to me than a pig's 30 minute orgasm or not.
EDIT: blogger won't let me upload the fecking picture of the kids. I removed the tiny one to put in the bigger one, and asshole blogger won't let me. I'll try later.
Nothing could have been better than seeing the ducks, however.
As the kids watched, one all white, rather large duck ran away from a smaller male mallard. We were making jokes about it, unaware that what we were about to see was a duck orgy!
No, that one is not her picture. We had the unfortunate occurance that by the time the ducks went at it, she was out of film. See, the big white duck running off was prime for makin' baby ducks, and the male mallard--who cares if he's another species?--figured it out. Another big white duck joined in the chase, and I couldn't stop laughing as the two males piled it on, trying to get at the girl duck. DUCK ORGY TIME! I could barely get out the explanation to my kids that they were having sex, trying to make baby duckies, because I was laughing so hard.
Of course that alone reminded me that I'm not a normal mom that way. I remember being at the zoo once and this rhino let loose his manhood right there, and this woman--rather than answer her daughter's innocent question about "what was THAT?", instead gave a small screech and dragged her daughter off, telling her to hush and never mind. Ari was maybe two at that time. She pointed at it and looked at me and asked what it was. I just shrugged. "It's the Rhino's penis," I answered, and she went, "Ooohhh. Ok!" then went off to stare at the giraffes. I'm apparently not supposed to explain these things because it will somehow pollute my kids' minds. Oh well. They're MY kids. Their minds were polluted when they were born. It's ok :)
Now, because my mind doesn't work right, I went ahead and searched the net for duck sex pictures. I wanted to see how common it is for them to have this little orgy. It seems it's QUITE common, and it's always a bunch of guys jumping on one girl. I haven't found any pictures of one male duck going at it with all these females waiting in line. I can't decide if that is MORE intriguing to me than a pig's 30 minute orgasm or not.
posted by Kira | 11:05 AM
15 Comments:
SC, you'll need to have it out with this male mallard because he did NOT do a victory dance after mounting the white duck. Instead, he went for another round. Something about that water in Clemson just makes folks horny, apparently!
Is this related to the goose that bit me at your (I think it was) baby shower?
I don't think pigs have 30 minute orgasms. But it might take them 30 minutes to get that bizarre bubblegum-colored corkscrew penis they have in and out of their partner. No, that's not true either -- it just seems like it would. I don't know how they can use the damn thing. Were I a female pig and some boar came at me with that thing, I'd either run away in terror or laugh hysterically.
Try uploading your pictures to http://www.tabblo.com/ and making a Tabblo. It's a little more involved than just uploading the pictures, but you can put up as large a picture as you want, and get to them by clicking on smaller copies.
LOL - men are men in any species. =o)
I'm thinking that Donald Duck had Daisy, and that's a one-to-one ration of males to females. But then again, Donald's a celebrity.
I had to Google it. Just had to. Anyway, I came across this: http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27908. Hilarious - they just won't use the lighted walkways!!!!
Looks like my last Halloween party.
I was under the impression that zoos and the National Geographic Channel were invented in order to give parents a safe way to introduce sex to their kids. This reminds me of a joke...
A kid was watching a nature show about African wildlife with his mom. When a segment about elephant mating season came on, the boy saw the elephant's 5th leg hanging out and asked his mom what it was. Embarassed, she replied "oh that's nothing" and changed the channel.
A few days later he was at the zoo with his dad and saw the same thing. He pointed at it and said "look dad! That's the elephant's nothing!" His dad said "I think you're talking about his penis. That's the elephant's penis hanging there."
"Oh" said the kid. "When I saw it on TV with mommy, I asked her what it was and she said it was 'nothing'."
"Well you see son, that's just because your mommy is spoiled."
Pigs have 30 minute orgasms? Oh well, maybe in my next life! And why is it that ducks get all the fun?
lmao @ Joe...I had the same thought about the male pig...that thing resembles something in a horror movie!
LOL Kyaroko!
An old room mate of mine told me a story about going to the zoo with a bunch of school kids. The kids gathered around one particular aquarium/glass cage. The room mate approached to see what was so fascinating when he saw two hedgehogs going at it. One was on top of the other, their noses pressed against the glass and little shoots of steam fogging up the glass on both sides of their nose.
It was funnier when he told it.
Oh, sure, blame the males . . . again! It's obvious she's a quack-whore . . .
That is an incredibly bad joke. :)
You searched the net for pictures of ducks having sex? lol! Seriously, my dear - it would be hilarious to go through your search history: "Fucking ducks", "ducks fucking", "duck orgy", "Duck sex romp", "ducks on heat" - lol!
Jezzy -- After someone stole the battery out of my car, I wrote a blog entry called "Dogfuckers." I've thought about taking it down because of the large number of hits I get from people looking for the word "dogfuckers." I usually get several hits a day. It's crazy.
haha, yeah, Duck porn, gotta love it ;O) Oh look honey, they're umm, playing!
hehe
Amanda--yes, my kids rock :) And horny people are ALL OVER Clemson. I'm sure you're shocked to find that out.
Joe--yes, that was a goose, and no it's not related. I might try your suggestion if I can't get the picture up for the next post. From what I read, a pig has between a 10 and 30 min orgasm...corkscrew dick or not. Exciting!
Angie (j)--yes, but wouldn't they want a harem of female duckies too? That's the part that really intrigues me! It's always the himem of ducks on the girl, not the other way around
X.dell--exactly. The rules are always off for celebs.
NWJR--can I get an invite to the next one? :)
Kyaroko--HAHAHAHAHA! I love it. That's a great joke. I'm SO repeating that to folks I know.
Angie--see, I'm making a list myself of animals I think I'd like to be. That's part of the reason why I look this shit up :)
Laura--see, I can add hot and heavy hedgehog sex onto my list of descriptors now!
Terry--you just say shit like that to hear me groan, right baby? ;)
Jezzy--well, considering how many strange things I run across and have to search, my search history is insane. My favorite product that was turned up though was a vibrating duck that you put in water/the bathtub for "personal use." Oh yeah!
CS--you're just jealous because you missed it! :)
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