Figuring Out What To Do
So, I don't even want to detail the daily ways Alex's French school is trying to wriggle out of paying his tuition bill at USC. It's giving me more stomach pains. Alex keeps soothing me and reassuring me that it'll all work out, so I just have to trust him and try to calm down. Still, it's upsetting. It's like we can't rest for a second and think it's all finally taken care of and just move on!
We had originally planned on having a wedding in France in June of 2007. Now it turns out that he's going to be in school until August of 2007, and then I have to start up teaching for the fall term (I assume), so that won't work. Neither of us want to wait until December of 2007 for the final vows, yet if we were to do them in France, it seems that's the soonest date. What to do?
So, other issues on the table: it appears I will go another year without health insurance...however, if we marry now, we can get insurance for me through the student health insurance. Damn do I need it. Also: then he can get a green card and work for his former boss while he's also in school. Double bonus. Bigger tax refund next March too...triple bonus. My mom will finally let us sleep in the same bed when we're visiting. Quadruple bonus! So, should we marry now and do a nice ceremony with friends and family later on? It seems the practical thing to do...just not the romantic thing to do.
So, maybe we should get the legal part done now for practical reasons, then do the ceremony in Dec. of 2007 in France. Ug, my head!
Regardless, I think that this weekend we'll go ahead and get sized for wedding rings and purchase them. Might as well. We'll need them no matter WHEN we get married, right?
My stomach just knotted up again. You know, there's no man more perfect for me than Alex, but after seeing marriage #1 explode (and thinking that one would last forever), I'm just nervous as SHIT about getting married again. Please tell me that makes sense. I mean, even knowing Alex is so fantastic, please tell me you at least understand why I'm jittery about getting married again. He has no worries. The sooner, the better...that's one happy man...haha! But me? Oh man. I know it will work or I'd not do it. But then again, that's how I felt last time. Ok, but last time, my family and friends could point out a few things of note about my ex. This time, I have asked all of them to point out to me what's wrong, and nobody can point out anything. So, I need to just relax. THIS was the man I was meant to be with. And it will be fine.
So, who wants to go to France in December of 2007 for a party, eh? :) (Grant: I know, I know, you won't go anywhere that Americans are hated like Iraq, France, or Hollywood...you already told me! haha!)
We had originally planned on having a wedding in France in June of 2007. Now it turns out that he's going to be in school until August of 2007, and then I have to start up teaching for the fall term (I assume), so that won't work. Neither of us want to wait until December of 2007 for the final vows, yet if we were to do them in France, it seems that's the soonest date. What to do?
So, other issues on the table: it appears I will go another year without health insurance...however, if we marry now, we can get insurance for me through the student health insurance. Damn do I need it. Also: then he can get a green card and work for his former boss while he's also in school. Double bonus. Bigger tax refund next March too...triple bonus. My mom will finally let us sleep in the same bed when we're visiting. Quadruple bonus! So, should we marry now and do a nice ceremony with friends and family later on? It seems the practical thing to do...just not the romantic thing to do.
So, maybe we should get the legal part done now for practical reasons, then do the ceremony in Dec. of 2007 in France. Ug, my head!
Regardless, I think that this weekend we'll go ahead and get sized for wedding rings and purchase them. Might as well. We'll need them no matter WHEN we get married, right?
My stomach just knotted up again. You know, there's no man more perfect for me than Alex, but after seeing marriage #1 explode (and thinking that one would last forever), I'm just nervous as SHIT about getting married again. Please tell me that makes sense. I mean, even knowing Alex is so fantastic, please tell me you at least understand why I'm jittery about getting married again. He has no worries. The sooner, the better...that's one happy man...haha! But me? Oh man. I know it will work or I'd not do it. But then again, that's how I felt last time. Ok, but last time, my family and friends could point out a few things of note about my ex. This time, I have asked all of them to point out to me what's wrong, and nobody can point out anything. So, I need to just relax. THIS was the man I was meant to be with. And it will be fine.
So, who wants to go to France in December of 2007 for a party, eh? :) (Grant: I know, I know, you won't go anywhere that Americans are hated like Iraq, France, or Hollywood...you already told me! haha!)
posted by Kira | 6:38 PM
22 Comments:
Dearest, as you well know I want nothing more than to be your husband. And for that, I would be willing to wait forever *kiss*.
I am curious as to what the people will say on the blog and I will think about their answers because really, I know what is the smart thing, but the romantic thing is what I wanted. Then again, the event doesn't really matter as long as we are together *kiss*
Other advantages of getting married sooner than later:
I don't have to sleep on the sofa when the kids are here.
Kira and I can at last have sex and then I will no longer be a virgin. She will rip away my innocence. I am soo nervous *acts innocent*
good luck sorting it all out. A wedding in France would be great! My parents signed marraige papers to give my mtoher citizenship (she was on an expiring student visa) before their wedding. I does work!
The wedding now could be the legal one to get what you need now. The REAL wedding could be later in France. After all, the whole ceremony is symbolic. And you've already got the reality, right?
Maybe it will still work out for you to get insurance through work... It takes CU forever to answer sometimes.
well id say marry now and have a big old ceremony later. but as others have said, as lon as you and alex are together then thats all that matters innit?
oh and if i come to the wedding/ceremony can i wear a shirt in praise of 2012 olympics? ;) (sorry, im english and cant pass up an oppotunity to tease a frenchman!)
(1) Actually, time has this tendency to fly. December 2007 is closer than you realize, even if it isn't as close as you feel like waiting for. Then again, you're talking about a four month difference between your original plan.
(2) I wouldn't have been surprised if you were a little jittery at the thought of your first wedding. After all, marriage is a bigger committment than dating and engagement. It's a permanent change of life. One can revoke a marriage, but not its consequences (a couple of which--Ariana and Jared--worked out quite nicely).
(3) There's something to be said for romance. Just as wine needs to age, couples might find it beneficial to let their romance mature, in order to forge that melded identity.
(4) If you do decide to get married now, remember that many a happy couple has gotten hitched under less auspicious circumstances.
Of course, if your wedding is in Paris a year and a half from now, it might allow most of your blog friends to save enough money to throw rice at you. Just a thought:-).
In whatever case, Kira, I wish nothing for yuo but the best.
i shouldn't think that i will get invited but i will probably gate crash. love france. beautiful country. love weddings too. i'll be the guy in the pinstripe suit with converse sneakers!
I'll be the first one to say that marriage isn't just about a couple and that it's important to include everyone in your plans etc etc. But seriously, after all you two have been through, why wait? If you draw up a list of "reasons to get married now" and "reasons to wait" it'll probably all point to "get married now!!"
You can always have a huge party in France next year but it'll be lovely to begin married life now. There are both emotional and practical advantages in doing so. It's all about what's best for you and your immediate family.
And Kira - this one's a keeper. With everything you've said about him, and with whatever you choose to do, you have nothing to fear. x
These things have a way of working them selves out.
Having seen you together, I know this is love. So get married. Now. Today. You can do it again later. Hell, you can do it in 2016. Quit stalling, babe.
Or, I could have just said: See what doc-t said.
You two are romantic enough already. There is nothing wrong with getting married for practical reasons if you are doing it for the right reasons.
O, and being nervous about getting married is a good thing. Even though Alex is amazing and you seem great for each other, it is, as you know, a huge and life-changing step. I'd be jittery if you weren't!
Hang on, I forgot to say, we got married for visa reasons! Gav's work visa was taking too long to come through so we switched it to a fiance visa which meant we had to suddenly get married within 9 months of him arriving here! And because that still took ages to come through, I never told anyone (except family and close friends )that I was getting married until 3 months before our wedding. It was for practical reasons, but I wanted to marry him anyway, so it's all good!
Alex--honey, don't worry, for your first time I'll be gentle ;)
Doc-T--ok, so I'm getting the idea that you're voting for just doing it now ;)
Fatty--ahhh! Yes, a student visa is what Alex is over here on now. And it doesn't expire for a while, so he doesn't have to leave the country. At least we don't have that worry! I think I'm finding out that a lot of mixed nationality couples DO have to just do the civil ceremony to make it work before the actual religious or celebratory ceremony/party.
Angie--well, the letter they sent to me when I submitted the application said they'd finish up no later than this week. It's Friday. I pretty much have to acknowledge I'm not getting a job there. And yes, after Tech decided they didn't want me full time and now Clemson, I'm beginning to wonder if my deoderant works or I'm showering regularly enough. Pat even gave me a copy of the recommendation she sent over to clemson for me...man, that couldn't have been more flattering. Ever. Sigh. I don't think job success is in my near future.
Amanda--if you bring Milk to the wedding, we won't ever SEE you there. Just maybe hear you if we walk past your room ;)
Cookie--you will be IN FRANCE. Surrounded by Frenchmen. If you want to antagonize them, be my guest ;) Sheesh, and they say American tourists are bad! You're plain awful, what with your desire to locate trailer parks here when you visit the US and state obnoxious things to the rednecks in the area, and now you want to go to France and antagonize the French. Why die as an old man, is that your motto dear? ;)
SC--you're right. The French DO largely have it divided up. The ONLY place one can have the marriage be legalized is the town hall. Period. They have strict separation of church and state. So, oftentimes everybody goes to Town Hall first for the civil ceremony...THEN goes to the church for a religious ceremony before you have the party. And nearly all the French-American couples I know of have had to do the practical measure before the ceremony. So, I guess it's not so bad. It just seems wierd to me though...since we usually do the one stop shopping and get it all done in one day here in the US. Oh well!
X.dell--ok, so if we do the marriage now and the party later, does that mean we can count on you to show up? ;) The party will probably be in Clermont-Ferrand, not Paris, since that's where Alex's family is. However, C-F is way cool. It's surrounded by dormant volcanoes, and all the buildings there (the old ones I mean) are made out of black volcanic rock as a result. It has the only all black cathedral I've ever seen. You'll like it. Come on down :)
CJ--okie then, dear...December, 2007, Clermont-Ferrand. We'll be looking for your sneakers ;)
Jezzy--yes, I remember you detailing to me the nightmarish fiance visa situation. At least I don't have to do that one to get him here as he's already here on his student visa. It's just that with a student visa, he has to work only on campus for no more than 20 hrs a week while in school, at very low wages. If we marry, he can then get a green card and work for his old boss for about 50% higher salary. We've heard there's a backlog of green card processing now though since the US switched how they do them recently...so it might be up to three months after we marry before he gets a green card! Man, I love red tape. It's so much fun.
Greg--it's a relief to see you live!
Hoss--one thing I've learned from all of this is always listen to Hoss. You told us to get married in LV. We should have brought the kids and done just that ;) That'll teach me! Always...listen...to...Gene!
EM--of course, Alex being who he is, we are in danger of having too many anniversaries if we keep this up. See, there's already two he marks: the day we met and the day he asked me to marry him. Then if we got married in, say, August, we'd have that anniversary. Then if we have the party in December in a year and a half, then we'd have THAT anniversary. Four anniversaries per year...and all of them Alex would insist on celebrating. How's that for role reversal? I know it's usually the woman who marks those occasions. He remembers it all. I have to turn to HIM to ask about dates we did whatever sometimes.
Well, I remember there being a situation similar to that when I applied for my lecturer position. I never had to go interview. Now, that may have been because they already knew me. But basically, I remember thinking that I was going to be stuck with Roboto for another year, and I was really down. Then, out of the blue, I got an email offering me a job. I honestly think it was AFTER they initially said they would make the decision. I know I felt like I was the most unhirable person in the world and really couldn't believe it when I finally read the email. So, I'm going to be hoping, praying, crossing my fingers, etc. that you'll get an email with a job offer soon...
One of the most beautiful weddings I've ever attended was in France...for a couple who had been legally married for over a year. But you know all about that.
Do what's right for you.
Best wishes!
Laura
There's something to save for.
Disclaimer: I'm painfully practical at times.
I think getting married right now is an excellent idea and I don't believe it will take away any of the romance if you have the big wedding later on. I think a low-key wedding now will be just as romantic actually because it's not all about the ceremony anyways, it's the fact you two are so in love and are eager to share a life together as partners! The pros outweigh the cons, as I see it from an outsider reading a biased blog written by you :)
And I completely understand your fears, even though my scars are from my parents divorce. I'm actually surprised that with the divorce rate in our country, more people aren't a little nervous. It doesn't say anything negative about your relationship with Alex, it shows your rationality and recognition that marriage is one of the most significant choices you can make in life.
You deserve romance, yes. But you deserve health insurance even more :)
Marry that poor man already! He can't be a virgin forever! I mean, everyone waits until marriage right?! Hee hee
Funny that Grant won't go anywhere Americans are hated if you consider that his hometown isn't exactely the friendliest place on earth :P
Since you've already decided to marry him, I say go ahead and do the practical thing. I understand your fears, but putting them off will just give you more time to fret. The formal ceremony should still be romantic - maybe even moreso since you can relax since you will have already confronted your worst fears.
Do it. Do the government wedding now and get your piece of paper and get health insurance and all that stuff. Do the ceremony next year or whenever. Maybe it will help with your nerves! You'll be living as man and wife in the eyes of city hall before you stand up in front of all your loved ones and promise to live together as man and wife.
NAh. Don't be practical. Go to France!
Here's a deal for you: Pay my aifare, and I'll do your wedding photography for free. Basically, I'll be your photographic lackey for as long as you want.
Where ELSE are you gonna get a deal like that, eh? NOWHERE, that's where!
:-)
(I'm sooooo selfish...)
I waited for all the votes to be in and blogger to let me post comments again -
Life is short. The truth of the commitment is in your hearts, not on the papers.
You are already married.....
silly K and M! So what dif where you make it or when you get it offical?
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