BUI
Oh yeah. I'm blogging under the influence for sure. It's so worth it.
This crappy week is over. Although Jared is still having his tummy problems, he seems to be getting better. That's the important part. I had to force myself to hand him (and Ari) over to their dad this weekend because I just don't see my ex as being able to take care of the kids when they are really not feeling well. HE doesn't either. In fact, he's often told me that he feels I'm the best for taking care of the kids when they are sick. That COULD be that he doesn't want to deal with them when they are sick, but in actuality I think it means he knows I just have a good nurturing spirit for the kids when they don't feel well. I was a sickly child myself; I have experience in what makes things "all better." Anyway, he'd call me if something went wonky, so I have to have faith that Jared is continuing to feel better.
Things won't ever be the same with my sister. Of course I still love her, but I think the most cutting thing she said to me during our exchanges was that I "never have an original thought." For all of you who write for pleasure (not just blogging), you'll know how crippling that kind of opinion can be from somebody you love and respect. I'll live. And maybe, just maybe, one day I'll get something published...and dedicate it to my sister who thought that I never had an original thought ;) In many ways I feel sorry for her. As much as she forgot the fundamental rule of debating and fighting with those you love ("what is said cannot be unsaid"), she just doesn't have the level of support, happiness, and joy in her life that I do mine. I think that's what makes her lash out. I see it...like a disembodied soul, staring over her as she fusses in her home in Texas. I see it, and it makes me understand and forgive. Forget? No. But I love her, and that's that.
Here's the important part, folks, and it's the part I need you to remember:
Just because somebody whom you love and respect feels you are one way, DOES NOT MAKE IT TRUE. Only you know what you are. Only you live in that body, with that soul, with that mind. So go and do what you need to do. The end.
Ok, now for the fun stuff!
There is a fantastic Mediterranean Tapas and Wine Bar in Columbia, SC. Alex took me there tonight. My god, the food is terrific...let me see if I can dish up their link....
Gervais And Vine
That's where I became intoxicated. Alex drove home, obviously...haha! We had this fab bordeaux, a young one, a cab/merlot blend, 2003, yummy for being so young. I can't remember more because I'm still ripped. Oh well. He had one glass. I finished off the bottle. WEEEEE! We had so many yummy little tapas dishes...oh yeah! I love this place. We've been about three times in the last year. We'd go more, but it's not cheap. Usually we think of going when the kids are with the ex.
There are a thousand reasons I love Alex. This weekend is only one of many. See, he knew I had a rough couple of days. He KNEW I felt just...crappy. The way Alex thinks is, Kira is having a bad time. It is my duty to make her feel better! So, he has done all sorts of amazing things since I arrived Friday night. Last night, a couple of hours of sex and massage was how he started out my entrance to his domicile, coupled with some very tasty wine. When I'm feeling badly, Alex likes to do things like give me a bubble bath...give me an air pillow for my head...serve me wine...wash my hair, wash me...put my towel in the dryer so it is warm when I get out of the tub...pull me out of the tub when I'm ready and dry me off with a deliciously warm towel. He massages me, and he gives me lots of sex. Ok, so I realize this is WAY more info than a lot of you want about me....too bad. I can't imagine a better stress reliever than sex. Seriously.
Most of the time, I don't feel like I'm the kind of gal who needs attention. I just realized recently the main reason I don't feel that way is that ALEX GIVES ME so much attention I hardly need it from another source. He understands when I need space and gives it to me; he understands when I need HIM and he gives me all he's got.
Please also understand: I'm amazed at finding this at my age. I'm the kind of person who just spits out what's on her mind, so believe me...if Alex annoyed me or pissed me off, you'd hear it here instantly. He reads this blog, but it doesn't make me clip off any part of what I'm feeling. I'm a bitch that way. Or maybe I'm direct that way. You choose. I don't care. When things fell apart with my ex, everybody who bothered to talk to me heard my pain long before I moved out. I don't WANT to make things seem good when they are not. If they're not good, you'll hear it. If they are good, you'll hear it. Folks? IT'S GREAT!!!! And I wish for ALL of you to be just this happy. I really do.
He told me before I came up this weekend that the weekend was all about spoiling Kira and making her feel better. He's totally succeeded. I can't be more grateful. Good food. Good sex. Massage. Pampering. Ahhhhh!
And on my final note!
There is a gal Alex and I met on the net long ago and talked to for a while. She is the type to "one up" another person if she can, and that doesn't tend to impress us or our value system. We're the types to dance for joy for you if your life is going well, and YOUR life going well makes ours just that much better. We don't need to prove our lives are better than yours. Well, this gal...she needs that. I don't know why. Anyway, she popped on tonight to chat with Alex for the first time in like a year. It became apparent that she wanted to hear that Alex and I had broken up, and when she learned we didn't, she went on and on about how fantastic her career was, how much her boyfriend was a god in bed, how great her family was, and how PERFECT her life was. Her life was the platonic ideal of human existance, and my god weren't we jealous? I chuckled about that for a while afterwards. What's the point of that? Why is it so important for her to insist that her life is the best ever and we should wish to have it? I don't want her life, you see. I want *MY* life. My life has faults, flaws, and unhappiness...which makes the contrast of my joy and rapture that much stronger. I couldn't be happier with my life just as it is. I don't WANT people to think my life is perfect; it's not. I want people to think my life is GOOD despite problems and bliss, both ends of the spectrum. AND IT IS!
Ok, now after the wine at dinner and working on this dessert wine (a Rhone dessert wine, a Muscat...bah, I'm not going to read the lable to tell you, but I can say it's tasty as shit!), I will go and sign off. I have a man who has been too good to me who needs to be rewarded. We'll ignore the part wherein his reward is also good for me, ok? :) Take care guys! Love you all! WOOHOO!
This crappy week is over. Although Jared is still having his tummy problems, he seems to be getting better. That's the important part. I had to force myself to hand him (and Ari) over to their dad this weekend because I just don't see my ex as being able to take care of the kids when they are really not feeling well. HE doesn't either. In fact, he's often told me that he feels I'm the best for taking care of the kids when they are sick. That COULD be that he doesn't want to deal with them when they are sick, but in actuality I think it means he knows I just have a good nurturing spirit for the kids when they don't feel well. I was a sickly child myself; I have experience in what makes things "all better." Anyway, he'd call me if something went wonky, so I have to have faith that Jared is continuing to feel better.
Things won't ever be the same with my sister. Of course I still love her, but I think the most cutting thing she said to me during our exchanges was that I "never have an original thought." For all of you who write for pleasure (not just blogging), you'll know how crippling that kind of opinion can be from somebody you love and respect. I'll live. And maybe, just maybe, one day I'll get something published...and dedicate it to my sister who thought that I never had an original thought ;) In many ways I feel sorry for her. As much as she forgot the fundamental rule of debating and fighting with those you love ("what is said cannot be unsaid"), she just doesn't have the level of support, happiness, and joy in her life that I do mine. I think that's what makes her lash out. I see it...like a disembodied soul, staring over her as she fusses in her home in Texas. I see it, and it makes me understand and forgive. Forget? No. But I love her, and that's that.
Here's the important part, folks, and it's the part I need you to remember:
Just because somebody whom you love and respect feels you are one way, DOES NOT MAKE IT TRUE. Only you know what you are. Only you live in that body, with that soul, with that mind. So go and do what you need to do. The end.
Ok, now for the fun stuff!
There is a fantastic Mediterranean Tapas and Wine Bar in Columbia, SC. Alex took me there tonight. My god, the food is terrific...let me see if I can dish up their link....
Gervais And Vine
That's where I became intoxicated. Alex drove home, obviously...haha! We had this fab bordeaux, a young one, a cab/merlot blend, 2003, yummy for being so young. I can't remember more because I'm still ripped. Oh well. He had one glass. I finished off the bottle. WEEEEE! We had so many yummy little tapas dishes...oh yeah! I love this place. We've been about three times in the last year. We'd go more, but it's not cheap. Usually we think of going when the kids are with the ex.
There are a thousand reasons I love Alex. This weekend is only one of many. See, he knew I had a rough couple of days. He KNEW I felt just...crappy. The way Alex thinks is, Kira is having a bad time. It is my duty to make her feel better! So, he has done all sorts of amazing things since I arrived Friday night. Last night, a couple of hours of sex and massage was how he started out my entrance to his domicile, coupled with some very tasty wine. When I'm feeling badly, Alex likes to do things like give me a bubble bath...give me an air pillow for my head...serve me wine...wash my hair, wash me...put my towel in the dryer so it is warm when I get out of the tub...pull me out of the tub when I'm ready and dry me off with a deliciously warm towel. He massages me, and he gives me lots of sex. Ok, so I realize this is WAY more info than a lot of you want about me....too bad. I can't imagine a better stress reliever than sex. Seriously.
Most of the time, I don't feel like I'm the kind of gal who needs attention. I just realized recently the main reason I don't feel that way is that ALEX GIVES ME so much attention I hardly need it from another source. He understands when I need space and gives it to me; he understands when I need HIM and he gives me all he's got.
Please also understand: I'm amazed at finding this at my age. I'm the kind of person who just spits out what's on her mind, so believe me...if Alex annoyed me or pissed me off, you'd hear it here instantly. He reads this blog, but it doesn't make me clip off any part of what I'm feeling. I'm a bitch that way. Or maybe I'm direct that way. You choose. I don't care. When things fell apart with my ex, everybody who bothered to talk to me heard my pain long before I moved out. I don't WANT to make things seem good when they are not. If they're not good, you'll hear it. If they are good, you'll hear it. Folks? IT'S GREAT!!!! And I wish for ALL of you to be just this happy. I really do.
He told me before I came up this weekend that the weekend was all about spoiling Kira and making her feel better. He's totally succeeded. I can't be more grateful. Good food. Good sex. Massage. Pampering. Ahhhhh!
And on my final note!
There is a gal Alex and I met on the net long ago and talked to for a while. She is the type to "one up" another person if she can, and that doesn't tend to impress us or our value system. We're the types to dance for joy for you if your life is going well, and YOUR life going well makes ours just that much better. We don't need to prove our lives are better than yours. Well, this gal...she needs that. I don't know why. Anyway, she popped on tonight to chat with Alex for the first time in like a year. It became apparent that she wanted to hear that Alex and I had broken up, and when she learned we didn't, she went on and on about how fantastic her career was, how much her boyfriend was a god in bed, how great her family was, and how PERFECT her life was. Her life was the platonic ideal of human existance, and my god weren't we jealous? I chuckled about that for a while afterwards. What's the point of that? Why is it so important for her to insist that her life is the best ever and we should wish to have it? I don't want her life, you see. I want *MY* life. My life has faults, flaws, and unhappiness...which makes the contrast of my joy and rapture that much stronger. I couldn't be happier with my life just as it is. I don't WANT people to think my life is perfect; it's not. I want people to think my life is GOOD despite problems and bliss, both ends of the spectrum. AND IT IS!
Ok, now after the wine at dinner and working on this dessert wine (a Rhone dessert wine, a Muscat...bah, I'm not going to read the lable to tell you, but I can say it's tasty as shit!), I will go and sign off. I have a man who has been too good to me who needs to be rewarded. We'll ignore the part wherein his reward is also good for me, ok? :) Take care guys! Love you all! WOOHOO!
posted by Kira | 7:00 PM
17 Comments:
Tim, if I ever figure out what your comment is about, I'll respond ;)
Amanda, I would WANT you to kick my ass if I ever become an attention whore. Please. That's your duty as my friend. I'm also beginning to think that with all that ass kicking going on, I've had some sort of influence on you...hahaha! And yes, except for the fact that I'm now waiting for the excedrin to kick in this morning, wine DOES make everything all better ;)
I didn't realize the muscat dessert wine had a bit higher alcohol content. Oh well. It was a Muscat de Beaumes de Venise, 2003, Vidal-Fleury. For the record, it goes great with a Whole Foods Key Lime Tart :)
Saying you never have an original thought is obviously untrue, so it makes me wonder if your sister said it just because she knew it would hurt you. That's the problem with so-called loved ones - they know where to strike. I still insist I'm lucky to be alone, especially considering my family. Life has never been better for me since severing that bad relationship. As you well know, a bad relationship overshadows everything and you can't really live and be yourself to the fullest until you are free of them.
Yum, thats all I can say.. The bath, the restaurant, the sex.. sex what is that? Its been so long I have forgotten. It always gives me hope when I read about couples like you and Alex. Thank you for sharing.
(1) Perhaps Jared's stomachache might be good for the ex, so that he can learn how to care for a sick and injured loved one.
(2) Everyone needs spoiling, sometimes. I'm glad you have Alex to do that for you.
(3) You type very well, intoxicated or sober.
(4) As Saroyan said, "In the time of your life, live."
(5) Your online friend doesn't seem to have the living thing down pat, though.
The people who know us the best can hurt us the most. It seems to me whatever you guys were arguing about must have been something that made your sister feel really threatened if she were going to say something like that to you. At any rate, I think I've noticed quite a lot of original thought here. But you have it right - we don't have to believe other people's perceptions of us, particularly when they are designed to hurt us. We're the only ones who live in our own skins.
Fuck you.
Don't take that personally. I just really fucking hate all you happily-coupled people right now.
Fuck you. Then tell me how you did it. How did you score this perfect man who actually wants to be happy and wants to let you make him happy?
Oh, and PS... fuck you. And say "hi" to Alex for me!
Hugs, kyaroko
I think your sister needs more sex.
Grant--in your case, you really are better off without your so-called family. There's no debate. Every person in one's life can cause pain, either by accident or on purpose, and still be a person who has value in one's life. The key is to figure out how much pain there is vs. how much pleasure. In Rose's case, this is the only time in my entire 36 yrs on this planet I remember her ever being horrible with me. She's typically very doting and loving with me. It's definitely an abberation in behavior. However, that doesn't mean it didn't hurt like a bitch. It just means that I'll certainly keep her, that's all.
Doe--you're welcome! All of us deserve to have a healthy relationship filled with sex and laughter and support during rough times. I certainly had my fair share of shit before I found Alex, but damn it's nice for things to finally work out, you know?
X.dell--
1) Yes, you are right. He ended up putting Jared in his bed with him because he was worried about his stomach problems. He actually woke up at 3a that way when Jared was moaning and took care of him! Jared's glad to be back, but I think my ex has more confidence now in taking care of our kids when sick.
2) Me too! :)
3) Thanks! You have NO idea how ripped I was when I wrote it, too. Alex read the blog afterwards and was in awe because he was watching me stagger and giggle a lot after I hit enter...hehe :)
4) ...and I take that one to heart!
5)...and sadly, many do not!
Angie--the best way that I can put it is that my sister's world is black and white and she fears change. My world is totally in flux and is in shades of grey. It's easy to make her feel threatened, and I had no idea this time I had done just that. She usually cuts me more slack than she does others too, so it was a REAL surprise! I think...at the time she wanted to hurt me, but then she got over that anger really fast. So, if she realized that her words still affected me, she'd be upset. It's hard for her to see how affected I am from waaaay over here in SC, though...so that's that.
Kyaroko--ack! I visited your blog and realized the timing of me writing this post wasn't so hot. However, since you asked...locally, the guys are shits. I think Amanda can back me up on that. Well, taken or gay or shits. So, I had to fetch Alex from France. I agree that part of the equation is that the guy has to want to be happy too. Remarkably, Alex thinks he's worth that. Whew!
Hoss--You are incredibly on target there!!!
Kyaroko, hi to you too! You know what is funny, before I met Kira, I believed I would spend my life alone since I obviously had no appeal to women (Kira was my first hug, first kiss...you know that rest).
Hoss, long time no see :)
Are you offering to help?
Dearest one, I will always want to spoil you and I will always feel like I don't do it enough :)
...he forgot first boink. Yeah! ;)
And as long as you let me spoil back, we'll be fine, darling ;)
Lush. Are you over the hangover yet? ;)
I'm concerned because I read this blog just so I can see doc-t's comments.
Glad to hear all is well in kiraville :O) You gotta watch out for those one uppers, they're a crazy lot ;O) We have a really good place like taht here too called La bodega, great tapa and lots of yummy wines :O)
That's it, I'm only BUI from now on. This post was sad, funny, and totally ORIGINAL! Family always knows the buttons, don't they?
No one is this eloquent under the influence.
Maybe Tim can help you with the cloning project.
Glad you've got Alex to kiss it and make it all better. That's pretty nice.
Oh man, I totally don't get that, doc-T. Wha....? Anyway, Kira, love your BUI. Yeah for BUI!
Post a Comment
<< Home