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Location: Upstate, South Carolina, United States

I think that the Meredith Brooks' song, "Bitch," summarizes me rather nicely. Or, if you prefer, X. dell says I'm a life-smart literary scholar with a low BS tolerance...that also works!

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Good Friends

I am one of those lucky people who rarely, if ever, loses good friends. I have all my closest high school buddies still tight to my heart; same thing with my college buddies. The friends I made in-between I've kept too, save for two friends on the net I later realized were too nutty to be a part of my life safely. I've been on the net making friends since 2000, and about 90% of them have been great folks whom I visit and vice versa, or at least we exchange emails and talk on msn regularly. However, in this six year span I DID manage to encounter two gals who are certifiable. In BOTH cases I had people warning me that these gals had already made and lost friends many times over on the net, and therefore I should be wary. However, I'm one of those stubborn people who prefers to find out on my own, and well...yeah, they were right (Alex--I'm thinking of Liz and Marie, of course...you can back me up that they are certifiable!). Oh well. The net's been good to me for friends. Las Vegas was just the last occasion I've had the honor of meeting folks I conversed with online. I'd do it again in a heartbeat as there are at least six of you I talk to now online through blogger and emails whom I'd love to meet one day.

Anyway! The reason why I'm pondering this right now is that my high school buddies have this way of getting all excited about some topic--usually a totally geek topic--and then mass emailing all of us to discuss it. Sometimes politics are thrown in, and our group goes from liberal to conservative, so the political discussions end up interesting and cool. Not only do we all keep in touch via email but we also get together every Christmas season in Tampa for an event we call "The Gathering." This week, the topics have been the Justice League, other worthy cartoons, anime, and then, of course, wiretapping. Haha! Do you see the natural flow there? These guys were the ones I hung out with a couple of times a week for my entire high school career. They have my back. Lee, undoubtably my best friend, has been the Primary Female in the group along with me since like I dunno, '84. Maya--the excellent addition to our group through dating and then marriage, starting in like '89--is wholly a part of the group as well and became another of the main females. The rest of the group, as large as it is, consists of males. What do you expect? It's a geek group, and more geeks are men :) The guys married a few other gals who come to The Gathering and get along with us, but they don't tend to participate in the mass email discussions we do. Anyway! I can't believe how lucky I am to have these guys. Any time I've needed them, they're there.

My college buddies are a little less organized in how they communicate, but we all still visit each other, email, and plan trips every couple of years. Since college, it's been harder to dig up folks I truly can love and adore along with the others, but I've found them! I love making new friends. I love learning about different people with different experiences and seeing the world from their eyes. Yes, I am certainly what one would call a people person.

When I look back upon my life, I realize that I seem to collect friends and never let go once I get somebody I can really place in that category. You know you're a real friend when I'm screening my calls and I pick up the phone for you....haha! I HATE the phone. HATE IT! If I talk to you on the phone, it means I love you (see, Cookie Monster, how loved you are?). I'm bad about making first contact...through phone or email or msn or whatnot. If you can put up with that, you'll have a very loyal friend who will do her best to make sure she's got your back. My mom always told me that classic line: In order to have friends, you must be a friend. My mom taught me that to be a friend was to always, ALWAYS be excited for another when he or she accomplishes something. My mom taught me that jealousy has no real place in friendship, and the friends who spent their lives being envious of you, sniping about you because you had what they wanted...were never real friends. I also believe in the girlfriend's rule: never, ever fight over men. These rules have served well as a friendship guide, and now I never truly feel alone. My kids are starting to make good friends, and I hope that they can have some who will mean as much to them as mine do to me. THAT is a real blessing.

I think Ariana's got it though. I remember in first grade, she came home and huffed, "Such and such told me and another girl that we weren't her friends because we wouldn't play the game she wanted to play. *I* told her that REAL FRIENDS don't threaten the friendship to get what they want, so she wasn't a friend to begin with!" Haha! Well said!

EDIT: I almost forgot...this may be a female only problem, but real friends don't end the friendship because the woman won't sleep with him. *snort*

******

Speaking of Ariana, I know you are all dying to hear how her award day turned out. Fake it for me...smile and nod yes. Haha! Anyway, she received all A's for four quarters this year, so they gave her a little trophy for it. They also give out an award for the best student in each of the four major areas (math, science, social studies, and writing), and she won the award for social studies. She gets that from her dad. Her dad can talk about anything in history and keep all the facts and dates straight.

My daughter suckered me at the beginning of the year. She told me that she would get all straight A's for SURE if I promised to buy her an American Girl doll...and then batted her eyelashes prettily. I can't afford an American Girl doll. That's why she's asked for one for three years and never gotten one. However, I know she's largely bored in school...and I decided that giving her some motivation by giving her this goal was all right. See, I can't use the argument one can use in high school: you need good grades if you want a scholarship to a good school! Um, no one cares about second grade. However, if she gets into the habit of focusing on school now, she'll keep it up. I hope. Aw, hell, I have no idea half the time what I'm doing with this parenting thing. I'm winging it. IT SOUNDED GOOD, ok folks???? So now, after dishing out a bit o' money fixing the car this week, I'm also slamming on the credit card an American Girl doll. Oh well!!! It's worth it. She's sooo excited and is now asking me every day, "Will it arrive today, mommy?"

She'd better love it. It's the only thing she's getting to play with all summer long :)

Oh, and no hats at award day, so we were safe. Whew!

14 Comments:

Blogger Unknown said...

I really enjoyed meeting all of your high school friends dearest :)
I have managed to keep in contact with a lot of my friends from high school, from Lille and of course, I have no trouble keeping contact with my geek friends.
It's going to be harder to find friends in South Carolina I figure. Not many geeks in International MBAs or in the Finance, investement world I bet...Oh well, I'll just borrow yours.
:D

7:26 AM  
Blogger Grant said...

Am I one of the ones you want to meet, or am I certifiable? Or both? If we meet, I will demand sex. Give it up or I no longer like you. :p

I've had problems keeping friends over the years. I've done everything I can to stay in touch, but the others drift away, especially after getting married. They all seem to have the attitude that it's a normal part of life for people to drift apart. Glad I discovered blogging - I've got far more e-pals than real friends.

8:57 AM  
Blogger Joseph H. Vilas said...

You already know this, but (and I don't know the right verb here -- congratulations? kudos?) I'm glad you have such smart kids. They're good kids, too.

"real friends don't end the friendship because the woman won't sleep with him." Hell, if I did that, I wouldn't have any female friends. ;)

9:18 AM  
Blogger X. Dell said...

I've moved a lot since high school, so I don't really have much ontact with friends I had in 1994, much less 1984. It amazes me that non-relatives could know each other that long.

2:49 PM  
Blogger Kira said...

Alex--well, as of this week you're officially "in" the high school group as you have been added to The All-Important Email List! haha! I've got plenty of geek friends for you to share, Alex. No worries :)

Amanda--you have no idea how big it was when I picked up the phone last week. No idea. Yes, I must love you ;)

Grant--I'm pretty sure you're a total freaking nutcase, and we'll have to hide from the police with their warrant for your arrest when we meet, but yes you're on my list. You can't fool me about the demanding sex thing. I don't meet ANY of your ideal woman criteria except "owns a Catholic schoolgirl outfit"! As far as your experience keeping friends, I find that I have indeed had regular friends drift in and out of my life, but not the closest friends. Well, except Scott, who would be one of those guys who wanted sex out of me, didn't get it, and then disappeared. I really THOUGHT he was a close, close friend, but I suppose I was wrong. Yes, getting married is often the key to some friends being harder to contact. It usually depends on whom they marry. I've lucked out that most of the time, my friends have picked out folks that haven't been prison wardens.

Joe--thanks! They're not only smart but hilarious to have around. Sure, sometimes there's the whole, "Let's sing MC Hammer's You Can't Touch This for 30 min straight in the car!" incidents, but usually they are just great fun. I forgot to mention Ariana's surprise music award. I might mention that one in the future because I found out WHY she got it, and it entertained me.

X.dell--well, I've lived in Tampa/Fl, Durham/NC, Columbia/SC, and now the upstate of SC. Since I'm 36, that's really not TOO many places. I guess I have found some really quality friends and just didn't want to let go. Hell, I even still keep in regular contact with Andrea, a friend I've had since 18 months of age. She lived two doors down from me when I was growing up. She's come to visit me up here, and when I'm back visiting my folks in Tampa, I see her. I like Andrea because she facinates me. She's just down to Earth and pretty happy for a gal raised in so much money that it's obscene (nothing like seeing a movie in her family's...movie theatre that they have inside the house with a full screen and stadium seating!). I guess that's one of the reasons why I keep my friends if I can help it. People facinate me on the whole. Everybody's different. Everybody has something that motivates and something that scares. That's also why I really enjoy blogging...I get to meet so many people from all over, of all ages, and all backgrounds. I'm able to "see" things in my mind's eye and understand a hell of a lot more about people than I would otherwise. I'm babbling again. I'll shut up now :)

4:42 AM  
Blogger Foilwoman said...

Kira: I suspect the longevity of your friendships has more to do with the generosity of your heart and your tenacity than with any luck or randomness. I'm blessed with A number of friends I've known for more than half my life (Innana, Francesca, Mr. Studmuffin, Mr. Movie, The Professor, DOL, Uber) and other friends I've known for more than ten years (Lt. Col. Katie, Lourdes, and others). It's a blessing and a gift. Anyway, you clearly deserve the friends you have and are raising your lovely children the right way.

4:53 AM  
Blogger NWJR said...

I wonder how the Justice League would deal with wiretapping?

7:51 AM  
Blogger X. Dell said...

You've got a point, Kira. I really don't have a good excuse.

11:04 AM  
Blogger Joseph H. Vilas said...

I forgot to mention Ariana's surprise music award. I might mention that one in the future because I found out WHY she got it, and it entertained me.

Did she get it for singing "Not a Virgin" off Haunted? I warned you.... ;)

Kira, you're one of the few friends I've had where I've had pretty serious arguments, yet we've still remained friends. I don't take arguing well; I credit you and your bearing/personality/mien with our still being friends. I know this is kind of an odd way to put it, but it's important, true, about you, and nice.

11:40 AM  
Blogger WordWhiz said...

Good for Ariana. She's so...YOU! She's going to go far!

2:52 PM  
Blogger Kira said...

FW--thanks!!! I sorta hope that I have good friends because, in part, I know how to be a good friend too. But I also know that some of it was also luck in meeting such cool folks to begin with. But thank you!

NWJR--I think Doc-T addressed this situation completely ;)

X.dell--it's all a matter of finding somebody so cool he or she is WORTH the pain in the ass factor of staying in touch. Now you've met me. Your search is over! hahaha! (sorry, I crack myself up)

Joe--this is embarrassing, but I don't ever remember even fighting with you. I think I vaguely remember pissing you off when we were talking about education and college degrees once and I got all teacher-like on you, but I thought that came out ok in the end. Maybe the arguments we had worked out ok with you even though you hate them because...you know I wuv you totally, dear! *kiss*

Doc-t--thanks for helping me out by answering NWJR's question ;)

2:54 PM  
Blogger Kira said...

Mandy! Thanks! She's more me with her smart mouth than anything else, though, I have to admit...haha!

2:54 PM  
Blogger Joseph H. Vilas said...

I wasn't thinking about the thing you mentioned. You don't ever remember being pissed at me about anything? OK -- never mind....

4:57 PM  
Blogger Kira said...

Joe, the only thing I ever remember being pissed at you for was that you didn't want to GRAB MY ASS! ;) Hahahaha!

5:27 PM  

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