Smart Women
I had a "day at Clemson" yesterday which was entertaining to say the least. The most amusing part for me was to be at the senior day picnic while Amanda had to collect tickets because I could finally put names to faces of people Amanda had mentioned before. The easiest one to figure out? Well, that'd be the one she mentioned liked women's boobies. I was wearing a cleavage shirt, and his eyes immediately were talking to my nipples. It was hard not to laugh, really!
Anyway, Amanda and I had our usual conversations throughout the course of the day,and we had decided to write a book all about men for women. Unfortunately, there's one chapter we may have problems writing because it doesn't make sense to me.
See, my students in my English 101 class are required to keep a journal. Some of the topics I assign; some they pick out on their own. One of the topics is always, "Describe Your Ideal Mate." I stress to them that they can't describe their current boyfriend or girlfriend because NO ONE is ideal. If their significant other is reading over their shoulder and pouts that their lover is not writing about THEM, I instruct the kids to say, "Well, that bitch of a teacher won't LET me write about you, sweetheart, but you know you're my ideal!" haha! As I put it to the kids, "Even Alex snores. No one is perfect. This essay is all about your IDEAL mate, a person who could not exist because he or she IS perfect!" The responses from the girls are always vastly different from the boys. The boys nearly always concentrate on looks or attitude. With the exception of one girl who cracked me up by starting out with, "My ideal man would have a manhood of at least seven inches long and very thick too," the girls don't tend to concentrate so much on the physical stuff. Sure, we have the occasional woman who might mention that she loves dark hair (oh wait, that's me!) or something, but really, the women concentrate on the person underneath the skin for the most part. Just this last term, I congratulated one guy from this one class for being the first guy ever to not mention a single thing about the appearance of his perfect mate. I told him no guy had ever written on this topic and at least mentioned some small physical feature that he'd prefer. In that same class, however, I had two kids who specified something that was not looks at all...
...basically, these guys specified that they wanted a dumb girl.
I've had now six guys write in their essays about how their ideal mate would be stupid. They want to be the smart one in the relationship. None of them were kidding. I know they aren't kidding because I have had the experience in my life of guys I had met basically tell me later on that they prefer me when I'm flirting to when I am outthinking them. Sigh. I just would like to state for the record that I have never, ever, EVER had a girlfriend tell me, "Well, I want a dumb man so I can feel superior!" I've never even heard, "I would like a dumb man!"
I couldn't stand to date or be with a dumb man. I couldn't even realistically date a man who is of average intellect. In order to keep me sexually aroused, a man has to be very smart and capable of a wide variety of topics. He has to be able to disagree with me and fight for what he believes in, but do so without being an asshole. I've never dated a dumb man, and I never will...no matter how hot he may be.
Last night, I was talking to Alex and his good friend Frank online. Frank, like Alex, is French. We were avidly discussing politics, the English language, food...you name it, a fluid conversation going from one issue to the next. I worried briefly for a moment that I was boring them with details, and then I remembered: I'm talking to French people. They live for this shit. It's ok.
Now, guys who read my blog here...don't get all defensive on me. I realize that most guys who are smart enough to blog and like to discuss life aren't the type to want a dumb girl. I'm not saying YOU OVER THERE! WHY DO YOU LIKE DUMB GIRLS? I'm just saying that, on the whole, in my redneck area of the country, there are a lot of guys who don't want brains in their woman.
It confuses me, though. No matter how hot a woman is, eventually gravity takes over. Childbirth leaves silvery stretch marks and/or a c-section scar; wrinkles form; the boobs start sagging down to the kneecaps. When time takes over and the bimbo these guys married is no longer physically attractive, what is LEFT? When the looks fade, where's the attraction? Does he then divorce her and look for a new, younger bimbo? How can the bimbo make you laugh with quick wit when she has no brain? Do you just want to laugh AT her and not WITH her?
I guess I don't understand, and I guess I never will. Give me the smart, geeky guys who want long conversations about everything and nothing! Now THAT is sexy.
Anyway, Amanda and I had our usual conversations throughout the course of the day,and we had decided to write a book all about men for women. Unfortunately, there's one chapter we may have problems writing because it doesn't make sense to me.
See, my students in my English 101 class are required to keep a journal. Some of the topics I assign; some they pick out on their own. One of the topics is always, "Describe Your Ideal Mate." I stress to them that they can't describe their current boyfriend or girlfriend because NO ONE is ideal. If their significant other is reading over their shoulder and pouts that their lover is not writing about THEM, I instruct the kids to say, "Well, that bitch of a teacher won't LET me write about you, sweetheart, but you know you're my ideal!" haha! As I put it to the kids, "Even Alex snores. No one is perfect. This essay is all about your IDEAL mate, a person who could not exist because he or she IS perfect!" The responses from the girls are always vastly different from the boys. The boys nearly always concentrate on looks or attitude. With the exception of one girl who cracked me up by starting out with, "My ideal man would have a manhood of at least seven inches long and very thick too," the girls don't tend to concentrate so much on the physical stuff. Sure, we have the occasional woman who might mention that she loves dark hair (oh wait, that's me!) or something, but really, the women concentrate on the person underneath the skin for the most part. Just this last term, I congratulated one guy from this one class for being the first guy ever to not mention a single thing about the appearance of his perfect mate. I told him no guy had ever written on this topic and at least mentioned some small physical feature that he'd prefer. In that same class, however, I had two kids who specified something that was not looks at all...
...basically, these guys specified that they wanted a dumb girl.
I've had now six guys write in their essays about how their ideal mate would be stupid. They want to be the smart one in the relationship. None of them were kidding. I know they aren't kidding because I have had the experience in my life of guys I had met basically tell me later on that they prefer me when I'm flirting to when I am outthinking them. Sigh. I just would like to state for the record that I have never, ever, EVER had a girlfriend tell me, "Well, I want a dumb man so I can feel superior!" I've never even heard, "I would like a dumb man!"
I couldn't stand to date or be with a dumb man. I couldn't even realistically date a man who is of average intellect. In order to keep me sexually aroused, a man has to be very smart and capable of a wide variety of topics. He has to be able to disagree with me and fight for what he believes in, but do so without being an asshole. I've never dated a dumb man, and I never will...no matter how hot he may be.
Last night, I was talking to Alex and his good friend Frank online. Frank, like Alex, is French. We were avidly discussing politics, the English language, food...you name it, a fluid conversation going from one issue to the next. I worried briefly for a moment that I was boring them with details, and then I remembered: I'm talking to French people. They live for this shit. It's ok.
Now, guys who read my blog here...don't get all defensive on me. I realize that most guys who are smart enough to blog and like to discuss life aren't the type to want a dumb girl. I'm not saying YOU OVER THERE! WHY DO YOU LIKE DUMB GIRLS? I'm just saying that, on the whole, in my redneck area of the country, there are a lot of guys who don't want brains in their woman.
It confuses me, though. No matter how hot a woman is, eventually gravity takes over. Childbirth leaves silvery stretch marks and/or a c-section scar; wrinkles form; the boobs start sagging down to the kneecaps. When time takes over and the bimbo these guys married is no longer physically attractive, what is LEFT? When the looks fade, where's the attraction? Does he then divorce her and look for a new, younger bimbo? How can the bimbo make you laugh with quick wit when she has no brain? Do you just want to laugh AT her and not WITH her?
I guess I don't understand, and I guess I never will. Give me the smart, geeky guys who want long conversations about everything and nothing! Now THAT is sexy.
posted by Kira | 4:09 AM
16 Comments:
"I guess I don't understand, and I guess I never will. Give me the smart, geeky guys who want long conversations about everything and nothing! Now THAT is sexy."
I completely agree (well...except about the guy part, but you know what I mean).
It confuses me, too, of course, but it reminds me of a funny little story from the other day... As you know, we live in the most remote section of this redneck area of the country. Anna was talking to me about all the boys she likes, and I said, "Sweetie, don't worry about finding a serious boyfriend until you go to college. Then, you'll be able to meet a man who's as smart as you are." She looked at me, very puzzled and said, completely serious, "You mean there are SMART MEN?"
Actually, I don't warm up to slow-witted women. They kinda get on my nerves.
I do, however, confess to one physical trait of the ideal mate: I like women who are over six feet tall. It's not an aesthetic thing. It's just that there interesting things you can do if both partners are about the same height.
I felt guilty after I was away from my computer because I think the comment I made earlier was pretty prejudicial. I don't actually think having a college degree makes a person smart. It sounded pretty bad when I said that A would have to go to college to find a "smart" man. And she actually said, "Well, gee, Mom, the Lacrosse team at Duke doesn't seem so smart." Nah, smart men don't have to have degrees and having a degree does not make men (or women) smart. Brian has a lot more street smarts than I do. I can get suckered very easily because I'm so trusting and naive, but he can see through bullshit in a heartbeat. So, please take my earlier comment as meaning, at college, Anna would have a much larger population of men from which to choose, thus increasing her chances of finding a smart one. =o)
X. Dell just turned me on. :0
I have heard the dumb woman thing, too, and am equally perplexed. If you just want sex, pay for it. If you just want someone to cook or clean, pay for it...oh...wait a minute...if you are getting all that for free with no argument, friction, or whatever...you're already with dumb girl, you're saving money...
I don't know what the hell I'm thinking.
I can't cope with dumb men...and any male that thinks that big boobs or tight ass is what they want...is a dumbo. Like you say, once that's all gone downhill later in life, what's left to stimulate them? What's more, if those dumb men are trying to find dumber women, they'll have quite a search on their hands don't you think? We might appear dumb and we might do some dumb ass things...but most of the time we're doing that on purpose (not me you understand, no, not me at all).
I heard on the radio the other day that women with smaller breasts are supposed to be smarter than those with larger breasts...is that so? Do some men think that larged boobed ladies can't think properly? I was going to write a post about it...but it's not forming very well in my head (haha get it?? oh never mind, it's my dumb women humour lol).
Great post, enjoyed reading that immensely!
All the smart women I know have huge... tracts of land! And if anyone of you smart-luvin ladies need an intellectual treat, just ask Kira about any smart guys she might know in Durham. Personaly, I'm into smart women. We can talk to each other. They're... not dumb. Duh. ;)
I had a very long-standing argument with a male friend over this point. He was very intelligent himself but stated that unless a woman was attractive, her intelligence doesn't count. In other words - he doesn't want a stupid girl, he wants a smart chick who is also good looking. He said that a man's self-esteem is related to the status that his woman gives - and that a good-looking woman raises a man's status. Therefore, it doesn't matter how smart she is, how witty, funny or lively she is, if a woman isn't pretty, he wouldn't go for her.
Sadly, most guys are like that - looks just mean more to them. We find it easier see past all that. Maybe we care less about what other people think. Maybe we're not as insecure about our "status". I dunno.
I told him that woman get more attractive as they age if you really love them. You grow to love everything about them - it doesn't matter if their tits get saggy, if their hair goes grey, if they get cute laugh lines. He said that women lose it as they age and that men are lying when they say that a 40 year old woman can compete with a 18 year old. I told him that he just doesn't get it.
My ideal woman? Do I even need to comment on that?
A friend told me of a man who couldn't handle an intelligent woman. He sought out and married the dumbest broad he could find. She wasn't particularly hot - above average with a fairly nice figure - but my friend reported they were still happily married over two decades later. It seems a bad thing to want, but in his case he knew what would make him happy and the two have a successful marriage as a result.
It's been years since a woman has said that, Laurita.
I'm laughing at no. 9 on doc-t's second list. I'm so very guilty of that!
Amanda--you know, I never thought of that, but you're right: the men who were "once" considered to be flawed but "fixed" themselves tend to REALLY need barbie more than the others. What happened to empathy? And as for the rest...it's always a great thing when a dean from the business school wants to hire me. If he can give me health insurance, I'm there! haha! (and if those boys want us, they'd better be promising more than an orgy in the truck...hahahahaha!)
NWJR--yes, you're a prime example about what I mean about how blogging men usually appreciate the smart women who can talk about anything. I'm not talking about just TALKING or BABBLING...that drives me as nuts as much as it does a man. I'm talking the intellectual discussion, the teasing, the witty retorts! That's the best stuff.
Angie--aw, man, I was laughing so hard about your first post, and then I saw the second one and you made me feel guilty about it :) An education doesn't mean that a man is necessarily smarter or dumber than the rest of humanity; however, wanting to get an education usually indicates a thirst for knowledge that is very sexy. For example, my darling Joe, who posted here on this comments area, is seriously one of the most well-read brilliant men I know. I LOVE TALKING TO HIM. I can talk to him about food, wine, books, philosophy, the world...and fall asleep on him in mid sentence because I don't WANT to stop the conversation. Joe doesn't have the long degree list that you'd expect somebody that knowledgable to have. Instead, he just pursues knowledge on his own!
X.dell--I can see your point about equal height amongst partners. However, as a 5'2" woman who once dated a 6'4" man, I can tell you that there are some interesting things that can be done with that height difference that can't be done when you are the same height, too :)
Laura--sssshhh! You weren't SUPPOSED to point out that it makes sense! It screws over smart girls like you and me :)
Lisa--my sister and I have equal IQ scores and she's as flat as melba toast...and I'm rather large. That blows the boobie theory! And I'm with you on the dumb men. It's like David Beckham...he seemed SO good looking until I actually heard him speak. Now I think he's as ugly as a pile of shit. Dumb men do nothing for me.
Joe--I love you, you know that? Haha! And I already pointed out your vast intellect in my comment to Angie. It's all true, too. I love talking to you because you're so damned smart and well-informed. Any woman wanting intellectual conversation can just head to Durham and hunt you up!
Jezzy--yes, it sounds like he doesn't, indeed, get it. I think he'll be sadly disappointed when he realizes that a smart, good-looking woman will hear his views on what a man "deserves and wants," and she'll find another man. He's doomed to loneliness!
Grant--You know, if they are happy, good for them. More marriages need to be happy. However, I still have to say that it makes me nervous to hear a guy say he wants a dumb woman only as his wife. If he's that easily threatened and insecure, what else is he hiding? As far as what you want, it's an Asian in a Catholic schoolgirl outfit...duh! :)
Doc-t--that's not asking too much...the second list at least. Although like Jezzy, I sorta do #9 myself...haha! I'm sorry, Doc-t. It's just that when they are cold, my instinct is to shove them under the nearest warm thigh! I've done that to Alex before, and he yelps. It's cute. Ok, ok, it's mean of me to do it, so I'll try and stop now, ok? ;)
The guys with dumb women keep the home to take care of the house and kids then go fool around on them with a woman smart enough not to have married a man like him.
SLAM AND DUNK!
Y'all are missing some important elements in this discussion. Men don't want "dumb" women, as you put it. They just don't want a woman who makes them FEEL dumb.
This is an important distinction. Men treat women as "sex objects", emphasizing some physical characteristics (largely based on highly errant notions of feminine beauty) but when push comes to shove, they do want a woman who has a brain. They DO NOT want a woman whose every other comment can be construed as criticism, constructive or otherwise. When a woman constantly corrects you, argues with you, etc. it is often exceedingly difficult to become aroused by said woman, much less contemplate a more permanent relationship. It makes us think of y'all like our mothers, not our lovers, and with a few brave exceptions most of us don't want to screw our mothers.
I married a smart one, who doesn't mind showing it off, but we long ago came to the conclusion that IN MY AREAS OF EXPERTISE she should tread very carefully before trying to correct me. She violates this rule at her peril, for I am tenacious when it comes to proving that I WAS RIGHT and SHE WAS WRONG if she does. But the fact of the matter is that I don't want to be married to a woman who "knows everything already" and cannot admit she is wrong. They tend to be shrewish and selfish and unable to admit their mistakes. That is not, generally, a recipe for a long and happy life together.
And don't forget while you are lambasting the males who put physical attributes forward, that women have their own faults in this area. Men treat women as "sex objects". Women treat men as "success objects", and look at status-driven items such as career, annual income, and the kind of car a man drives in a place of prominence more often than not. Sure, he might be cute, funny, intelligent and witty, get along great with your folks, kids and animals, but if he's unemployed and driving a 15 year old Toyota he's gonna get passed on more often than not. Doubly so if he's actually happy with his un-ambitious life. Best case scenario, he will be adopted by some foolish woman who thinks she can "fix" him, make him go to school, get a job, etc. in order to make him more palatable. It's the moral equivalent of a guy looking at a girl in a bar and saying, "Well, she's okay, intelligent, good personality and funny . . . there might be potential there if I can get her to a hair salon, convince her to lose 20 lbs., get her some laser eye surgery and a boob job. Or, I can chat up that hottie over there who looks like she fucks like a minx and can suck a golf ball through a garden hose. She looks like she'll laugh at my jokes without trying to verbally emasculate me in a vain attempt to impress me with her intelligence. Decisions, decisions. Hmmmmmm."
First of all, Terry, I don't approve of women who want to change their man any more than men who want to change their woman. Like the person as he or she is or move on. Secondly, most of my female friends have never been the "hunt for money" type, and I certainly don't feel the need to do so either. Hell, my man doesn't even OWN a car ;) So, I guess I just see the "I want a dumb woman" thing here way more than I see the "I want a man with a BMW and a 3000 sq ft house!" thing. However, I have to admit that a man who is motivated is sexier to me than a man who is not. I'm not talking about motivated to make money, either...I am just talking about motivated to do something, learn something, accomplish something in life. I like energy. I'm high energy, and I need that to be compatable with me. Thankfully, that's totally how Alex is.
Thirdly, I started up a debate with one class about the smart woman idea, and Terry...for YOU it may be that you want a woman not to criticize or whatever...but for these guys, no, they genuinely didn't want their gal to be informed or brainy on any topic except cooking and laundry. They want her DUMB...not one who just doesn't verbally emasculate the guy, but one who looks up at the guy, bats her eyes, giggles and says oohhhh you're sooo smart! I'm glad you're here to do the thinking for me! Welcome to South Carolina. Please check all brains at the door.
Ah, here we go -- this is appropriate:
Marital Problems on foshata.com
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