No, Really, I am Typing! I Swear!
Well, after reading Laura's last post--even though she singled me out as somebody who is not worrying her because I DO post on other people's blogs to show I'm alive--I felt like I needed to just blog a bit before I head to bed.
I've been managing at least a post a week, but this week disappeared on me. I only had two files for the grant to do this week, so that wasn't it. Alex arrived on Wed night (a friend dropped him off on her way to Clemson) because he had fall break on Thur and Fri. I just have enjoyed having him around for an extended period of time. But now he's in Columbia, and I'm here. Sigh. I love being married to that man, but this not being able to sleep with him every night is killing me. I'm all about the snuggling at night, you know?
****
So, my son supposedly can't read. My daughter couldn't read at this age either (5) supposedly as well, but the librarian told me that she caught her reading full sentences to another child. For some reason, it was important to Ariana to not reveal her reading capacity for another year. My son seems to have the same issues going off too.
Tonight, while Alex and I were chatting, Jared pulled out his Bionicle book. "D-O-O-M! That spells doom...oh, and V-I-P-E-R! That spells viper. This one's a doom viper...cool!"
The boy probably can't read the word "house," but damnit he can read "doom viper." Yes, he is the child of geeks.
****
So, after hearing a story about a mom and her son who couldn't get along for years, even though the other son tried to mediate between them for some sort of resolution, I was reminded of my sister and my mom. My mom made mistakes all the time with parenting. Hell, so do I. But I've been a foster care worker, and I know what a truly bad parent is. It's not mom. If I really want to have a point of reference about a psycho bitch mom, I'll ask Grant for more stories about his mom. That being said, my mom certainly has her flaws, and I can understand why my sister has issues with her.
However, considering how my sister has always treated my mom, I can understand why my mom has issues with my sister, too.
I've always been tossed in as the mediator. I don't know why. I seem to have this unpleasant knack throughout all my life of being placed in between two people who don't like each other, and there I am wondering if I'm doing or saying the right thing. My mom and my sister don't lie about what they perceive has happened in a given argument. They really think X or Y has happened. Yet if anybody were there as a witness, he or she would wonder wtf the whole argument was about. It's one person taking one part wrong, the other taking great offense at the reaction, and a fight following. I love my mom; I love my sister. With a few exceptions over the years--the kind that any people who are close for decades will have--my mom and sister are really good to me. My sister has hurt my feelings this summer, but to be fair over the course of our relationship she's probably done something to hurt me maybe one or two other times ever. My mom only upsets me--truly upsets me--once every couple of years too. And any time they hurt me, it's not intentional. That's something I seem to keep in mind but they can't.
I guess that's why I feel they'll never be close no matter how much I mediate their arguments. They always believe the other person has malicious intent to the other, when in fact it's often just two different personality types with two different needs on how to approach an issue. Or it's just one person using language that seems very hurtful on the surface, but was not intended to be so. Do I think that a person can be mean on purpose? Hell yeah! But knowing my sister and my mom as I do, I doubt they are doing so deliberately. You have no idea what a shock it is when I find out that somebody has done something malicious to another. It's not my style at all. I will grumble about a person if I have issues, but if that person asks me to my face I will repeat everything I remember saying. I don't like assassinations. I don't like sneak attacks. If either my mom or my sister did something deliberate to the other, I'd know it...they don't.
Let me give you an example of my mom's stellar lack of tact.
I was raped when I was 19. No, no, let's not go into the details...that part is not the point. It's not something I choose to blog about, and I've dealt with it in the long haul. However, when I told my mom, the first words out of her mouth were--and I shit you not, she had this serious, intent look on her face and this was not to be mean nor was it a joke--"well, at least you weren't a virgin!" Sigh. When I calmed down later on and tried to explain to her how hurtful that comment was, she still didn't get it. One hour later, I succeeded, and she apologized. And people wonder why women don't let others know when these incidents happen...anyway! My mom eventually got it and apologized. It took a lot out of me to show her why that was not the best thing to say. My sister doesn't have that sort of patience with my mom, nor does she have the trust that my mom loves her and wouldn't WANT to hurt her.
Man, I could keep rambling about this one forever. All I can say is that the story I heard about today had a happy moment in it: the son called up his mom and said he realized that his mom loved him, and he loved his mom, and he was sorry if he ever made her feel that she was not loved despite all his complaints about things that had happened over the years. I was happy for that family, but sad for my mom and my sister. They tolerate each other fine. They even visit each other (mostly for the sake of my sister's kids). But love each other? Understand each other? Make peace with each other? Nope, not happening. I just have to hang that one up. I can mediate. I can try to stay out of it. I can complain. Who the hell cares? It's not budging. At least I can feel relief that I see them both as wonderful people, and that my family, on the whole, is terrific beyond belief. I have my whole family, and they have me. I'm just sad that mom and my sister can't really say the same.
****
Speaking of parents, mom and dad got me an early Christmas present! I have a laser printer, and Alex installed it. It's wonderful! And Alex determined that my computer is in great shape except for the memory issue, so we bought a memory card and he installed it, more than doubling the capacity of the computer overnight. Sims 2 runs faster now. Isn't that all that matters?
****
I think I'm going to go broke this year with feeding students. Freshmen stuck in dorms eating crap food make me sad. I already have brought in crab dip, cupcakes, and brownie/cheesecake thingys for them.
****
And lastly, for those of you in the know, Radiocat has returned home after his expensive irradiation therapy. I now have a glow in the dark cat. I can't let him sleep with me for two weeks, and I can only pet him for short periods of time per day. But he's likely cured (98% cure rate), so all is well. My cat's superior to yours because he's radioactive. Beat that.
I've been managing at least a post a week, but this week disappeared on me. I only had two files for the grant to do this week, so that wasn't it. Alex arrived on Wed night (a friend dropped him off on her way to Clemson) because he had fall break on Thur and Fri. I just have enjoyed having him around for an extended period of time. But now he's in Columbia, and I'm here. Sigh. I love being married to that man, but this not being able to sleep with him every night is killing me. I'm all about the snuggling at night, you know?
****
So, my son supposedly can't read. My daughter couldn't read at this age either (5) supposedly as well, but the librarian told me that she caught her reading full sentences to another child. For some reason, it was important to Ariana to not reveal her reading capacity for another year. My son seems to have the same issues going off too.
Tonight, while Alex and I were chatting, Jared pulled out his Bionicle book. "D-O-O-M! That spells doom...oh, and V-I-P-E-R! That spells viper. This one's a doom viper...cool!"
The boy probably can't read the word "house," but damnit he can read "doom viper." Yes, he is the child of geeks.
****
So, after hearing a story about a mom and her son who couldn't get along for years, even though the other son tried to mediate between them for some sort of resolution, I was reminded of my sister and my mom. My mom made mistakes all the time with parenting. Hell, so do I. But I've been a foster care worker, and I know what a truly bad parent is. It's not mom. If I really want to have a point of reference about a psycho bitch mom, I'll ask Grant for more stories about his mom. That being said, my mom certainly has her flaws, and I can understand why my sister has issues with her.
However, considering how my sister has always treated my mom, I can understand why my mom has issues with my sister, too.
I've always been tossed in as the mediator. I don't know why. I seem to have this unpleasant knack throughout all my life of being placed in between two people who don't like each other, and there I am wondering if I'm doing or saying the right thing. My mom and my sister don't lie about what they perceive has happened in a given argument. They really think X or Y has happened. Yet if anybody were there as a witness, he or she would wonder wtf the whole argument was about. It's one person taking one part wrong, the other taking great offense at the reaction, and a fight following. I love my mom; I love my sister. With a few exceptions over the years--the kind that any people who are close for decades will have--my mom and sister are really good to me. My sister has hurt my feelings this summer, but to be fair over the course of our relationship she's probably done something to hurt me maybe one or two other times ever. My mom only upsets me--truly upsets me--once every couple of years too. And any time they hurt me, it's not intentional. That's something I seem to keep in mind but they can't.
I guess that's why I feel they'll never be close no matter how much I mediate their arguments. They always believe the other person has malicious intent to the other, when in fact it's often just two different personality types with two different needs on how to approach an issue. Or it's just one person using language that seems very hurtful on the surface, but was not intended to be so. Do I think that a person can be mean on purpose? Hell yeah! But knowing my sister and my mom as I do, I doubt they are doing so deliberately. You have no idea what a shock it is when I find out that somebody has done something malicious to another. It's not my style at all. I will grumble about a person if I have issues, but if that person asks me to my face I will repeat everything I remember saying. I don't like assassinations. I don't like sneak attacks. If either my mom or my sister did something deliberate to the other, I'd know it...they don't.
Let me give you an example of my mom's stellar lack of tact.
I was raped when I was 19. No, no, let's not go into the details...that part is not the point. It's not something I choose to blog about, and I've dealt with it in the long haul. However, when I told my mom, the first words out of her mouth were--and I shit you not, she had this serious, intent look on her face and this was not to be mean nor was it a joke--"well, at least you weren't a virgin!" Sigh. When I calmed down later on and tried to explain to her how hurtful that comment was, she still didn't get it. One hour later, I succeeded, and she apologized. And people wonder why women don't let others know when these incidents happen...anyway! My mom eventually got it and apologized. It took a lot out of me to show her why that was not the best thing to say. My sister doesn't have that sort of patience with my mom, nor does she have the trust that my mom loves her and wouldn't WANT to hurt her.
Man, I could keep rambling about this one forever. All I can say is that the story I heard about today had a happy moment in it: the son called up his mom and said he realized that his mom loved him, and he loved his mom, and he was sorry if he ever made her feel that she was not loved despite all his complaints about things that had happened over the years. I was happy for that family, but sad for my mom and my sister. They tolerate each other fine. They even visit each other (mostly for the sake of my sister's kids). But love each other? Understand each other? Make peace with each other? Nope, not happening. I just have to hang that one up. I can mediate. I can try to stay out of it. I can complain. Who the hell cares? It's not budging. At least I can feel relief that I see them both as wonderful people, and that my family, on the whole, is terrific beyond belief. I have my whole family, and they have me. I'm just sad that mom and my sister can't really say the same.
****
Speaking of parents, mom and dad got me an early Christmas present! I have a laser printer, and Alex installed it. It's wonderful! And Alex determined that my computer is in great shape except for the memory issue, so we bought a memory card and he installed it, more than doubling the capacity of the computer overnight. Sims 2 runs faster now. Isn't that all that matters?
****
I think I'm going to go broke this year with feeding students. Freshmen stuck in dorms eating crap food make me sad. I already have brought in crab dip, cupcakes, and brownie/cheesecake thingys for them.
****
And lastly, for those of you in the know, Radiocat has returned home after his expensive irradiation therapy. I now have a glow in the dark cat. I can't let him sleep with me for two weeks, and I can only pet him for short periods of time per day. But he's likely cured (98% cure rate), so all is well. My cat's superior to yours because he's radioactive. Beat that.
posted by Kira | 8:19 PM
11 Comments:
I wouldn't presume to able to top a glow-in-the-dark cat, so I'll leave it at that.
Sounds like you're living a very good life, full of good work and good works, good man, good family, and now, a good computer.
It would be sad if your sister and mom couldn't find some reconciliation. Perhaps the fact that they still tolerate each other is a good sign, considering.
I'm glad the preceeding comment isn't from my sister...
Juanita! I beat you to it!
OUR MOM is the MOST TACTLESS Mom on the planet!!! The examples are endless, but I'll give you a few that stick out...
"I like that haircut...the last one made you look like a bitch".
or
Our friend adopted and Mom went off (in front of her and her kid) about why anyone would abadon such beautiful children...
or
Adding that Stephanie's disabilities must make my shitty life even harder (far from it! she's the sweetest little girl on the planet)
and the list goes on and on and on...
She doesn't even realize she's doing it!
The kicker was when she had an incident of extreme tactlessness in front of Juanita's ex-boss's wife...leaving Juanita in a very awkward position.
Oooooooh, I feel your pain, Kira!
Did Laurita mention how tactless our mother is? She's so tactless that Laurita and I have had to make a pact: We solemnly swore to slap one another if either one of us begins transforming into our mother. We love her, but you gotta have a thick skin.
I say just lock your sister and mother in a room with a lot of power tools and tell them you'll see the winner in the morning.
I thought cats had to stay in the facility for a length of time after they drink the I-131 Kool-Aid? Or maybe I'd just never heard of the don't sleep with them part. If I never slept with animals, I'd'a avoided a few bad girlfriends, but not had nearly so many dates. ;)
Ummm, I don't think I could beat a radioactive cat. And no cat or Alex to snuggle with must make for a looong week!
X.dell--well, but they tolerate each other for the sake of other people...not any real feelings for each other! I dunno. Miracles happen. I just would rather not hold my breath. That'd leave me passing out on the floor.
Laura--ack! She could be my mom from those statements. The funny thing is that my mom will see it sometimes when my DAD says something tacky, but she can't see it when she does (and what she says is faaaaar worse than my dad's comments).
Amanda--there will be more for sure! One class tried to convince me to make cheese fondue for the class. I told them that sterno was not likely allowed in the building. That's too bad because that would have been fun...haha!
Juanita--see, and there you have it! You two have figured out the crux of it: she's worthy of love and a good person, but boy do you have to have a thick skin in order to deal with the lack of tact. That's where I'm at with my mother. My sister's skin is apparently just not thick enough.
Grant--Well, that's one solution. If the power tools are particularly destructive, though, there might not be anything left in the entire state when they're done.
Joe--Chian had to stay at the clinic for three full days before he could be released. That's when he emits the most dangerous levels of radiation. If he weren't safer now, he couldn't be allowed home. However, we have to do "precautions" for two weeks. These precautions include no more than two hours per day of being physically close to him (like him on my lap or next to me), and one half hour of petting only. I have to wash my hands after petting him, and I have to use gloves when scooping his litter. His litter has to be this special flushable kind because his waste is nuclear waste at this point...haha! Oh well. He's worth it. I'm just not getting much sleep as he claws at the door and howls pitifully to come in and sleep with me. He doesn't get it: for fourteen years he could sleep in my bed, and now I lock him out for the night. I feel vaguely guilty.
Angie--yeah, it does! Ya think I should throw a kid in my bed to make up for it? haha! Nah, actually, that'd lead to even less sleep. They both thrash and kick a lot at night. I've woken up to getting a foot in my face when Ari had to sleep in the bed that was available at a friend's house a few months ago. Ooof.
Chian is going to be okay -- woohooooo! Do you think he'd like to go skydiving with Raven?
Students definitely appreciate food days. And if they got your crab dip, no wonder they are happy campers.
Some family relationships just can't be close, I guess. From my own experience, I think things like suicides just do that to families. I imagine there are lots of other kinds of things that impact families that way. Like even for years to come, people's perceptions are skewed after those things, and that just changes how they interact with others. All you can do is love them all.
Uh, ahem....my daughter says I brought up internet porn at a dinner with her SO's parents at the table. Now I don't remember doing that! She swears I did.
My feet are in my mouth so often I have learned to hold a toothbrush in my toes...
I am not mean, just tackless (intentional misspelling) and I have tried to learn to do better.
Just glad all it going well for you and the team. Party on!
Poor Chian. He misses his mama's luv. :)
Hmmmm. I'm trying to read Running With Scissiors now. Everybody told me how funny it was but I am horrified with every turn of every page. I thought that my childhood was pretty f-ed up.
But he is a millionaire now so....
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