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Location: Upstate, South Carolina, United States

I think that the Meredith Brooks' song, "Bitch," summarizes me rather nicely. Or, if you prefer, X. dell says I'm a life-smart literary scholar with a low BS tolerance...that also works!

Monday, November 13, 2006

Death of a Student

So, on Sunday morning, Alex fetched the paper for me. It's the only day of the week I really want a newspaper (read: coupons). I catch up on some news, look at the things I can't afford to buy, clip coupons, and read the funnies. This time, however, I found more than I wanted.

I saw the headline, "Clemson freshman killed in collision," and I mused, I wonder if he's one of mine? The chances were very unlikely considering the sheer number of freshman at Clemson. But no, I look and there he is...and I make a strangled cry. It is the sheer shock of seeing the death of somebody I know in print. It is the agony of realizing this boy was 18. It is the dread of how the class will take it. It is, in the end, after I read the entire article...a realization that even though I talked to him about something he needed to watch for, he didn't.

See, Doug kept falling asleep in class. It's hard to fall asleep in my class. I'm very loud. I'm very energetic. Usually if somebody falls asleep in my class, it's due to a one shot deal wherein he or she is too tired for words, and it's never done again. But Doug had problems looking groggy all the time. I talked to him about it. He told me that his ROTC stuff that he did had him up before dawn, and out doing exercises at 6a. He told me, you think I look dead by your 930a class? You should see how I look at 8a in chemistry! We laughed, but I told him that he really needed to find a way to get more sleep because he wouldn't really absorb anything in class if he kept falling asleep in it.

The article said that Doug crossed over the line at 1a on Saturday morning as he drove his car. Nobody else was in his car, and the other fellow was alone too. The other fellow is in serious condition in the hospital; Doug pretty much died right away. I bet anything he fell asleep at the wheel. Sigh.

It's just so young! 18 yrs old. I can't imagine what it's like to be his parents in India, getting a call about the death of his son. Doug's father is Air Force, and he has been stationed in India. Doug, in fact, flew over from India at the beginning of the school year. And now his parents get to fly over and fetch his body. I guess as a parent myself, that really affects me...to visualize that.

To lighten the mood, I told my classes today that the rule is now that if I know you, you can't die unless I choose to kill you myself. They laughed.

******

Ariana's officially in the gifted and talented program here in South Carolina, called Quest. There are seven kids from her grade level in the program, and my daughter is the only girl. The others are boys. Interesting side note: four of those six boys have hit on her at one point or another (one is her current boyfriend, Andrew). I think that proves that smart boys prefer smart girls.

She's incredibly excited about being in the program. She goes every Wednesday with the others, and they learn different things the others don't learn...in a much more exciting way. I am very excited for my daughter, but I am worried as well. Not for her of course. I am worried for the OTHERS. See, my daughter will thrive no matter what. That's what being gifted usually means. But the kids who really need the extra push, the one on one attention, the more interesting assignments? Well, they won't get this class. I feel it's all about the smart getting smarter and leaving the others behind, and that part makes me sad.

But I'm not voicing that complaint to Ariana. She's excited, having fun, and thriving in the program. It DOES make me quite happy and grin for her to see her this bouncy about Wednesday at school now. Her mind is absorbing this extra knowledge like a dry sponge. I know she needed more stimulation at school, and at least now she's getting it!

12 Comments:

Blogger Amanda said...

Some of the ROTC guys were talking about Doug today. Obviously they're all pretty shaken up, but I think some of them are a little more aware of their own situations now.

Quest is perfect for Ari, but it does suck that our schools reward the smart kids with more privileges. But then again, most of the teachers would've never qualifed for a gifted and talented program when they were in school. Gotta love the SC education system!

7:56 PM  
Blogger NWJR said...

Wow. I don't know what to say. Your post pretty much said it all, though. Very thoughtful.

4:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The gifted programs vary from county to county in SC, but from what I remember, the Pickens one is pretty cool b/c they work on your writing a lot. In fact, I seem to remember that playing a big role of getting into that program, whereas in Oconee, it was just about a # on an IQ test. Anyway, once you met whatever the criteria is, you're in for good; no matter where you go, no matter what you do - you will always have the label "gifted." I think Ari will really flourish. If the teacher for the program is good, then the other kids probably will too. And the teacher probably will be really, really good b/c they usually put the very best teachers with the very best kids. Anna always does well no matter what she's doing b/c she is just driven to be the best at everything; meanwhile, Matthew's IQ is just as high as hers, but he doesn't care if anyone knows it or not. He was a beast in the gifted class, to use one of Anna's favorite expressions. He won all sorts of writing awards, and was able to do all kinds of projects that really suited what he likes to do. So, I think you will really enjoy what happens next with Ari because she will have opportunities to show you things she's really inclined to do that may even surprise you.

I'm sorry about your student. That is a horrible thing to have to accept. Hopefully, it will be the only time you have to deal with it. In my 12 years of teaching, I have only lost 2 students; Trey was in a wreck, and Cybele's mom found her dead one morning her senior year. She had no alcohol or drugs or anything at all in her system, but she somehow choked on her on vomit while she was asleep. I knew one guy who died in Iraq, but only because I had taught his girlfriend - she'd bring him down to my room to chat at lunch. At any rate, losing someone you taught or whom you are teaching is really hard, and I hope your class is doing okay.

6:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just realized I misread what you wrote - was remembering Trey's funeral, which still makes me cry when I think about it...

No, the students who don't have that # on the IQ test will not get the same opportunity. John Dewey basically advocated giving EVERY student a gifted education, and that's why I plan to try to continue his research. But the other kids will be forced to sit quietly and memorize things for the PACT test. And that's about it.

6:07 AM  
Blogger Valerie - Still Riding Forward said...

Hugs Kira,

My two qualified for a special high school in their town for "acedemically inclind" kids.

I know it helped the girl but the boy was mis placed and felt like he couldn't do the work. It's a strain on kids to be even more different than they already feel.

I wish they would just challenge all the kids to do well and let the better ones help those who need it. I think it improves interpersonal skills, gives the kids a chance to help someone and lets the kids getting the help have a chance to benefit from one on one teaching from a peer.

Little red school house here, lol.

9:26 AM  
Blogger Joseph H. Vilas said...

Kira, I'm really sorry.

10:47 AM  
Blogger Canoes under my shoes said...

First of all, my condolences. I hate it when a student dies. It's just wrong when a young person passes away no matter what the cause. I'm sorry.

Second, YEAH for ARIANA! You always KNEW she was gifted! "Can you HANDLE the beauty that lies within"??? :D

1:37 PM  
Blogger X. Dell said...

I grieve with you, kira. Part of teaching at a large school is realizing that this sort of thing will happen, eventually, either to students who have had your class, students who are currently in your class, or students in your department that most likely would have taken your class.

In fourteen years of teaching, I was fortunate enough not to have it happen to one of my students while they were still in my class. I could imagine the difficulties that would place on getting through the semester.

Breaking the ice right off the bat was probably the best thing you could have done. They will have time to process the tragedy later. But the school year waits for no one. That has to come first.

Best wishes to you. And congratulations to Ari on being officially gifted. I do sympathize with you on the kids needing a push. Just as they do physically, children develop intellectually at different paces and ages. One of the tragedies of tracking is that kids are forever tracked in one class or another, whether they should be or not.

5:43 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I keep thinking of Doug and I never even met him. Just walking to the school today, I was pondering about his family. I was wondering if the Dad was here now to claim the body and how he was dealing with it...Incredebly painfuly I guess...
I don't want to ever lose someone I care for...Yet I live in fear of it happening.
*Hugs* to Valerie. I always think of your loss :(
I hope you find something good to remember about Doug dearest. I think that is the best way to perhaps deal with it. Remember the good things and smile.

Je t'aime.

6:06 PM  
Blogger Kira said...

Amanda--My students insisted that Doug was hit by a drunk driver. However, the newspaper clearly stated that it was DOUG'S car who crossed the line. The other driver could have very well been drunk, but it's a lot harder to get hit by a drunk driver if you're in your own lane. I hope all the college kids learn from this that a good night's sleep is just as important as no beer before they set foot in the car.

NWJR--Thanks

Angie--I think Ari will have an easier time making her own pace since she's the oldest. I think it's more possible that Jared would resist following in her sister's footsteps just because it's...following in her footsteps! But I guess I'll cross that when I come to it. As far as Doug goes...other than that the kids would rather strongly believe that Doug was hit by a drunk driver rather than that he fell asleep at the wheel, they seem to be a bit in shock but doing well.

Val--that's actually what my daughter did and was allowed to do in second grade. Her teacher helped Ari keep from getting bored by letting her help out the other kids the second she finished her work. Some teachers won't let kids do that; however, Ari's second grade teacher seemed to feel that it was wonderful that Ari WANTED to help the other kids, so she encouraged it. And it DID keep her from falling asleep and losing interest in the class day, plus made her beloved by a lot of the students who appreciated that she'd help.

Joe--so am I, but mostly for his parents. Parents are supposed to outlive their children. It's a rule.

Laura--haha! Yes, exactly...she has a real gift with the language there and expression. Don't know where she got it from :)

X.dell--yes, I know you are right. If I teach long enough, eventually it has to happen. I guess what I always thought, though, was that it'd happen "Tomorrow." I feel much better about it this week, though. It just reminds me of how much I should appreciate what I have because I never know when it might be taken away.

Alex--I actually can't remember if maybe you did see Doug in the class or not the day you were there, but he definitely wasn't one of the kids who ran up and wanted to talk to you. But yes, it's that realization that we can always lose somebody we love unexpectedly at any point and time that got me the most.

1:54 PM  
Blogger Lady Prism said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your student. Just sometime ago..a ten year old student of mine died too.

6:29 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your student! Every time I hear news of a car accident around here, I wait in dread until I find out it wasn't one of my own students. It would break my heart!

On another note, I was just talking to a parent the other day about gifted programs. I can honestly say that our school's gifted program is a key reason I became professionally successful. It also exposed me to things that I would never been exposed to by my farming family (art, music, etc.) Congratulations to your daughter!

8:00 PM  

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