Double and Triple Ack!
I came home today and had a message on my machine, one I was waiting forever to receive:
Pickens County Court called. The divorce hearing is on March 11th at 11a.
I guess I need to see Robin and tell her about it and try to make arrangements for my classes.
I guess I need to throw up.
Mom and dad, ever mistrustful of The Ex, have insisted I see a lawyer so that I know that the papers (I wrote them up myself, by the way, and a lawyer couldn't have done better if I say so myself) cover my ass in all ways. How can I arrange to see a lawyer before then? Should I? I don't WANT anything but what I listed in the papers already, and he's agreed to everything. Yes, yes, I know you'll all tell me to go see the lawyer because that way I know that I'm ok. I still...don't wanna *sucks thumb and pouts*.
I feel so strange right now. I've wanted to be free for YEARS now, and here it is in front of me, and I feel like crying. I think part of it is that nobody ever gets married with the idea of, oh yeah, and then one day we'll divorce. I feel like a failure...a screwup...somebody who threw in the towel and ran...but honestly, who wanted to stay in the situation I was in for so long? Whenever I see him I am always reminded on why I'm so happy we are no longer together. He drives me bonkers. I want to throttle him, and getting a divorce is way better than sitting in jail for murder. So, there's not even a question that I'm doing the right thing. Why do I feel like sobbing my eyes out and getting drunk, then?
I like to be on top of my emotions, but I can't even control them right now. I WANT this. I want it already over...the divorce should have gone through no later than May 2003 according to my original plan that received no familial support (versus the timespan that followed Rob's Angry Outburst for No Reason at My Mom in April of 2003...got full support then! it was ok if he yelled at me, but NOT ok if he yelled at mom....). I've never doubted for a second I need to be free of my ex. What's my problem????? Why am I so depressed...worried...nervous...emotional...frayed....disturbed...angry? It will pass, right?
Bah.
Pickens County Court called. The divorce hearing is on March 11th at 11a.
I guess I need to see Robin and tell her about it and try to make arrangements for my classes.
I guess I need to throw up.
Mom and dad, ever mistrustful of The Ex, have insisted I see a lawyer so that I know that the papers (I wrote them up myself, by the way, and a lawyer couldn't have done better if I say so myself) cover my ass in all ways. How can I arrange to see a lawyer before then? Should I? I don't WANT anything but what I listed in the papers already, and he's agreed to everything. Yes, yes, I know you'll all tell me to go see the lawyer because that way I know that I'm ok. I still...don't wanna *sucks thumb and pouts*.
I feel so strange right now. I've wanted to be free for YEARS now, and here it is in front of me, and I feel like crying. I think part of it is that nobody ever gets married with the idea of, oh yeah, and then one day we'll divorce. I feel like a failure...a screwup...somebody who threw in the towel and ran...but honestly, who wanted to stay in the situation I was in for so long? Whenever I see him I am always reminded on why I'm so happy we are no longer together. He drives me bonkers. I want to throttle him, and getting a divorce is way better than sitting in jail for murder. So, there's not even a question that I'm doing the right thing. Why do I feel like sobbing my eyes out and getting drunk, then?
I like to be on top of my emotions, but I can't even control them right now. I WANT this. I want it already over...the divorce should have gone through no later than May 2003 according to my original plan that received no familial support (versus the timespan that followed Rob's Angry Outburst for No Reason at My Mom in April of 2003...got full support then! it was ok if he yelled at me, but NOT ok if he yelled at mom....). I've never doubted for a second I need to be free of my ex. What's my problem????? Why am I so depressed...worried...nervous...emotional...frayed....disturbed...angry? It will pass, right?
Bah.
posted by Kira | 11:45 AM
2 Comments:
You know, Alex and I are training Jared to be an emotionally stable, romantic, funny, motivated man and hence a good catch. Do you mind 20+ years age difference and waiting 14 years? :)
Thanks for the offer. So far, poor Alex has been gifted with my grumpy, agitated bitch self due to the circumstances. He probably would enjoy sharing the 'wealth.' What I may need to really do though is celebrate afterwards with copious alcohol! You up for that? ;)
Just remember that frog analogy you shared. You didn't stay and let yourself boil slowly to death. You are definitely doing the right thing, and it will be over soon.
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