The Girlfriend's Code
I have more male friends than female friends because men, although frustrating, are just more out in the open and honest than your typical women. Women are taught to manipulate. Women are encouraged to be petty and jealous while fighting for male attention.
That being said, the female friends I DO have are worth their weight in gold. I'm talking the true friends...the ones you can call up at midnight, drunk and crying because Asshole just hurt you again. The ones who will will then bail you out of jail when you exact your revenge on said man. The ones who, knowing you are flat broke and are trying to move out of a miserable situation, send you a check to buy a washer and dryer. The ones who can listen to you repeat the same damn story over and over again without ever saying, "That's enough already!" I'm not talking about acquaintences (who may one day end up in the True Friend category, but aren't there yet), nor the ones you've learned you can only trust so far or only have so much in common with so you keep a piece of yourself reserved. A REAL female friend is there for life and for all times, good and bad.
Because I value my friends so much, I follow the Girlfriend's Code. I always am deeply sad when a woman I considered a Girlfriend violates this code. I consider it the baseline of courtesy, the minimum we can do for a woman who is, in a lot of ways, a part of us.
Basically, the essence of the Girlfriend's Code is: Thou shalt not let a man come between us, even if he is the most wonderful male of the species you have ever met.
Why follow this code? Well, men come and go, but a REAL girlfriend lasts forever. There's nothing worse than screwing over all your friends for a man to then get dumped by said man and have nothing. It's plain common sense.
What does this code entail? Thou shalt not flirt with nor pursue nor sleep with any significant other, PAST OR PRESENT, that your girlfriend has or had. That is a primary tenent. Even if the girlfriend says it's ok, it's not. It makes things awkward. For instance, the last thing Amanda wants out of me is to sit down with her dos equis one night and discuss PB's oral sex techniques, pros and cons, with me participating fully since I've been there. Trust me on this. She's over PB, but that doesn't mean I would disrespect her by even giving the fucker a second glance (unless it was to get a good glimpse for a hit and run later on). Why? Because I love Amanda. She's a great friend and I intend on keeping her forever. Do you see the beauty of this ideal? There are probably a good one billion men on planet earth over the age of 18 who are not gay and are single. Your choices are endless. You don't HAVE to have her man, past or present.
Another part of the code: don't ditch all your friends so you can spend every waking moment attached at the hip to New Man In Your Life. It's not healthy for your relationship either to be so co-dependent, so spend some quality time with your girlfriends, just as he should go spend some testosterone time with his guy friends. You will NEED your girlfriends to bitch at later on when you have bumps in the relationship anyway. I don't care if the man is the total love of your life and does so much you adore, you WILL have bumps because you're human and so is he. Also, when things are going well, isn't it great to babble happily at a friend who you know is very happy for you? REAL girlfriends rock! Don't abandon them for a man. You'll regret it.
Also, absolutely NO catfighting over a man neither of you possess but both of you find attractive. The only winner there is the guy who now has an ego too big to fit through the door. Here's the way I always look at men anyway: either he wants me, or he doesn't. I can't be arsed to fight for a man. If he wants me, he can fight for ME. So, there would never be a reason to let an interesting man come between me and one of my True Girlfriends.
Why am I contemplating this set of rules today? Well, see, a girlfriend just violated it, much to my amazement. She flung herself at my ex, even KNOWING EXACTLY what transpired between us and how he conducted himself and what unfolded in his life. Stunned, I struggled to keep myself at a certain level of indifference. My ex can go screw sheep now for all I care. As long as whatever it is happens to be an adult, good to my kids, and NOT A FRIEND OF MINE, I just don't care. I've patiently listened to him discuss the relative merits of this woman or that for a while now, and it just doesn't get to me. But...a friend of mine wants him? We're talking she wants to have him and keep him, too, not just for sex! I don't WANT to hang out with her and have her start complaining to me how things went in bed last night with my ex, and girlfriends are supposed to be people you CAN discuss your sex life with. What to do, what to do? Well, nothing to do, really, except just feel irked that I apparently valued our friendship more than she did. HER ex two years ago hurled himself at me and I TURNED HIM DOWN...because I follow the Girlfriend's Code.
Oh well. At least I have a wonderful selection of great girlfriends left!
That being said, the female friends I DO have are worth their weight in gold. I'm talking the true friends...the ones you can call up at midnight, drunk and crying because Asshole just hurt you again. The ones who will will then bail you out of jail when you exact your revenge on said man. The ones who, knowing you are flat broke and are trying to move out of a miserable situation, send you a check to buy a washer and dryer. The ones who can listen to you repeat the same damn story over and over again without ever saying, "That's enough already!" I'm not talking about acquaintences (who may one day end up in the True Friend category, but aren't there yet), nor the ones you've learned you can only trust so far or only have so much in common with so you keep a piece of yourself reserved. A REAL female friend is there for life and for all times, good and bad.
Because I value my friends so much, I follow the Girlfriend's Code. I always am deeply sad when a woman I considered a Girlfriend violates this code. I consider it the baseline of courtesy, the minimum we can do for a woman who is, in a lot of ways, a part of us.
Basically, the essence of the Girlfriend's Code is: Thou shalt not let a man come between us, even if he is the most wonderful male of the species you have ever met.
Why follow this code? Well, men come and go, but a REAL girlfriend lasts forever. There's nothing worse than screwing over all your friends for a man to then get dumped by said man and have nothing. It's plain common sense.
What does this code entail? Thou shalt not flirt with nor pursue nor sleep with any significant other, PAST OR PRESENT, that your girlfriend has or had. That is a primary tenent. Even if the girlfriend says it's ok, it's not. It makes things awkward. For instance, the last thing Amanda wants out of me is to sit down with her dos equis one night and discuss PB's oral sex techniques, pros and cons, with me participating fully since I've been there. Trust me on this. She's over PB, but that doesn't mean I would disrespect her by even giving the fucker a second glance (unless it was to get a good glimpse for a hit and run later on). Why? Because I love Amanda. She's a great friend and I intend on keeping her forever. Do you see the beauty of this ideal? There are probably a good one billion men on planet earth over the age of 18 who are not gay and are single. Your choices are endless. You don't HAVE to have her man, past or present.
Another part of the code: don't ditch all your friends so you can spend every waking moment attached at the hip to New Man In Your Life. It's not healthy for your relationship either to be so co-dependent, so spend some quality time with your girlfriends, just as he should go spend some testosterone time with his guy friends. You will NEED your girlfriends to bitch at later on when you have bumps in the relationship anyway. I don't care if the man is the total love of your life and does so much you adore, you WILL have bumps because you're human and so is he. Also, when things are going well, isn't it great to babble happily at a friend who you know is very happy for you? REAL girlfriends rock! Don't abandon them for a man. You'll regret it.
Also, absolutely NO catfighting over a man neither of you possess but both of you find attractive. The only winner there is the guy who now has an ego too big to fit through the door. Here's the way I always look at men anyway: either he wants me, or he doesn't. I can't be arsed to fight for a man. If he wants me, he can fight for ME. So, there would never be a reason to let an interesting man come between me and one of my True Girlfriends.
Why am I contemplating this set of rules today? Well, see, a girlfriend just violated it, much to my amazement. She flung herself at my ex, even KNOWING EXACTLY what transpired between us and how he conducted himself and what unfolded in his life. Stunned, I struggled to keep myself at a certain level of indifference. My ex can go screw sheep now for all I care. As long as whatever it is happens to be an adult, good to my kids, and NOT A FRIEND OF MINE, I just don't care. I've patiently listened to him discuss the relative merits of this woman or that for a while now, and it just doesn't get to me. But...a friend of mine wants him? We're talking she wants to have him and keep him, too, not just for sex! I don't WANT to hang out with her and have her start complaining to me how things went in bed last night with my ex, and girlfriends are supposed to be people you CAN discuss your sex life with. What to do, what to do? Well, nothing to do, really, except just feel irked that I apparently valued our friendship more than she did. HER ex two years ago hurled himself at me and I TURNED HIM DOWN...because I follow the Girlfriend's Code.
Oh well. At least I have a wonderful selection of great girlfriends left!
posted by Kira | 8:24 AM
5 Comments:
AMEN! AMEN! AMEN!
Great Point #1:
The ones who will will then bail you out of jail when you exact your revenge on said man.
You still got my bail money???
Great Point #2
You and PB?!?!? ROFLMFAO!! Hell, that's a pay per view match waiting to happen.
Great Point #3
Girlfriends are forever. They are the most wonderful creatures in the world!
Yes, yes, a thousand times - YES! You articulate this perfectly! And the part about it taking time for someone to become a close friend - how very true! One of the worst mistakes that someone can make with me is trying to say they're already IN the inner circle when they barely know me yet. (I've had this happen a few times - single white female style. It's not fun at all.)
Sorry about the friend throwing herself at your ex. Least you know you can't trust her now.
OK...I have had this exact experience. I had a boyfriend back in grad school. Wonderful guy. Nice. Smart. Cute. We broke up. Blame it on bad timing.
Two years later, enter room mate of good friend. The ex and I were still friends. The roomate and the ex met at a party I hosted. She begins to date my ex AND discusses their sex life AT LENGTH with me. I don't think I'd have called her a "good friend" before that...but still...talking about the sex you're having with someone's ex boyfriend is TABOO.
She EVEN asked me to tell her some of his favorite sexual fantasies!!!
Since this woman was a concert pianist, I considered telling her that more than anything, he wanted me to shave my pussy. That way, if she indulged him, she'd have an itchy crotch the next time she was on stage.
I didn't though. I took the high road. Damn it.
Kira: Let's clarify. A good friend bails you out of jail after you've been arrested for killing your ex. A true friend brings a shovel and helps you bury the body before the arrests are made (so they never are).
Amanda--yes, I have a special savings account called, "Amanda's Bail Money" for just the right occasion! I won't let you down! Failing that, Angie and I can do as FW suggested and help you bury the body! And you're right...me and PB in the same room...one of us would not come out alive. I'll give you a clue: I would not be the dead one.
Angie--yeah, it takes a while for somebody to move up to 'inner circle' status with me too. I get scared when folks jump the gun on me...like this woman I worked with in Tampa when I was 18 who decided I was her long lost sister after two weeks...holy crap!
Laura--you're right, that would be totally awkward! You should have told her not that he liked shaved pussies (what if she didn't itch after shaving?), but that he liked bald WOMEN. That'd be so cool! Boom, suddenly she looks like Sinead O'Connor!
FW--you are totally correct. I guess I was visualizing assault and battery rather than murder, but in the case of Amanda's ex in particular, only murder would do.
April--that pisses me off to no end to hear that somebody violated your trust like that. I would never ever ever open up somebody's private journal like that, let alone share it with others...what a bitch! Hey, we already have this ditch dug for Amanda's ex, and there's room for another body...wanna add her into the hole?
Post a Comment
<< Home