I Have Seen the Face of Evil...
...and its name is Total Wine and More!
My GOD!!!!
I decided to stop into the new store in the area because my brother raved about the one in Raleigh. I thought, well, if I don't take a cart or basket, I will just LOOK, and maybe walk out with one bottle of wine. HAH! HAH HAH HAH!
The place is planned well, and they have every type of wine and champagne imaginable. The prices are pretty good, too. I was in awe. Wandering up and down the aisles back and forth, I felt lost and small amongst the copious bottles...but it was a happy lost and small.
I had a bottle of wine called Tom Cat, a Merlot, 2003, from New Zealand in a restaurant a while back. I have been looking in all the wine shops for the stuff to no avail. Lo, there it was! *and the chorus sings*
They had my favorite everyday table wine, Lindermans Bin 50 Shiraz (2004), and it was only $4.27 a bottle...holy batshit!
They had a section of recommended wines, and a section of highly rated wines. The wines are all alphabetical within their grape varietal or region. I spent the longest time staring at, drooling at, the Rhone section. Mmmm hermitage...chateauneuf du pape...oh yeah baby! Oh yeah!
Since I am broke, we will not discuss the purchase(s) that may or may not have been done at the time of my venture. All I can say is that I must avoid that store no matter what. I've done what Amanda and Angie call "accidental shopping" by walking in there, and I really can't afford to do that again! haha!
****************
How to teach a Frenchman to brake in your car, lesson one
As Alex barely taps on the brake for eternity and the car does not slow down much, and then slams on it to get the car to stop at the stop sign, Kira attempts to explain the normal way on how to brake but does not have success. Being the SUPER teacher she is, she comes up with an analogy that a Frenchman can understand!
Kira: "Alex! Stop making love to the brake! We are not caressing it lovingly and fondling it! It's more of a wham bam thank you ma'am type of thing!"
And note, he used the brake fine after that point.
It's knowing your audience, folks. I tell my students that all the time! Know your audience, and you can communicate your message more effectively!
My GOD!!!!
I decided to stop into the new store in the area because my brother raved about the one in Raleigh. I thought, well, if I don't take a cart or basket, I will just LOOK, and maybe walk out with one bottle of wine. HAH! HAH HAH HAH!
The place is planned well, and they have every type of wine and champagne imaginable. The prices are pretty good, too. I was in awe. Wandering up and down the aisles back and forth, I felt lost and small amongst the copious bottles...but it was a happy lost and small.
I had a bottle of wine called Tom Cat, a Merlot, 2003, from New Zealand in a restaurant a while back. I have been looking in all the wine shops for the stuff to no avail. Lo, there it was! *and the chorus sings*
They had my favorite everyday table wine, Lindermans Bin 50 Shiraz (2004), and it was only $4.27 a bottle...holy batshit!
They had a section of recommended wines, and a section of highly rated wines. The wines are all alphabetical within their grape varietal or region. I spent the longest time staring at, drooling at, the Rhone section. Mmmm hermitage...chateauneuf du pape...oh yeah baby! Oh yeah!
Since I am broke, we will not discuss the purchase(s) that may or may not have been done at the time of my venture. All I can say is that I must avoid that store no matter what. I've done what Amanda and Angie call "accidental shopping" by walking in there, and I really can't afford to do that again! haha!
****************
How to teach a Frenchman to brake in your car, lesson one
As Alex barely taps on the brake for eternity and the car does not slow down much, and then slams on it to get the car to stop at the stop sign, Kira attempts to explain the normal way on how to brake but does not have success. Being the SUPER teacher she is, she comes up with an analogy that a Frenchman can understand!
Kira: "Alex! Stop making love to the brake! We are not caressing it lovingly and fondling it! It's more of a wham bam thank you ma'am type of thing!"
And note, he used the brake fine after that point.
It's knowing your audience, folks. I tell my students that all the time! Know your audience, and you can communicate your message more effectively!
posted by Kira | 6:28 PM
13 Comments:
LOL! Ahhh so you are saying that cars + sex lingo isn't necessarily just a Frenchman's area, but a male area as a whole? Point taken! hahaha!
I just avoid wine stores. But I'll look for the Lindeman's Shiraz thingy. I wonder how much it will cost up here? (I bet twice as much.)
Oh my God...wine! I LOVE wine!
Like you, though, I have a hard time justifying the purchase of anything that's not totally necessary at this point.
But sometimes, wine is necessary. Like now. :)
S.C. - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
*deep breath*
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Funny, but oh so true.
"I've got your burrito right here." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
As a Englitch teacher, by "break" maybe you were giving us the French spelling of "brake"?
(Old comedian's advice to the youngster: "Brake a leg, kid.")
SC--LMAO! Yes, you are right!
FW--I find that it's usually about $6 to $7 in the grocery store. I like it! It's a good table wine/everyday wine. It's nothing exceptional, just tasty and drinkable with a variety of foods.
Laura--yes, that's what I think. I'm uhhh stressed from grading, so I NEED the wine, right? ;)
April--and truthfully? Haven't you HEARD a man use that line on ya before? LOL
Hoss--HOLY SHIT! *goes to fix post* you are so right. I don't know what I was thinking (or perhaps I was not thinking?). This is almost as bad as when Joe teased me for spelling tenent as tenant...except I left that one up and unedited. However, spelling brake as break about 6 times is too much for me to now stare at if I ever read over my blog entry, so I fixed it! *hangs head in shame*
Accidental shopping is the best! It's totally guilt-free, and you get some really cool stuff too.
As for my alcoholism, I'm in love with the blueberry beer. Yes, I had my own accidental shopping experience over beer.
I typed that and simultaneously thought, "must avoid ceiling fans...." I've been scarred for life.
all this talk of booze has made me want more strongbow! im off down the rub a dub!
Yes, Kira, I left the break/brake one alone, even though you are an English teacher. I am a model of forbearance. One might even say I gave you a break.
S.C.'s note about "I got your euphemism right here" reminds me of the all-purpose rejounder I've heard for any insult: "That's what your sister said when I let her up." Works better for men than women, I guess.
"Hey, fuck you!"
"That's what your sister said when I let her up."
"I'm gonna beat your ass!"
"That's what your sister said when I let her up."
"Stop commenting on my blog, God dammit!"
"That's what your sister said when I let her up!"
You probably get it by now. Yes, it's bad. But I have worse. ;)
"Know your audience..." I love that!! You are my hero!!
The wine thing? Part of my kitchen renovation involves a 6" wide base cabinet that holds five bottles of wine. I thought it would make me look cultured...so long as no one notices that all the bottles were brands which cost under $8.00. I digress. Naturally, I had to buy five bottles of wine to put in the five wine cubbies. Bad move. Now wine is ALWAYS available...well almost. I only have one bottle left now. Considering the cabinet was installed only about three weeks ago and I spent several days of that time in Boston, I'm not doing very well with MODERATION!
But hey...it's RED wine and that's supposed to be GOOD for you. (At Dolce Vita - cabernet, house brand. Paul - Sam Adams beer. We not REALLY cultured. We just enjoy doing a really LOUSY imitation!)
i drink zee beezos. you pay bavarian fine fer no drinking zee beezos!
OMG, SC, you are on today.
Kira, I'm happy you found your wine, about which I know so little--now, beer, on the other hand.
Now, will you please write a book entitled "How to teach a Frenchman..."? Thank you.
Hey, S.C., you should try reading or watching Crash -- not the current one; the one by J. G. Ballard.
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