Dumb Questions
As an instructor, it is difficult for me to balance out in my head the statement that was thrown out to me often as a child: "There is no such thing as a dumb question." See, I've learned that people say that to encourage individuals to open their mouths and ask rather than remain silent and confused. However, I think this approach often backfires. Yes, Virginia, there IS such a thing as a dumb question.
I can't tell you how many times I have to bite my tongue from dumb questions. Sometimes I just can't do it and something slides out. Typically, if I have gone over something like...the research paper should be six full pages long to eight pages long...and then a student asks seriously, "So, could you please tell us how long the research paper is?"...I usually just take in a deep breath and answer it. I feel like shouting, "Pay attention and you won't have to waste your breath."
Other times, though, I just can't help myself. The nature of the question is just so stupid that I can't...control...myself...
Student: Hey, Kira! I missed two days. Did you do anything while I was gone?
Me: (silence for a moment as I blink, then I answer) No. Not a damn thing. We did NOTHING at all because we were waiting for you. The class said, is he here yet, teacher, so we can learn? And sadly, sadly, I kept having to answer to them, no we cannot because he has not arrived, and all classes are futile and miserable without him. So, after milling about the room aimlessly for twenty minutes without you showing up, we started weeping, puting ash on our heads, and wearing sack cloth in mourning for you. Surely, we thought, NEXT class you would show up! But NO! No, we waited next time, and you never arrived then as well. "Class," I told them, "I am most sorry, but learning will never take place today either as he is not coming." "NO!" they wailed in response, "NO! NO!" But they looked around and discovered I told the truth, and lo there was much weeping.
If you are curious, yes, I actually DO regularly answer that question in the above fashion. It stuns him or her into silence.
Friday's dumb question had to do with the block quote format. A block quote is a direct quote from a work that is long enough that it needs to be set aside through indentation. Part of the format is that the quotes themselves are not used because the indentation and general presentation lets you KNOW it is a block quote. Only quotes can be set aside in this fashion. I explained to them all about it while we discussed their research papers. I also mentioned to them that as a general rule of thumb, no more than 10% of their papers should be direct quotes. More than that, somebody else really wrote the materials. I suggested that they summarize and paraphrase instead of using too many quotes. Then, I had the student (usually a student who keeps me royally entertained, by the way...I'm rather fond of him) ask the following.
Student: Well, ok, so block quotes won't count in that total 10%, right?
Me: Um, well, of course it would.
Student: But it doesn't have quotes around it!
Me: Um, but it's still a quote.
Student: Ah! But if there aren't any quotes around a block quote, it can't possibly count as a quote.
Me: (brief silence as I contemplate the sheer stupidity of the question) Um...dear, of COURSE it counts as a quote. It's not the "Block Chair Format." It's not the "Block Banana Format." It's not even the "Block Tree Format." Quaintly, it's the "Block Quote Format." Note the word quote? Guess what that means! It means it's a freaking QUOTE! Since it IS ACTUALLY A QUOTE regardless of the presence of quotation marks, it has to COUNT as a quote.
Student: Oh. Oh, I see. I'm sorry. For some reason I thought that was a reasonable question.
Me: Well, no. It's a pretty stupid question, actually, when you think about it.
Student: ok, you're right. It is.
I don't want to discourage them from asking questions, so I probably shouldn't be so, well, ME. I can't help it. It's ok. I warn them the first day of class if they can't handle sarcasm and are the sensitive sort, I'm not the teacher for them.
*****
When I picked up my second grader from school yesterday, she had her best friend with her for a playdate. Allie is a sweet child, and I like her mom. Allie is welcome here whenever she wants to come. I love to hear Ariana talk to her friends and see what she decides to say, do, or suggest. It facinates me to see her little brain work.
Allie told me nonchalantly on Friday that she gets a "Whoopin'" for every F she receives on her report card, and last quarter she had an F. I just sort of blinked, unable to respond. Although I know she has parents who love her, all I could think was, don't you think tutoring and helping her would be more effective? This is not a child who WANTS to fail or just isn't doing her homework. What the hell is spanking her going to do to prevent an F in the future? Oh well. I'm aware that I'm rather spoiled with having Ariana and Jared be so bright.
So, Ariana tells Allie all about Alex. "Here are the flowers Alex gave mommy! There's two sets because he gave her flowers twice in one day." Later on: "See mommy's engagement ring? It's bigger and more expensive than the one my daddy gave my mom a long time ago." (NOTE: OUCH! I did NOT point out anything of the sort nor imply anything of that nature...all I did was show her the engagement ring her daddy gave me and show her the box I'm keeping it in to give to her on her sixteenth birthday...). "We like Alex because he treats us like we're his too and he always does what we need him to do and he never fusses about it." Alex, Alex, Alex...she mentioned him a lot to Allie while they chattered away. I guess that's another sign that I made a good choice here for my family unit.
The last thing I noted as they talked was that my daughter has a back up man. She's eight years old, and my daughter has a BACK UP MAN. At dinner, she told Allie and me that she still loved Matthew a lot, but seeing as Matthew gave presents to Tori, maybe Matthew wouldn't work out in the end. "So, if Matthew continues to like Tori, I'll just go for Mark. I like Mark too." HAHA! Poor Mark. I wonder if he'd knock off Matthew if he knew? Mark's the geeky bookworm of the class, and he's a total sweetheart. He has glasses and a nice smile, and he absolutely worships the ground my daughter walks upon. Mark apparently only likes smart girls who can follow his train of thought, and Ari's the only girl in second grade he's deemed can do it.
Man, I love this age. Eight is fun. I don't want thirteen. No teenage years. We're going to skip to "Away at College" rather than deal with teen years. I've officially decided it!
I can't tell you how many times I have to bite my tongue from dumb questions. Sometimes I just can't do it and something slides out. Typically, if I have gone over something like...the research paper should be six full pages long to eight pages long...and then a student asks seriously, "So, could you please tell us how long the research paper is?"...I usually just take in a deep breath and answer it. I feel like shouting, "Pay attention and you won't have to waste your breath."
Other times, though, I just can't help myself. The nature of the question is just so stupid that I can't...control...myself...
Student: Hey, Kira! I missed two days. Did you do anything while I was gone?
Me: (silence for a moment as I blink, then I answer) No. Not a damn thing. We did NOTHING at all because we were waiting for you. The class said, is he here yet, teacher, so we can learn? And sadly, sadly, I kept having to answer to them, no we cannot because he has not arrived, and all classes are futile and miserable without him. So, after milling about the room aimlessly for twenty minutes without you showing up, we started weeping, puting ash on our heads, and wearing sack cloth in mourning for you. Surely, we thought, NEXT class you would show up! But NO! No, we waited next time, and you never arrived then as well. "Class," I told them, "I am most sorry, but learning will never take place today either as he is not coming." "NO!" they wailed in response, "NO! NO!" But they looked around and discovered I told the truth, and lo there was much weeping.
If you are curious, yes, I actually DO regularly answer that question in the above fashion. It stuns him or her into silence.
Friday's dumb question had to do with the block quote format. A block quote is a direct quote from a work that is long enough that it needs to be set aside through indentation. Part of the format is that the quotes themselves are not used because the indentation and general presentation lets you KNOW it is a block quote. Only quotes can be set aside in this fashion. I explained to them all about it while we discussed their research papers. I also mentioned to them that as a general rule of thumb, no more than 10% of their papers should be direct quotes. More than that, somebody else really wrote the materials. I suggested that they summarize and paraphrase instead of using too many quotes. Then, I had the student (usually a student who keeps me royally entertained, by the way...I'm rather fond of him) ask the following.
Student: Well, ok, so block quotes won't count in that total 10%, right?
Me: Um, well, of course it would.
Student: But it doesn't have quotes around it!
Me: Um, but it's still a quote.
Student: Ah! But if there aren't any quotes around a block quote, it can't possibly count as a quote.
Me: (brief silence as I contemplate the sheer stupidity of the question) Um...dear, of COURSE it counts as a quote. It's not the "Block Chair Format." It's not the "Block Banana Format." It's not even the "Block Tree Format." Quaintly, it's the "Block Quote Format." Note the word quote? Guess what that means! It means it's a freaking QUOTE! Since it IS ACTUALLY A QUOTE regardless of the presence of quotation marks, it has to COUNT as a quote.
Student: Oh. Oh, I see. I'm sorry. For some reason I thought that was a reasonable question.
Me: Well, no. It's a pretty stupid question, actually, when you think about it.
Student: ok, you're right. It is.
I don't want to discourage them from asking questions, so I probably shouldn't be so, well, ME. I can't help it. It's ok. I warn them the first day of class if they can't handle sarcasm and are the sensitive sort, I'm not the teacher for them.
*****
When I picked up my second grader from school yesterday, she had her best friend with her for a playdate. Allie is a sweet child, and I like her mom. Allie is welcome here whenever she wants to come. I love to hear Ariana talk to her friends and see what she decides to say, do, or suggest. It facinates me to see her little brain work.
Allie told me nonchalantly on Friday that she gets a "Whoopin'" for every F she receives on her report card, and last quarter she had an F. I just sort of blinked, unable to respond. Although I know she has parents who love her, all I could think was, don't you think tutoring and helping her would be more effective? This is not a child who WANTS to fail or just isn't doing her homework. What the hell is spanking her going to do to prevent an F in the future? Oh well. I'm aware that I'm rather spoiled with having Ariana and Jared be so bright.
So, Ariana tells Allie all about Alex. "Here are the flowers Alex gave mommy! There's two sets because he gave her flowers twice in one day." Later on: "See mommy's engagement ring? It's bigger and more expensive than the one my daddy gave my mom a long time ago." (NOTE: OUCH! I did NOT point out anything of the sort nor imply anything of that nature...all I did was show her the engagement ring her daddy gave me and show her the box I'm keeping it in to give to her on her sixteenth birthday...). "We like Alex because he treats us like we're his too and he always does what we need him to do and he never fusses about it." Alex, Alex, Alex...she mentioned him a lot to Allie while they chattered away. I guess that's another sign that I made a good choice here for my family unit.
The last thing I noted as they talked was that my daughter has a back up man. She's eight years old, and my daughter has a BACK UP MAN. At dinner, she told Allie and me that she still loved Matthew a lot, but seeing as Matthew gave presents to Tori, maybe Matthew wouldn't work out in the end. "So, if Matthew continues to like Tori, I'll just go for Mark. I like Mark too." HAHA! Poor Mark. I wonder if he'd knock off Matthew if he knew? Mark's the geeky bookworm of the class, and he's a total sweetheart. He has glasses and a nice smile, and he absolutely worships the ground my daughter walks upon. Mark apparently only likes smart girls who can follow his train of thought, and Ari's the only girl in second grade he's deemed can do it.
Man, I love this age. Eight is fun. I don't want thirteen. No teenage years. We're going to skip to "Away at College" rather than deal with teen years. I've officially decided it!
posted by Kira | 3:54 AM
15 Comments:
Yeah - the teenage years are tough. No question about that one. However, they sometimes do things to entertain you... When Anna and I went to that office on Friday afternoon, we got a direly needed laught-til-we-cried session...
She wanted to talk to her friend Garrett on her cell in the waiting room, but there were some other people in there. So, she told me she was going to talk in the bathroom. Off she went, and I noticed that she went in what I thought was the wrong one. But then, I can't see, so I was sure I must be mistaken. We could hear in chattering away in the waiting room. A man came out of the office and went the door where she was. He heard her talking and turned around. "Must be a unisex bathroom," I thought. "I can't see, and she can. I'm sure that's it." She continued to chatter. The man returned. She was still going. "Uhmmmm, ma'am... Are you Angie?" "Why yes, I am," I explained, not sure how he'd know my name. "And your daughter is in the bathroom here?" "Yes," I said, curious about why he wanted to know. "Well, you're meeting with me in a few minutes, but I think Anna must be in the men's restroom here..."
When I went to get here, it took me telling her 3 times before she realized where she was. She ran out, giggling, and the man went (HURRYING!) to the restroom before we went to our meeting...
We've laughed about this since it happened. It's been the best therapy...
There HAVE been kids who entered college at age 13. Hold your breath.
There definitely are stupid questions. I will say no more than that. Oh, and Ari is bright with the already having a backup man/plan in play. Good girl.
Ari has been taught well. All women should have at least one backup man. Once upon a time, a very wise woman encouraged me to have six men...one for each day of the week except Sunday. Hopefully, she's teaching Ari the same thing. ;)
I've always thought the "There are no stupid questions" quote was pretty stupid itself. What kind of questions do stupid people ask? What about the time I ordered a hamburger at the drive-thru and the cashier asked "Do you want this for here or to go?" How about when you offer a woman a lift and she asks "You aren't going to rape and kill me, are you?" Like I'm going to answer "Okay, yeah, I was. Busted. Is my face red or what?" Actually, my favorite response to that question is "Do you mean before or after you put the idea in my head?"
Yes! Another teacher who can't handle the inevitable "Did I miss anything?" Depending on the mood I'm in, I answer either with a similar response to yours or the exact opposite. "You were gone? Oh, we reviewed for the test, I passed out a pop quiz worth 50% of the points for the class, handed out the pre-lab, etc. etc." I read a poem once that answered that question in both ways and had one great line about an angel coming down and passing on the meaning of life and we're all going to leave now and spread the word of [insert your deity here]. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people who usually haven't either paid attention or thought for 2 seconds about what they're asking.
Right you are, Kira! Fast forward to "away at college." And when you figure out how to do that, please...PLEASE let me in on the secret! (I'm kidding! Surely I will treasure the adorable trials and tribulations of Queen Teen when they are safely in my distant past.)
I always told my kids that when you were born you were allotted a certain number of questions. They were only counted after they received an answer.
Did they really want me to answer that one or did they want to save it for something they really DIDN'T know?
High Druids Top Ten Dumb Questions:
10. Y’all playin’ cards?
9. Do I look fat in this?
8. Do you mind if I jump ahead of you in line?
7. You aren’t a cop . . . are you?
6. Are those real?
5. How did you get pregnant?
4. Is this thing loaded?
3. Are you awake?
2. You’re one of those girls who like anal, aren’t you?
1. Would you like to hear my Testament to Jesus Christ?
When doing traingings at work i always make sure to say "Questions are encouraged" and stuff like taht but never the dumb questions thing because there most defintiely are stupid ones. hehe
How do you always manage to come up with two - even three - great posts at the same time??? I am awestruck by your greatness!
Stupid questions are, at least, amusing!
You're daughter is so you!!
Hey, I am waiting to see what Alex came up with for Valentine's Day -- I had needled him that he used up his good idea for the proposal.
Did he come through?
Have I mentioned that I LOVE people who understand block quotations? I do. And I know I'm warped, but...
Ari sounds like a doll. My seven and a half year old daughter made a horrifying realization the other day. For years, she's said that one day she will marry her best friend Josh. Then, the other day, she said: "Mom, what if Josh doesn't want to marry me?"
Angie--I can't tell you how many of my students have told me in journals that their most embarrassing moment ever was using the opposite sex bathroom at a public place...haha! Poor Anna :)
Hoss--well, yes. I graduated two years early, so I know skipping of grades and whatnot can be done. My child is, of course, more brilliant than Dougie Howser too, so of course she could go to college at 13! Really! No really! :)
FW--yes, she already learned to have a back up man and not let men stress her. Let's hope this lesson holds after her hormones kick in too!
Amanda--I think she's got at least two right now. Mark is trailing her, and a little boy (another second grader) named Andrew gave her a carnation on Valentine's day. At first I thought that maybe he just sent one to all the girls for Valentine's day, but nope! Just Ariana! She has four more to go.
Grant--LMFAO! Ok, I can actually SEE you telling some chick, "Busted!" on the rape question. That's hilarious.
MR--yeah, that's really what it is. They're too busy plotting what's for lunch or if their cell phone has a text message waiting to concentrate on what teacher says, so their lack of attention means they miss what I'm saying. Still pisses me off to repeat myself!
Juanita--as soon as I figure it out, you'll be the first to know! I have that AND cloning Alex now on my agenda. I'm turning into a scientist in my old age.
doc-t--oh man. Words hurt way more than a smack across the head. The words always play out over and over in my head for years....brrr. Anybody who says words can't hurt you is a moron.
Valerie--that's ONE way to approach it...did you ever give them a particular number of questions per day or week just so you could tell them "That's NINE questions you have left this week, dear." Haha!
Terry--any woman who asks "do I look fat in this" deserves the answer she gets. Just sayin'.
CS--I think I get fewer dumb questions on the whole because shoot, I sort of rip 'em a new one when they ask a dumb question. I DO worry that it also makes others intimidated to ask legit questions, but hey...I yams who I yam.
Mandy--oh yeah! My daughter is totally me...haha! I see so much of myself in her that it's not even funny. She's largely a shy version of me, though. I was always more outgoing than she is in a new situation. She has to "warm up." Otherwise, tempermentally, we're very similar.
Innana--I can tell you the answer to that question better this weekend when we actually celebrate Valentine's Day. See, he's two hours away in Columbia, SC during the week. So we decided to celebrate Valentine's Day this weekend when we are together instead. That being said, I still received a dozen red roses at work (waiting for me in the Writing Center when I got back from class) AND! a dozen red roses at home for when I returned. I have more vases than a flower shop at this point. Not that I'm complaining. I am a total sucker for flowers! Some women don't get into them (like my sister who says "they die. I'd rather have a new shirt"), but I sure as hell do.
doc-t--you can officially be a student of mine now. Congratulations ;)
EM--just tell your daughter that she's then allowed to club Josh over the head and drag him off to her cave. No? Hmmm. Oh well. Suggest a back up guy to her like Ariana has...haha!
I read something today: "No question is too stupid to be asked. However, some questions are too stupid to be answered." -- Randal Schwartz (probably quoted incorrectly)
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