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Location: Upstate, South Carolina, United States

I think that the Meredith Brooks' song, "Bitch," summarizes me rather nicely. Or, if you prefer, X. dell says I'm a life-smart literary scholar with a low BS tolerance...that also works!

Friday, January 20, 2006

How It Went

I'm sure you are all dying to know how my ex took the news. You're not? Ok, then don't bother to read this! haha!

I was planning on discussing the situation this week when we exchanged kids. However, my ex had to pick up Ariana from school on Tuesday due to being sick (asthma + cold = miserable Ari). Apparently, Ariana did not want to wait until I could discuss it. She lept into the car and told him IMMEDIATELY the following pieces of information:

a) Mommy and Alex are engaged and the ring is beautiful!

b) Guess what? I call Alex daddy too!

OUCH.

I asked her later on in the most neutral of tones why she decided to share b) with her dad. She shrugged and said, well, I don't really know mommy.

So, I go to pick up Ariana at my ex's house and he almost immediately asks me to walk outside with him while he smokes a cigarette so we can "talk." Hmmm. He knows I'm allergic to smoke, so I realized instantly that Ariana must have told him the news.

He was not pleased, but he took it MUCH better than he could have, so I'm relieved. He said he thought about it and decided that there were only two things he needed to be concerned with...that I was happy and that the man in my life treated the kids well. As he realized that Alex is excellent to the kids and I seemed happy, then he had nothing to add. He DID have to throw in that he felt that Alex manipulated, coldly and calculatedly, my feelings and emotions to alienate me from the ex and get me to marry him one day. He really just seems happier believing it, and there's nothing I can do to change his mind. Alex is the least manipulative person I know (and those of you who have met him already realize that fact). Not only that, but I didn't even know Alex EXISTED when the problems started in March of 2000...nor did I know Alex existed when he took it upon himself to smack me upside the head in January of 2001 while I protectively cradled our newborn son in my arms (if I had to pick one moment where my feelings for the ex started to unravel, that'd be it for sure). In fact, I only knew of Alex when he joined a geek game online I was playing in, and at that time we barely spoke to each other (that'd be in the fall of 2001). In January of 2002, I told the ex that's it...we're getting a divorce...I've had enough. I didn't get to meet Alex until June of 2002. Oh well. He's happier believing that somehow, somehow, his behavior towards me didn't do the trick of making me flee. I can't change that...as Hoss says, so it goes.

I'm just relieved too that the ex has his law license back. YAY! He will be starting up again on Monday. He's honestly the best lawyer I know (was THAT the problem? HAHAHAHA!), and I would totally go to him for anything legal at the drop of a hat. I told him that I thought that working again after two and a half years of unemployment would help him STOP brooding and get his life back in order. He totally agreed. So, here's hoping!

It didn't go so bad. I couldn't have asked for more. Whew!

*****
Another side note...

If you are a male and you are in the shower, please make sure that Mr. Happy has all his soap rinsed off of him before you exit said shower. Otherwise, if your lover then decides to...well, um...please you the second you get out, she (or he) will feel like she's been a Naughty Girl who gets a bar of soap in her mouth for Being Bad. Thank you very much. This has been a public service announcement.

23 Comments:

Blogger April said...

It must be killing Rob inside to see you and the kids so happy. GOOD!

I'm glad that things went so well with him, even though the story would have been better if he had burst into tears and admitted what a goddess you are and how his existence is worthless without you and the kids. That's slightly mean, isn't it?

OH WELL!!

And you ARE a naughty girl for doing said acts......

6:29 AM  
Blogger Amanda said...

I'll just summarize and say, "Yep, what April said!"

And just where is the rest of that PSA?!?!? LOL

6:30 AM  
Blogger cookie monster said...

i had this nice reply bubbling up, that was until i read that last bit. ive know gone off me dinner!

6:33 AM  
Blogger Kira said...

April--well, the other week he already told me he missed me like crazy and only wanted me back, and that when he went into bars all he could think when he saw a woman was, "Who cares? I just want Kira." Is that close enough? See, THAT is the reason why I feared this whole convo would go so poorly...

And yeah, that's stuff you'd NEVER EVER DO, April *coughpinkeyecough* :)

Amanda--I was hoping you'd add the rest of the PSA in the comments section since the rest of it was your contribution. I didn't want to steal your thoughts on the matter, ya know?

Cookie--awww, what, the thought of that act repulses you? You're a strange man, Tony ;)

7:01 AM  
Blogger Grant said...

Now that he'll be working again, can you demand more child support? See, you can ask for more. :p

8:02 AM  
Blogger Juanita said...

Glad to hear it went well, especially in light of the fact that he regrets his past actions. Live and learn, Dude. Maybe he won't screw it up if he gets another chance...with someone ELSE!

9:11 AM  
Blogger April said...

I didn't say I wouldn't or don't do it, but I like being a naughty girl. =)

9:37 AM  
Blogger Canoes under my shoes said...

What Grant said...see if you can get more child support and maybe even BACK child support out of him!!! Buah ha ha ha ha!!!

I'm glad it went as well as can be expected. It may not be over, though. I can imagine someone like Rob might need to go through a few aftershocks before it finally sinks in. Lay low.

I can't believe Ari said that!!! (b) That would SUCK for him...but then again, it's not like he didn't deserve it. Maybe one day he'll see.

I know what you mean about the moment that things turn. I'm picturing that scene in my head...there's pretty much no turning back once something like that happens. When it's over, it's over.

And finally...

Was it the sweet, unassuming taste of Ivory, or the bold, taste-bud killing flavor of Safeguard??? Did it have a light aftertaste like Dial? Or a wasabi like sting of Zest??? Enquiring minds want to know.

9:42 AM  
Blogger Amanda said...

Hmm, nutella??

11:08 AM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

Well, good. It's over, and no more fretting. Whoopee.

12:59 PM  
Blogger GM said...

Cool, I'm glad that went well... Kids can say the darndest things, can't they? :P But given what it was, methinks it's not all that bad. Who knows, maybe Ye Olde Ex will even start to get a few more things through his head, in time...

Remove all soap... Right-o, will keep that in mind, heh.

2:41 PM  
Blogger Jezzy said...

Hmmm, way too much information, but thank you, I shall remember that.

3:56 PM  
Blogger Greg - Cowboy in the Jungle said...

Glad it went OK breaking the news to him. I don't envy the complications that your life has and I'm happy that this one passed relatively smoothly.

On the other topic... If he cleans it with tooth-paste instead of soap, you can cut back to brushing just once a day.

4:24 PM  
Blogger April said...

Greg's comment with the tooth-paste is too fucking funny.
HAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!

But I'm thinking that might burn it. I once brushed my teeth while taking a shower. Some of the tooth-paste foam ran out of my mouth, down my neck, over my breast, down my belly and right on to my vagina. I cried like a baby. Moral of the story; Do not perform oral sex on a woman after brushing your teeth.

6:41 PM  
Blogger Joseph H. Vilas said...

Jesus Christ -- after reading this, I'm never going to use any personal care products again. :)

9:00 PM  
Blogger Terry Mancour said...

I guess I have a slightly different take on Subject A than the others because I consider Rob a friend of mine, and I can imagine all too well what he must be going through. The more vindictive of your commentors will be happy to know that what he is feeling is likely a few orders of magnatude above what you wish upon him.

When a man has something special and precious, and loses it because of his own frailties and flaws, he spends the rest of his life up to his chin in regret. If he is wise he learns from his mistakes and tries to rebuild his life. If he is lucky, he may once again find something special and precious. But no matter what other happiness he is able to glean from his life, the scar of his failure and his loss will constantly ache, like a wound that won't heal. And when that failure means your children will call someone else "daddy", the pain is an icy, biting pain, the kind that not only lingers, but festers. Every time you see them it will be a bittersweet reminder of how much you have missed and how things may have been different. Eventally, when your children go through adolescence and into adulthood and try to put their lives in perspective it is rare that they will have a beneficial opinion of you. You have been severed from the best thing you ever did, and any other success you may achieve in life is constantly undermined by that.

Kira, you and Rob are two of the strongest personalities I know, and from my outsider's POV I saw early on the potential for greatness -- great happiness or great disappointment. I watched you back when you were first in love with Rob (you had a great ass -- how could I not?) and it was a passionate, intense, and highly entertaining courtship, filled with hours of CE, intellectual discussion, and occasionaly visits to the emergency room. But two such strong personalities were destined to have a tulmultuous time really working together. I am very happy that you have Alex, now, because while I have yet to meet him, I can tell by how you write that he has the kind of verbal and intellectual judo needed to deal with your attractive yet exhausting store of feminine crap, yet keep you from totally dominating him. He makes you happy, and that makes me happy. And I think that Rob is sincerely happy for you -- but every time he thinks about it there will be the sting of regret. I can only hope he finds someone as compatable as you did with Alex, so that he has an equal shot at happiness. I know that you do too, despite (and perhaps even because of) the pain you have endured in the relationship, because you are that kind of person.

And as ex's go, he ain't that bad. At least he didn't use you to get out of one bad relationship, toy with your emotions, break up with you and humiliate you in front of your closest friends in an intimate setting, insist on visiting your house to see your housemates while never speaking to you, noisily sleep with a few of those housemates in the room right next to yours, then have the temerity to MOVE INTO YOUR FREAKING HOUSE without you even being asked and continue to have loud and not particularly good sex in the room next door. Good times . . .

Oh, and don't do toothpaste. Toothpaste burns. Bad.

10:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, I'm glad the telling him part is over. I mean, that was a big hurdle, and you've cleared it. At least he's not being too difficult about it yet. Although, it seems to me, he's the one who's manipulative. He may do something later to make you miserable. But you probably are used to him being like that, so I'm sure you know.

I'm still just so excited that you guys are finally engaged! =o)

5:53 AM  
Blogger Greg - Cowboy in the Jungle said...

Sheeesh! All these tooth paste nay-sayers! Use the kiddy tooth paste (safe to swallow...). It tastes like bubble gum.

Or hell - give him an "avalanche." Just chew up a mouthfull of altoids before you go to work in him. ;-)

9:59 AM  
Blogger WordWhiz said...

Love the PSA!! I'm glad the news has been delivered and that it went well. I'm sure it's good to have that issue behind you!!

5:07 AM  
Blogger Edgy Mama said...

Methinks that the ex going back to work is the best news!

Sheesh, Greg, an avalanche? Is that like the Creme de Menthe trick? The things I learn from reading blogs...

5:51 PM  
Blogger Canoes under my shoes said...

I've got to reply to High Druid.

Mine was one of the mercenary comments, I'm sure. Rather than apologize, I'd like to explain.

Friends and wives have different expectations from a person. A friend expects a companion, a good friend expects honesty and compassion. A wife expects all of the above PLUS a secure home and a responsible partner.

I've never met either Kira or Rob personally, but I've gathered from Kira that security was sorely lacking in their husband/wife dynamic. Hitting your wife while she holds your new born baby is not only threatening in the moment, it leaves the lasting impression that you're capable of such action if provoked (or sometimes not) at any given time in the future. That sort of breach undermines any future communication and kills a marriage.

If a friend acts that way towards you, then they're most likely not going to remain a friend, right?

Touching on the responsibility part now...a natural part of fathering two children is taking care of them, emotionally and financially. I think it's perfectly normal for Kira to expect to receive child support, especially after having gone without adequate support for a very long time.

Do I feel sorry for Rob. Yes. Would it suck to be him? Yes! And who is to blame for the sorry position in which he finds himself today? Who raised his hand against his wife?

There is a difference between pitying someone and protecting them from the natural consequences of their actions. Do I pity him? Yes. Do I feel he should then be excused from his responsibilities to care for his children and to make ammends to Kira? No.

6:27 AM  
Blogger April said...

Nicely put Mrs. Sanchez!! I agree with everything you've written.

It's easy to feel badly for someone you're friends with when they've put themselves in a bad situation. And vice-versa.

9:19 AM  
Blogger Terry Mancour said...

A reply to the Sanchez reply:

Please note that I never once wrote anything that would in any way excuse his behavior, nor would I. Nor did I say that he should be excused from his financial obligations -- not at all.

What I said was that all of those readers who wished ill of Rob, and there seem to be a few here, well, y'all got your wish. I didn't ask you to feel sorry for him, though perhaps I may have elicited some sympathy. I did not ask you to excuse him. I merely pointed out that in the position that he finds himself in, for which he is ultimately responsible, is one of endless suffering and irevocable regret. You folks are Kira's friend, and I respect that and welcome your support of her. I'm one of the few here who know both of them. I was a groomsman at their wedding. I tried at one point to steal Kira away from Rob, but was rebuffed by the power and passion of their love for each other. So please pardon me if I have a slightly different perspective.

6:58 AM  

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