The Pen IS the Sword
Remember that old saying, "The pen is mightier than the sword"? Well, I contend that the pen IS a sword. All words can be used as weapons if the user is skilled enough. What really makes me ponder, however, is the decision by society to "condem" certain words as "curse words" that are inappropriate to use and wrong. Bad, bad johnny for saying shit! He said an awful word?
But is the word so bad...or is it how you USE the word?
If my five year old son stated, "Mommy, I need to go poo poo," nobody would blink. That's ok.
If my five year old son stated, "Mommy, I need to take a crap," there would be glaring at me for being a bad mom for teaching him that word.
If my five year old son stated, "Mommy, I need to take a shit," the gasps would be audible and the disgust would permeate the room. BUT WHY???
A pile of feces is a pile of feces is a pile of feces, folks. There's no subtlety to poo poo, crap, and shit that describes NICER feces. It's all doo doo. So why are some of these words "bad" and others acceptable? It's the random decisions of society.
Now, let's look at the word cow. Cow is not on the bad word list. We can say cow without anyone thinking it's horrid. However, if I walk up to somebody and say, "You are a stupid, fat cow," I've just taken an acceptable word and turned it mean.
I would rather my children shout out "Oh SHIT!" when stubbing their toe than to run around calling other children stupid, fat cows. It's how you use the words that matters...not the words themselves. But, I have already explained to my children that there are certain words they can't say no matter what the context or others will think ill of them. They have to know about society's norms...but I still object to some words being called "bad." The word cow is a penknife. The word shit is a claymore...a big ass, two handed claymore of doom that can lop off your head. But if I use the claymore to stab the dirt, is it so bad? And I can most assuredly kill you with a penknife if I wanted.
The words aren't bad. It's the use of the words that is bad.
And I suppose that's why I feel no shame about cursing :)
But is the word so bad...or is it how you USE the word?
If my five year old son stated, "Mommy, I need to go poo poo," nobody would blink. That's ok.
If my five year old son stated, "Mommy, I need to take a crap," there would be glaring at me for being a bad mom for teaching him that word.
If my five year old son stated, "Mommy, I need to take a shit," the gasps would be audible and the disgust would permeate the room. BUT WHY???
A pile of feces is a pile of feces is a pile of feces, folks. There's no subtlety to poo poo, crap, and shit that describes NICER feces. It's all doo doo. So why are some of these words "bad" and others acceptable? It's the random decisions of society.
Now, let's look at the word cow. Cow is not on the bad word list. We can say cow without anyone thinking it's horrid. However, if I walk up to somebody and say, "You are a stupid, fat cow," I've just taken an acceptable word and turned it mean.
I would rather my children shout out "Oh SHIT!" when stubbing their toe than to run around calling other children stupid, fat cows. It's how you use the words that matters...not the words themselves. But, I have already explained to my children that there are certain words they can't say no matter what the context or others will think ill of them. They have to know about society's norms...but I still object to some words being called "bad." The word cow is a penknife. The word shit is a claymore...a big ass, two handed claymore of doom that can lop off your head. But if I use the claymore to stab the dirt, is it so bad? And I can most assuredly kill you with a penknife if I wanted.
The words aren't bad. It's the use of the words that is bad.
And I suppose that's why I feel no shame about cursing :)
posted by Kira | 7:08 AM
11 Comments:
One of the things I love about the BBC sitcom "Father Ted" is the way they shamelessly get away with using slightly alternative swear words like arse, shite, and feck.
On a similar note, that reminds me of the way society treats certain themes on TV. Murder has always been fully acceptable. Sex is okay as long as you don't use certain words to describe it or show the act itself. Flatulance is right out. I wonder who created that list of priorities.
Amen, Grant! It honestly freaks me out to see how frequently someone is murdered on TV. I can't turn on the TV in front of my kids at high noon without seeing someone gun someone else down. (OK, I DO turn the TV on during the day, and when I do, invariably there is some ad for a violent/scary movie that I see my kids taking in before I can jump over the couch to grab the remote and change the channel).
Kira, the pen IS mightier than the sword. That little drama regarding what I wrote on my blog is strong proof to me that words hurt and that you get whatever meaning you do from them always in reference to your own experience/perceptions.
(Shit...I've got to go work now. Damn).
In my experience (and considering my current professional position, it’s a pretty thorough experience of just this matter) the idea of “good” words and “bad” words isn’t as big an issue as the “appropriate” word for a situation. Sure, a pile of feces is a pile of feces . . . but we live in a highly complex and sophisticated society where our word choice is, indeed, automatically used to build assumptions about our character, background, education level, and degree of sophistication. This has become acutely important to me as I am both trying to acculturate my children appropriately while at the same time describe explicit sex acts in a marketable fashion without recourse to profanity. Yes, my company has very strict standards about that: no “fuck, shit, whore, slut,” and about 95 other words that are verboten. Wouldn’t want to offend the God-fearing Christians who are buying “Naughty Anal Schoolgirls #4” or “Interracial Coxxx & Soxxx 6”.
Is it appropriate for my son to scream “oh, shit!” when he stubs his toe? Probably not, even though he has, because his mother (who cusses like a sailor at inappropriate times) does so all the time, only infrequently changing course at the last second: “Oh, shi—ugar!” I have had to explain to my son frequently the importance of appropriate speech, taking into account the exact circumstances of the situation.
That doesn’t mean that we don’t swear: indeed, a healthy command of invective I find indispensable, and would never dream of depriving my children of the same. The issue, again, is to find appropriate profanity, allowing them to express themselves without Kira’s aforementioned glares and gasps. So I’ve been teaching my children to swear . . . in other languages.
For example, when my six-year-old stubs HIS toe, he might say “merde!” (That’s “shit” in French, Kira . . .) or, better yet, “Go se!”, “dogshit” in Mandarin. Then there is “Ay, Caramba!”. To him, they are all expletives that allow him to express himself, knowing full well what they mean, while most of the adults around him look confused, instead of glaring.
Of these, I find Mandarin to be the coolest. I’ve been teaching My Boy a few useful phrases: “Gun-hoe-tze-bee-dio-se”, or “engaging in a feces hurling contest with a monkey”, to point out a useless or pointless exercise that will lead to no good (such as antagonizing his sister); “Hwoon dahn!” for Sonuvabitch!; “Luh suh” for shitty; “Tzao gao” for “Oh, shit!”; “Pi gu” for ass; and in a few years I’ll start him on “Tah ma deh” for motherfucker and “Tian xiz shou you de ren dou gai si” for “fuck everything in the universe to death.”
When the adult strangers hear these things and ask what the hell he just said, I’m teaching him to scowl with exasperation and say, “What, you don’t know Mandarin?” and stalk off muttering under his breath.
I fully expect to spend a lot of time in the principal’s office. Of course, that just means I’m a fahng-tzong fung-kwong duh jeh. But I can live with that.
Grant--yes, I'm with you on the bewilderment on content for TV. I noticed in England that they allow more to be shown for sex/bare bodies/etc than we do, and less in violence. I think that makes more sense.
Laura--yes, you just added the secondary thought to the mix: some words have slightly different meanings for EACH PERSON due to personal experience, culture, etc. Well, like the words shut up...in America, that's not a nice thing to say but it's not horrid. In other cultures, that's about the rudest thing you can say. So, I've taught my kids that we don't generally use that phrase with other people. Also, let's even look at the word "mother." If you had a great mom, that word can have warm fuzzy connotations. If you had a bitch queen, that word might make you shudder. Once again, it's not the word itself, it's how it is wielded.
Terry--I have already started on my own personal journey of French swear words. The French have no issue with cursing. Everybody can curse; it's quite all right, and can even be an art form to them (just like any wit with words can be to a French person). Therefore, of course I am familiar with merde! My favorite is "mange te merde et creve" (hopefully I spelled that right...my French spellchecker is at work...haha!). That one basically means, eat shit and die. Or "putain de dieu!" as a general exclaimation (whore of god). I use them in classes sometimes because that way I can get away with my expression without anybody running off to my boss and bitching :) haha! The mandarin is even better, though, because who the hell on the East Coast knows mandarin chinese? Perfect! I'll have to step on it and learn some mandarin :)
Angie--I'm guilty of occasionally saying "that's retarded", actually. Sigh. That one was THE most common phrase amongst my fellow high schoolers when I was younger. The one my students say more is "that's gay," which makes me wonder about if they're saying that's happy or that's homosexual ;) You're right, though, that the implication isn't a pleasant one. I, too, would rather have a good ol' fight than the sparring of words. As my ex sister in law said one time: the problem with words is that once they are said, they can never be unsaid. Absolutely. The person can claim later on that he or she didn't mean them "just like that", but there they are, swimming around in your head until you drown with them...
Druid, just don't take that kid to Chinatown, OK?
ROFLMAO! Kira, is that hidden message in the title?? Or am I still suffering from from my mental lapse??
So, it's okay to say: "You're a horse's claymore"??
(This needs something.....)
Druid, you have just scored major "Hell" points with me ;)
That is excellent stuff. I use to insult people in English in France, then insult people in French in England.
Of course, at the end, if I really didn't like them, I used my fists like any little boy.
I have found that if I want to hurt someone badly though, I can do it by using words much more than my firsts. It isn't by using "bad" words though, but by using "normal" words intelligently.
I like being able to swear in France. I find this very liberating and I miss this in the USA. Kira has taught me some nice ones to use in public though and when I really need to swear, I use French: putain de merde!, putain de dieu!, putain! fais chier sa mère, bordel de couille!, enculée !, salope!, enculée de putain de bordel de merde!, are some of my favorites.
I'm with you Kira. My kids know "curse" words, because I use them, but I've had to explain when it's okay and not okay for them to use them. Which can be confusing for them.
I got a call from my son's church-run nursery school. He had dropped a block on his foot and yelled, "God damn it!" in front of the entire class of two-year-olds. I was so happy that he used the phrase appropriately!
Laura--Terry doesn't live near a Chinatown, so he should be safe :)
Amanda--could be a hidden message! Should I have said that the pen IS the excalibur? Would that have been better? haha!
Hoss--LMAO! Well, but think of how satisfying the confusion will be when you get disgusted at somebody and call him a Claymorehead :)
Alex my love--you know what? Even cursing in French sounds sexy. Haha!
EM--hahaha! I'm sure that went over well. My niece Jill was three when she lept onto a chair at her mommy's morning out program at church and screamed to the child who took away her toy, "STOP IT! YOU'RE PISSING ME OFF!" Oh man, the teacher had a cow about it, but the rest of the family was entertained. Or when my son at four shouted out at Alex's house while playing a video game: "Awwww CRAP!" I sighed, and I started to explain to him that although mommy said that word, that if he said it around other people they'd probably think it was bad...and he cut me off, rolling his little boy eyes. "Aw, mom, I KNOW not to say that word at SCHOOL!" was his retort. Well. Um. Ok then. Sounds good. HAHAHA!
I hate to say this for it's lack of personality so to say, but what a great post! You make such a wonderful point.
I am able to use the word fuck as a noun, adjective, verb, and preposition (don't ask). I say it entirely too much, obviously.
I really like how Terry is teaching the whole Mandarin thing. I'm going to be a copy cat because Ethan will just LOOOVE saying bad words in another language.
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