...and a month later...
Well, here's the update. Good news: Alex has a job! Bad news: it's two hours away from the house! Sigh. We just really don't have a choice at this point. We'll have to be Alex-less Monday through Friday, save for holidays and some of the summer when we can drive up and spend time with him when he gets home from school. This will last for a minimum of a year, likely two years. His salary is good, but it'll be eaten up largely by the fact that we have two households to support. However, as long as I work too, we'll be able to save money. Seriously--SAVE money. Isn't that the most amazing thing you've ever heard??? First of all, we'll save money for a new car for Alex since his wants to die. Then we'll save for a baby and a house. The baby may or may not happen because the factory closes at 40. That leaves a year and a half to get pregnant, and I'm not even going to try until next year. We'll see if that works.
The first few months will be a little tight. First of all, Alex still has to get a crown (expensive!). Then he has to buy some furniture for his new place (expensive!). And then we have to pay for the car to be fixed. Somebody tried to break into our car...sigh. It appears that a circle of thugs came into our apartment complex and tried to break into something like six or seven cars. The police were called because somebody spotted them, and when they arrived they found one of them and chased him into the woods. Nobody was caught. Meanwhile, they destroyed our ignition trying to get his car. It's funny because Alex's car is old and has 180,000 miles on it. Why try to steal that? Why not my one year old Mazda 3? Well, mine looks like it has a security system on it even though it doesn't....and the locks are way harder to pick. I guess that's the answer. So, I estimate that nothing will be put into savings until Sept when I start back up at Clemson and get paychecks. But then we should be able to put most of my paycheck into savings, so that will be good.
My job at Total Wine and More is going well on the whole. I'm learning a lot, and I'm loving the 30% discount on the wine (but not beer except some Belgian beers...and not the liquor). Since I can only work weekends, though, due to child care issues, I'm not sure how long I can last with it. I mean...weekends are the only time I can see Alex! I'll have as much fun as I can until that point, though.
The month of May has been insane. I've given exams, graded papers and exams, volunteered at the kids' school, worked at Total Wine, and had not a single day of a break so far. But at least this weekend we get to visit Grant in Atlanta again, so I'll have a good vacation then! Grant always spoils us rotten and makes us feel so damned welcome. It's always fun to see him.
****
There's a bully in our apartment complex. The little boy keeps trying to terrorize this three year old girl (please don't ask me why her idiot parents think that her eight-year-old sister is a sufficient babysitter to let her out on the lawn). My daughter is not very tolerant of that sort of behavior, so when he grabbed the little girl's new bike with training wheels and wouldn't give it back to her, Ariana told him he'd better give it up or else. Then he ignored her and tried to bike off, so Ari grabbed him and pushed him off the bike. Then she gave it back to the little girl while the stunned nine-year-old slunk off. Then she came in immediately and told us what happened. We've known the stunts this boy has pulled for a while, and we know he does not respond to anything approaching logic. My DSS instinct tells me that his home life is the cause of it all for a variety of reasons too long to list, but that doesn't mean that he has the right to make other children be bullied and experience hell.
I mean really, isn't that the root of Columbine and other school shootings? Kids who tease and ignore and poke at those who are different, those they think they can muscle? Somewhere, it has to be stopped. Now, Ariana is not very happy pushing or grabbing people. She's a sweet kid who would give the shirt off her back to a person who needed it. When she came up, she fretted about doing the right thing, and Alex at first sighed and said she shouldn't touch this kid but get a parent...
...except the three year old's parents don't ever care if their kids are bullied...her older sister has gone with her little sister to tell their parents what happened, and they just DO NOT CARE. What is that like, as a parent, to not care about your child's welfare? Not something I've ever experienced personally....
...and that's when I interrupted. "No, she did the right thing. He wouldn't get off; she took care of that without punching or actually hurting him. She just made it clear that he could NOT get away with hurting her friends." I know at Ari's age, I would have punched the guy in the nuts and trampled on his chest. I'm not even kidding, and my family can back me up on that. I was not very tolerant of that sort of crap, and my two older brothers taught me to fight so I usually won. I don't necessarily want her to go around beating up assholes like I did as a child, but the fact that I've raised a child who knows right from wrong and tries to stop it when she sees it makes me proud. I know some parents would be like, "oh no! You can't touch that boy! Get the parents!" and that sounds great until you read what I wrote above: her parents DO NOT CARE. Your first clue was that she's three and wandering outside the apartment without a parent watching her (and for those of you saying call DSS over this, since the parents have their porch door open and the 8 yr old is with her, they won't do anything--I know that one for sure). So, who protects her?
Well, apparently my daughter does. And she came and told us immediately, showing her concern that she did "the right thing." I told her to never punch or hit unless it was self defense and she couldn't get to us first. I told her that pushing him off the bike was acceptable as long as she wasn't aiming to slam him on the cement or anything. And I felt proud of her for wanting to defend those who have no defense.
The boy tried to tell Alex when he went to get the mail that "your daughter pushed me!" After a back and forth, he grumbled that he WAS going to get off the bike. Alex responded coolly, "Then I guess you didn't get off fast enough." But my favorite line was this one: "And you're just damn lucky my wife didn't get to you first. She'd have come after you with a chainsaw." BAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, he knows me.
The little boy does apparently look up to Ari after all that. When she told him that his continued behavior meant she wouldn't play with him, he said, "but I haven't done anything to YOU!" She responded: "But you did it to my friends, and that's the same thing."
I realize some of you will object to the idea that I told my daughter it was ok to protect that three year old that way. And...I don't care. We make these decisions as they arrive, and from every angle I have looked at the situation, I think it was absolutely fine that Ariana pushed the kid off the bike. It didn't hurt him, and it let him know that he wasn't going to get away with bullying. You may not be fine with that. But I am. And I'm also proud. My daughter will stand up for injustice, even if she could get hurt by standing up. For ME and MY ethical composition, this swells my heart with joy that I've raised her right. I couldn't love her more.
The first few months will be a little tight. First of all, Alex still has to get a crown (expensive!). Then he has to buy some furniture for his new place (expensive!). And then we have to pay for the car to be fixed. Somebody tried to break into our car...sigh. It appears that a circle of thugs came into our apartment complex and tried to break into something like six or seven cars. The police were called because somebody spotted them, and when they arrived they found one of them and chased him into the woods. Nobody was caught. Meanwhile, they destroyed our ignition trying to get his car. It's funny because Alex's car is old and has 180,000 miles on it. Why try to steal that? Why not my one year old Mazda 3? Well, mine looks like it has a security system on it even though it doesn't....and the locks are way harder to pick. I guess that's the answer. So, I estimate that nothing will be put into savings until Sept when I start back up at Clemson and get paychecks. But then we should be able to put most of my paycheck into savings, so that will be good.
My job at Total Wine and More is going well on the whole. I'm learning a lot, and I'm loving the 30% discount on the wine (but not beer except some Belgian beers...and not the liquor). Since I can only work weekends, though, due to child care issues, I'm not sure how long I can last with it. I mean...weekends are the only time I can see Alex! I'll have as much fun as I can until that point, though.
The month of May has been insane. I've given exams, graded papers and exams, volunteered at the kids' school, worked at Total Wine, and had not a single day of a break so far. But at least this weekend we get to visit Grant in Atlanta again, so I'll have a good vacation then! Grant always spoils us rotten and makes us feel so damned welcome. It's always fun to see him.
****
There's a bully in our apartment complex. The little boy keeps trying to terrorize this three year old girl (please don't ask me why her idiot parents think that her eight-year-old sister is a sufficient babysitter to let her out on the lawn). My daughter is not very tolerant of that sort of behavior, so when he grabbed the little girl's new bike with training wheels and wouldn't give it back to her, Ariana told him he'd better give it up or else. Then he ignored her and tried to bike off, so Ari grabbed him and pushed him off the bike. Then she gave it back to the little girl while the stunned nine-year-old slunk off. Then she came in immediately and told us what happened. We've known the stunts this boy has pulled for a while, and we know he does not respond to anything approaching logic. My DSS instinct tells me that his home life is the cause of it all for a variety of reasons too long to list, but that doesn't mean that he has the right to make other children be bullied and experience hell.
I mean really, isn't that the root of Columbine and other school shootings? Kids who tease and ignore and poke at those who are different, those they think they can muscle? Somewhere, it has to be stopped. Now, Ariana is not very happy pushing or grabbing people. She's a sweet kid who would give the shirt off her back to a person who needed it. When she came up, she fretted about doing the right thing, and Alex at first sighed and said she shouldn't touch this kid but get a parent...
...except the three year old's parents don't ever care if their kids are bullied...her older sister has gone with her little sister to tell their parents what happened, and they just DO NOT CARE. What is that like, as a parent, to not care about your child's welfare? Not something I've ever experienced personally....
...and that's when I interrupted. "No, she did the right thing. He wouldn't get off; she took care of that without punching or actually hurting him. She just made it clear that he could NOT get away with hurting her friends." I know at Ari's age, I would have punched the guy in the nuts and trampled on his chest. I'm not even kidding, and my family can back me up on that. I was not very tolerant of that sort of crap, and my two older brothers taught me to fight so I usually won. I don't necessarily want her to go around beating up assholes like I did as a child, but the fact that I've raised a child who knows right from wrong and tries to stop it when she sees it makes me proud. I know some parents would be like, "oh no! You can't touch that boy! Get the parents!" and that sounds great until you read what I wrote above: her parents DO NOT CARE. Your first clue was that she's three and wandering outside the apartment without a parent watching her (and for those of you saying call DSS over this, since the parents have their porch door open and the 8 yr old is with her, they won't do anything--I know that one for sure). So, who protects her?
Well, apparently my daughter does. And she came and told us immediately, showing her concern that she did "the right thing." I told her to never punch or hit unless it was self defense and she couldn't get to us first. I told her that pushing him off the bike was acceptable as long as she wasn't aiming to slam him on the cement or anything. And I felt proud of her for wanting to defend those who have no defense.
The boy tried to tell Alex when he went to get the mail that "your daughter pushed me!" After a back and forth, he grumbled that he WAS going to get off the bike. Alex responded coolly, "Then I guess you didn't get off fast enough." But my favorite line was this one: "And you're just damn lucky my wife didn't get to you first. She'd have come after you with a chainsaw." BAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, he knows me.
The little boy does apparently look up to Ari after all that. When she told him that his continued behavior meant she wouldn't play with him, he said, "but I haven't done anything to YOU!" She responded: "But you did it to my friends, and that's the same thing."
I realize some of you will object to the idea that I told my daughter it was ok to protect that three year old that way. And...I don't care. We make these decisions as they arrive, and from every angle I have looked at the situation, I think it was absolutely fine that Ariana pushed the kid off the bike. It didn't hurt him, and it let him know that he wasn't going to get away with bullying. You may not be fine with that. But I am. And I'm also proud. My daughter will stand up for injustice, even if she could get hurt by standing up. For ME and MY ethical composition, this swells my heart with joy that I've raised her right. I couldn't love her more.
posted by Kira | 5:08 PM
14 Comments:
There's a time for just about all things in life, and on rare occasions, there IS a time to defend yourself/others. I agree with you. She did the right thing.
Oh... and congrats to Alex on the job!
Sounds to me like they all need to be put down. Have Ari watch Dexter over the summer in place of bible camp. This will further our goal of raising her to be my ideal bride.
"But you did it to my friends, and that's the same thing."
Bravo!
And what is this phrase "saving money"? Is that a French thing? I've never heard of it. More information, please! :-)
I live in your general area. If you check the starting part of the classifieds, you can find estate auction sales. You bid on what you want and can get items you need for pennies on the dollar. We bought an antique bedroom suit---queen/vanity/dresser that had a mattress set that was less than 3 years old for $250. Congrats on the job and good luck with furnishing the other place.
"But you did it to my friends, and that's the same thing."
That's simply proof that Ari is Kira's child. I've heard those exact words come out of Kira's mouth many, many times. And there's not a doubt in my mind Kira and Ari would both follow through on those words!
it really is difficult when you hv to be away from family for job. but that is life has to put up with. you might be missing alex a lot i think.
Hey Kira,
Rob Gordon, here. I know you may not remember me as you have quite a few students over the years...I took English with you at TCTC circa 2003-2004. I was an ex-sailor...you always called me Robert. I was in the same class with Britney Bruce and Sharon Tilson (if you remember them.)
Anyway, I follow your blog on and off when I think about it...yeah, you made an impression along with Cinder Cooper (English also) and Bruce Herzog (Math). Honestly, the three of you are the only Professors' names that I remember.
I finished and graduated from Southern Illinois in 2004 with a BS in Workforce Ed. and Development. I am currently working for the State as a Training Coordinator for the Transportation Office (School Buses). ...still in the Upstate...Walhalla.
Anyway, to comment on this particular post...good for Arianna! I'm sure the parent/parents of the bully would be the first ones to confront any other child/parent if it were THEIR child on the receiving end but they could care less that other children are being bullied by him. Sometimes it is probably best to let the children work out their own issues...thankfully Arianna has the courage and fortitude to stand up for herself and others...very admirable qualities that should serve her well into and throughout her adult life. Once again, "Bully" for her (as TR would say)!
There is nothing wrong with asserting yourself (a lesson I need to learn). GO ARI!
Sorry about the 2 hr commute. That stinks. Money good. Distance bad.
And saving? Wooooooow!
(1) Good thing for the discount. I'd hate to think that you're drinking your earnings.
(2) That Alex has gotten a position is fantastic, no matter where it is. I wish you well with the adjustment, and I have a feeling that you'll eventually be able to work things out so that everyone's in the same town seven days a week.
(3) Ari's behavior is quite understndable. The bullying mentality has always been there, but it nowadays it seems to be on steroids. As far as I can tell, Ari doesn't have any tendencies towards violence, and she questioned her behavior afterward. So I wouldn't worry about her. Besides, one could easily make the argument that by defending the girl's property, she was defending the other girl, for many view their stuff as extensions of themselves.
The most important thing is whether or not that boy learned his lesson. I'd also be curious to know if you received any flak from the boy's parents.
Still laughing at the chainsaw comment...hahahahhahahah
Angie--yes, I really feel like she made the right decision. It was so rough for her because she's not mean like me ;) But in the end, she felt like it was ok too. Even better: the guy doesn't bother the little girl anymore.
Grant--she rehung the Hello Kitty doll in her room. Indeed, she has great potential for you.
NWJR--French? Save money? Bwahahaha! No, that's not a cultural thing there either ;) I'll let you know when it actually happens around Sept what it's like.
JMO--thanks for the good suggestions! I didn't even think of that, to be honest...
Amanda--yup, I think she did indeed pick up that line from me. The only time that rule is awkward to enforce is if it's two friends squabbling. I had to deal with that a lot when I was in high school--my two closest friends had issues with each other, and so I generally tried to just stay out of it. Otherwise, you're right: "but you did it to my friends, and that's the same thing" is a motto I live by myself.
Sandy--well, we've had to do it before. While we were engaged and for the first eight months of our marriage, Alex lived two hours away while he finished up his MBA. We just had been hopeful that we'd never have to do that again! So, I know for a fact that I'll miss him to death, but hopefully it'll just be for a year or two and we'll be back in the same house!
Robert! Yes! I do remember you. I had conversations with you about how we didn't like how the Mosaics book had some of the questions laid out, and you were also the one who gave me the bit of advice that I've always remembered...that it's best to just do what you need to do because the administration never really knows what's going on in a classroom anyway. I've found that to be quite true. I received an invitation to Britany's wedding, but I was unable to go. I kept in touch with Sharon for a year or two after our class, but I lost contact with everybody when I started over at Clemson. I've run into a few of my old students who transferred there, though. Glad to hear you went all the way through and got your BS! Awesome. As for my daughter, I tend to agree. I think it took strength and courage to stand up for the little girl. I'm proud of her because she managed to handle the situation without overdoing it like I would have done at her age...
Laurita--do you want me to send Ariana on out there for an Assertiveness Training class? ;) The other encouraging part of this whole event is that it's shown me once again that my 10 yr old preteen is fairly immune to peer pressure. DAMN do I hope that continues!!!
X.dell--1) I do drink my earnings...just not all of them! Haha! 2) yes, in this economy and with the "burden" of him not being an American citizen, we felt that it was a good offer and position. It's a stepping stone to get where he wants to be, and sometimes we need to do some pruning before we see some real growth. 3) Ariana was definitely defending the other girl. The girl was crying, and Ari felt that she had to step in to make her feel better. And no, the boy's parents gave us no flak because they don't give a rip about their son or what he's doing...and now you know why he's a bully!!!
FF--well, you're a mom, so you know how true those emotions can be. We protect our young like mama grizzly bears, right? Haha!
I'm late again! I heart you two. Have you thought about relocating to half way?
I bought my first new furniture ever two years ago. I got a bed, 2 love seats, three lamps, and two end tables.
I bought used from good will's and yard sales all the time we had kids and don't regret it. I was amazed at what some people think of as "not good enough to keep".
I was also against bully tactics. I still am. And the little boy bad really wants to be accepted, liked and included in like everyone else. Tell Ari it's ok to be nice to him when he is behaving.
It may make a difference in all the kids lives to see adults that care like you and Alex. Maybe a sandwich and chips "picnic" outside for all the kids once would be fun for you and them.
Just keep hanging in there and loving!
It's so cool Rob got in touch with you!
We can't really relocate half way because the ex wouldn't go for it and the kids would be in a different school. Hopefully, though, we can convince the ex by next year that it's best for the kids to move to Rock Hill. Then everything would be lovely!
As far as the bully goes, we found out he has a total crush on Ariana. Unfortunately, he displayed this emotion by carving "I love A" on somebody's truck...sigh. I wish I could get him to respond to me and not his ass parents, but since that's not the case, it's best for Ari to stay away right now. I've managed to reach out and help two of the lost soul kids here so that they can play peacefully with others (and Ari has done a lot with those two as well), but not with this one. Still, at least he leaves Ari and her friends alone now! It's been a great life lesson for Ariana, though. I don't regret that. She's seen people from all sorts of backgrounds, religions, and ethnicities. She's reached out to all of them. This is NOT a child who has led a sheltered life, and I'm grateful. I see her blossom under these strenuous circumstances, and I know it's good for her. I, personally, was sheltered for too long. I will not do my kids that disservice.
And yes, we love in honor of you and your beloved, Val :) All is good here! Sure, we get our bumps, but all is good.
Post a Comment
<< Home