Twitch, Twitch
Things that settle me down when I am anxietized:
massage
sex
zoloft
lots of high grade chocolate
winning the lottery...ok, I've never won the lotto, but I'm assuming it'd settle me
alcohol
Items on this list I can do or take or accomplish:
zero
Massage and sex is Alex, and that's part of the reason why I'm worked up. His visa HAS to arrive in the mail on the promised date of tomorrow because his plane leaves on Saturday. So, he's not here, and that means no options there.
Zoloft...been off it for a few years. Don't have any in the house. No health insurance, either.
High grade chocolate...no. Although Alex is bringing me some, so damnit, another reason I need him here.
Winning the lotto...gotta enter to win so I'm screwed there.
Alcohol...oh I've got alcohol here, but right now I'm still in the OH GOD NO NO NO SHUT UP GET IT AWAY ARRRGGGHHH! phase with alcohol after Friday night's debauchery.
So, I remain worked up.
Why am I worked up, besides Alex? Well, student Z stuff (long story, but attacker is indeed on campus). Will I have gas? Plus, I'm reading too much about what's going on in New Orleans and it makes me just want to puke. I'm clinging to my kids and saying stay healthy, don't get caught up in a natural disaster. Lots to do organizing classes. And then I think about Alex, gas, and Z and I realize, well, people in N.O. are getting raped too and starving and dying and there are corpses everywhere, so shut up.
Twitch, twitch.
It will be all right, yes?
*peeks in Pandora's box and sees hope cowering in the corner*
massage
sex
zoloft
lots of high grade chocolate
winning the lottery...ok, I've never won the lotto, but I'm assuming it'd settle me
alcohol
Items on this list I can do or take or accomplish:
zero
Massage and sex is Alex, and that's part of the reason why I'm worked up. His visa HAS to arrive in the mail on the promised date of tomorrow because his plane leaves on Saturday. So, he's not here, and that means no options there.
Zoloft...been off it for a few years. Don't have any in the house. No health insurance, either.
High grade chocolate...no. Although Alex is bringing me some, so damnit, another reason I need him here.
Winning the lotto...gotta enter to win so I'm screwed there.
Alcohol...oh I've got alcohol here, but right now I'm still in the OH GOD NO NO NO SHUT UP GET IT AWAY ARRRGGGHHH! phase with alcohol after Friday night's debauchery.
So, I remain worked up.
Why am I worked up, besides Alex? Well, student Z stuff (long story, but attacker is indeed on campus). Will I have gas? Plus, I'm reading too much about what's going on in New Orleans and it makes me just want to puke. I'm clinging to my kids and saying stay healthy, don't get caught up in a natural disaster. Lots to do organizing classes. And then I think about Alex, gas, and Z and I realize, well, people in N.O. are getting raped too and starving and dying and there are corpses everywhere, so shut up.
Twitch, twitch.
It will be all right, yes?
*peeks in Pandora's box and sees hope cowering in the corner*
posted by Kira | 6:56 PM
8 Comments:
Shaddap Bryce...
Anyhoo...
Kira, Alex will be there for sex, massage, chocolate and more soon. Hold on.
What's going on in New Orleans doesn't nullify the stress in your life. Nobody's holding a suffering contest. You have a right to your feelings about your life no matter what is going on in the world.
Speaking of...I can't believe it either.
You know, sometimes I delete a comment and it's gone with no evidence, and sometimes I delete one and it leaves a "deleted by blog administrator" tag. Go figure. I should probably put that word verification thingy on here, but I'm nervous about then removing everybody's right to comment (I've been to several blogs where that's happened when he or she puts on that word verification thingy).
Yes, Laura, you have a valid point. One of my favorite teachers from high school said much the same thing: just because there are starving children in Africa does not mean that your pain over your losses are any less real. But see, I was raised around guilt, and it's hard to not feel guilty about what is bugging me when some people have hungry babies, no diapers, and dead bodies next to them as they rest. Brrrr.
I'm just waiting now to hear today that he got the visa in the mail. It was approved and all, but he has to get the actual visa in his hand or he can't leave on the plane tomorrow. I just NEED to know it, and I'm fine. My ex, towards the end, brought out the worst in me...the most awful traits I have...and made them even worse. Alex tends to bring out the best I have to offer, and it just becomes easier to face the world when he's around. I don't want to sound like I can't make it on my own. I can and I have and I do. It's just that life's travails are easily jumped when he's here by my side. Hmmm...did that sound like mushy crap? haha! sorry!
A ha ha! You're not SORRY! You're in loooooooooove!
Psst - We saw it twitch first!!
SC--he's been in france because he needed to get his internship visa here for the states. So, now he's got it! He told me today that he managed to get it! Yay!
Laura--ok, point taken, and true! haha!
Amanda--LOL you saw it twitch most recently, I'd think :)
Does someone need some Valrhona sent to them? ;)
Mmmmm that really great bar choccy you sent me once because you wuv me so much? Oh yeah baby! That'd do the trick ;)
except for the chocolate (i only crave it occasionally), those things calm my nerves too.
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