Sunday, Bloody Sunday

No, I have not started my period today. I just like U2 and the title fits my mood.

My ex left about an hour ago with the kids. The event was agitating enough to have me down an OJ and vodka since he left (note: Grey Goose really IS the best vodka money can buy). But, after giving careful thought, rather than bitch about it, I want to tell you why I was attracted to the ex to begin with. I want to tell you about his good qualities. I think that'll be more helpful to me right now than brooding.

The ex is funny as hell. I can't tell you how often I laughed with him over just about anything in life, good and bad, especially before Jared was conceived. He has a dry, sarcastic sense of humor that matches mine (well, Alex has the same sense of humor!). You can feel like you're in the worst possible situation, and something will fly out of his mouth that may, indeed, be wholly inappropriate....but you'll laugh despite yourself and feel just a tiny bit better.

The ex is brilliant. He had a full, academic based scholarship to Duke (AB Duke scholarship) and has an IQ of approx. 170. You can put him into any academic setting in any class, and if he likes the subject and professor, will receive highest marks AND remember all the information he learned for the rest of his life. For theory, philosophy, and politics, the man is fantastic in how his brain swallows it all whole. We could talk or debate issues for hours and it was amazing what he could come up with. Very impressive. Since this is a post about his good qualities, we won't talk about his lack of common sense probably as a result of his extreme brilliance in areas of theory :)

The ex has a strong will and a good backbone. He isn't into the victim mentality. I have never once heard him say, "I did this wrong because of how I was raised," and believe me, he has every right to do so. I worked in foster care, and I tell you true: he and his two siblings would have been taken away by DSS if they knew the half of it. I once asked him why he couldn't acknowledge at least that his father being a psychotic dick somehow affected him, and he said, "that only works when you are a child or a teen. I'm an adult. I am responsible for ME now." That always impressed me.

The ex was the kind of lawyer I would want to be. He was the kind of lawyer I could respect. He wasn't in it for money (aw hell, he worked for the government most of the time as a prosecutor...he made jack shit!). He wanted to help with Justice and Truth and all the good stuff! If he felt that the person didn't do it, he didn't prosecute. He dismissed the case. If he felt that there were extenuating circumstances, he tried to get reduced charges. If he felt the fellow was a rat bastard, he pinned him to the wall. And the best part was, he is SO DYNAMIC at arguing and using his mental powers for debate that, usually, what he decided should happen in a case did. When he went briefly into private practice, I remember him pacing back and forth all night long about this one disturbing case he had accepted. The woman had been charged with what was, essentially, her 7th DUI. He KNEW she was an alcoholic and because she had gotten out of jailtime for the other incidents, never tried counseling or going dry, etc. She had her truck taken away from her because her license was suspended when she was arrested. He said to me, well, if I try to get her off completely, that would be the worst thing I could do. She NEEDS about a month or two of jailtime to sober up. If she gets no jail, she'll just continue drinking. So, I'm going to work for her to get a month or two of jail, reduced charge for her DUI, and her truck back. I said, don't lawyers always want to get their clients off? Doesn't that do the most for your rep? He said, screw my rep, this is the right thing to do. She needs to sober up (ironic all things considered...). And lo, that was what he got.

On a wholly entertaining note, the policeman at the jail called him up afterwards and asked him how the hell he did it. "Your client is sleeping off a drunk! She was in court DRUNK! How did you get her through court AND get what you wanted?" haha! Why? BECAUSE HE IS THAT GOOD. He's the man I'd want defending me as a lawyer because he has a heart and soul as well as a fucking load of talent and brains. I loved how he never cared about money but just wanted to do what was "right" with his clients or the case. How many lawyers have that as their priority?

The ex wasn't jealous of my naturally energetic and flirtatious personality, nor threatened by it. That's a gift right there (although for the record, not only does Alex not have an issue with it...he loves it! haha! It's great to be appreciated for being what you are!). He understood that I wasn't going anywhere as long as I told him I wasn't going anywhere, so there was no reason to be uptight. Hell, the whole "All Clad for Sex" joke Joe and I had took place in front of my ex for the most part, and he thought it was funny! Conversely, no matter how bad things got--and there's no denying they got bad--I knew for sure that until I said or he said, it's over, he wasn't going anywhere or cheating on me.

So, yes, there were a lot of problems that made me leave. I'm at a much happier place now, with a man better suited to me and my life. But...I just would like to present the other side. He's a good person, but he's not traveling the same path as I am and hasn't for a long time. He has issues (so do I), and we've divorced. But he's not a BAD person.

Ok, that was much better than bitching today. I feel better. Whew!