Guilt: the Universal Language!
Two religions known to man are set up explicitly to use effectively the Power of GUILT. One is Judaism. The other is Catholicism. Since I was raised in a Catholic household with 11 years of Catholic schooling, I am very proficient in the language of Guilt. I can speak it fluently and translate it with ease. There are moments this talent is effective. Sometimes, saying it forthright doesn't bring quite the right amount of shame and action that the appropriate twist of GUILT will. It's all in the delivery!
I have mentioned to you guys that Alex has a much younger sister, Kate. Kate turns 15 this month (on the 18th). I love Kate to death. She hangs on my every word when we speak, and it flatters my ego. Kate is basically a good kid who has had quite a few bad circumstances make her occasionally take on a bad decision. However, on the whole she tries to please and she wants to be a "good girl."
Alex is very aware that I disagree with over half of what his mom and his dad think to do with Kate. Or not think to do with Kate. I've probably discussed these major issues with his mom a dozen times. I've yet to meet his dad, and believe me, I'm ok with that! But he has no idea what he's doing either. When Alex's parents divorced, he seemed thrilled almost to never support Kate or James financially as a way to get back at Alex's mom. Let's hear it for using your own flesh and blood as pawns! WOOHOO!
Anyway, Alex came back from taking Kate to the movies a few weeks ago, and he was very distressed. They walked there, of course. In Europe, people use their FEET to go places instead of their CAR. Remarkable idea, yes? Well, Kate told him as they were heading to the cinema, "Wait, go slower, my feet hurt." Why did her feet hurt? Because she decided she couldn't wear her sneakers with her dress and so she wore her flip-flops...the only other shoes she owned. That's right. Kate owned exactly two pairs of shoes, and one of them hurt her feet.
Alex told me and I was, quite frankly, horrified. TWO PAIRS OF SHOES? AND ONE HURT HER FEET??? How could a parent do that to her child? Well, I knew what to do with some other of that money my brother Ken sent me, eh? I went out and bought her three pairs of shoes: another pair of sneakers, a pair of small heeled white slip ons, and a pair of black slipper like shoes. I looked up her size for America, found some great sales, and then insisted that she open up the box the second she received it rather than wait for her birthday. I had already found some fantastic earrings for her for her birthday on clearance, and those were wrapped. Therefore, she still has something to unwrap on the 18th.
I told my sister--she is the fashion queen, and so is her middle child, Chiara--about Kate's shoe issue. Rose was horrifed and said that Chiara believed that homeless women had two pairs of shoes. Or Ugandans. No wait, she added, never mind, I think Chiara believes that people from Uganda get THREE pairs of shoes! Haha!
Well, this simple action triggered the biggest guilt reflex that I've seen her folks indulge in yet. GO ME!
First of all, Alex's mum collapsed into tears screaming about how I must think she's a bad mum because Alex told her that I was "horrified" that Kate had only two pairs of shoes. Yes, I was horrified. She claimed that if she knew, Kate would have had more shoes. I believe her. Alex's mum likes to shop. However, it shows Alex's mum's particular issues that she was so self-absorbed that she didn't know the status of her teen's shoe collection. What kind of mother is not AWARE that her daughter has only two pairs of shoes, and one of those pairs hurts? Poor Alex had to deal with his mum crying all over the place, including eventually in the bathroom, all curled up and upset. He tried to calm her as best as possible.
Then, his dad got testy. He proclaimed that it was stupid for me to send shoes all the way from America. Kate informed him that a) it was her birthday present b) it was sweet I wanted to take care of her and c) how else was she to get the shoes she needed?
Boom, Kate gets two more pairs of shoes from her dad.
Then after the shoes arrive in the mail, I see her get a bathingsuit from her dad, a dress from her mum, etc, etc. I was just laughing my ass off at how Kate was cleaning up! And today her mum tried to buy her a pair of shoes but Kate said, no mom, I actually HAVE enough now. HAHA!
See? The French speak "guilt" very well! Hmmm. Since the country used to be Catholic, I guess they are primed for it!
I have mentioned to you guys that Alex has a much younger sister, Kate. Kate turns 15 this month (on the 18th). I love Kate to death. She hangs on my every word when we speak, and it flatters my ego. Kate is basically a good kid who has had quite a few bad circumstances make her occasionally take on a bad decision. However, on the whole she tries to please and she wants to be a "good girl."
Alex is very aware that I disagree with over half of what his mom and his dad think to do with Kate. Or not think to do with Kate. I've probably discussed these major issues with his mom a dozen times. I've yet to meet his dad, and believe me, I'm ok with that! But he has no idea what he's doing either. When Alex's parents divorced, he seemed thrilled almost to never support Kate or James financially as a way to get back at Alex's mom. Let's hear it for using your own flesh and blood as pawns! WOOHOO!
Anyway, Alex came back from taking Kate to the movies a few weeks ago, and he was very distressed. They walked there, of course. In Europe, people use their FEET to go places instead of their CAR. Remarkable idea, yes? Well, Kate told him as they were heading to the cinema, "Wait, go slower, my feet hurt." Why did her feet hurt? Because she decided she couldn't wear her sneakers with her dress and so she wore her flip-flops...the only other shoes she owned. That's right. Kate owned exactly two pairs of shoes, and one of them hurt her feet.
Alex told me and I was, quite frankly, horrified. TWO PAIRS OF SHOES? AND ONE HURT HER FEET??? How could a parent do that to her child? Well, I knew what to do with some other of that money my brother Ken sent me, eh? I went out and bought her three pairs of shoes: another pair of sneakers, a pair of small heeled white slip ons, and a pair of black slipper like shoes. I looked up her size for America, found some great sales, and then insisted that she open up the box the second she received it rather than wait for her birthday. I had already found some fantastic earrings for her for her birthday on clearance, and those were wrapped. Therefore, she still has something to unwrap on the 18th.
I told my sister--she is the fashion queen, and so is her middle child, Chiara--about Kate's shoe issue. Rose was horrifed and said that Chiara believed that homeless women had two pairs of shoes. Or Ugandans. No wait, she added, never mind, I think Chiara believes that people from Uganda get THREE pairs of shoes! Haha!
Well, this simple action triggered the biggest guilt reflex that I've seen her folks indulge in yet. GO ME!
First of all, Alex's mum collapsed into tears screaming about how I must think she's a bad mum because Alex told her that I was "horrified" that Kate had only two pairs of shoes. Yes, I was horrified. She claimed that if she knew, Kate would have had more shoes. I believe her. Alex's mum likes to shop. However, it shows Alex's mum's particular issues that she was so self-absorbed that she didn't know the status of her teen's shoe collection. What kind of mother is not AWARE that her daughter has only two pairs of shoes, and one of those pairs hurts? Poor Alex had to deal with his mum crying all over the place, including eventually in the bathroom, all curled up and upset. He tried to calm her as best as possible.
Then, his dad got testy. He proclaimed that it was stupid for me to send shoes all the way from America. Kate informed him that a) it was her birthday present b) it was sweet I wanted to take care of her and c) how else was she to get the shoes she needed?
Boom, Kate gets two more pairs of shoes from her dad.
Then after the shoes arrive in the mail, I see her get a bathingsuit from her dad, a dress from her mum, etc, etc. I was just laughing my ass off at how Kate was cleaning up! And today her mum tried to buy her a pair of shoes but Kate said, no mom, I actually HAVE enough now. HAHA!
See? The French speak "guilt" very well! Hmmm. Since the country used to be Catholic, I guess they are primed for it!
posted by Kira | 4:32 PM
11 Comments:
Excuse me for what I'm about to say...Kate's mom and dad don't feel bad about not knowing their daughter's shoe situation...they feel bad about getting called on it! Moreover, it seems less about shoes and more about how they value their daughter.
I'm glad you stepped up to the plate and filled a critical need for an adolescent girl (especially in a country as fashion conscious as France).
Sorry to be so blunt. That story hurts!
No worries. My dad is an asshole.
my mum on the other hand just isn't the sharpest cookie in the world and is going through menopause. This has latered her priorities. She is much more concerned about herself right now than she was when I was Kate's age.
She is making tons of mistakes. My dad is a mistake.
We all make mistakes! I should know...I've made several.
The menopause explains a LOT (really).
I used to have two cars, but now I barely have one. Kira, please help me! Oh, and by the way, I'm lonely and love-starved, too. ;)
Laura--you can be as blunt as you want with Alex (and me). He's used to ME after all. Haha! But yes, his mom underwent a noticable personality shift when she started to go through menopause. She cries a lot, can't seem to get her act together, is extraordinarily self-centered, etc. She didn't know about Kate's shoes because she would have had to look at something outside of herself to figure out her daughter needed them. She wasn't like that with James (who is 19) or Alex; it's definitely a recent situation. If I had the money to send her to the Michelin international school here in my city, I'd ask for legal guardianship of Kate so Kate could have a real mother figure!!! I just feel so badly for her. And the dad is such a fuckin' prick...grrrr....he DEFINITELY is guilt buying now because he was "caught." How can he convince me that Alex "exaggerates" his behavior and I should meet him if he gets "caught" being a prick?
Joe--shoot, the only way I could get Kate the shoes on sale was to pull money out of the check my brother Ken gave me this summer. The check is not large enough to buy you a second car, dear. Sorry ;) And fuck, if I could fix "lonely and love-starved" for people, I'd already be a millionaire! haha!
You'll just have to settle for grabbing my ass, Joe. A REAL grab!!! Not that pathetic pansy pat pat crap you did! ;)
Gotta love the parents who thing they can make up for being losy parents by buying stuff. It's totally horrible a person outside the family had to give them the wake up call. Good lord. And Good Job.
Go Kira!!!!
well done kira. you truly are a saint. in a non sacreligious way.
From so few shoes to so many, eerie. But why not rocket boots?
Also, question... Judaism is set up to harness Guilt? I didn't know that... :P
Chief--yeah, I wish they'd have done it on their own, but at least I helped by triggering the guilt response. Needless to say, this will never be *MY* children in this situation!
Angie and Cookie--thanks! See a need and fill it, eh? :)
Ency--of course Judaism is a guilt machine! Haven't you ever heard the stereotypical Jewish mother set up? See, and we get it from ALL directions in this family...those who are not Catholic are Jewish (my grandfather on one side was a Hungarian Jew)...I'm just a PRO at that guilt thing!
SC--That's a good start, but you're still missing some of the major religions! Great shirt.
GBM--Americans do SO walk! They walk from their apartment or house to the car. And then from the car to the destination. After circling the parking lot/car park for an hour to get the closest possible place! haha! Every time I'm in England or France, by day three my muscles start cramping up because I'm walking everywhere and my body protests. In that way, I am a typical American!
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