It's All Relative
Today we are talking about Alex's family! So, we will start with a picture of Jared riding on Alex's head in a train station in France:
Ok, so I find myself in an odd position with Alex's family.
I seem to be their mother. But I guess it's ok, because he is their father too.
Let me explain.
Alex's dad is a jackass. In fact, quaintly, his name is Jacques so I call him "jacqueass." I don't even have time to list off why he's rotten. Just take my word for it. Hey, Alex hasn't spoken to him willingly in years. That should tell you something.
Alex's mom is a special case. God I love her. She TRIES, poor thing. But...she's not the sharpest pencil in the pencil box. She can't see past today. Her attention span is that of a gnat. Her sense of responsibility is missing, and although we've hunted for it in the lost and found, we've yet to recover it. I'm pretty sure that her deficiencies are due to her own mom being drunk a lot when she was pregnant with Alex's mum. Alex's mum was born a week early because Alex's grandmother fell down a flight of stairs due to inebriation. Yay. So, I cut her slack. She tries her best, and I can't ask for more.
Alex's brother James has a bad temper which he inherited from his father. However, unlike his father he tries to control it. James is smart and funny and cute (he gets that from his brother), but he is more of a private person and more subdued than Alex. Alex became like James' father due to the age difference and the lack of a real dad in the house when growing up.
Alex's sister Kate is flighty like her mom, but hell, that's been her role model. I can't figure out if some of her issues are environment, alcohol (Alex's mum didn't drink during pregnancy with her boys, but did with Kate, who was an unexpected pregnancy), or genetics. Or just being a teen girl. Alex has been the father figure for Kate, too.
I always am surprised when I see how much his family cares for me and puts me on this pedestal. It makes me nervous. It's high up here, and I'm afraid I might fall. Example: Alex's mum won't discipline Kate for something. Alex decides to do so instead, as per usual. She complains about the issue....like a teen girl would...all the way until Alex says, well, it's what Kira would do if she were here. Snap. She follows what he says. HUH??? Or another example: his mom feels like she's had some issues that might be behavioral or might be medical, she's not sure. Does she want to discuss this with her family doctor? No. Family? No. Friends who have known her for years? No. She tells Alex, I need to talk to Kira and see what she thinks about this....HUH??? Third example: I talked to Alex's mum in the kitchen of their apartment about things she should consider doing for Kate and about Kate. She hung on every word. Even her damned BOYFRIEND sat there nodding like a puppet. "Yes, yes, exactly. Yes, that's right. That's exactly right," he said in his limited English, which distracted me enough from my babbling that I almost couldn't continue.
I'm the youngest of four kids. Everybody always told ME what to do in my house. Suddenly, it's almost like I'm in charge when I'm over there...and even sometimes when I'm not! I'm awestruck. Why do they love me so much??? Why do they value my opinion so much??? I mean shit, last time I was out there, I caught his mom in what I perceived to be the right mood and SUCKED HER DRY of information she would have NEVER given her children about certain key elements of the family past that I KNEW Alex always wanted to know. He was thrilled. He thanked me later. But, apparently, nobody had ever been able to do that save me. WHY? I'm stunned.
Most people have issues with in-laws. My issue is that "they all love me, respect my opinions, listen to me, and am happy Alex has me."
Amazing. That doesn't mean we all don't frustrate each other--I'm a very forthright, dominant type of personality that can be infuriating at times; Kate is a teen girl, need I say more?; James still has his temper surface sometimes and can stubbornly take a side and not back down even when he's wrong; Mum is flighty, has no impulse control, and concentrates too much on pleasing her boyfriend rather than being a mum a lot of the time. Well, Alex is perfect (except for the snoring), so there's nothing to list off for him...haha! Still, I just am stunned. I love his family, and his family loves me than I ever thought in-laws COULD love me. This is good, right?
Ok, so I find myself in an odd position with Alex's family.
I seem to be their mother. But I guess it's ok, because he is their father too.
Let me explain.
Alex's dad is a jackass. In fact, quaintly, his name is Jacques so I call him "jacqueass." I don't even have time to list off why he's rotten. Just take my word for it. Hey, Alex hasn't spoken to him willingly in years. That should tell you something.
Alex's mom is a special case. God I love her. She TRIES, poor thing. But...she's not the sharpest pencil in the pencil box. She can't see past today. Her attention span is that of a gnat. Her sense of responsibility is missing, and although we've hunted for it in the lost and found, we've yet to recover it. I'm pretty sure that her deficiencies are due to her own mom being drunk a lot when she was pregnant with Alex's mum. Alex's mum was born a week early because Alex's grandmother fell down a flight of stairs due to inebriation. Yay. So, I cut her slack. She tries her best, and I can't ask for more.
Alex's brother James has a bad temper which he inherited from his father. However, unlike his father he tries to control it. James is smart and funny and cute (he gets that from his brother), but he is more of a private person and more subdued than Alex. Alex became like James' father due to the age difference and the lack of a real dad in the house when growing up.
Alex's sister Kate is flighty like her mom, but hell, that's been her role model. I can't figure out if some of her issues are environment, alcohol (Alex's mum didn't drink during pregnancy with her boys, but did with Kate, who was an unexpected pregnancy), or genetics. Or just being a teen girl. Alex has been the father figure for Kate, too.
I always am surprised when I see how much his family cares for me and puts me on this pedestal. It makes me nervous. It's high up here, and I'm afraid I might fall. Example: Alex's mum won't discipline Kate for something. Alex decides to do so instead, as per usual. She complains about the issue....like a teen girl would...all the way until Alex says, well, it's what Kira would do if she were here. Snap. She follows what he says. HUH??? Or another example: his mom feels like she's had some issues that might be behavioral or might be medical, she's not sure. Does she want to discuss this with her family doctor? No. Family? No. Friends who have known her for years? No. She tells Alex, I need to talk to Kira and see what she thinks about this....HUH??? Third example: I talked to Alex's mum in the kitchen of their apartment about things she should consider doing for Kate and about Kate. She hung on every word. Even her damned BOYFRIEND sat there nodding like a puppet. "Yes, yes, exactly. Yes, that's right. That's exactly right," he said in his limited English, which distracted me enough from my babbling that I almost couldn't continue.
I'm the youngest of four kids. Everybody always told ME what to do in my house. Suddenly, it's almost like I'm in charge when I'm over there...and even sometimes when I'm not! I'm awestruck. Why do they love me so much??? Why do they value my opinion so much??? I mean shit, last time I was out there, I caught his mom in what I perceived to be the right mood and SUCKED HER DRY of information she would have NEVER given her children about certain key elements of the family past that I KNEW Alex always wanted to know. He was thrilled. He thanked me later. But, apparently, nobody had ever been able to do that save me. WHY? I'm stunned.
Most people have issues with in-laws. My issue is that "they all love me, respect my opinions, listen to me, and am happy Alex has me."
Amazing. That doesn't mean we all don't frustrate each other--I'm a very forthright, dominant type of personality that can be infuriating at times; Kate is a teen girl, need I say more?; James still has his temper surface sometimes and can stubbornly take a side and not back down even when he's wrong; Mum is flighty, has no impulse control, and concentrates too much on pleasing her boyfriend rather than being a mum a lot of the time. Well, Alex is perfect (except for the snoring), so there's nothing to list off for him...haha! Still, I just am stunned. I love his family, and his family loves me than I ever thought in-laws COULD love me. This is good, right?
posted by Kira | 7:53 PM
7 Comments:
Je t'adore.
You are the most wonderful woman in the world. :D
I couldn't ask for anything more.
If I did, I would be the most ungrateful guy in the world. I know I say all the time that God decided to make me for you, but I think he also made you for me.
I love you
PS: this also reminds me of one sunday morning when at 9am my sister phoned so I would sort out the argument between her and my brother. Because my mother who was right there couldn't and I was the sole figure of authority even though I was in a 6 hour time zone away from them.
Oh god I remember that!!!! It was so retarded! I can't believe that you were required to figure out what happened and what should be done from AMERICA when said incident took place in FRANCE and your mum was RIGHT THERE! I don't know if we ever need further proof that you are the dad in that house.
Or the time we were on the phone talking and you told your mum, "Turn that music down. We have neighbors, you know?" HAHAHAHA!
Je t'aime aussi :D
O. K., you two! :)
I read a book that I WISH I had read before going to France. It was about the differences in how the French and Americans view social relationships.
To an American, friendships can be classified as a pyramid, generally speaking. You're equally, outwardly friendly to all in your pyramid, but there are only a few really good friends who occupy the place at the top of your pyramid.
For the French, friendships are like a bullseye. You are only friendly to the people in the center, your "copains". Once you've achieved your place at the center of the bullseye, it's hard to be kicked out. You do everything with your "copains". You're not as friendly with the other people in the outer rings.
This is why the French think that Americans are superficial. We're friendly to everyone. To them, you're only friendly with the people in your "circle of trust".
You, Kira, have entered Alex's family's circle of trust!
This book also offered some insight on the phenomenon of the French teenager. Whereas American's allow their kids to be childish, the French adhere their children to a rigid standard of behavior (example: French kids stay at the table for a six hour meal, eat all that's offered...in America, we'd expect the children to be offered kiddie dishes and also to be allowed to run around). In the USA, once a child turns 16, they're expected to get a job and begin becomming independent. In France, around the age of 16, a child gets their first taste of freedom and REBEL!!! They don't actually have to get jobs until after college or trade school.
Good book. I wish to God I remembered it's title, author or anything else about it.
Sorry, Laura! I keep telling Alex that if we continue to be disgustingly cute forever, nobody'll wanna come out and play with us! haha!
I would love for you to find that book title/author so I could read it! I have read a great book that touches on some of those ideas called "60 Million Frenchmen Can't Be Wrong." It talks about the differences in expectations of high school aged children in France and America at one point, and also discusses the reasons why French come off as arrogant (the idea seems to be related to your bullseye/pyramid scheme!).
Come to think of it, that book addresses a reason that might also explain why his family has placed me in such a high position: the French love for intellectuals and logic based argumentation. I have too much education, plus you're looking at a gal who used to do debate in high school (won districts, won state, went on to nationals...pity the man who is with me! haha!). So maybe I have skills and experience that are valued in French culture, and that makes them listen to me more? I dunno. But it's a thought!
Laura, that is exactly it!
My friend Severine remarked upon this when she was in the states. She noticed that being a "friend" didn't exactly mean the same thing as in France.
We are always in little circles of friends here in France. We tend to be by groups of 3/4 people.
In the US, I definatly noticed a difference.
I still want an Alex clone for Christmas!! After all, he's the only man over 12 years old that I have any respect for!
Alex, Laura is right about how Americans do the friends thing too. I'm friendly to everybody (as Severine herself knows! haha!), but I divide folks up into several groupings: Aquaintences, Friends, and Closest/Best Friends. I have to say, though, that your friends have been very sweet about immediately taking me in to the center of the bullseye where you are! It really WAS like, "Well, if you're with him, then you're one of us." Thank god most of 'em speak fluent English, too! haha!
Amanda--I'm working feverishly night and day, and hopefully I'll have the Tall Alex Model done by Christmas for ya!
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