The Nice Guy-Bastard
For the longest time, I have been mulling over a post by Sandra that she made about why she's not attracted to nice guys. I, of course, had to defend the nice guy concept because I'm definitely in a romantic relationship with one. There is no doubt that Alex is the nicest of guys. He opens up doors and kisses hands. He massages me every single night (back, legs, arms...whatever I prefer). He loves my kids like his own...is sweet and considerate to my family...and very willing to help out others in need. Blushing over incidents of embarrassment, he can be shy at times and soft-spoken. Alex is kind to animals and emotionally sensitive/empathetic. Everybody who has met him has thought: wow, Kira sure is dating a NICE GUY!
But I totally understand Sandra's point. MOST nice guys end up sliding into the boring category. Sure, you want somebody to love you and respect you, but you want somebody to have backbone and give you a challenge here and there too. Many nice guys bend TOO much. They accomodate to a point wherein they lose themselves. That's not sexy. That's not chemically appealing. Sandra also pushed forth the idea that, in her experience, nice guys are crap in bed. No wildness. No passion. No burning and fervered screwing up against a wall or whatnot. Well, I can't disagree with her there either. The nice guys I have known in the past have fit her stereotype. However, I remain with a nice guy. Why?
Well, because I found out that you can order the nice guy with a backbone and a bastard streak model, that's why.
Let's start with the bastard streak concept. Alex rarely shows this aspect of himself except occasional flashes of teasing with his friends. Generally, if you trigger this response in him, you're already screwed. Go ahead. Say the hail marys and kiss your ass good bye. The man is very accomodating and sweet, but if he feels you've tried to take advantage of him or...god forbid...you have hurt somebody he loves, that's it for you. To look at him and his sunny disposition, you would never assume he could dish out black eyes at will if provoked, but he can and will. For example, a year or so ago, his mom's boyfriend became hideously drunk and obnoxious. Alex blew off what the boyfriend did to HIM, but the second the boyfriend tried to hit Alex's brother (note the 'tried' word...his drunk ass couldn't connect), Alex gave him a black eye or two, pummeled the crap out of him, and tossed him out of the apartment complex. The end. Don't fuck with his loved ones. You'd just never suspect that from chatting with Mr. I Can Blush...aka I Always Smile!
He's very indulgent of what I want to do. He defintely spoils me rotten. However, once in a while I push it too far. Politely, firmly, he then reigns me in. Believe me, I need a man who can do that. If a guy can't put the firm stops on me, I keep on walking all over him. Yes, I realize that makes me sound bitchy and awful. I'm just trying to be HONEST here. If I know I can get away with it, I will. If I know I can't, I won't. Backbone is an essential part to MY Mr. Nice Guy.
Now, in the last category, what I find essential is a nice guy who knows how to be wild and dominant and passionate in sex. "I want a nice guy who is a pervert in bed!" Yes, this very statement has been said by me many times in my life, and I know that it's the female version of the "lady-whore" syndrome. Hitchcock once said he wanted a lady in the streets and a whore in the bedroom. I'm sure a lot of guys want that type of woman. Hey, guess what? This woman wants THAT kind of guy! haha! I love the fact that Alex is a complete gentlemen when we are in public, but we'll come home and the kids will be at the ex's...I will think I can go into our apartment and fetch maybe a coke from the refrigerator...but no, suddenly I'm thrown over the arm of my sofa and my dress is up past my hips...haha! FANTASTIC! What can I say? I'm a sucker for that sort of behavior because what it shouts out to me is, "Damn, you are SO hot that there is no discussion...I need you now!" I love any sort of sexual encounter that makes me feel that I'm so totally desired that he NEEDS me. I'm betting I'm at least making sense to a few of the gals here.
So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that a straight up, all around nice guy can be rather dull. But a nice guy who knows WHEN to be a bastard and WHEN to flash backbone? Now THAT is sexy!
And I'm glad as hell to have found one!
But I totally understand Sandra's point. MOST nice guys end up sliding into the boring category. Sure, you want somebody to love you and respect you, but you want somebody to have backbone and give you a challenge here and there too. Many nice guys bend TOO much. They accomodate to a point wherein they lose themselves. That's not sexy. That's not chemically appealing. Sandra also pushed forth the idea that, in her experience, nice guys are crap in bed. No wildness. No passion. No burning and fervered screwing up against a wall or whatnot. Well, I can't disagree with her there either. The nice guys I have known in the past have fit her stereotype. However, I remain with a nice guy. Why?
Well, because I found out that you can order the nice guy with a backbone and a bastard streak model, that's why.
Let's start with the bastard streak concept. Alex rarely shows this aspect of himself except occasional flashes of teasing with his friends. Generally, if you trigger this response in him, you're already screwed. Go ahead. Say the hail marys and kiss your ass good bye. The man is very accomodating and sweet, but if he feels you've tried to take advantage of him or...god forbid...you have hurt somebody he loves, that's it for you. To look at him and his sunny disposition, you would never assume he could dish out black eyes at will if provoked, but he can and will. For example, a year or so ago, his mom's boyfriend became hideously drunk and obnoxious. Alex blew off what the boyfriend did to HIM, but the second the boyfriend tried to hit Alex's brother (note the 'tried' word...his drunk ass couldn't connect), Alex gave him a black eye or two, pummeled the crap out of him, and tossed him out of the apartment complex. The end. Don't fuck with his loved ones. You'd just never suspect that from chatting with Mr. I Can Blush...aka I Always Smile!
He's very indulgent of what I want to do. He defintely spoils me rotten. However, once in a while I push it too far. Politely, firmly, he then reigns me in. Believe me, I need a man who can do that. If a guy can't put the firm stops on me, I keep on walking all over him. Yes, I realize that makes me sound bitchy and awful. I'm just trying to be HONEST here. If I know I can get away with it, I will. If I know I can't, I won't. Backbone is an essential part to MY Mr. Nice Guy.
Now, in the last category, what I find essential is a nice guy who knows how to be wild and dominant and passionate in sex. "I want a nice guy who is a pervert in bed!" Yes, this very statement has been said by me many times in my life, and I know that it's the female version of the "lady-whore" syndrome. Hitchcock once said he wanted a lady in the streets and a whore in the bedroom. I'm sure a lot of guys want that type of woman. Hey, guess what? This woman wants THAT kind of guy! haha! I love the fact that Alex is a complete gentlemen when we are in public, but we'll come home and the kids will be at the ex's...I will think I can go into our apartment and fetch maybe a coke from the refrigerator...but no, suddenly I'm thrown over the arm of my sofa and my dress is up past my hips...haha! FANTASTIC! What can I say? I'm a sucker for that sort of behavior because what it shouts out to me is, "Damn, you are SO hot that there is no discussion...I need you now!" I love any sort of sexual encounter that makes me feel that I'm so totally desired that he NEEDS me. I'm betting I'm at least making sense to a few of the gals here.
So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that a straight up, all around nice guy can be rather dull. But a nice guy who knows WHEN to be a bastard and WHEN to flash backbone? Now THAT is sexy!
And I'm glad as hell to have found one!
posted by Kira | 10:45 PM
10 Comments:
Oh yeah! I tried the "older male" shit for all my life...usually 4 yrs or more older, minimum. I'm finding this younger guy stuff is MUCH more appealing. He can keep up with me. Previously, when I would try for lots and lots of sex per day, it was always the guy giving out on me. Now, I have one who can stay in the race! Yay! Younger guys rock. And I told you what I thought, SC: redheads need younger men in particular. *coughs*
;)
I like what S.C said:
'I think most people who classify themselves as "nice guys" are really "doormats."'
Yeah - there's a difference in being a nice person and being someone with no opinion, no backbone, no passion and no pulse.
Nice people are sexy when they know when to be naughty - doormats are never sexy.
It's the whole Ludacris idea of "a lady in the street, but a freak in the bed". You want someone that all other women and men envy because he's so fantastic, but he has to know how to make your bed rock. There has to be a balance. Otherwise, you get a doormat or become a punching a bag. Neither is a fun scenario.
Younger men are wonderful. I've done the older man thing-he wanted a baby breeding machine. I've done the same age man thing-well, that was just an overall bad experience. There's just some unexplainable wonderful thing about younger men (*coughs* STAMINA *coughs*).
Hitchcock once said he wanted a lady in the streets and a whore in the bedroom. I'm sure a lot of guys want that type of woman. Hey, guess what? This woman wants THAT kind of guy" - YES! YES! YES!
P.S. - Brunettes need younger men too... (B is a little younger.)
LOL, first time here and holarious conversation (with actual merit!) I agree with the issue of Balance. I think that's what is hot. A person that has alot of strengths and isn't just one dimensional (great in bed, great intellect, artistic, whatever.) You have to admit though, it is a dirty little pleasure to have your pristine, kind girlfriend in public, and then when you get her behind the doors... all bets are off. I mean, seeing her hug your family and bow and giggle innocently as they all cherish her, as you can barely walk from what the two of you just did in the car five minutes earlier. Now THAT is erotic! Congrats on your nice nympho!
j
Nice guys don't always have to be FIRST. They put YOU first. Nice guys don't always have to be the center of attention. They PAY ATTENTION TO YOU. Yes, I agree that it's nice to have someone who will rush to your rescue and defend your honor. Only NICE guys or guys showing off for the sake of their inflated egos do that! And the guys with the egos? I've been there, done that. When I look back at the way the guys in my past treated me, and what crap I accepted, assuming that I didn't deserve to be treated any better than that, I shudder. (And I'm not talking ANCIENT HISTORY here.) I've always been the giver to some egomaniac's taker. I have someone who treats me like I'm something important now and I love it. I dread the day he realizes that he could do SO MUCH BETTER, but until that day, I'm going to enjoy being spoiled rotten. It's a treat I've rarely experienced from a guy I've dated (or been married to) and I'm LOVING it!!
NICE GUYS ALL THE WAY!!!!
Girl you are preaching to the choir! Hof is the nicest of the nice. But yeah, I fear the day someone pisses him off. And oh my god if someone messed withhis family? There's plenty of places for an unnoticed hole in NC.
Yeah the whole in bed thing... Let's just say I'm not complaining. EVER.
i'm glad you get what i'm talking about. it's not like i want some guy who beats me. and i love how guys who consider themselves 'nice guys' always try to defend, but there is a difference in being respectful and sweet and being a total push over. i never can explain it thoroughly for guys to understand what i mean.
i dated a guy for 5-ish years who was a 'nice guy' but he had his moments. he was the guy everyone loved. he could do no wrong in the eyes of everyone who knew him. granted he was my second boyfriend, so i no idea until after he dumped me how good sex with other men could be, but at the time he was just what i wanted. i wanted him the moment i laid eyes on him and he felt the same. and it was like that everyday for 3 years (we broke up at the third year and were on and off for 2 more years). we would be at country club functions, family functions, charity functions, you name it, we would sneak off somewhere for a quicky. couldn't keep our hands off each other.
i agree 100% with you. i want respect. someone who opens my door for me. someone with impeccable manners. etc, etc. but don't let me run the show. i am a control/power freak to an extent, but i like my man to have the control/power for me. i want someone who will defend me and take care of me. not someone who jumps at my every command. but i will admit, guys who obey my every wish are fun for a while, but the novelty wears off pretty quickly and then it's time for them to GO.
Oh Dear God...where to begin?
I don't want a nice guy.
I don't want a mean guy.
I don't want a guy.
Maybe later!
Jezzy--yes, you are right! Doormats are not sexy. It's one thing to be considerate about another's feelings; it's another to let somebody walk all over you.
Amanda--oh yeah! We've talked about this one before. Er, I think we did. Were we drunk? LOL But yes, younger men ROCK!
SC--younger and proud? You should be ;)
Angie--yeah, I think one thing I learned on our Drunken Frenzy Night was that you and I have similar ideas on what is sexy. I remember at least that you were nodding vigorously when I was trying to explain how I felt on a few issues...LOL...could have been the alcohol, but I'm guessing that wasn't all of it!
Jaxe--yes, it is a pleasure for me sometimes to chuckle when my family thinks that Alex is so sweet and innocent. They sure as hell don't know what he does to me in the bedroom (or outside of it! LOL!)
Mandy--oh god you sound like me with that one day he'll figure it out and go stuff! He won't go. Alex isn't going anywhere either, and he looks at me like I'm speaking in martian when I tell him one day he'll realize how great he is and then he'll find somebody better.
A*--I figured Hof was a nice guy-bastard too! Haha! I win :)
Sandra--I've dated men who let me get away with murder. Then I murder them and I feel deeply ashamed ;) Therefore, I have opted to try and avoid the really, really nice guys without that bastard streak. I would go out on a couple of dates and realize that I was getting my whims at every turn. That he had no opinion outside of mine. That he blended into the background. I want my nice men NICE--polite, gentlemanly, sweet, attentive, empathic--but I want him ferocious in bed and with a backbone. It's a tall order, but thankfully I found one. Had to go to FRANCE to fuckin' do it, but hey! No complaints! haha!
Malia--yes, men with a backbone are sexy. BUT!!! I would like to qualify that men with a backbone and who are randomly stubborn ARE NOT. My ex is like that. He would oftentimes just say no or refuse to do something because somebody WANTED him to do it. That's annoying.
Laura--you switching teams on us? Or you just going to go buy a rabbit? ;)
Useless--you are right. Useless men are marriage material. I married one and then divorced him. No wait, that's an insult to Useless Men. Well, a man POSING as a Useless Man married me once, how's that?
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