Another wedding
So, tomorrow I get off from school at 2p, drive back to the apartment and collect a few things, then drive two hours to Columbia. There, I drive to Alex's workplace and pick him up, driving onwards to Raleigh for a dear friend's wedding.
Said dear friend has been engaged probably 13 times (barely exaggerating here...). He is a year or two older than I am, and this time his engagement seems to have lasted. I'm nervous for him. I have never met the bride, and I just have to wonder. Oh well. That's their business! We'll arrive and BE HAPPY.
Of course watching a wedding will make me brood a bit over my own collapsed marriage. I can't help it. And then I'll likely have a moment of panic wherein I resolve to not get married again. And then Alex will reassure me in his very classic style, and all will be fine again.
I DO have an attitude of, do this this this and we're over! Thankfully, the list does not include any of Alex's behaviors. My trigger list for men:
1) If I speak, you listen.
2) Occasionally pay attention to me. SOLELY to me. Not all the time, damnit. I need space. I'm just sayin'...sometimes.
3) Cheat on me and I remove your testicles.
4) If we have a household together, unless you are the stay at home dad, you'd better be fucking earning an income. If said income is spent on you more than the house, I will strangle you with fishing line.
5) If he likes to get drunk all the time, bye bye. I don't care if he drinks (I drink!); I care if he drinks too much, too frequently.
6) If he smokes pot, bye bye. I'd still vote it legal if given the chance. I don't care if my friends do it. But as far as me dating a pothead? Not happening.
7) No other drugs either. I don't care if they are legal or illegal (of course I am not referring to prescription drugs that are for a specific problem). I just can't cope with it after all that happened.
8) Scream at me and I will take nearby objects and keep shoving them down your throat until you can no longer speak.
9) If you're living here, it's OUR house. Get off your ass and help out. I am not your maid/financial planner/hooker/nanny. I'm your girlfriend/wife.
Yeah, that's the major triggers. Yeah, I have a violent response to said triggers. I can just FEEL the men cringing...haha! Sorry, guys. It's my emotional baggage. It comes in blue or green, but never pink. There's little cute wheels, though! So it's EASY to push! Ask Alex! haha! And also to be fair, this list became triggers due to more than my Ex. It's the accumulation of experience that has handed me this lovely set of Samsonite Emotional Baggage.
I just don't take shit in a relationship anymore. That's the vibe I sent out, too: "I won't take shit. I will love you until you feel like you've gone to heaven...be loyal and caring and adoring...and make you laugh like your gut will burst...but I won't take shit. Why? Because I'm worth gold, not feces. So if you aren't willing to treat me like the rare treasure I am, FUCK OFF." Hey, it worked. That attitude got me Alex.
And I guess...well, at first I was so scarred from the failed marriage that I swore never again. My motto? Bigamy is having one husband too many. So is monogamy! But I've settled down. I look at the wonderful man that Alex is, and I realize he's already such a major part of my life that marriage IS an option. He fits. The kids love him. I don't enjoy things in life quite as much when he's not around. I guess I need to keep him! So, back to the wedding I will witness: I will brood, I will panic, Alex will settle me down...I'll smile, feel content...
...and know that I could do this thing once more...as long as it was with him.
Said dear friend has been engaged probably 13 times (barely exaggerating here...). He is a year or two older than I am, and this time his engagement seems to have lasted. I'm nervous for him. I have never met the bride, and I just have to wonder. Oh well. That's their business! We'll arrive and BE HAPPY.
Of course watching a wedding will make me brood a bit over my own collapsed marriage. I can't help it. And then I'll likely have a moment of panic wherein I resolve to not get married again. And then Alex will reassure me in his very classic style, and all will be fine again.
I DO have an attitude of, do this this this and we're over! Thankfully, the list does not include any of Alex's behaviors. My trigger list for men:
1) If I speak, you listen.
2) Occasionally pay attention to me. SOLELY to me. Not all the time, damnit. I need space. I'm just sayin'...sometimes.
3) Cheat on me and I remove your testicles.
4) If we have a household together, unless you are the stay at home dad, you'd better be fucking earning an income. If said income is spent on you more than the house, I will strangle you with fishing line.
5) If he likes to get drunk all the time, bye bye. I don't care if he drinks (I drink!); I care if he drinks too much, too frequently.
6) If he smokes pot, bye bye. I'd still vote it legal if given the chance. I don't care if my friends do it. But as far as me dating a pothead? Not happening.
7) No other drugs either. I don't care if they are legal or illegal (of course I am not referring to prescription drugs that are for a specific problem). I just can't cope with it after all that happened.
8) Scream at me and I will take nearby objects and keep shoving them down your throat until you can no longer speak.
9) If you're living here, it's OUR house. Get off your ass and help out. I am not your maid/financial planner/hooker/nanny. I'm your girlfriend/wife.
Yeah, that's the major triggers. Yeah, I have a violent response to said triggers. I can just FEEL the men cringing...haha! Sorry, guys. It's my emotional baggage. It comes in blue or green, but never pink. There's little cute wheels, though! So it's EASY to push! Ask Alex! haha! And also to be fair, this list became triggers due to more than my Ex. It's the accumulation of experience that has handed me this lovely set of Samsonite Emotional Baggage.
I just don't take shit in a relationship anymore. That's the vibe I sent out, too: "I won't take shit. I will love you until you feel like you've gone to heaven...be loyal and caring and adoring...and make you laugh like your gut will burst...but I won't take shit. Why? Because I'm worth gold, not feces. So if you aren't willing to treat me like the rare treasure I am, FUCK OFF." Hey, it worked. That attitude got me Alex.
And I guess...well, at first I was so scarred from the failed marriage that I swore never again. My motto? Bigamy is having one husband too many. So is monogamy! But I've settled down. I look at the wonderful man that Alex is, and I realize he's already such a major part of my life that marriage IS an option. He fits. The kids love him. I don't enjoy things in life quite as much when he's not around. I guess I need to keep him! So, back to the wedding I will witness: I will brood, I will panic, Alex will settle me down...I'll smile, feel content...
...and know that I could do this thing once more...as long as it was with him.
posted by Kira | 5:28 PM
8 Comments:
I love you, I love you, I love you and I love you.
You are too wonderful for words, hence why I use Godiva and roses to do the talking for me!
Je t'aime plus que tout.
"I'm worth gold, not feces..." Beautiful!
Good attitude and great list - I agree with every point. And I liked the line that Angie quoted too. xx
I'm obviously a person in need of boundaries. I do feel like I could plant my foot in the ass of anyone violating your rules...but not yet...no dating yet...
After my first divorce (sigh), I used to feel actual guilt when invited to weddings, like I was this living symbol of a failed marriage and why would you invite this harbinger of doom to witness your vows???
Now I'm all about the free meal, the fashion critique and a fun night out. Yeah for weddings!
I have one for you:
Don't fucking disappear for months with no explanation and then expect me to welcome you back with open arms. Expect a WWE worthy brawl.
How can we get more young women to see things the way you do? And some older women. Settling for someone is just that.. settling. If you don't believe you deserve the best treatment, then you won't get it. Preach away girl!
You.Are.My.Hero.
Nuff said.
Oh and get used to that trip to Raleigh! ;)
Alex--haha! I love how you speak to me with Godiva and roses. It's the best language around!
Angie and Jezzy--thanks!
SC--I'm glad you understand! haha! I noticed you are the only male besides Alex who dared post on this comment page. Is it due to your deep understanding of redheads? ;)
Laura--yes, no dating yet. But I would be happy to be your enforcer should you start to date and somebody fails on one of these items. I will bring the fishing line!
Amanda--true. Since that one didn't happen directly to me, I didn't think of adding it to the list, but that one could easily be slapped on too!
MR--You called me young. I love you! haha!
A*--Yes! I think you'd really enjoy it in the Raleigh area. Sure, in some ways it's a letdown after NYC and all you can see or do there, but it's less traffic and mroe friendly people, PLUS a lot to do. I'd honestly move up there if there weren't custody issues in play!
Malia--thanks! I had more fun in Raleigh, but I did end up staying in Columbia a bit yesterday when I dropped Alex off...helped him sort through things for his new apartment there.
Amberlicious--well, of course I don't advocate double standards. Everything on that list I promise to do as well. In fact, everything on that list I HAVE done. I listen, I devote attention, I don't cheat. The only time I was not earning income in my household (and for several years I made more than him OR supported him through his last year of law school) was when I was a stay at home mom for a couple of years. I got all my drug experimentation done in college (hey, pot triggered my asthma...that fixed that one ever being an option!), and I have never gotten into regularly drinking heavily. Although I can sound very snappish and irritated, I don't typically scream (nobody in my house growing up screamed...it's not an instinct of mine). My only problem is #9. My experiences usually is that I get to do it all while the guy sits on his ass. So, on that one I do TOO much. Enough of that shit. No more.
Oh, and glad you're alive, Amberlicious! I remember you posting here months ago and then disappearing! Welcome back!
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