More Fun in the South for Alex!
Alex has now been fully introduced to Southern life in America.
1) He had a RC cola (he likes it)
2) He had a moonpie (he was very polite about it...which means he didn't like it..."It's chewy. I'm not overly fond of marshmellows")
3) He got to see me deal with a Christian Fundamentalist Nutjob at the door who was trying to save me from sin.
I think the latter experience really threw him for a loop. You'd NEVER have a door to door evangelist type in France screaming about your sin and salvation. I was very courteous at first to the man because I thought Alex would like to see some of the fellow in action--after all, this is a totally new experience for him! After a while, I heard choking noises behind me though. Why? Well, the fellow hit a trigger button for me that made me slip a bit on courtesy and rip him a new asshole. All in an informative, yet terse, tone of voice! Basically, the Catholic church is the church of satan, the "false church," and he is worried because he knows that I am going to hell because I was baptized into said satan church as an infant. When I started going off about the Catholics, Episcopals, Anglicans, Lutherans, etc coming to an agreement about the role of Mary in the Christian church, and now they were working on the eucharist, so that if he felt that way, he was surely alone...that most Christians realized that accepting Christ was the critical aspect of being saved, not whether or not it made a person feel morally superior to point fingers at other Christians and say, "You're going to hell! I'm not! I know the one truth, the ONLY version of truth, and you don't!" I went off on transubstantiation, I went off on cosubstantiation, I went off on so much religious knowledge he did not have (or else he'd not be so fucking ignorant) that Alex said he had to TRY not to burst out laughing as he watched the guy's adam's apple bob up and down. He looked so confused when I told him that whatever religious beliefs I had, obviously they worked because I had a level of peace and a blessed life to such a degree that there had to be the divine taking a hand in it. For a conclusion, I told him that he was a totally offensive human being and that the conversation was over. Then I slammed the door in his face. See, now THAT is entertainment!
I figure he's praying for our souls right now as we speak. I don't mind. I'm always glad to give somebody useless something to do finally.
Alex was jealous. The neighbor's apartments who did not answer the door were left a very flashy pamphlet (that we were not given) about how everybody was going to hell, even if you believed in Christ. Even if you were baptized. Hell's just too damn full because you have to belong to THIS denomination and be BORN AGAIN, period, or...have I said it yet? You're going to hell! We got a good chuckle out of that one. We stole one of the pamplets off of another apartment's door (see? he's right! we're thieves! going to hell!) and have used it repeatedly for comedic value since yesterday afternoon.
That incident actually reminded me of Laura posting the bumper sticker she saw: God, save me from your followers. What disgusts me the most is that there are SO MANY FANTASTIC Christians who live their lives with the compassion and love that is essential for the real understanding of the religion, yet those Christians get thrown into the bucket with Nutjobs like this creep to anybody who is not Christian and has an experience like this one. I figure that men like this fellow are responsible for more people NEVER becoming Christian than ones who have actually converted. Honestly.
The funny thing is, by the time we went to bed yesterday, we decided the whole day was just perfect. And yes, that included I Know Best And You Are Going To Hell Man appearing on the doorstep. We had crepes for breakfast (I made them); we had fun with the nutjob; he had his RC and moonpie; we went to the grocery and had a great time shopping (Grocery shopping is so much fun with him!). Then, we came home, unloaded the groceries, and went to Green's. He bought a bottle of Mandarine Napoleon because I had never tried it. I love how adorably French he is sometimes...he kept raving about how pretty the bottle is...haha! He seriously gets into the aesthetics of the bottles of alcohol he purchases. We then meandered about the mall. See, I'm used to guys pushing me out of a store or not being patient, but Alex loves to shop. He doesn't care if it's clothes or cookware or shoes--he's interested. I rewarded him by buying something new at Victoria's Secret. He rewarded me by purchasing 8 Godiva truffles for me. We then ate at Flat Rock for dinner (a seafood place), had a nice long meal where we laughed and chatted a lot, and came home. Now, how's this for a geek activity? He pulled up a chair at that point and played with my hair while reading my favorite blogs with me...haha! I tried the Mandarine Napoleon when we arrived home, and I have to say that the stuff tastes how I WANTED Orangecello to taste. I would buy this one for sure if I wanted an orange liquor to sip. I will stick with my limoncello for my lemon moods, however.
*sings U2's Beautiful Day*
1) He had a RC cola (he likes it)
2) He had a moonpie (he was very polite about it...which means he didn't like it..."It's chewy. I'm not overly fond of marshmellows")
3) He got to see me deal with a Christian Fundamentalist Nutjob at the door who was trying to save me from sin.
I think the latter experience really threw him for a loop. You'd NEVER have a door to door evangelist type in France screaming about your sin and salvation. I was very courteous at first to the man because I thought Alex would like to see some of the fellow in action--after all, this is a totally new experience for him! After a while, I heard choking noises behind me though. Why? Well, the fellow hit a trigger button for me that made me slip a bit on courtesy and rip him a new asshole. All in an informative, yet terse, tone of voice! Basically, the Catholic church is the church of satan, the "false church," and he is worried because he knows that I am going to hell because I was baptized into said satan church as an infant. When I started going off about the Catholics, Episcopals, Anglicans, Lutherans, etc coming to an agreement about the role of Mary in the Christian church, and now they were working on the eucharist, so that if he felt that way, he was surely alone...that most Christians realized that accepting Christ was the critical aspect of being saved, not whether or not it made a person feel morally superior to point fingers at other Christians and say, "You're going to hell! I'm not! I know the one truth, the ONLY version of truth, and you don't!" I went off on transubstantiation, I went off on cosubstantiation, I went off on so much religious knowledge he did not have (or else he'd not be so fucking ignorant) that Alex said he had to TRY not to burst out laughing as he watched the guy's adam's apple bob up and down. He looked so confused when I told him that whatever religious beliefs I had, obviously they worked because I had a level of peace and a blessed life to such a degree that there had to be the divine taking a hand in it. For a conclusion, I told him that he was a totally offensive human being and that the conversation was over. Then I slammed the door in his face. See, now THAT is entertainment!
I figure he's praying for our souls right now as we speak. I don't mind. I'm always glad to give somebody useless something to do finally.
Alex was jealous. The neighbor's apartments who did not answer the door were left a very flashy pamphlet (that we were not given) about how everybody was going to hell, even if you believed in Christ. Even if you were baptized. Hell's just too damn full because you have to belong to THIS denomination and be BORN AGAIN, period, or...have I said it yet? You're going to hell! We got a good chuckle out of that one. We stole one of the pamplets off of another apartment's door (see? he's right! we're thieves! going to hell!) and have used it repeatedly for comedic value since yesterday afternoon.
That incident actually reminded me of Laura posting the bumper sticker she saw: God, save me from your followers. What disgusts me the most is that there are SO MANY FANTASTIC Christians who live their lives with the compassion and love that is essential for the real understanding of the religion, yet those Christians get thrown into the bucket with Nutjobs like this creep to anybody who is not Christian and has an experience like this one. I figure that men like this fellow are responsible for more people NEVER becoming Christian than ones who have actually converted. Honestly.
The funny thing is, by the time we went to bed yesterday, we decided the whole day was just perfect. And yes, that included I Know Best And You Are Going To Hell Man appearing on the doorstep. We had crepes for breakfast (I made them); we had fun with the nutjob; he had his RC and moonpie; we went to the grocery and had a great time shopping (Grocery shopping is so much fun with him!). Then, we came home, unloaded the groceries, and went to Green's. He bought a bottle of Mandarine Napoleon because I had never tried it. I love how adorably French he is sometimes...he kept raving about how pretty the bottle is...haha! He seriously gets into the aesthetics of the bottles of alcohol he purchases. We then meandered about the mall. See, I'm used to guys pushing me out of a store or not being patient, but Alex loves to shop. He doesn't care if it's clothes or cookware or shoes--he's interested. I rewarded him by buying something new at Victoria's Secret. He rewarded me by purchasing 8 Godiva truffles for me. We then ate at Flat Rock for dinner (a seafood place), had a nice long meal where we laughed and chatted a lot, and came home. Now, how's this for a geek activity? He pulled up a chair at that point and played with my hair while reading my favorite blogs with me...haha! I tried the Mandarine Napoleon when we arrived home, and I have to say that the stuff tastes how I WANTED Orangecello to taste. I would buy this one for sure if I wanted an orange liquor to sip. I will stick with my limoncello for my lemon moods, however.
*sings U2's Beautiful Day*
posted by Kira | 5:53 AM
22 Comments:
A very eventful day indeed!
It was a turn on to see you slam that guy into the ground. You were brilliant and he was oh so fucking surprised about how much you knew and how much he didn’t know. You also had a lot more patience than me. I would have just said “pardon, je ne parle pas anglais” repeatedly.
Moon pie was not to my taste no, but I really was surprised by the RC cola.
It WAS a beautiful day dearest. You made it perfect for me. Your presence is the key component of a good time *kiss*.
Now you've just got to get Alex to put Peanuts in his RC and he'll be initiated. His prize for passing the Southern test will be a giant belt buckle.
I love the French sense of aesthetic!
I was at Juanita's house last night (she's a good cook, but she's not THE cook!, that's Susita), and she told me that she'd seen "A Very Long Engagement". She commented on the different camera angles and story telling techniques.
I told her that the French make beautiful movies and that if the cinematography is good, then the movie will be a big hit in France. It doesn't necessarily have to have a riveting plot. Case in point, the Big Blue...ever seen it? Le Grand Bleu. Alex will know. It's a total crap movie (thanks to Rebecca de Mornay's horrible acting job, IMO), but it was a gigantic hit in France! Why? Because it's beautifully shot. And it is.
Another part of French aesthetic that I love is their appreciation for food. They will talk for hours about a beautifully presented meal.
Moon Pies are not beautiful!
Alex--well, I couldn't have gotten away with saying that. No wait, the fellow probably couldn't tell an authentic French accent from a non-authentic one. On second thought, maybe I COULD have gotten away with it! haha! Oh well. You're right that I WAS patient at the beginning, but once he went off about pope = antichrist, I lost whatever patience I had left. I had flashbacks to my poor sister sobbing in high school because a boy she adored and who adored her was forced by his family to stop dating her because Catholics were really satanists and Rose was going to hell...grrr...
April--well, yes, that's the whole mystery of it, isn't it? What I felt like shouting was, YOU WANNA DO CHRIST'S WORK? TAKE A BUS TO NEW ORLEANS AND GO FEED AND WATER THE POOR. THAT'S WHAT THE FUCK CHRIST WOULD BE DOING RIGHT NOW!
Laura--I just asked Alex about it, and he said he saw the movie and loved it. He said the ending is super sad, but that the ending was changed to a happy one for American audiences because we can't stand sad endings. That's about right!
Rats about Juanita not being the right cook! Hmmm but she'll still feed me if I come to KC to visit, right? haha! Sounds like YOU could feed me too if I just take the kids off to play so you have peace to cook! You're absolutely right in that when you have a full time job and two small children, however, the opportunities to be a chef diminish. My daughter would just as soon have chicken nuggets. I'm tired. I can't concentrate for longer than 15 min on meal preparation without one of them needing me. Etc. Mostly I cook when they are at the ex's house or Alex is here to take them out to play so I can cook in peace!
I actually just deleted a comment from a fellow who seemed to infer from this post that a) Alex sucked cocks and was gay; b) we are rabid liberals (I'm not sure how that one was apparent...was it the moonpies?); c) the only good liberal is a dead liberal; and d) I'll have fun in hell with all the other liberals. Oh, and so will Alex.
He can post because he made up a profile, but he has no blog. Pity, I would have LOVED to have read some of his very thought provoking insights into the world as we know it.
I'll leave this one up. Why not? It clearly shows a post from a man who can't even write grammatically correct English. Hey, at least my French boyfriend can do that! haha!
what a beautiful day! alex just sounds so wonderful. i am so happy for the both of you.
and these alcohols you speak of...orangecello, limoncello, mandarine napoleon... what exactly are they?
Sandra--they are liquors. Limoncello is Italian in nature. It's like an alcoholic lemonade. Orangecello is similar in nature. The Mandarine Napoleon is French, and it is a 'harder' liquor in how it tastes. It's simply lovely if you like oranges!
Stoner--I know my boyfriend can, on occasion, write grammatically incorrect English. However, I've never seen him accomplish the terrific parallelism errors you scored on your paragraph. He's not a native speaker. What's your excuse? I've never thrown a Christian out of my house. REAL Christians--and God knows, I have plenty of friends and family who fall into that category--do Christ's work by showing compassion and love. REAL Christians do not run around screaming about how everybody is going to hell unless they convert to one specific denomination of Christianity and become reborn. REAL Christians live their lives by example, by love, by turning the other cheek, and through their exemplary lives lead others to Christ as well. REAL Christians do not act like trolls on blogs, spewing about how all liberals should die and are going to hell. Humorously enough, I'm not even a liberal...LOL But hey, apparently you believe that Christ Himself would have posted as you did, with the "cocksucker" language, etc? What would Jesus do? Well, I can answer that one with this much certainty: he'd have done nothing you've done with YOUR life today.
bit tetchy are we kira?
Who, me? *bats eyes innocently at Cookie and grins* :)
hah! u innocent?
I attend one of those born-again Christian churches and we're not ALL like that. However, that said...there are a LOT of born-again Christians like that and they drive me crazy. My daughter and I have thought many times about finding a new church, but we really love many of the people at the church we currently attend and we're very involved there. So we try to turn a blind eye to the fanatics. I love your approach. Since I attend their church, they don't spew their trash at me. I almost wish now that they would, so I could let loose with a Kira blasting. Although I know I could never do it so well as you! You're my hero!!
PS: I got a dozen red roses today...with a card that says: "You make me SO happy. I love you." It's the one month anniversary of our first date. Awww....
i'm not sure who this 'stone cold' person is. but seeing from his profile that he just made an account this month, probably today or yesterday being as the profile view is 2 (once from when you looked and once when i looked), there is a good possibility that the PFL that insulted you has made this account to troll you. i won't say for certain that it is him, but it is like him to do such a thing.
Mandy! First of all, congrats! You have an Alex! YAY! Only an Alex type can remember a date that might seem unnoticable to others like that. He gets TEN GOLD STARS not just for sending the flowers, but for REMEMBERING THAT IT WAS THE FIRST MONTH ANNIVERSARY!!!
Second of all, the reason why you don't want to leave your church is that you have found a good fit--a church that makes you feel a part of the group, the community. Every organization has a few nutballs in it whom you'd like to not be there, and there's no reason why your church would be an exception. It saddens me because, as I stated previously, there are fantastic Christians out there (like you! or Laura!) who understand what the central message of Christ was...who live your lives accordingly...and you get to be called the same religion as men like this guy. You should have seen this booklet that Alex and I are shaking our heads about! It lists off clearly: God has condemned you even if you are baptized and practicing your faith. Your 'sect' of Christianity is wrong as it is not ours. You are going to hell. If that booklet's true, I suppose there will only be about 200 people in heaven! Just...preposterous...and now you have people in this apartment complex thinking that's what Christianity is about, and running AWAY rather than TOWARDS it. Gack! People who LIVE their lives like Christ are the ones that bring more folks into the church. People who judge and scream and get joy out of telling others that they are going to hell do nothing but make folks hate ALL Christians!
Sandra,
Yeah. I considered that option too. I paused before I posted on that blog because I realized that type of person would certainly want to come over and make noises. But hey, then I hit post because...I've never shut up when I had something to say BEFORE NOW, so why start at this late date? HAHA!
Apparently, it's nutjob Christian day all over SC. Check out my blog - we had the True Love Waits hypocrite...er, speaker...at church this morning. We should really go hang out with him one day.
Kira-
Darling, what a fantastic day you had! :)
I cannot wait until Wednesday when I get a whole week with my honey. It'll be the v. first time I get to come home to him at night.
Good for you for throwing that guy out of your house. But even better, showing him that he's a moron. And people like that ARE the single biggest reason that I am NOT a Christian. So I prove your point... :)
And I love me a MoonPie!
SideBar: WW- Congrats on finding yourself a Hof/Alex. I still get cards in the mail for no apparent reason other than 'I love you' You deserve every single bit of it. You lucky girl you ;)
Amanda--now that sounds promising! I shall have to go take a look
A*--Oh yes, a whole week with the man you love is just wonderful! Alex is taking the bus down to Columbia today to start up his internship, and so he'll be gone the rest of the week. Ok, so that royally sucks. I keep trying to remind myself that two hours away is A LOT better than an ocean away, however! I can certainly handle just weekends instead of four months, right? Still, I can't wait until the day when he's in my house and NEVER leaves. I just have to be patient...
I lucked out this week. My teaching job is such that I can take him TO WORK with me! The kids at the college love it when he shows up. His accent is cool. He's friendly. He has a sense of humor. They can ask him all about life in Europe and seem facinated. They actually get just as bummed as me when he's not showing up with me on any given day! haha!
As for the rest of what you mention, I have a group of friends who aren't Christian for the same reason too. Or at least, that's on the list: the hypocracy, the judgemental nature, the agressive shit, the lack of knowledge yet the insistance of knowledge. I doubt this one will bother me again, however :) I think it scared him not just that I knew so much about the topic at hand but that I was a WOMAN who knew so much. I could tell he expected me to be meek and mild. SURPRISE!
So much excitement over here...and I missed it b/c I was watching "Rome" on HBO last night. (btw, watch it if you have the chance! Good show!).
(shaking head at Stoner.)
Holy shit, I haven't been checking your blog for less than 24 hours and you've got some asshole being just that, an asshole??
Apparently he doesn't know who he's decided to pick a fight with.
*Note to Stone Dumb Fuck Cold: You have chosen the most intelligent woman in Blogland (and probably in the top 10 of the entire world) to post outlandish, ignorant, and completely inane random comments to. You also have some nerve stating that you can tell Kira needs some thought provoking. Considering your lack of thoughts to have posts of your own on a blog. Maybe that's your incompetence shining through that oh so manly man name you creatively thought of, Stone Cold? How juvenile of you to call Alex four eyed. Yet another display of your imaginative creativity. Find something better to do with your time, dear. Like going to a Catholic church and confessing your sins to cock-sucking child molestor.*
Sorry for that Kira, but as your official ego-feeder I find it necessary to defend you.
I would have rather watched Rome, Laura...but it may surprise you to know I have no cable. None. Zippo. I had to choose (I'm totally broke) between cable TV or cable on the computer. Computer wins!
April, thanks...LOL! Unfortunately, his options are more limited for finding a molestor priest because the church is actually starting to clear them out now (hence why some dioceses are bankrupt). However, I'm guessing that his own facination with French men naturally being gay cocksuckers is due to his own personal involvement in a gay porn ring in France with a bunch of men, and so it helps him relive the fantasies by thinking of French men like that.
Humorously, it took me a while to realize he actually used the term "four eyes" for Alex and it meant something that was supposed to be negative. I'm one of those girls who likes her men to be very intelligent, and the glasses add to the look. Alex and I agreed that he should never get lasix because I like the glasses...HAWT!
Wow, Kira - you got flamed by a gutless moron! Well done!
I never felt the need to be born again since I did it right the first time.
I think God will understand that I mean no blasphemy in that comment, too.
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