Trying to Think Happy Thoughts
Well, Alex had to head off to his internship this morning. He will be located a two hour drive from me in Columbia. We can see each other on weekends--tons better than four months like this summer--so we will have a lot of contact. I should be happy, right?
I'm not.
I'm betting A* will feel this crappy after Hof leaves after his week with her too.
YES, I am delighted I had a whole week with the love of my life. But...it's just so much easier with him HERE than with him AWAY. Then I also think: I have two more years of this shit. TWO...MORE...YEARS!!! ARGH! I can't move to Columbia (tied here due to custody issues). He can't move here because his course of study is at USC, in our number one international MBA program in America. It'd be foolish for him to NOT finish it up, as far as he's come. Plus, the average salary for a (completely bi-lingual) person with an IMBA degree is, oh, approximately four times what I am currently making. That'd make a decision to cut it short DOUBLE foolish. But two years? Two more years of seeing each other on holidays and vacations? Oh, crap. Even if we married, we'd still have to wait it out. It depresses me. I don't WANT to make it that long. I want him HERE, every NIGHT, FOREVER.
*throws baby-like tantrum on floor*
Ok, so it's apparent I need to think happy thoughts. I will, then, share with you my first and most favorite letter/note I had received from a student. I keep a folder filled with the notes and letters that my students write me in thanks for being their teacher. Whenever I stare at my paycheck, I open up that damned folder and remember why I'm doing this profession.
Student Q failed out of my English 101 class the very first term I was here. She was quiet. She said hardly anything in class at first, but she did open up a little as the term went on. Her grammar was atrocious, and she didn't seek out help during the term. So, yeah, she failed out of my class, but then in the spring term I helped her with her papers through the Writing Center, and she passed. I had positively NO idea I had influenced her at all! We joked and chatted a bit that spring term as I helped her with the papers, but really, if I had to pick out a single student of the 150 I started with that previous fall--a student who had been most pleased and influenced by me--she would not have been even on the top ten.
Sometimes, folks, we never know how much we influence people unless they choose to share it with us.
Amanda was in the WC that day (my boss! bestest boss I ever had! haha!) I received the letter. I started crying. I handed it to her. Yes, she started sniffing too. It just was that moving of a letter!
Student Q handed me the paper, folded over, and scurried out of the WC with rapid speed. I had no time to even question what the contents were. I just looked confused, so did Amanda, and then I opened it up and read it. Oh, and I'm leaving the grammar JUST as it was. BELIEVE ME, I know it's riddled with errors. I don't care. It was still a beautiful note.
*****
Dear Kira
Hi I wanted to write you a letter to express everything you unintentionally or intentionally done for me. I would write this letter in my own handwriting but I want you to be able to actually read it. I thought for a moment you would discover this letter early because I was writing it in the writing center and suddenly you were looking over my shoulder. I am sorry if I seemed rude I did not mean to be. When I first came to *insert school name here* I was a shy and nervous young woman who was scared to say or do anything for fear of being ridiculed. Until I came to *school name* I had that nothing I ever did was right. That no one cared and I was worthless. I never expected that to change, but when I first attended your class you were like a hurricane that tore a hole in my brain. You were so blunt when you spoke that it shocked me. You put your life out there so that everyone could see and you did not care. You made me blush repeatedly with your off topic discussions and made me want to come to class early just so I could hear you talk (SIDE NOTE--I often arrived to this class early and we chatted about the world before class. When I look back, I realize she was ALWAYS there early...every class). Your words and attitude amazed me and buzzed in my mind like an angry bee and made me start to think. I began to think to myself that if you could go through your life of trials and problems and come out with such a "sunny" and interesting attitude and happy smirk that just maybe I could change and come out of my shell and be like you. I know this sounds pathetic but you opened my world. You exposed me to so many new ideas and concepts. Many people might say that is what happens at college but that is not the case. You amaze me. You told your entire life story to the class. Your "interesting" stories could fill a book. If you wrote about your classes I am sure it could fill many volumes of books. With titles such as when students come to class drunks to Interesting word and phrase misspellings (hand gliding). You have inspired me to live my life. I have started taking chances. I have started standing up for myself. I actually asked a guy for his phone number at a restaurant the other day. I flirt constantly and live my life to the fullest and think to myself why not. Most of the people I come in contact with I will never see again why not leave a lasting impression like you did for me. My constant thoughts used to be why is everyone looking at me, but now its why is everyone not looking at me. I have started caring what my future will be. You have, whether you have noticed or not, changed my life (for the better :) ). I am getting a full time job this summer in the medical field and I do not know if I will come back to *insert school name*. Because of you I am taking charge of my life. So I thank you so much for what you have done for me. I will always remember the laughs and smiles. My time in your class will be sunshine to look back at. You are an interesting woman Kira and you no doubtably will always be. You bring laughter in to every students life you touch. I just wanted to tell you Thanks for everything you do for students. I look forward to your columns in the Weekly World News. I hope your days are filled with interesting times (and men from other countries) and interesting students. May you have all the chocolate and champagne that you could ever desire. Hope you have a great life.
Your grateful student
*name signed here*
PS please don't check this paper for mistakes :)
*********
There.
*sniff*
So, yeah. I teach. I get paid nothing. I have no health insurance. But I love work every day.
Now you know why!
Oh, and further explanations so it makes sense: we had a student in her class show up drunk. It was an 8a class. He started drinking at 6a that morning. Can you say, alcoholic? I knew you could! It was a memorable class. We also had a dear older student who wrote a whole essay on how she wanted to go "hand gliding" instead of "hang gliding." Yes, we all had a blast with that one too.
The Weekly World News mention is due to my use of that in one day to show informal writing style (I then compare it to articles from local papers that have a more formal journalistic style). It's a useful tool for showing the differences between informal and formal writing. I always joke that I'm in the wrong profession since the writers for the WWN get twice my pay and great benefits. I could DO that job, you hear me? Haha!
Ok, concentrating on those happy thoughts now...
I'm not.
I'm betting A* will feel this crappy after Hof leaves after his week with her too.
YES, I am delighted I had a whole week with the love of my life. But...it's just so much easier with him HERE than with him AWAY. Then I also think: I have two more years of this shit. TWO...MORE...YEARS!!! ARGH! I can't move to Columbia (tied here due to custody issues). He can't move here because his course of study is at USC, in our number one international MBA program in America. It'd be foolish for him to NOT finish it up, as far as he's come. Plus, the average salary for a (completely bi-lingual) person with an IMBA degree is, oh, approximately four times what I am currently making. That'd make a decision to cut it short DOUBLE foolish. But two years? Two more years of seeing each other on holidays and vacations? Oh, crap. Even if we married, we'd still have to wait it out. It depresses me. I don't WANT to make it that long. I want him HERE, every NIGHT, FOREVER.
*throws baby-like tantrum on floor*
Ok, so it's apparent I need to think happy thoughts. I will, then, share with you my first and most favorite letter/note I had received from a student. I keep a folder filled with the notes and letters that my students write me in thanks for being their teacher. Whenever I stare at my paycheck, I open up that damned folder and remember why I'm doing this profession.
Student Q failed out of my English 101 class the very first term I was here. She was quiet. She said hardly anything in class at first, but she did open up a little as the term went on. Her grammar was atrocious, and she didn't seek out help during the term. So, yeah, she failed out of my class, but then in the spring term I helped her with her papers through the Writing Center, and she passed. I had positively NO idea I had influenced her at all! We joked and chatted a bit that spring term as I helped her with the papers, but really, if I had to pick out a single student of the 150 I started with that previous fall--a student who had been most pleased and influenced by me--she would not have been even on the top ten.
Sometimes, folks, we never know how much we influence people unless they choose to share it with us.
Amanda was in the WC that day (my boss! bestest boss I ever had! haha!) I received the letter. I started crying. I handed it to her. Yes, she started sniffing too. It just was that moving of a letter!
Student Q handed me the paper, folded over, and scurried out of the WC with rapid speed. I had no time to even question what the contents were. I just looked confused, so did Amanda, and then I opened it up and read it. Oh, and I'm leaving the grammar JUST as it was. BELIEVE ME, I know it's riddled with errors. I don't care. It was still a beautiful note.
*****
Dear Kira
Hi I wanted to write you a letter to express everything you unintentionally or intentionally done for me. I would write this letter in my own handwriting but I want you to be able to actually read it. I thought for a moment you would discover this letter early because I was writing it in the writing center and suddenly you were looking over my shoulder. I am sorry if I seemed rude I did not mean to be. When I first came to *insert school name here* I was a shy and nervous young woman who was scared to say or do anything for fear of being ridiculed. Until I came to *school name* I had that nothing I ever did was right. That no one cared and I was worthless. I never expected that to change, but when I first attended your class you were like a hurricane that tore a hole in my brain. You were so blunt when you spoke that it shocked me. You put your life out there so that everyone could see and you did not care. You made me blush repeatedly with your off topic discussions and made me want to come to class early just so I could hear you talk (SIDE NOTE--I often arrived to this class early and we chatted about the world before class. When I look back, I realize she was ALWAYS there early...every class). Your words and attitude amazed me and buzzed in my mind like an angry bee and made me start to think. I began to think to myself that if you could go through your life of trials and problems and come out with such a "sunny" and interesting attitude and happy smirk that just maybe I could change and come out of my shell and be like you. I know this sounds pathetic but you opened my world. You exposed me to so many new ideas and concepts. Many people might say that is what happens at college but that is not the case. You amaze me. You told your entire life story to the class. Your "interesting" stories could fill a book. If you wrote about your classes I am sure it could fill many volumes of books. With titles such as when students come to class drunks to Interesting word and phrase misspellings (hand gliding). You have inspired me to live my life. I have started taking chances. I have started standing up for myself. I actually asked a guy for his phone number at a restaurant the other day. I flirt constantly and live my life to the fullest and think to myself why not. Most of the people I come in contact with I will never see again why not leave a lasting impression like you did for me. My constant thoughts used to be why is everyone looking at me, but now its why is everyone not looking at me. I have started caring what my future will be. You have, whether you have noticed or not, changed my life (for the better :) ). I am getting a full time job this summer in the medical field and I do not know if I will come back to *insert school name*. Because of you I am taking charge of my life. So I thank you so much for what you have done for me. I will always remember the laughs and smiles. My time in your class will be sunshine to look back at. You are an interesting woman Kira and you no doubtably will always be. You bring laughter in to every students life you touch. I just wanted to tell you Thanks for everything you do for students. I look forward to your columns in the Weekly World News. I hope your days are filled with interesting times (and men from other countries) and interesting students. May you have all the chocolate and champagne that you could ever desire. Hope you have a great life.
Your grateful student
*name signed here*
PS please don't check this paper for mistakes :)
*********
There.
*sniff*
So, yeah. I teach. I get paid nothing. I have no health insurance. But I love work every day.
Now you know why!
Oh, and further explanations so it makes sense: we had a student in her class show up drunk. It was an 8a class. He started drinking at 6a that morning. Can you say, alcoholic? I knew you could! It was a memorable class. We also had a dear older student who wrote a whole essay on how she wanted to go "hand gliding" instead of "hang gliding." Yes, we all had a blast with that one too.
The Weekly World News mention is due to my use of that in one day to show informal writing style (I then compare it to articles from local papers that have a more formal journalistic style). It's a useful tool for showing the differences between informal and formal writing. I always joke that I'm in the wrong profession since the writers for the WWN get twice my pay and great benefits. I could DO that job, you hear me? Haha!
Ok, concentrating on those happy thoughts now...
posted by Kira | 1:51 PM
8 Comments:
*hugs* well done, Kira. That is just fantastic and it's very lovely of her to give you that feedback.
Regarding Alex, yes, I too understand that long term frustration. It's damn hard. Hope you're both good at cyber and phone sex.
Shit! I'm sniffing, but I don't know it's because Alex is back in Columbia or because of the letter.
FYI - I talked to Dave tonight. LOL
Aww...that's awesome. Now I'm depressed, wishing I had a job that MEANT something, that was IMPORTANT, like yours! And I only get to see Paul twice a week. That sucks too.
Great...now you're thinking happy thoughts and I'm all depressed. Thanks a lot, Kira!!
(just kidding!!)
:-)
Jezzy--LOL! Why yes, yes we've developed those skills! I especially love the phone action because his voice is soooo sexy! The accent, you know!
Amanda--you talked to Dave???!? My god! I should expect an email about that one, then?
Mandy--but think of it this way! Your job provides you with food and medical insurance! haha! The down side is that I am unable to do much due to my lack of money. Right now, my kids are covered but I am not for insurance. I simply can't afford it. I just keep hoping I'll not get ill until I can manage to locate some! Basically, I need a full time position to open up. I typically teach more classes than the full timers and log in Writing Center hours too, but I have no benefits and I make $15k less. So, I'm just waiting for that issue to be resolved, and I'll be a much happier woman. My job has its frustrations for sure, but yes, I admit it fully: I love feeling useful. I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Hmmm just twice a week with Paul...any plans to fix that arrangement? I guess maybe it's too soon to move somewhere or whatnot, but is it even being discussed? Yes, you know I'm the nosy one! Email me :)
Ok that was beautiful.
Huge reason Iwould never teach is b/c of the pay and the ungrateful brats I would have to deal with. You obviously are an exceptional teacher to receive such a beautiful letter. Mistakes and all!
*Sigh*
I don't even want to think about Hof leaving again. Of course, every visit is too short. After this visit we won't see each other again until October 19th. A whole month.
I am trying to not think about it. It's the longest we have been apart, um, ever.
ARGH!
Oh I have to email you when I will be there! Also, I will send you a picture of us in Vegas. You can get a nice look at all the YUMMY food!
it's things like your letter that make doing a job all the worth while.
the second to the last position i had at my old job was a nightmare. i did the job of 5 people, yet got the pay of one. i could barely stand the management and there were plenty of loud 'discussions' coming from me to my boss and her boss. people would hear me 'discussing' loudly how i was being driven crazy and when i would get back to my desk i would have emails and cards (office people are really prepared sometimes with the extra cards in their desks) and notes telling me how much i am appreciated and wanted and needed. i loved the people i worked with, i couldn't stand the people i worked for. my co-workers are the reason why i even stayed there for 3 1/2 years, otherwise i would have been out of there after a year. it was really hard to leave them, but i eventually i had to because money talks, and i needed the money.
that sucks about alex. but at least he is closer than he was before. i'll send happy thought vibes your way :)
A*--thanks for the picture! I just wrote you a novel back...haha!
Sandra--yes, exactly it. Good bosses and employers figure out that showing a lot of appreciation for an employee keeps them there. Good co-workers can do the same trick, but not for as long. It's such an EASY concept, but so many managers in charge just prefer to say nothing unless something is not done to their preferences. Nobody wants to feel unappreciated or useless, period. Feeling like you are needed and wanted at a job can make you stay even when you know it might be wise to go. It's great that your co-workers were so on the ball there with support. Too bad management couldn't have been as wise!
Come teach in Minnesota! Sure it's cold with lots of snow, but we get AMAZING benefits and great pay for great hours. Our summers, which of course we have off, are absolutely beautiful and make up for the snow!
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