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Location: Upstate, South Carolina, United States

I think that the Meredith Brooks' song, "Bitch," summarizes me rather nicely. Or, if you prefer, X. dell says I'm a life-smart literary scholar with a low BS tolerance...that also works!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

I'll Do It Next

Foilwoman tagged me. Ug, double-tagged! I'll get to it next post.

So, Alex has developed strep throat. This means that likely the whole time I lost my voice last week...well, I had strep and shared the joy. I have a very high pain tolerance (like my daughter), and this comes back to haunt me. I went to work every single day last week despite no voice and having strep, unaware that I likely had strep because a) I never ever can figure out if I have a fever since fevers never bother me and b) I just didn't feel badly enough for me to think it was strep. After all, I saw one of my favorite students who crawled in to take an exam while she had strep, and I looked nothing like that. Sure, I was miserable, but all I could think when I woke up was, suck it up pussy...no work, no pay. Still, as I now see how laid out Alex is--although let's face it, if he did indeed have mono, he's still not all the way better from THAT yet either--I wonder what the hell kind of stupid idiot I am. I'm going to kill myself one day, I swear.

I had a conference with Jared's teacher today. She went on and on about his high level IQ and how he blows the other kids away in all of the intellectual exercises they do, and how he has a very high word recognition level. Yes, of course. I knew that. Haha! She told me the three main areas he had problems with in the beginning, and I was surprised by none of them. One was sharing. See, Jared has always had issues with sharing because his sister just GIVES him whatever he whimpers that he wants. Why should he share? He has no need. But, he's improved vastly on that issue, and I'm glad.

I also found out that the assistant teacher is very close friends with one of my students. She told me her friend went on and on about what a fabulous teacher I am. Yay! That made me feel good.

Then, the bad stuff: I've had a nonstop anxiety attack today for no real reason. They happen periodically, but not very often. My heart races and I get paranoid. I start to feel that many people are avoiding me or dislike me, that something horrid will happen right NOW, and that I'm lacking in a thousand areas. The heart pounds and pounds and my skin even feels warmer. Then it passes. I know by tomorrow it'll be gone. Still, it sucks. Yes, I know there is medication for that. When I was on the Zoloft for depression, it also helps with anxiety, and that was the first year of my adult life I never had an episode like this. Still, I'd hate to be on Zoloft JUST for very rare anxiety issues. I'd rather just deal with the mild attacks when they come.

Cookie Monster called me out of the blue to tell me VERY IMPORTANT NEWS! There will be a 100 episode TV series about Star Wars, filling the gap between episode 3 and 4. WOOHAAA!

And the final note of the day: Ariana received a picture from Mark, her true love. She has asked to get a frame so she can put his picture near her bed on the dresser. Then she asked if we could give him one of her pictures, too. With a big grin, she said, "When he liked Brianna, he NEVER gave HER a picture...just me! So he must really love me!" Man. I wanna be in second grade again! This is so cute!

Alex finished his musings on men and has yet to do his music meme...he'd better get crackin' because he's gonna have another meme to do after I finish up Foilwoman's requrest...haha!

15 Comments:

Blogger WordWhiz said...

I love reading your kids stuff!!

Anxiety...you?? Holy cow, Kira - EVERYONE loves you!! I mean EVERYONE!! Okay, Alex loves you MORE, but we ALL love you!

I left a note at Alex's place. He's a winner! So are you!

7:47 PM  
Blogger Joseph H. Vilas said...

It must be Spring, making people write about Matters Sexual. Even me: I finally bitched about things I see in personal ads and profiles. I do complain about bad spelling, but I took out the remarks about bad, fake redheads. :)

I have 4 minutes left in the Ides of March. Will anything bad happen? Maybe I should go to bed for the last 3 minutes. :)

8:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When you teach, there's lots of stress. When you teach AND you're the teacher many, many students see as a counselor for their personal problems, the stress quadruples. If you're sick, that gives the stress an edge over you. I think this is what's happening here. I've been through it many times. You need some rest. If you can find a way to just sleep until your body feels like waking up, I think it will help tremendously.

But anxiety attacks are no fun, so don't keep pushing through it. I've done that too, sadly. It can make you think all kinds of things that will only make the uneasy feelings worse. Sometimes St. John's Wort helps quite a bit.

6:11 AM  
Blogger NWJR said...

If the new Star Wars series will cover--in agonizing detail--the death of Jar-Jar Binks, I will SO be there!

7:01 AM  
Blogger Doe said...

I get those too for the last couple of years. I did however notice that they are always a week to a few days before that time of month. Hormones screw with the emotions too.

8:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LMAO @ NWJR...

I thought about something on the way to work, Kira. If there's a chance it's strep - go to the doctor. I know it sucks to pay someone 100 bucks to write a prescription for you, but strep won't go away by itself. My dad got strep when he was a preteen. It was when they were living in Highlands, so they didn't have a lot of money. He didn't want to bother anyone about it. He kept doing things and ignoring how bad he felt...

It turned into rheumatic fever, and he almost died. They thought he'd never be strong enough to walk again; but he went ahead and walked again anyway. (I come by this personality of mine honestly, you see.)

So - if you have any idea that it's strep - GO TO THE DOCTOR! DON'T TAKE ANY CHANCES!

The other thing I was thinking was that if you are feeling snubbed by other people, it could be colleauges at work. Here's the thing about being a popular teacher... other teachers will resent you for it. I learned this the hard way, and it came as quite a shock as the truth of it hit me. But if that's what it is, remember this - they are jealous.

9:10 AM  
Blogger Edgy Mama said...

Hugs, girlfriend. I adore you.

My sister has a prescription for Xanax, which can be taken only when you're having an anxiety attack. She says it helps a lot, and she only needs it three or four time per year.

10:37 AM  
Blogger Juanita said...

Hey, sorry about the strep. That stuff will lay out OUT. I agree with Edgy Mama about the Xanax, it might be helpful and it's only used when it's actually needed. Also, do see a doctor for an antibiotic if you think you have strep. It can progress to scarletina and other bad stuff. Don't mess with it! Take care, you and Alex...

1:12 PM  
Blogger Grant said...

I'll bet if a man said he wanted to be back in second grade for the loving, he'd wind up in jail pdq. :p

9:19 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Hope you feel better soon!

What channel is this Star Wars thing supposed to be on? Sam started drooling when I even mentioned the probability of it.

My God are we dorks in this house. Sam's excited about Star Wars and I just used probability instead of chance in a sentence.

Duh...orks

12:23 PM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

Nah, you don't need Zoloft. Maybe just some whiskey. A lot.

3:57 PM  
Blogger Kira said...

Mandy--thanks! I don't think an anxiety attack has to have any basis in reality. In fact, mine don't. When I pull out of it, I see that what worried me is really not a worry. And thanks for peeking over at Alex's blog! I found what he had to say interesting mostly because it's something I expected a female to ponder and write moreso than a man. However, we already know he's not a typical male!

Joe--I'm not a bad, fake redhead, so the comments hardly applied, right? Oh wait! I'm bad. Never mind :) Although it's true that when I read your original post there, I thought, does that mean that whenever I decide to use the Tressa Fluid Fire shampoo to make the red redder, he rolls his eyes and groans? Haha! I know that whenever I use that stuff, it makes the hair have a scarlet tone to it, but I love it. And it washes out after a couple of washes anyway if I get tired of it.

Angie--the problem with me is that if I'm having an anxiety issue, I've got insomnia that night too. However, lucky for me that even with the stress continuing, my attacks only seem to last one to two days maximum, and they only happen a couple of times a year. I might try the St. John's Wort sometime...I didn't realize it helped anxiety too. I thought it was just used for depression? I really haven't had too many issues with depression since I moved out (other than a brief grumpy period last summer when I was upset that Alex's visa kept getting delayed). Therefore, if I took something I'd want it to be primarily for anxiety. Ok, now for the rest: actually, strep DOES go away on its own, it just takes a lot longer when you don't get the antibiotics. From what I understand, it's a good idea to get it taken care of when you know it's there...but it really seems to have gone away on its own, so there's no point in doing anything now. I've heard about the complications for untreated strep, including rheumatic fever. However, I guess I'm not at the right age range for that to be a reasonable chance because Alex's doc did not seem too concerned about the issue (Alex asked).

NWJR--I think George Lucas would be smarter to make that type of flick a pay per view ;) He'd make a killing off of it!

Doc-T--I told you not to mention our secret trysts on the blog! Oh well. Next time, whisper :) Yes, strep sucks. And yes, I have no health insurance. I teach a full load of classes plus do 10 hrs of tutoring a week at my school, which means I work longer and harder hours than the "full timers," but I get no health insurance and make substantially less than a full timer. I'm waiting for a position to open up so that I can get health insurance. I've looked into private health insurance, and I can't afford it. However, that being said, if I suspected the week I lost my voice I HAD strep, I'd have gone to the doctor's and just used my credit card. I keep that thing empty for a reason: emergencies. Too late now, though. It's gone.

Doe-You live! I had no idea you were back on blogworld. I wondered what happened to you. New name, too! I recognize the avatar though :) Yes, as I get older, every single time it's that time of the month I get a sore throat and congested. WHY??? Sheesh. Hormones suck sometimes.

EM--see, now a prescription for a drug I only have to take when I'm in the middle of an attack would be lovely. The doc could give me six doses and I'm sure that'd keep me set for the year. I might look into that.

Juanita--yes, if I still had strep, I think I'd see a doctor. Alex asked his doc about me and the strep issue and if I should come into the doctor's too, and the doc basically told him that strep would go away on its own...just at a slower pace. So, no worries. I'm guessing I'm not in the right age group/health category to be more likely to have the bad side effects. That's just a guess, though. Anyway, if I had strep (likely), it's gone. I think next time I lose my voice, however, I'll just go into the doctor's regardless just in case. I used to get strep a LOT as a child, and alex is prone to it as well, so it should be something I keep my eyes out for.

Grant--only if he meant he wanted to stay his age! I meant it'd be fun to be a second grader again, back when loooooove was so innnocent. Pervert. Trust you to think of that one ;)

MR--I don't know what channel it will be on. Cookie had told me about it, and I scanned a BBC article on the subject later on, but I don't remember reading what channel it would come out on.

Hoss--I'd rather vodka or tequila, but I guess whiskey would due :)

7:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I *think* (and someone with more of a scientific background might be able to explain this better) that flight/fight response thing that is related to anxiety problems is somehow related to depression. That isn't explained well at all. Whatever happens with anxiety physically might involve serotonin (sp?), just like depression; so somehow the St. John's Wort can help both. It gives you a sense of well-being, I believe.

I am not a real doctor; and I don't play one on TV either.

Anyway, I had a student who was getting bullied by this group of girls back when I taught at Berea. She'd had problems with drugs in the past, so they didn't want to give her Xanax. But she was so stressed out, she couldn't even sleep. So, the doctor told her parents to give her St. John's Wort to see if that would help. Her parents also asked me if I'd walk with her at lunch to help her relax. Since she was already my shadow during all breaks during the day anyway (the girls couldn't beat her up if she was with a teacher), I agreed.

I think all that helped her. But what finally ended it all was when the girls caught her in a parking lot of a grocery store and my student dotted one of the their eyes, so to speak, lol. (Yes, she broke her hand doing it, but still.) Ironically, the two wound up being great friends by their senior year, lol. Somewhere there's a pic of the three of us together at their graduation ceremony.

The moral of the story is: If you are going to hit someone in the eye, punch with the front part of your fist, not the bottom.

10:01 AM  
Blogger Doe said...

I lost your link when I had a url change, and a computer change. I found you again while googling my old name. read.. boy is my face red to see what happened lol.

8:41 AM  
Blogger Joseph H. Vilas said...

I'm sorry: it was rude of me to make that crack about red hair. I used to date a woman with very pretty natural red hair, and I loved it. I also know some folks who color their hair red, and it looks great. However, the color seems to have become more popular than is good for it. It also seems like some women color their hair red so thay can somehow adopt a redheads-are-irascible attitude. If one wants to be irascible, don't blame it on your hair.
A lot of red hair I see these days looks yucky. To me, the ones I find yuckiest -- well, I don't know how to say it, but it looks like there's some blue in there or something. Now if the color is totally unnatural -- say green or magenta or a definitely fake red -- I actually feel better about it. Yesterday I saw a kinda cool three-tone coloring job on someone.
BTW, Kira, I think your natural hair color is gorgeous. I particularly remember when I came to visit you and Rob the first time -- when you were pregnant with Ari and didn't know it. Your hair was 2 or 3 feet long, with these highlights at the end. You had just brushed out your hair before we all went to dinner at (I think) The Melting Pot. Or maybe that wasn't your natural hair color, but it was beautiful nonetheless.

12:13 PM  

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