Showering Techniques By Gender
How To Shower Like A Woman
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to
lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more
sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide
loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with real
passionfruit.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower and stand on bathmat.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like a Man
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a
pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the "woo-woo"
sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.
Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower. Avoid bathmat.
Dry off forearms and butt only.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the
whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again. Shake it to watch water fly off.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the
"woo-woo" sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to
lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more
sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide
loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with real
passionfruit.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower and stand on bathmat.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like a Man
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a
pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the "woo-woo"
sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.
Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower. Avoid bathmat.
Dry off forearms and butt only.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the
whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again. Shake it to watch water fly off.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the
"woo-woo" sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
posted by Kira | 5:41 PM
13 Comments:
Make pass at wife. Wonder why she rolls her eyes and walks away, to clean the bathroom.
Oh...NOW I know why Paul takes so long in the shower. I thought he was...well...never mind.
Thanks for clearing that up.
We have similar topics today; well... kinda. I won't try to think of anything brilliant to add b/c, since the big test is tomorrow, my brain's still stats mode; I don't think I could possibly say anything brilliant.
Hey, if I get to act like that, can I move in? ;)
The one I don't get is how some people get hot under the collar (or in this case, maybe the towel) if you put a towel or washcloth over the shower curtain rod or door. I mean, I put it elsewhere if there's a place, but sometimes there's nowhere else to put it. I assume I'm supposed to hang it somewhere so it'll dry....
Woo Woo!
I posted this on my blog a while back; it still cracks me up every time I see it!
Good stuff
It's been a while since I've seen this one and it still cracks me up. Thanks for the grins this morning! :-)
A real woman's shower sounds heavenly! I admit, though, that despite the time constraints I have, I still manage to use upwards of 6 products per bath (shampoo, conditioner, leave in conditioner, liquid soap, bar soap, perfume, moisturizer, mousse, etc.)
What be this "shower" concept of which you speak? I prefer to retain my manly musk.
I notice you didn't say which method was superior. Personally, I think you women could learn a lot from us guys. The guy method is much more efficient since no time is wasted on all that cleaning and separating and being ashamed of your body crud.
I totally missed on the girl training someplace.
My best showers always started with "find the mate to wash my back, get him wet so he gets into the shower with me" and went from there...LOL
Towels? Oh, those thin little blankets you throw on the tile to pad the mate's knees! So THAT"S what those are!..
LOL to you all! Being dirty and getting clean all at the same time is great!
Hmm. I must be doing it wrong.
I don't think Alex is going to like this. Will you be dead by tonight?
FW--indeed! That's exactly how it goes.
WW--it might be that, too ;)
Angie--yes, it's a shower theme!
Joe--as long as you don't leave the hair in the soap, I guess so. And Joe, if there's not an available hook or bar, it doesn't bother me if somebody puts the towel up there to dry. As long as it is off the ground, I'm happy.
SC--I hate anonymous comments. That's why I don't allow it. You can remove your blog, you know, without taking down your name/ability to post, though. That's what Juanita did.
NWJR--it's the "woo woo!" part that gets me every time, too.
Amber--I got it in an email from my bro, and I have to say that it's the first time I saw it. I laughed out loud.
Laura--I used to just shampoo, condition, and go. Now I have a million other steps. Currently my favorite addition is a body scrub I got from Bath and Body Works. It was on the clearance table, too, so that makes it twice as fun.
Grant--whatever works for the individual is the superior format. Personally, I wander around nude all the time so that particular part of being ashamed of one's body doesn't apply to me.
Val--ok, I agree totally with the idea that dual showers full of groping/etc. are much better. No argument there :)
X dell--depends. Did the woman's list look closer to what you do, or do you just do the courtesy of leaving the butt hair out of the soap?
Doc-t--see my comments to Grant. I have never felt the need to cover up my body in front of my significant other. I don't understand that bit, either. Most of the woman's shower experience makes sense to me (if speed isn't a factor due to needing to head off to work). However, the pile stuff? yeah, that's gotta go ;)
Hoss--still alive, and he thought it was hilarious. He's not anything like the guy in the guy shower list. That list makes me think more of my ex husband and two brothers, esp. the "Woo Woo!" part. What was funny...Alex came out of the shower the other day (nude, duh, since that's how one takes a shower) and grinned at me. "Am I supposed to say wooo wooo now?" he asked, and we both cracked up.
How right you are! And how freakin' hilarious, too. Have you been peeking in my bathroom window?
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