Rampaging Teacher
Well, today I caught a plagiarist. Sigh.
I rather like one of the full-timer's suggestions. He feels that we should allow both adjuncts and full-timers to receive retirement benefits based on how many plagiarists we catch. I think I'm halfway there.
Students who decide to cheat in this fashion under me are just plain stupid. No really. I warn them explicitly that whatever the maximum penalty I can inflict is, they're getting it if they cheat. I can't STAND liars. I can't stand being deceived. And I truly feel that, although the person who may feel the need to copy a paper from somewhere else can be a good person who panicked and just went nuts, I also believe that a good person can just go nuts and blow the head off of the woman shagging her husband. Yes, I really DID just compare plagiarism to murder. No, I don't see a problem with that.
So! How was this student caught? I can tell you! The kids are required to submit their research paper to me via a service called www.mydropbox.com, and the paper came back with a 100% match. It checks for net sources, print sources, pay per paper sites, other papers submitted, etc. to see if the student copied any of the essay handed in. This IDIOTIC MORON screwed up on multiple levels. Let me count the ways!
1) First of all, during peer grading, he made a two inch left hand margin to make the page requirement. I warned him to NEVER play me like that. I warned him that playing me makes me testy as crap, and I want to kill.
2) Secondly, the day the paper is due he still has large margins. I remind him it's a zero unless he fixes it. He does so.
3) Thirdly, I remind the entire class that if their papers are not submitted to Mydropbox by midnight, it's an automatic zero. He forgets to do this. He submits a day late in the draft box, which would be the only box still open. So, regardless, it's a zero now...except...
4) Last of all, when the paper is then checked in the draft box, it comes back 100% COPIED. I click on the link which states that the paper has been submitted to mydropbox before. I think, well, maybe he failed the class with another teacher and this is his paper that he already submitted. Nope. It's his roommate's paper from last May's class.
So, I yank him out of class, redheaded temper going full blast. I guess technically it's auburn hair, but I've been using this fluid fire shampoo by Tressa that really makes it pretty damn red, so yeah, let's just go with redheaded temper. The whole class nearly shits in their collective pants because of the fury in my eyes. I ream him; he protests that it's HIS paper and his ROOMMATE used it last May. Well, guess what? You guys both screwed up. So, suck it up, boy. He asks me, what happens now? I basically tell him, you get an F for the class. Good bye. I used to only be able to give an F for the paper. I found out I can give an F for the whole class. Good. That's what I do because the person needs to FULLY UNDERSTAND how severe of a transgression this is. If everybody cheated his or her way through premiere tech, the degree would be worthless. The students would never get jobs and keep them, and nobody would hire them because the employers would know: easy A's. Nobody studies. Nobody learns. The degree means que dalle! I don't understand it. People pay money for classes just wanting the degree, not the knowledge to support the degree. What type of nonsense crap is that? Why bother to GO to school then? BAH!
******
On a wackier note...beware of the Kira. You just never know what'll slide out of my mouth. Hell, I don't even know.
A group decided to do their poetry project presentation on insanity. They brought a straightjacket and wrote quotes from some of the poems on it--cute idea. One of the students announced that he'd love to be put in the jacket. The presenter insisted that he would not like that because it's scary to be bound. "If you're not insane before you're put in this thing, you will be after you're left in it a while and can't get out," student J warns to the other student. Nope, student insists: I'd like that. I'm sure I would. Even for a while.
"Look, it's not as pleasant as it seems. Have you ever been bound and then woken up, still bound up?"
I looked up, surprised. "Why yes, of course!" I replied.
The entire class broke up into laughter. The student who had said the straightjacket looked great laughed the hardest, and he said, "Ok, quote of the day definitely goes to Kira."
And once again, I wonder...did I just say that? Oh well.
I rather like one of the full-timer's suggestions. He feels that we should allow both adjuncts and full-timers to receive retirement benefits based on how many plagiarists we catch. I think I'm halfway there.
Students who decide to cheat in this fashion under me are just plain stupid. No really. I warn them explicitly that whatever the maximum penalty I can inflict is, they're getting it if they cheat. I can't STAND liars. I can't stand being deceived. And I truly feel that, although the person who may feel the need to copy a paper from somewhere else can be a good person who panicked and just went nuts, I also believe that a good person can just go nuts and blow the head off of the woman shagging her husband. Yes, I really DID just compare plagiarism to murder. No, I don't see a problem with that.
So! How was this student caught? I can tell you! The kids are required to submit their research paper to me via a service called www.mydropbox.com, and the paper came back with a 100% match. It checks for net sources, print sources, pay per paper sites, other papers submitted, etc. to see if the student copied any of the essay handed in. This IDIOTIC MORON screwed up on multiple levels. Let me count the ways!
1) First of all, during peer grading, he made a two inch left hand margin to make the page requirement. I warned him to NEVER play me like that. I warned him that playing me makes me testy as crap, and I want to kill.
2) Secondly, the day the paper is due he still has large margins. I remind him it's a zero unless he fixes it. He does so.
3) Thirdly, I remind the entire class that if their papers are not submitted to Mydropbox by midnight, it's an automatic zero. He forgets to do this. He submits a day late in the draft box, which would be the only box still open. So, regardless, it's a zero now...except...
4) Last of all, when the paper is then checked in the draft box, it comes back 100% COPIED. I click on the link which states that the paper has been submitted to mydropbox before. I think, well, maybe he failed the class with another teacher and this is his paper that he already submitted. Nope. It's his roommate's paper from last May's class.
So, I yank him out of class, redheaded temper going full blast. I guess technically it's auburn hair, but I've been using this fluid fire shampoo by Tressa that really makes it pretty damn red, so yeah, let's just go with redheaded temper. The whole class nearly shits in their collective pants because of the fury in my eyes. I ream him; he protests that it's HIS paper and his ROOMMATE used it last May. Well, guess what? You guys both screwed up. So, suck it up, boy. He asks me, what happens now? I basically tell him, you get an F for the class. Good bye. I used to only be able to give an F for the paper. I found out I can give an F for the whole class. Good. That's what I do because the person needs to FULLY UNDERSTAND how severe of a transgression this is. If everybody cheated his or her way through premiere tech, the degree would be worthless. The students would never get jobs and keep them, and nobody would hire them because the employers would know: easy A's. Nobody studies. Nobody learns. The degree means que dalle! I don't understand it. People pay money for classes just wanting the degree, not the knowledge to support the degree. What type of nonsense crap is that? Why bother to GO to school then? BAH!
******
On a wackier note...beware of the Kira. You just never know what'll slide out of my mouth. Hell, I don't even know.
A group decided to do their poetry project presentation on insanity. They brought a straightjacket and wrote quotes from some of the poems on it--cute idea. One of the students announced that he'd love to be put in the jacket. The presenter insisted that he would not like that because it's scary to be bound. "If you're not insane before you're put in this thing, you will be after you're left in it a while and can't get out," student J warns to the other student. Nope, student insists: I'd like that. I'm sure I would. Even for a while.
"Look, it's not as pleasant as it seems. Have you ever been bound and then woken up, still bound up?"
I looked up, surprised. "Why yes, of course!" I replied.
The entire class broke up into laughter. The student who had said the straightjacket looked great laughed the hardest, and he said, "Ok, quote of the day definitely goes to Kira."
And once again, I wonder...did I just say that? Oh well.
posted by Kira | 5:50 PM
15 Comments:
Hate plagiarists! You did right to teach the boy a lesson.
Stiff, though. After waking up bound.
Our school recently invested in the product, so I'm glad to hear that it works so well. I am sorry, however, to hear that you had to find that out. I really hate dealing with cheaters and I'm glad to hear that you were able to fail him for the entire class. Once word spreads that cheating can get you an F for the entire class and that this program exists, cheating should ideally decline...
Am also impressed that you could sleep while bound, I usually have to beg to be untied first ;)
To me, plaigirism is an insult to the teacher's intelligence. It's so freaking easy to catch it with technology. It smacks of the student thinking, "he/she's too dumb to google." (Or use mydropbox - we still do turnitin.com, but this does a sound a little better, I think.) With the student I caught last semester, my hands were tied - hehehehe, no pun intended there, I swear - b/c the paper was never actually turned in. His partners caught that he'd cheated and fixed it before they turned it in; it was their group business proposal. They told me after it was done. So, I was only allowed give a zero on the project itself. Grrrr. He was the student who called me "Ang." (People are still picking on me about that one, lol.)
And the plaigirist, having been tossed out of class, missed the comment sure to become a campus legend! I bet he regrets that more than the F!
You're so awesome!!
Counting down the days!!! Can't wait!
So, I yank him out of class, redheaded temper going full blast. I guess technically it's auburn hair, but I've been using this fluid fire shampoo by Tressa that really makes it pretty damn red, so yeah, let's just go with redheaded temper.
Best. Aside. Ever.
I also believe that a good person can just go nuts and blow the head off of the woman shagging her husband.
Yeah, me too. It's a scary world.
Gotta love premier students. I felt like shit after I failed the high school kid, who didn't get to graduate because he failed the final paper. But, then again, he's paper was so obviously plaigirized that I didn't need technology; I'd bet he *still* doesn't know what "appreciably stopped" means.
Doesn't it seem like we've already met our quote of stupid/lying people for one lifetime? Do we get bonus licks or orgies or something?
Actually, I can excuse the murder example easier than the plagiarism. The first is in the heat of passion, the other is more analogous to 1st degree murder since the guy had plenty of time to reconsider. As a writer, I'm especially sensitive to people stealing ideas and presenting them as their own. Personally, I think the kid should have been impaled on the flag pole in front of the school.
Although I have to admit, my college career left me wanting nothing more than an easy A. I wasn't learning anything fun or useful; ultimately, the only reason I finished was because most corporations won't look at you unless you have a degree, regardless of your skills. I likened it more to belonging to the right country club in order to be accepted rather than because it taught you anything useful.
Does you school allow them to repeat a class where they've received an F and have the new grade replace and irradicate the old grade?
If so, a D is a better grade as it stays on the record forever.
Just a thought.
Wow, that guy had a HUGE pair of balls. Kudos to you for sticking to your guns!!
How did I know what the straight jacket portion was going to lead to??
I haven't taught since 1999, but mydropbox.com seems like a godsend. Back in the ancient days of the 20th century, we had to type random phrases into the search engine to see if they matched. You young whippersnappers are so spoiled.
I'm wondering if there's a correlation between your ire and the redness of your hair. Maybe it changes color slightly. I'm sure your students and significant other would appriciate something akin to an early warning system.
Okay, I apologize for that last paragraph. Don't read it.
In fact, don't let me do anything that might get on your nerves.
Good for you! That student needed to be taught a lesson. I wonder what, if any, penalty is assessed that would impact his entire academic carreer. I think I've actually heard of being expelled from college for a breach of "academic integrity".
Idiot! He deserves every bit of wrath and ire you can throw at him. To use someone else's paper in class is the height of stupidity, and a demonstration of a complete and utter lack of character and values. This just proves the wisdom of the point: ALWAYS BUY YOUR CLASS PAPERS FROM A REPUTABLE PROFESSIONAL WHO WILL WRITE THEM WITH YOUR EDUCATIONAL AND INTELLECTUAL IN MIND!! Save yourself the embarassment of a public humiliation! Glory in the grade of your choice, bought and paid for and guaranteed to be an original! Get that degree you really had no hope of getting without an intellectual helping hand! Go on to get a high-paying high-tech job, secure in the knowlege that your petty plagarism will never come back to haunt you!
REASONABLE RATES! SATISFACTION GUARANTEED OR DOUBLE YOUR IGNORANCE BACK! As used by blonde overweight Duke liberal arts students everywhere! ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES!
SC--It COULD be appropriate for the bondage issue, yeah! Maybe ;)
EM--yes, I have a particular "issue" with those who copy other's works. And you're right: stiff!
MR--I have fewer plagarists on the whole than other teachers because I am so severe. I'd say I'm one of maybe three folks in the English department who favor disemboweling for this offense. And begging to be released is half the fun, but what good is it if begging always works? ;)
Angie--my students call me Kira, Ms. Kira, or Miss Kira. Anything else and they get bitch slapped into tomorrow, and they know it! Haha! I don't even like ma'am. It's a personal preference. This guy is one of a couple I've caught for plagarism, so I've had the joy of screwing other students to the wall. Just recently Robin told me I could fail a student for the whole class if this happened, and I was overjoyed. Old policy: just get an F for the paper. It's just so wrong that I feel the need to kill, you know?
Mandy--it's just one of many phrases or strange words he'll miss. Oh well! His loss! And yes, VEGAS BABY!
NWJR--I always told my ex that if he tried to up and leave the house to cheat on me, parts of him weren't leaving with him. I figure it's best to be up front about such things from the beginning.
Amanda--I feel badly only briefly. It's not like it's a joy to nail a student to the wall, nor do I put another notch in my bedpost for each one I find. However, my end thoughts were that I didn't do anything to the student: he or she does it all on his or her own. It's an easy issue to stop. And yes, we get bonus orgies. In two vehicles, an apartment, an office, and...what am I missing? For no more than 19 minutes each time so it doesn't count, too! no, wait, for an orgy it shouldn't count if it's under an hour. So, 59 minutes :)
Grant--I DO threaten to put a plagairist's head on a spike in front of the English dept.'s primary building as a warning to all students who follow. They just won't let me. It's sad.
Prom--unfortunately, the students have a chance to retake ANY class and the higher grade--no matter what it is--sticks. So, the F is good. I also get to fill out an academic dishonesty form which will be part of his permanent file. It's not enough, but it'll do.
April--because you'd have said the same thing, that's why! haha!
X.Dell--I'm sure parts of me turn redder which aren't visible due to clothing, so folks will just have to guess ;) And yes, mydropbox.com has made life MUCH easier. I don't mind being spoiled that way. I need to catch these jackasses.
Laura--at Duke, it'd be no problem. The honor code we were forced to follow there means one incident like that, and bye bye! (I wonder if it's still like that). That's how it should be.
Terry--that won't work. This teacher is smart and realizes that when a student does essays in class crappily and then writes like you, he or she has bought the paper. Then I just make the student do more papers IN CLASS and fail on his own (I have done this before, in case you are wondering). It's the penalty of having a smart teacher. Sorry!
Doc-t--no, he's just an idiot. No major that I know of. The paper sucked the first time. If you're gonna copy, why copy something that'd be an F under my grading policy anyway?
Good for you! Little fucker needs to learn his lessons early.
Kira, I dug up one of my favorite old video games for you: Be George, the Giant Gorilla! Destroy the building full of plagiarizing students! Go Ape! ;)
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