Well, after reading Laura's last post--even though she singled me out as somebody who is not worrying her because I DO post on other people's blogs to show I'm alive--I felt like I needed to just blog a bit before I head to bed.
I've been managing at least a post a week, but this week disappeared on me. I only had two files for the grant to do this week, so that wasn't it. Alex arrived on Wed night (a friend dropped him off on her way to Clemson) because he had fall break on Thur and Fri. I just have enjoyed having him around for an extended period of time. But now he's in Columbia, and I'm here. Sigh. I love being married to that man, but this not being able to sleep with him every night is killing me. I'm all about the snuggling at night, you know?
So, my son supposedly can't read. My daughter couldn't read at this age either (5) supposedly as well, but the librarian told me that she caught her reading full sentences to another child. For some reason, it was important to Ariana to not reveal her reading capacity for another year. My son seems to have the same issues going off too.
Tonight, while Alex and I were chatting, Jared pulled out his Bionicle book. "D-O-O-M! That spells doom...oh, and V-I-P-E-R! That spells viper. This one's a doom viper...cool!"
The boy probably can't read the word "house," but damnit he can read "doom viper." Yes, he is the child of geeks.
So, after hearing a story about a mom and her son who couldn't get along for years, even though the other son tried to mediate between them for some sort of resolution, I was reminded of my sister and my mom. My mom made mistakes all the time with parenting. Hell, so do I. But I've been a foster care worker, and I know what a truly bad parent is. It's not mom. If I really want to have a point of reference about a psycho bitch mom, I'll ask Grant for more stories about his mom. That being said, my mom certainly has her flaws, and I can understand why my sister has issues with her.
However, considering how my sister has always treated my mom, I can understand why my mom has issues with my sister, too.
I've always been tossed in as the mediator. I don't know why. I seem to have this unpleasant knack throughout all my life of being placed in between two people who don't like each other, and there I am wondering if I'm doing or saying the right thing. My mom and my sister don't lie about what they perceive has happened in a given argument. They really think X or Y has happened. Yet if anybody were there as a witness, he or she would wonder wtf the whole argument was about. It's one person taking one part wrong, the other taking great offense at the reaction, and a fight following. I love my mom; I love my sister. With a few exceptions over the years--the kind that any people who are close for decades will have--my mom and sister are really good to me. My sister has hurt my feelings this summer, but to be fair over the course of our relationship she's probably done something to hurt me maybe one or two other times ever. My mom only upsets me--truly upsets me--once every couple of years too. And any time they hurt me, it's not intentional. That's something I seem to keep in mind but they can't.
I guess that's why I feel they'll never be close no matter how much I mediate their arguments. They always believe the other person has malicious intent to the other, when in fact it's often just two different personality types with two different needs on how to approach an issue. Or it's just one person using language that seems very hurtful on the surface, but was not intended to be so. Do
I think that a person can be mean on purpose? Hell yeah! But knowing my sister and my mom as I do, I doubt they are doing so deliberately. You have no idea what a shock it is when I find out that somebody has done something malicious to another. It's not my style at all. I will grumble about a person if I have issues, but if that person asks me to my face I will repeat everything I remember saying. I don't like assassinations. I don't like sneak attacks. If either my mom or my sister did something deliberate to the other, I'd know it...they don't.
Let me give you an example of my mom's stellar lack of tact.
I was raped when I was 19. No, no, let's not go into the details...that part is not the point. It's not something I choose to blog about, and I've dealt with it in the long haul. However, when I told my mom, the first words out of her mouth were--and I shit you not, she had this serious, intent look on her face and this was not to be mean nor was it a joke--"well, at least you weren't a virgin!" Sigh. When I calmed down later on and tried to explain to her how hurtful that comment was, she still didn't get it. One hour later, I succeeded, and she apologized. And people wonder why women don't let others know when these incidents happen...anyway! My mom eventually got it and apologized. It took a lot out of me to show her why that was not the best thing to say. My sister doesn't have that sort of patience with my mom, nor does she have the trust that my mom loves her and wouldn't WANT to hurt her.
Man, I could keep rambling about this one forever. All I can say is that the story I heard about today had a happy moment in it: the son called up his mom and said he realized that his mom loved him, and he loved his mom, and he was sorry if he ever made her feel that she was not loved despite all his complaints about things that had happened over the years. I was happy for that family, but sad for my mom and my sister. They tolerate each other fine. They even visit each other (mostly for the sake of my sister's kids). But love each other? Understand each other? Make peace with each other? Nope, not happening. I just have to hang that one up. I can mediate. I can try to stay out of it. I can complain. Who the hell cares? It's not budging. At least I can feel relief that I see them both as wonderful people, and that my family, on the whole, is terrific beyond belief. I have my whole family, and they have me. I'm just sad that mom and my sister can't really say the same.
Speaking of parents, mom and dad got me an early Christmas present! I have a laser printer, and Alex installed it. It's wonderful! And Alex determined that my computer is in great shape except for the memory issue, so we bought a memory card and he installed it, more than doubling the capacity of the computer overnight. Sims 2 runs faster now. Isn't that all that matters?
I think I'm going to go broke this year with feeding students. Freshmen stuck in dorms eating crap food make me sad. I already have brought in crab dip, cupcakes, and brownie/cheesecake thingys for them.
And lastly, for those of you in the know, Radiocat has returned home after his expensive irradiation therapy. I now have a glow in the dark cat. I can't let him sleep with me for two weeks, and I can only pet him for short periods of time per day. But he's likely cured (98% cure rate), so all is well. My cat's superior to yours because he's radioactive. Beat that.