In Praise of Alex
First of all, let me just say that I understand that what makes Alex perfect for ME might not be as interesting or appealing to other women. Sometimes a woman gets all excited that her man does X or Y, and another woman's response would be "big deal." As an example, I offer you the simple fact that Alex sends me long stem red roses on a frequent basis. Most of the time he sends me 18 or 24 too, as if 12 just didn't cut it. I am the only person I know who is constantly asking folks, "Do you need a vase? I hate throwing these things out but he sent flowers again, and each time they come with a vase..." The French are very in to flowers. Culturally, he was raised to use this method of expression. I love it. LOVE IT!!! But my sister, on the other hand, would not love it. She has told me repeatedly that she doesn't want to be given flowers because all she can think of when she stares at them is, well, that could have been a shirt from Banana Republic, but instead it's flowers that will die in a few days...haha! To each their own!
Alex will send these flowers during the usual times (anniversaries or valentine's day or whatnot), but he also spontaneously sends them when he just FEELS I need them. He doesn't care how broke he is. I remember once last fall he sent me 24 longstem red roses at a point when I KNEW he was broke. I felt badly about it, but his sweet attitude was, well, I just took an odd job handing out papers to passersby for 8 hours over two days so I could swing it, don't worry! Folks, he did that...in the freezing cold weather of the late fall! I would never have asked him to do that for me nor would have wanted him to do it, but he did, and that made each one of those flowers extra special.
Alex is going to school right now and getting a dual international MBA in France and in America. His motivation? He wants to be able to move here for us. But also, how's this for adorable? One time we were talking and he insisted that he was not worthy of me. I, of course, insisted that he IS/WAS. I listed off many reasons why he's so wonderful, and he interrupted it with a wail of, "Ok, so you deserve Alex, but a RICH Alex." HAHAHAHA! Part of the other reason why he's in this specific program is that he wants to financially 'take care of' his family. Wow! But he certainly has never even once hinted that I should quit teaching as he knows I like it. It's not like he wants a little stay at home wifey; he just wants us to be able to afford whatever we want to do is all.
I have two children with my ex husband, and Alex never gets jealous or upset about how much I have to deal with said ex. In fact, he's made every effort to get along with him. This particular quality is what triggered this entire post, actually. I don't have to hide or feel ashamed about anything going off with the ex because he will listen and suggest and be fine.
One of Alex's finest qualities is that he is such an upbeat person. Sure, he can get sad or depressed or angry just like the rest of humankind, but it always passes quickly...and he never, ever takes it out on me. I have had the unfortunate experience in past relationships wherein the guy was very upset about something in HIS life, so he makes himself feel better by being a bastard to me. Why thanks!
My therapist was very emphatic about this point: find a guy who has qualities you like that he does naturally, not because he's trying to impress you. That way, when he's 'caught' you and done trying to impress, the behaviors you liked won't be going away. But guys (and girls, to be fair!) always put their best foot forward at the beginning of a relationship. How would I know he would be like I loved him and stay that way? Well, I quizzed his family and friends...haha! They pretty much all agreed that Alex didn't put on faces to impress. His brother James' comment, which I still find entertaining, is that Alex's only fault is that he is TOO nice. haha! I can deal with too nice!
Alex's theory on housework and childrearing: if Kira is not sitting down and is working on things for the house and family, I may not sit down either. When she sits, I may sit. No, really, that's his actual theory as he put it to me once long ago. He's a complete and total partner that way.
Alex makes it way too easy for me to admit I'm wrong becuase he approaches all of life with a sense of humor. I will never forget when we were having a discussion once and I realized I had screwed up at something. Immediately I apologized, feeling pretty crappy for being a dumb ass. His response? "It's not your fault; it's my fault. If I hadn't distracted you with my good looks, you wouldn't have done that." HAHAHAHA! That one still gets to me! I went from sniffing to laughing in 3.4 seconds flat!
Most men have some sort of testosterone need to impress the other males of the species. "I wear the pants in the family!" "I am the head of the household!" "She doesn't tell me SHIT, I tell HER when to jump!" and all sorts of crap is what men want to show to other men in their relationship. Alex, on the other hand, has no such desire. He doesn't feel even the slightest need to alter his behavior to impress other men. His attitude has always been, "If I make her happy, I get laid more, so I win." :)
Some men can't remember any date of anything important. Alex remembers all dates, even ones a guy would never think to note like the actual date we met face to face. He remembers trivial details constantly, which lets me know he LISTENS when I talk and doesn't yes dear me.
If he agrees to do an activity that was not his suggestion, he does so enthusiastically and energetically. For the record, I hate it when anybody (bf or gf!) agrees to do something with you that he or she doesn't necessarily want to do, and then he or she becomes a giant wet blanket about the whole event, thereby spoiling the fun level for YOU. If you are doing it out of love for that person, then don't whine or roll your eyes or go quiet while you are there. Say no if you really don't want to go, and otherwise, try and have fun!
He gives me nightly massages. I know that won't go away because he massages his whole family, too. He just LIKES making people happy that way.
Although Alex has plenty of friends and family he loves, he makes sure I understand that he is completely devoted to me and my children. We rank. Nothing comes before us.
Alex is a natural romantic. It's not just the flowers. I get chairs pulled out for me, my coat taken and hung up for me, my hand kissed, my doors opened, and sweet, geunine words of love given daily. Oh, and I get chocolates a lot too...haha! And let's not forget the most important thing: sex on demand! :)
I love how Alex is very sweet and accomodating. A friend of mine once called him 'indulgent.' That is, he is very content doing what his gf wants to do just because she is so happy as a result. However, make no mistake that Alex has a lot of backbone there, too. He can stand up to me so that I don't walk all over him *coughs*. That's always been the tightrope to walk with me. I don't like men who are pushovers because my instinct then is to CRUSH because I'm a bitch! But men who are very, very stubborn and strong willed like my ex make life miserable when you have to fight for anything you want. I needed a man who had that perfect balance: he would let me have my way a fair bit, but not all the time. Alex does just that.
Most importantly, Alex loves ME JUST THE WAY I AM. Even when I'm being a total bitch and making rude ass comments, he looks at me with adoration in his eyes. Guys, every time I turn on the webcam or walk into the room or wake up next to him, that first moment his eyes turn to me, it is VERY clear what he feels (and often he comes out and says it too!): you are stunning, the most beautiful woman alive! His look never wavers nor changes even when I'm wearing an oversized tshirt, haven't showered, and my hair is pulled back in a tight bun. He lets me know he feels this way several times a day, for YEARS now. Gaining weight, losing weight, dying my hair, only wearing sexy clothes, always putting on makeup...none of it matters!!!! I can just be me and he loves it! He even seems to get a huge kick out of my flirtatious manner, and he doesn't get jealous at all. Wow!
Man, I haven't even begun to tap the surface on why Alex is so fantastic. This would be a post that never ended if I kept it up until the reasons were gone! He's also smart, funny, motivated, kindhearted, has similar interests to me, loves to go out and DO things with me, can make plans himself without me helping, listens well, is hot as hell, is great in bed, loves animals, loves MY children as if he had sired them himself (even calls them 'his', too!), understands the concept of future, likes things clean around the house and is willing to work for that without making it a neat freak experience, is very patient, he blushes adorably, and....well...again, I can go on and on. I AM the luckiest woman around!
Here, Alexisms to enjoy (some of which I've posted before but they are too good not to repeat)--
Kira, at a water park: Why aren't you looking at all of those cute 19, 20 yr old girls who never had babies and so have flat tummies and are running around in itsy bitsy bikinis?
Alex's response: You mean there are other women here???
Kira, at fancy New Year's Eve party: Ohhh did you see that long silvery dress? It was gorgeous!
Alex: What dress? You know I have problems noticing other women, dear.
Kira: THAT one! She just walked by! Aww, Alex, come on, I WANT you to look at this dress so you can see if you think it'd look good on me since I love it!
Alex, a few minutes later: Oh! I just saw this lovely silver dress float by, and I think you're right, it would look good on you!
(note: girl wearing dress was STUNNING, too LOL)
"Women are crazy and men are stupid. But the main reason why women are crazy is that men are stupid."
"Yes, all men are assholes. That's why I'm a lesbian."
And, finally, my favorite thing Alex has ever written to me:
Before I even met you, I was looking for you. You are the embodiment of my desires, my needs and my dreams of the perfect woman, wife and mother of our children.
I will never forget the first time I pmed you on the forums or called you on the phone. That wonderful silvery laugh of yours killed me and gave me life. I fell in love with that laugh the moment I heard it.
The first night on my way back from my visit to the USA 2002, I asked my best friend if he would be my best man one day. I knew you weren’t ready but I knew I didn’t want anyone else in my life. It was you or nothing.
Before I met you, I had no ambition, no real degrees and no idea where I was going in life. I had to meet you before I could become myself. Thanks to you I have pride, dreams and a future.
There are so many moments we have shared that I will never forget: that first week end in Washington when we ran all around the garden. The first movie we took Ariana to see (Lilo and Stich), the day you met me at the airport in Florida and gave me that stone ring, our first kiss (my real first kiss hehehehehe), my first trip into a Church, your reaction when you heard my results on the test to get into the business schools…There are so many and you have made me the happiest man in the world. Thank you for everything my love,
TO many more years of happiness by your side,
I love you with all my heart, Alex. I can't wait until you come back to me. I know it should be soon, but I still just can't wait. If anything ever happened to you, I think I would just go back to my Man in a Box and never date again (man in a box is a box that has a stepstool, jar opener, and vibrator in it...with those three items, a man becomes no longer a necessity in your life). I keep waiting to wake up from the dream that is knowing you, but every day I wake up and somehow, you still love me. Somehow, you're still happy and funny and soooo good to me. Somehow, you never take me for granted and you always appreciate me. It's been two years now, and somehow, somehow, somehow...every part of me is yours!