So, we're sitting in a restaurant the other week with Alex and his work folks. They threw him a good bye party because he's now in school at USC and no longer at his internship any more. We got to talking about French and how Alex has tried to show the kids a few words and phrases in French. So, my son feels that it is now time to contribute to the conversation. He tells us that he remembers two words in French! Oh really? I ask. Which two do you remember!
"Eau and merde!" he says proudly.
I laughed my ass off. My five-year-old is fully capable of asking for water or screaming out SHIT! in French. What more did I ever want out of life?
My dad is from Kentucky, Louisville to be precise. His uncle was a bookie when my dad was a teen. The uncle constantly was trying to convince my dad he should be a jockey because of his height (or lack thereof). At 5'6", he probably was indeed the right size to be one. I suppose that's why he sent me this joke...
THE PROBLEM WITH HIGH URINALS.....
A group of Kentucky second, third, and fourth graders, accompanied
by two female teachers, went on a field trip to Churchill Downs, the
famous Louisville race track, to see and learn about thoroughbred
When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was
decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would
go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting
outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her
that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went
inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the boys
up, one by one, holding onto their "wee-wees" to direct the flow away
from their clothes.
As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was
unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the
teacher said, "You must be in the fourth grade."
HE REPLIED: "No, ma'am, I'm riding Silver Arrow in the 7th race
And the last language issue today...male vs. female communication.
Remember how I told you that my son is so precise with his language? He is a creature of logic on so many issues, even when you throw his heart into the matter. My daughter, however, has a different approach. My children actually had a fight in the car today because of just these differences.
See, my daughter started saying how I was the best mom in the world. Then she expanded it to state that I was the best mom in the universe. My son denied that this idea had merit. My daughter started screaming at him that he couldn't love me so much if he could say such a thing. That, of course, upset my son. See, my son is the ultimate momma's boy. If you ask him who his favorite person is, he says, MOMMY! If you ask him who his second favorite person is, he'll say, "There's no one but MOMMY!" (sometimes he'll respond "Kate!"--Alex's sister--and then grin at Ariana like the devil knowing that answer would piss her off. She's ok with being second to me, but she's not going to be third on her brother's list!). My son often tells me he wants to be with me for the rest of his life and that nobody is more important to him than me. That if he had just one person in the world near him, it would be ME. I don't feel a lack of love there. I feel rather secure, in fact. So, I felt that Mr. Science Brain had a much more logical reason for why he couldn't say that I was the best mommy in the universe. Suddenly, as Ariana is sobbing, he explains:
"Well, she's the best mom in our family for sure, and I don't know of a better mommy, but I don't know all the mommies in the universe. Chances are good that some mommy somewhere might be greater even if piles are not as good."
Ariana rejected that idea. "NO! You can't love her if you say that. If you don't KNOW of any other mommy better than her, she's the best mommy in the universe!"
I just tried to drive the damn car and stay out of it. But there you go...difference in approaches. The end result was that they were both upset, too. Jared was upset that Ariana accused him of not loving his mother. Ariana was upset that he wouldn't just say that I was the best mommy anywhere, thinking--truly--that it meant that her brother didn't love me "enough." I tried to tell them both that I knew they both loved me and I was ok with how they expressed it, but they ignored me. Woohoo! And they aren't even teens yet! But the good news is...if they learn from each other...when they reach dating age, at least they'll understand how the opposite sex typically communicates.