Oui is French for yes. I entitled this blog after my four year old son, who thinks it's fun to occasionally answer WEEEEEE (translation: OUIIIII) and giggle as he knows it means yes in French.
Well, ok, it's also a nice title for Alex after spending Tue night through this morning with him :) At least, that seems to be my constant answer for him. I keep wondering if I ever will stop being overstimulated by him. I remember the ex...it took nine months before my hormones wound down and I could go a day without sex. It hasn't happened yet with Alex. It's like I'm training him for the sexual olympics or something. No, seriously. The poor boy has been required to go at it more and more per day. This information is probably more than most of you ever wanted to know! LOL oh well. I just thought those things died down over time, not increased. I mean, that's been my experience until now. Hmmm.
So, Easter at the house consisted of the "Easter bunny" visiting and putting out baskets for Alex and the kids. No, Amanda, Alex's basket just had choccy and candy in it...sorry to disappoint! Ari kept begging me to put out a basket for myself because she wanted the Easter bunny to leave me one too. Well, I kept telling her that I had told the Easter bunny it was ok to not leave me a basket this year. Ari would hear none of it. So, when she woke up and spotted her basket, she slapped up a plastic bucket she had from her room. She had taped the word "mom" on a sign onto the bucket. Inside the bucket she gave me a pretty picture, a bead necklace she liked, and some harry potter stickers. Awwww...my kids are just too sweet.
Alex and I spent last night putting jellybeans in plastic eggs and then hiding them in the apartment so that the kids could find 'em in a hunt today. They enjoyed the hunt, enjoyed the candy, and loved the little Easter gifts they received. I really like the family feeling we have when Alex is here with us. Ari must like it, too, because when it was time to take Alex to the bus stop, she begged me to keep him and not let him go back. "Sorry, honey, Alex needs to go back and finish up school so that he can make money because mommy is a TEACHER, and that will never support us!"
We took them to a playground, and it was fun seeing Alex playing with the kids everywhere as if they were his own. I think it's precisely that part of my relationship with Alex that bothers Rob (the ex) the most. When he came to pick up the kids today, he told me that point blank, actually. He said he had adjusted to the part wherein Alex and I were dating, but that he can't stand the part wherein Alex acts as a dad figure to them. We talked about it for a while, but I think it's more than that. He also told me that if I marry again soon, he'll KNOW that it was my feelings towards Alex that made me decide to get the divorce.
Hum. Let's see, it was six months AFTER you smacked me upside my head that I even met Alex online, and it was six months AFTER I said that we would divorce that I met him in person. WTF does Alex have to do with the fact you turned asshole on me? Not a damn thing. Get over it and move on.
Let me tell the whole wedding ring story(ies).
When Rob and I got married in July of 1993, we had matching white gold plain bands. When I was seven, eight months pregnant with Ariana (my eldest), Rob had to go to a solicitor's conference here as that was the days when he was a prosecutor for the state of SC. He, like many of the solicitors, spent the entire time drunk as shit. At midnight one night he was there, he decided to go for a swim while intoxicated beyond belief. His ring fell off into the ocean and he never recovered it. Or at least, that's the story I received. Honestly, I'm afraid to find out if that's actually the truth of it. That was October of 1997.
So, what better thing can you tell a hormonal, very pregnant woman who feels fat and ugly than, honey, I lost the wedding ring? Bah.
This time, I found silver celtic interlace bands, matching, and we had a new set. I put my old ring in a box and put it away, wanting instead to have the matching set. For some reason, having matching rings was very important to me.
Ok, so fast forward to 2000. I was pregnant with Jared and he just...woof...well, that's when it all went crazy. Sometime in December of 2000, right after Jared was born, Rob pulled off his wedding ring to chop wood. He placed it, supposedly, on a log. Then he lost it AGAIN. He tried to hide the fact that he lost it for a month. When he told me, I told him he'd better go hunt it up because I couldn't stand the fact that he had lost yet ANOTHER wedding ring.
I consider the wedding ring symbolic of a lot of things, you see. If a man loses his wedding ring constantly, it's a clear sign of his wish, even though it may be subconscious, to pretend he's not married. When I have girlfriends who pull off their wedding ring so they can just "flirt" or "enjoy pretending being single, god that can't hurt anything," I inwardly shake my head. I know exactly what that means.
There's only ONE thing it means, folks: the woman has issues with her husband. Happy women in happy marriages smack men who hit on them...they don't pull off their rings to encourage it. Ok, so with that in mind, and keeping in mind also that we were having hideous problems, I brooded about it for a week. Then...he smacked me at 6a on a weekend, Ari sleeping peacefully, little four week old Jared in my arms, cradled protectively as his palm of his hand connected with the side of my head.
Then it was time for MY ring to disappear.
Now, humorously enough, I was still loaded up on pregnancy weight. I was a good 15 lbs heavier than I was when I bought the ring. You'd have thought that sucker would have been wedged on TIGHT. Nope...suddenly, the second he hit me, my whole body rejected the marriage and hence the ring. That'd be January of 2001 (note to audience: I met Alex online on a geek forum in June 2001, and we didn't even start talking regularly ONLINE until August of 2001. See how little he came into play with the destruction of my marriage???). I would be talking, doing my usual enthusiastic hand gestures to emphasize my point, and WHOOSH, that sucker would fly from my hand as if it were a rock in a catapult. One time, I was at a kid's birthday party and I was talking to the moms, and I commented on something and waved my hand once. Damn, one of the moms ducked as my ring, projectile of death, flung itself from my hand and made a clatter across the hostess' hardwood dining room floor. There was silence in the room. Nobody there knew what was going on in my life, but it was almost as if on that moment, yeah, they knew.
Hell, at that moment, *I* knew.
It bothered me that my body had made this decision to reject the marriage. When Rob asked if I would want to purchase another set of rings, matching, for us so he could TRY AGAIN not to lose the ring, I just looked at him and said, no. I don't want to waste money on rings that will outlast the marriage. He blew me off because he knew how seriously I took the institution of marriage. He figured it was lack of sleep with a newborn that was talking. Heh.
Now, just so you all can follow the timeline here, the next year then entailed me moving out once and coming back to try marriage counseling. That'd happen around September 2001. We went through five, maybe six sessions before that exploded and in January 2002 I announced the end: I'm done. We're getting a divorce. My hand never missed the wedding ring. I had boxed it up that previous January 2001 and placed it next to my first one in storage. You'd have thought for as long as I wore it, my hand might feel naked without it. Nope, my hand felt relieved, just like the rest of me.
Heh, I still remember how bitter and angry I felt about the marriage and the situation when Alex announced that he wanted to come over in June of 2002 to visit me and see America. We had NOTHING going on except friendship, and I was sure as hell going to make sure he understood that was all he would get! LOL! I remember telling him testily on the phone, "Well, you can come to visit as friends, but if you want sex you just stay your ass in France." Poor Alex! haha! He was so embarrassed and reassured me that was NOT why he was coming over. Still, that hand never missed that ring until...well, until recently.
It started around this past December, 2004. I'm almost mortified to post this memory, but here we go anyway. I began to feel my wedding ring finger on my left hand itch and feel naked. I kept feeling like I needed a ring there, which was odd because the divorce papers had been filed and we were waiting on a court date. I wasn't needing it for Rob...I needed it because I had already placed ALEX
in that role.
AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! RUN FORREST RUN!
So, yes, Alex means the world to me. And yes, Rob, Alex and I may get married one day not so far in the future. But please don't tell me that he had anything to do with us getting a divorce. You smacking me and calling me a fucking cunt bitch whore and screaming at me on a regular basis had a HELL of a lot more to do with it than that.
We get along great most days--Rob/the ex and I, that is. Today was a good example. He came over to get the kids, and he decided we should all go out to eat for Easter dinner as a little family unit. The kids like that sort of thing since we get along great now and joke and tease and such. Hence, I agreed. We watched some of the NCAA basketball tournament together, watching UK choke to Michigan State in double overtime (bah, M.S. beat Duke last round, screw the bastards, and now they get UK? bah I say!). The kids played around, and we had a nice meal earlier on in the evening together. We chatted about history, politics, our kids, life...just so strange that we get along so well now, really. Maybe that's what delludes him into thinking we could have gotten back together: that now I don't nag at him or get disgusted with him. Well, why should I? He's somebody ELSE'S problem now! I'm not living with him, and as long as he does nothing to hurt my kids or ruin my credit rating, I don't care what he does. I have to remind him periodically things like, "Hon, I wouldn't be so happy around you if we were still married. You've been unemployed for over a year and a half while I struggle to make ends meet for our children, all because you think doing anything other than law is 'beneath you' and you don't have your law license back yet," etc.
Ok, onto another topic: ARG Severine thinks Hershey's is American chocolate! ARG! I sent back a small four piece truffle box from Godiva for her with Alex. THERE. How embarrassing to have a French gal think that Hershey's was the best choccy we had to offer! Ok, this offering should improve her opinion of our chocolate now. Whew.
Also, another item that picks at the back of my brain...talked to Bellybutton tonight briefly. He's having dinner for Easter with his mom. It's really the most remarkable miracle of the world: he now can stand and get along with the woman who beat the holy hell out of him as a child, told him he was a mistake, ragged on him for being a worthless no good piece of shit, etc. It's his mom who has made it so difficult for him to hold onto a relationship with a woman. So we talk, and I told him, my god I can't believe you talk to her and get along with her and all. He said, yeah, I just can't deal with any other women at all, period. I said, well, you get along with me, so I'm the exception, right? And Mr. Smooth Bellybutton replies: I meant mortal women, and you are not mortal...you're an angel. It'd be a line if it weren't Bellybutton. Angel was always his nickname for me and that never faded even after...uh...stuff. Gees. Ok, this episode is brought to you by the letter F, for Fucked Up! I have to feel badly for Bellybutton because I really doubt he'll ever have a normal relationship with a woman. I'm the only one who came close, and he chose to run away from a relationship with me for stellar reasons like, "there's nothing wrong with you, you really ARE like a perfect angel," and, "I would like to kill myself."
Really, folks, I need to stick with Alex 'cause he's the only decent one I've picked out...LOL Well, that and I love him more than I thought I was capable of doing. Uhhh and also he can put up with my redhead's temper quite nicely *coughs sheepishly*
I still have too much grading to do.
And that's MY life in a nutshell! How are YOU? :)